It's Not Been a Good Week for Celebrities

R.I.P. Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett

I don't even know what to say - this is insane - in particular Michael Jackson - I knew Farrah Fawcett had been sick for some time, but who would have thought Michael Jackson would die of a heart attack.

Really sad...

Scrubs Finale

I don't know if you all watched this a while back but this has always been one of my favorite shows. This ending is just so fitting!

RIP David Carradine

This morning (June 4th, 2009) Kill Bill actor, David Carradine, was found dead in a Bangkok hotel. Reports say he hung himself somewhere between Wednesday night and Thursday morning. He was in Thailand shooting the movie Stretch (for which I can find no info). Carradine was most famous for his role in the 1970s TV series Kung Fu, but later immortalized in his role as Bill in the Kill Bill series. I don't know much about his early works, but I will miss him and all his badassness.

I'm Miserable with my life

I fucking hate my job and I'm pretty sure that's the root cause of me being so miserable. I'm on the road so much, I don't have a life. I don't have time to do much of anything and if I do, I don't want to do anything because the week just drained me. I don't have time to keep any form of a social life. Case in point, I get roughly a day and maybe 4 hour weekend this week. Then I'll probably have to drive back here.

Which brings me to another reason I hate this job. I was told to come to New Albany, IN so I can be close to Louisville in case the store opened on Wed. They fucking knew it wasn't going to happen, but they sent me here anyways. 700 mile round trip later, I'm gonna fucking hate it when they send me back. They don't give a shit about me or anyone in this company who doesn't have VP in their title. I get $65 per night, including taxes, to stay in a hotel. Somehow I found one where I check out on Friday. I work until Saturday. My boss (the VP) told me to sleep in my car. If I pay for a hotel, only $65 is covered. I'm in Louisville during the week of the Kentucky Derby...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! The cheapest hotel I can get for Friday night is $175. Thankfully the franchisee I'm working with says I can stay at his house on Friday night. Lucky me...sigh

Also, since I'm in a hotel 5 days a week, eating mostly fast food, I'm definitely gaining weight. Even if the hotel has a fitness center, I don't want to use it because I'm usually too worn out from the day and I don't have any place to put the sweaty clothes.

I'm pretty sure this job is accelerating the rate at which my hair is turning gray

I hate lease terms. I need to get rid of my car to keep working at a job I hate. Yippee skippy.

I hate all the bullshit paperwork they make me do just so they can justify paying me. I do a lot of work for these franchisees...you know, my job...but I receive no benefit for doing this job. Getting a paycheck is not a benefit. I get no time off, I don't get sick days or PTO, or a matching 401K. I don't get a chance to run my own store for a couple of years. Even if we can get one, who knows if I want to do this anymore. These franchisees are wearing me out.

I don't have any skills or any time to learn anything. I haven't had sex in about a year. I'm miserable and I just want to be rich. Fuck it, I don't care if I'm rich, I just want to be happy.

Word to the wise, if you have a chance to get an intership...TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!! I can't fucking stress that enough. Find a job that lets you have a normal life. I fucked up my college life. I'm paying for it. I sure hope this is a struggle I must endure before my life gets better. God I hope it gets better.

I miss a normal life

R.I.P. Wild Bills

The bar that has given me many drunk nights and has hosted infamous "Day before Thanksgiving" parties, has officially closed it's doors. No notice was given to pretty much anybody. It had a waterpipe burst and, I'm going to assume, too much money was required to fix it.

We did a cheers to the memory of Wild Bills and all the good times we've had. We'll miss you Bills.

Sobriety

Well. School starts tomorrow. So I've cut the pot and alcohol out of my life for at least a couple weeks. I need to cut the pot out indefinitely, at least til after march 1, because I have too many big performances and early classes to be messing around with that shit. Sad thing is, though, cutting those things out of my life only serves as a reminder of how empty it really is. It's easy to feel like I'm "doing something" when I'm fucked up, even when I'm not. I'm more than happy to play gameboy and listen to music for hours. I can't do that really sober. In fact I don't really DO anything. My only good friend down here these days (besides my sis) is Doug, who I hang out with essentially every day. Jessy's off doing things I don't feel like doing with people I don't care to spend much time with, Adrianne rarely even comes home anymore (she just hangs out with the guy she gets pot from). I've been avoiding seeing Ben, because I know how different things will be since he found out he was positive - and we weren't exactly best buds before then. And the rest of my friends? Well, you live in MI. This is all compounded by the crush I have on Pat* (see below) and the fact that my schedule this semester is such that unless I get real close with people in the musical with me, I'm not going to be able to go and meet people.
I'm glad I've cut back on said substances, but it's just a question of if I can find enough to keep me satisfied in the meantime. I've been writing music, but that just makes me darker and more introspective. Hopefully I'll start practicing and going to the gym a lot. and maybe reading. How exciting am I...
Anyway. Any positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I'm in a real rut, and I recognize I'm on the verge of a new era in my life (the boring era).
much love
Cottonmouth out.

