I fucking hate my job and I'm pretty sure that's the root cause of me being so miserable. I'm on the road so much, I don't have a life. I don't have time to do much of anything and if I do, I don't want to do anything because the week just drained me. I don't have time to keep any form of a social life. Case in point, I get roughly a day and maybe 4 hour weekend this week. Then I'll probably have to drive back here.
Which brings me to another reason I hate this job. I was told to come to New Albany, IN so I can be close to Louisville in case the store opened on Wed. They fucking knew it wasn't going to happen, but they sent me here anyways. 700 mile round trip later, I'm gonna fucking hate it when they send me back. They don't give a shit about me or anyone in this company who doesn't have VP in their title. I get $65 per night, including taxes, to stay in a hotel. Somehow I found one where I check out on Friday. I work until Saturday. My boss (the VP) told me to sleep in my car. If I pay for a hotel, only $65 is covered. I'm in Louisville during the week of the Kentucky Derby...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! The cheapest hotel I can get for Friday night is $175. Thankfully the franchisee I'm working with says I can stay at his house on Friday night. Lucky me...sigh
Also, since I'm in a hotel 5 days a week, eating mostly fast food, I'm definitely gaining weight. Even if the hotel has a fitness center, I don't want to use it because I'm usually too worn out from the day and I don't have any place to put the sweaty clothes.
I'm pretty sure this job is accelerating the rate at which my hair is turning gray
I hate lease terms. I need to get rid of my car to keep working at a job I hate. Yippee skippy.
I hate all the bullshit paperwork they make me do just so they can justify paying me. I do a lot of work for these franchisees...you know, my job...but I receive no benefit for doing this job. Getting a paycheck is not a benefit. I get no time off, I don't get sick days or PTO, or a matching 401K. I don't get a chance to run my own store for a couple of years. Even if we can get one, who knows if I want to do this anymore. These franchisees are wearing me out.
I don't have any skills or any time to learn anything. I haven't had sex in about a year. I'm miserable and I just want to be rich. Fuck it, I don't care if I'm rich, I just want to be happy.
Word to the wise, if you have a chance to get an intership...TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!! I can't fucking stress that enough. Find a job that lets you have a normal life. I fucked up my college life. I'm paying for it. I sure hope this is a struggle I must endure before my life gets better. God I hope it gets better.
I miss a normal life
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3 comments:
:( I wish there was more I could say besides I understand the feeling. Obviously school is different from going straight into a job, but it has the same stigma. I'm now 25000-35000 dollars in debt because of school, which just gives me another piece of paper to frame and put up on my wall in 9 months. This paper has no guarantee for my success as a singer, or even as a musician. I've gained SOME skills being here (mostly from teaching and taking private lessons) but besides that, I'm just coasting along.
But what you said is right - you just need to find a way to be happy with what you're doing. For me it's the prospect of finally being done relatively soon, coupled with writing music - something that a few years ago seemed like a total pipe dream for which I had no talent, but nowadays, working on my 6th track, I don't feel that way so much anymore. But that's the hobby that will keep me going, through the hundreds of unsuccessful auditions, the thousands of miles worth of driving, the catty bitches who I'm constantly surrounded by playing devil's advocate at every corner.
The real question you have to ask is (to pull a modern cliche) is the juice worth the squeeze. To play devil's advocate (as I've stated I've gotten SO good at recently) the one thing to remember, is that really, besides Brando, you're the only one who actually has a career that is making him money. My aggravation about my life currently is just compounded that much further by the knowledge that my current "career" after I graduated is working backstage at the MAC, making 7.25 an hour, with little or no overtime, or time off for that matter - and every few weeks I work every night Friday through the following saturday in addition to every day during the day.
I suppose the fact of the matter is, "normal life" - as we know it - ends after undergrad. You can prolong it by a few years by hanging out and not necessarily starting the next chapter (which is fine) but eventually, you have to get older, and things are different. It doesn't mean the end of fun, it just means that things change.
In any case, I feel for you buddy, and even though we're in different states, in different situations, I understand how you feel.
Don't ever hesitate to call if you need to vent for a while, you know my number.
Thanks buddy. This job is just taking its toll. It's not that I hate what I'm doing, its more of who I'm doing it for. Fuck management!
Definitely feeling gutted.
This job is insane. Absolutely fucking insane. I dont think anyone can really get inside the ridiculousness of it without being in the ridiculousness of it. I hear you loud and clear on this, Hock: there needs to be a light at the end of this bullshit tunnel. A light that can burn the fucking thing from memory.
In any case: It only lasts for as long as one lets it.
I had a really long conversation with my mom tonite over dinner about what I wanted to do with my life. Its becoming more and more apparent that the answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing of value. Can anyone declare success when success means nothing to me?
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