You know you're getting old when...

You get pots and pans for your birthday...and get ridiculously giddy.

You poop 3 times in 5 hours and it is mostly farts. (although, that could have been the drinking coupled with the 3am munchfest of chocolate chocolate cake.)

You get a ton of laundry done, put it away, and admire how sexy your closet now looks.

Your back hurts. From carrying laundry. Seriously.

You start listening to NPR on line. Why the fuck am I listening to this?

You get annoyed with elevators and let your mind wander to this weird magical place where elevators take you directly to your destination, not just the door, even though you are a mere 30 feet from said destination when you actually get off.

You think to yourself, "gee, I wonder if Julia Roberts is still a good lay."

You leave the computer to go poop/fart again.

You not only receive, but actually read, (with interest) the AAA magazine that explains all of your AAA membership benefits. Did you know, as a AAA member, that I save 10% on books, DVDs, CDs, and other purchases at Barnes and Noble? AND, that I get an extra 15% off the most expensive item in my order? Did you know that I never fucking shop there but am about to start? Cause I am.

You bitch about your medicare benefits...cause we all have none. Like, NONE. Medicare is spending more than it is bringing in. Damn kids, not putting enough into my fucking retirement.

You shower, mostly, sitting down.

You really just dont "get" twitter.

You're still wondering about Julia Roberts, even though you really dont find her attractive but feel like if you could time travel to the days of Pretty Woman it would be worth it.

You decide not to close your closet doors because they are mirrors and that would be depressing because gravity and laziness are not as kind as you really wish they would be.

You miss Tom Cavanagh being on television.

You realize that you never really grow up...just become more aware of every moment as time goes on.

You appreciate that you never actually killed yourself doing the dumb shit that you did in high school.

You finally feel pride in who and what you are.