A Reference 11 Years in the Making

So my friend Nick and I have been having Sci-Fi movie nights lately, because he's my only friend who is into sci-fi. We recently watched Tron and it made me aware of a cultural reference that I have been exposed to for 11 years and have only now understood. I speak, of course, of South Park's modeling of their Moses character after the Master Control Program in the motion picture Tron. (comparative below)

Tron - Master Control Program

South Park - Moses

Not all that important. Just found it interesting that this cultural reference eluded me for so many years. I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't seen Tron.

C-Fuck Movie Review: Red

I'll start off with saying that I haven't seen a good, fun movie in a while. Seriously, movies are shit nowadays. That withstanding, I really enjoyed Red. It started off slowly, but had great comedic moments and decent action spread throughout.

The story starts off with Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) "enjoying" his retirement by doing the same routine he does everyday...for some reason, in Ohio. He wakes up without an alarm, he eats quietly, and he fakes not getting a social security check just so he can talk to Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker), whom he has a crush on. Soon after a few moments into his retired life, a squad attacks his house in the middle of the night. The destroy his house with a hail of gunfire. Well, since its the beginning of the movie, I think you can figure out how it turns out for those soldiers. He then meets up with Sarah and the chase is on.

The first time Moses meets William Cooper (Karl Urban), the agent fixated on bringing Moses down, we are treated with one of the best displays of bad-assery Bruce Willis has ever shown. And then he gets away with some clever trickery. Their fight later in the movie is also rather brutal, which is nice for a PG-13 movie.

The supporting characters all fill out their roles very well. Morgan Freeman is as cool and collected as ever, never really stealing the show, just adding to it. I thought Helen Mirren was going to ruin the movie by being an old hag, but she actually was one of the better parts in the movie. She was fun to watch and deadly throughout. Brian Cox is also in it, which I was unaware of. He was another character who didn't do anything other than produce a few chuckles and offer help, all with a Russian accent.

The real breakout star of the movie was John Malkovich. He played a character that was given "daily doses of LSD for 11 years" so you know he's going to be bat-shit insane. That is exactly what he was, and he did it perfectly. He was highly suspicious of everyone, which produced laughs in pretty much every scene he was in.

As with most movies, everything was pretty far-fetched, but the way everything unfolds is just kind of too convenient for the plot. Also, Sarah's character never seems to care that at any point she could be put in prison for life or killed. Women don't act like that. She is really attractive in the flick though, which is good, because everyone else is old. Even with those little gripes, I had a great time watching Red. I recommend it to everyone, especially if you like any of the actors in this movie.

I do believe that this is the first movie ever that Bruce Willis doesn't use his yelling voice at all. Crazy, I know.

I don't remember my old system, so here is an arbitrary number of my satisfaction
4.5 out of 5

Here's the trailer

New Show Review: ABC Owns Marvel...sorry...No Ordinary Family

Earlier tonight I watched the new ABC show, No Ordinary Family, and was met with mixed results. I thought I was going to sit down and watch a family drama, or maybe even a comedy...but it was neither. It was just...a show. It seems like it is genre-less. I mean, there was "drama" per se, but it wasn't anything all that eventful. No one gets kidnapped, hurt, molested, donkey-punched, or anything that would produce this thing called "drama." Ok, the daughter breaks up with her boyfriend. DRAMA! Oh, and the wife has to cancel dinner plans, but the Thing is happy about it so he can continue to have bullet catching time with the black guy from The 40 Year Old Virgin. Does this show have emotions?

The show starts off with Jim Powell (Michael Chiklis) trying to get his family to go on a vacation to Brazil, because they don't spend any time together anymore. Flash immediately to the airplane in a storm. Well, the plane goes down, the pilot is killed, and the family is trapped in the jungle in the middle of Brazil. Then they are captured by rebels and are subject to crazy medical experiments that give them superpowers...oh wait. They swim through what appears to be semen-filled water and wash up on shore. But they struggle to get home, right? Nope. They are fucking home in the next shot. No explanation on how they got out of the fucking jungle.