*come on, was anyone really surprised about this? it was only a matter of time - I've liked HIM for ages, and now he likes me. We decided not to do anything long distance but that doesn't really change the fact that we call each other every few days and want to visit... the definition of bittersweet. nice to like and be liked, sucks that it's from 5.5 hours away.

R.I.P. Rose McMahon

Recently my aunt gave birth to premature twins, born after only 24 weeks. The girl (Rose) was struggling pretty bad and died last night. The boy (Raymond) is faring much better and should make a full recovery. The thing that irks me the most is that my uncle is one of the nicest guys I know. He doesn't deserve this pain. I called him earlier today and almost lost my shit because he was just out of it, and I've never heard him sound so depressed before. I just hope they can pull through, because this is just tragic. Goodbye, Rose, I wish I was able to meet you before you left this world.

R.I.P. Bernie Mac

One of the Original Kings of Comedy, Bernie Mac, died earlier today in a Chicago area hospital from complications due to pneumonia. I wasn't the biggest fan of his, but I liked most of the stuff he was in. He did some good work. He was only 50.

Thinking about Clicking My Heels Together...

I decided to clickety-clack my heels together in order to get some time off of work and go where I truly wanted to be this weekend...You see, I started thinking about this:


...but all that got me was the realization that I would be shortly riding in style:


to:


to make:


for:


(Thats a mosaic of assholes, people. Laugh till you fucking cry.)

Oh well...it turns out that I am not nearly as magical as all the drugs would lead me to believe. But maybe, just maybe, I can clickety-clack my ride...my whip, as it were...

Click!

Click!

Click! Poof!



Goddamnit.

Enjoy the



And for the love of all that is holy, bring me a shirt. And someone get laid.

Goodbye George Carlin

At the age of 71, George Carlin died of heart failure sometime yesterday. "Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Medical Center in Santa Monica on Sunday afternoon complaining of chest pain and died later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas."

Just had to add this: "While in the Air Force he started working as an off-base disc jockey at a radio station in Shreveport, La., and after receiving a general discharge in 1957, took an announcing job at WEZE in Boston. 'Fired after three months for driving mobile news van to New York to buy pot,' his Web site says."

He was a funny man. I know I will miss him.

Despair

It's a little scary right now for me. I don't know what happened to me. I'm anxious, upset, hopeless, for no reason. Even the smallest tasks seem almost impossibly overwhelming. it's just not me. I'm not usually the guy who has trouble making friends and meeting people. Even when I'm with my friends I don't really feel any sense of satisfaction. I just don't know where I'm goin, what I'm doing, it's frightening. I just want to meet a guy, and settle down. That sounds so ridiculous I'm fucking 22, and god knows young gays are not the type for commitment normally. I've just got all the downsides of adult life (bills, insurance, responsibility, assumed maturity) with none of the perks (love, success, family). And I've just kinda realized that it doesn't really matter where I am, it's always gonna be the same until I change my outlook.

I'm sorry to moan again on here, but I just needed to vent a little.

much love everyone

Since I figure this is the easiest way to let people know, Ben broke up with me. Same story as always, he loves me but it's just not working. Life's a bitch.

Can't wait to see you all next week

I return to the blog upset and annoyed

This is not a typical post that you think would be something to do with myself having an issue personally. No, it is not that. I just watched "Deal or No Deal" because once it is on I cannot stop watching it....plus it was an episode with a bunch of NFL players and a guy wearing a Peyton Manning jersey, so naturally.

I know what you're thinking...how could you be annoyed at that? You'd think you'd be in heaven right? Oh no. I am all for the sanctity of marriage and hope to be happily wed one day but if she does to me what this chick did to him I will slit her Achilles. Get this...

He still has the $750,000 and $1 million case left but he has been offered the following...

- A fully loaded 2008 GMAC Denali w/ full tailgating equipment (chairs, tables, coolers)
- 4 season tickets to his favorite NFL team
- Tickets to practice sessions (on the field)
- Sideline passes to several of the games as well
- A private backstage tour of NFL Network studios
- Two footballs signed by the World Champion Indianapolis Colts
- Honorary captain of one game where he also throws out the game ball (which they don't normally do in football)
- Tickets to Super Bowl 42 as well as the SB 42 concert series...all expenses paid
--Now this much is worth approx. $66,000 right now...but there's more--
-$50,000 to top it off

GRAND TOTAL: $166,000

If you were me, you would stroke out and I would kiss Howie Mandel and that creepy banker. There are so many of these things that are once in a lifetime. Oh, but did I mention...he's married? She gave him the look of death and asked "Will this money get you out of your student debts so we can live comfortably?" To this I replied: "OH SCREW YOU BITCH!"

