Sobriety

Well. School starts tomorrow. So I've cut the pot and alcohol out of my life for at least a couple weeks. I need to cut the pot out indefinitely, at least til after march 1, because I have too many big performances and early classes to be messing around with that shit. Sad thing is, though, cutting those things out of my life only serves as a reminder of how empty it really is. It's easy to feel like I'm "doing something" when I'm fucked up, even when I'm not. I'm more than happy to play gameboy and listen to music for hours. I can't do that really sober. In fact I don't really DO anything. My only good friend down here these days (besides my sis) is Doug, who I hang out with essentially every day. Jessy's off doing things I don't feel like doing with people I don't care to spend much time with, Adrianne rarely even comes home anymore (she just hangs out with the guy she gets pot from). I've been avoiding seeing Ben, because I know how different things will be since he found out he was positive - and we weren't exactly best buds before then. And the rest of my friends? Well, you live in MI. This is all compounded by the crush I have on Pat* (see below) and the fact that my schedule this semester is such that unless I get real close with people in the musical with me, I'm not going to be able to go and meet people.
I'm glad I've cut back on said substances, but it's just a question of if I can find enough to keep me satisfied in the meantime. I've been writing music, but that just makes me darker and more introspective. Hopefully I'll start practicing and going to the gym a lot. and maybe reading. How exciting am I...
Anyway. Any positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I'm in a real rut, and I recognize I'm on the verge of a new era in my life (the boring era).
much love
Cottonmouth out.

*come on, was anyone really surprised about this? it was only a matter of time - I've liked HIM for ages, and now he likes me. We decided not to do anything long distance but that doesn't really change the fact that we call each other every few days and want to visit... the definition of bittersweet. nice to like and be liked, sucks that it's from 5.5 hours away.