So I Figured It Out

Whenever I pick out a girl, she ends up being a loony. There's no middle ground, she's just nuts. Every girl I've slept with has been nutty (except for your sister, Cottonmouth...yes!), but I don't even know how to explain this one. She is everything I want and everything I hate. Fuck. Why can't this work out for me once? Just once. Is that so much to ask for?