Used to be alright...

...what happened? et cetera, et cetera

I don't want to go back to bloomington tomorrow. I don't ever want to go back there. I feel like things are gonna get really bad really soon. I can't imagine Pat and I are gonna be together much longer considering there's no time in the next few months I'm gonna be up here again. and honestly, he doesn't need me in the same way I need him - he's got a close group of friends nearby, multiple hobbies, plenty of things on his plate. I know he likes me just as much as I like him, but I just don't think he has a chance to be so agonized about the distance and lack of contact that I do. I have an empty apartment that I sit in most days for hours in silence praying that Doug will get home soon so there's at least someone there with me. Not to mention the fact that I'm just waiting for the day he decides to move out, just like everyone else did, except Mike. I have no money, and I have nothing to do ever. I try to make friends, but no one ever calls, and the few numbers I have in my phonebook are of people who already have their own groups to hang out with. No one needs me. No one relies on me for anything. I just want someone to hug or curl up with. I don't even know what I like anymore. Food all tastes the same. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing makes me laugh (except sometimes my friends at work). I just sit watching tv waiting for the world to end while Doug listens to his headphones. Even music hasn't been appealing to me recently. I just don't care anymore about anything. I have no reason to. I talked to my mom about moving to Chicago and she aptly pointed out that I should probably move in with my uncle since I have no money for rent and don't have any prospective roommates. Just what I've always wanted. Moving in with my bachelor uncle who I don't even think knows that I'm gay.
I guess that's about it. fuck my life