My mom asked me if I would take that prize and within a split second after "Would you" I said "You bet your ass!" $50,000 is nothing to shake your stick at. What did he do? She looked at him with those deadly eyes and he said "No deal" to which I felt like I just got kicked in the balls and I'm sure it felt much worse for him. He about fainted when he heard the prize being offered, he had to sit down!

My point is...God how I would make her sleep on the couch or slap the biatch. He ended up taking a $194,000 deal when he had the $1 million in his case on the table but I digress. Yes, I know that a million bucks is a million bucks but how many of those things listed above are once in a lifetime to someone who treasures the game of football as many of us do. Priceless gifts only the NFL could give. But no, she wants them both to be happy and live comfortably and I understand that...and he may be in her good graces but I'll damn sure tell you that she is not in his. Oh how upset I was....ah...feel better already.

R.I.P. Heath Ledger

Tuesday, Jan. 22, 2008:
"Heath Ledger, the talented 28-year-old actor who gravitated toward dark, brooding roles that defied his leading-man looks, was found dead Tuesday in a Manhattan apartment, face-down and naked at the foot of his bed with prescription sleeping pills nearby, police said.

There was no obvious indication that the Australian-born Ledger had committed suicide, NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said."

That is a tragic loss. Now, I didn't like all of Heath Ledger's movies, but I did like him as an actor. I believe he will play a great Joker and it is sad he will never be able to reprise that roll. He will be missed.

Black Sheep

So break's been weird. And it's my fault.

I'm totally like the black sheep of the family, and they don't seem to get that. That might sound kinda weird, so let me explain. My family is perfect. Smart, dedicated, talented, whatever. My parents are well off, my sister just got married and everything. My dad drinks, but not all that often honestly, and no one in my family smokes, or really ever did drugs. So being around them is kinda like trying to live a double life. And what's worse is I'm not comfortable talking to my parents about Ben, especially since Sian's married now. I don't even know if they understand what my life as a gay man is like, or will be when I'm older. Would my grandma put up a picture of me and my husband (or whatever) up next to my mom's, sister's, aunt's and uncle's wedding pictures if I got married, or at least had a commitment ceremony? It's hard to tell. I know they are supportive of me, but I just don't really know how I fit in. I just want a fucking cigarette, and to get back to where I'm with my friends where I don't feel like I constantly have to hide things.

It makes me so upset that I feel like this on Christmas Eve. I miss my boyfriend so much it hurts, and every minute that passes while I'm alone at my house is another minute I'm wasting because I'm not seeing any of my friends. I'm not very happy right now, and I don't know what to do about it (although there's a big part of me that's tempted to take a year off, but I don't really even feel like that's an option at this point.

I just don't know.

Regardless, Merry Christmas to all, and much love

meh

I'm in a bad mood.

Here is why. I decided (as many gay men are forced to do) to join a dating site. Which has been fine, I've actually met a couple cool guys. But the fact of the matter is the more time that goes on in my life, the less I feel like explaining who I am and where I've come from to someone. and I really need to start going to the gym again (now that boheme is calming down) because not going just makes me feel shitty about myself. I know they say that you meet people when you stop looking. But I don't think I'll meet anyone if I stop looking. It certainly hasn't worked all that well in the past. And it's not like I have a social outlet in which to meet said people. And I'm an old boring grad student. I'm sick of hooking up with people and having it not mean anything (not that I do it super often, but certainly more often than I find guys that I'm interested in actually dating, or who are interested in dating me). At the risk of sounding cliche, I want someone to love. I don't even have all of my wonderful friends around me anymore to direct my love towards.

blah.

sorry. 1001 turned out not to be nearly as fun as 1000

How You Remind Me of Someday

Hey Rambo,

Remember the time Nickelback sucks real bad.



ha ha

Set Strike

or "Why My Job is Preventing Me From Having Any Semblance of a Social Life"

So it's 2. and I just got home from work. Yep, that's two saturday nights in a row that have been ruined. Next weekend is Chicago, then I should have a weekend off before the wedding (although D+J really want me to come up for their respective bitrthdays, but I just don't think I have the time or money to do it :( ). Then shit hits the fan with Boheme. I mean, besides the boheme cast party, I literally have no opportunity to go out on a Saturday night til... December. Essentially.

Grrr.

At least I LOVE the people I work with. I should try to round up a group of them to party

Women Today...

Nova's Just Are Not Muscle Cars...

I do not care what you think, this is what I think. They just are not muscley enough to qualify, not sleek, not pretty, not even ugly sexy. Just sad.

I could be wrong, but then the class of muscle car would have just completely lost any respect that I have for it.