Well Jim is a police sketch artist, amazingly able to get access to a gun and police radios. Convenient. So he finds out that he's The Thing and the Incredible Hulk mixed together. The station attorney (Romany Malco) helps him do things, even though he's reluctant at first.

Jim's unbelievably hot wife, Stephanie (Julie Benz), is a scientist. Sorry, don't believe it, she's too hot. Oh, and she doesn't have enough time in her life to get everything done...yet she's never doing any work...except for the presentation she did. Well, guess what. She's the fucking Flash now. Convenient.

The son, JJ (Jimmy Bennett), is a dumb-ass. He is recommended for remedial classes. Well guess what, fucking teachers, he's super smart now. Convenient.

The daughter, Daphne (Kay Panabaker), is a total bitch. She thinks she's awesome. She can now read minds. She finds out no one likes her. Suck it, bitch! Sidenote: she's 20, so I can have bad thoughts of her butt.

The other people on it are the dad from 7th Heaven (Stephen Collins) and the girl who played Lizzie Grant from the later seasons of Entourage (Autumn Reeser). She's a super nerd in this show. It's kinda hot, but she's not good at being nerdy.

Spoiler Alert: Well, the big conflict near the end of the episode culminates with Jim fighting Nightcrawler. So you know that there are other mutants. It was actually a pretty cool fight too. Nightcrawler was a white guy in the show, but literally disappeared like Nightcrawler did in X2: X-Men United. Oh, it's probably because Disney (ABC) owns Marvel. So I expect to see Magneto as the main villian, and someone will probably have metal claws/bones in season 4...if this show makes it that far.
End Spoiler

Based on the first episode, this show is shit. I'll have to wait for a couple more to make a better judgment. I want it to be good, but it is ABC.

My Triumphant Return: An Open Letter to James Cameron

Dear Mr. Cameron,

I really like you as a director. You have built your career around some of my favorite movies, like Alien, Terminator 2, True Lies, among others. You were a king among men. So why did you have to be the one to unleash upon us the horror of 3D filmmaking? I commend you for devoting your precious time to redefining cinema, but seriously, why did it have to be 3D? Ever since Avatar came out, 3D has been all the rage. The overly fake looking, shiny turd of the cinematic style that 3D brings is being used by every god damn filmmaker looking to be all in-the-now.

But why?

I know one reason is that 3D movie tickets are like $14 a pop and the entertainment industry is a gigantic whore for the money. But that's not my main gripe (right now at least), because I don't pay for movies at the theater (yay connections!). My main gripe with this shit is that the filmmakers are using this technology as a gimmick. Things still pop out at the screen like in the times when you had the red and blue glasses. All playing into the gimmick. No one expands on the technology and makes it a worthwhile experience. So far (if I remember correctly), I have seen Alice In Wonderland, The Last Airbender, Step Up 3D, Piranha 3D, and Resident Evil: Afterlife all in 3D, and the only thing I can say about these movies (besides all of them sucking) is that the 3D hurts the film more than it helps, or adds to it. It makes everything look like its filmed in front of a green screen...which most of it probably is. On top of the crappy gloss that the movie exudes, you have to wear those awful glasses that only hurt my nose.

The ONLY type of movies that should use 3D is animated movies. YOU HEAR THAT HOLLYWOOD??! Whenever I see an animated movie in 3D, it actually looks good. It adds a field of depth and doesn't look overly fake, BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING ANIMATED! I've seen Bolt, How to Train Your Dragon, Toy Story 3, and probably some others and the 3D makes the visuals pop. In a good way.

So Mr. Cameron, please use your clout in Hollywood to donkey-punch this technology into submission. It's fucking useless. Maybe you're just trying to cover up the fact that no one has an original idea anymore. Let's have another remake...in 3D!!!! Fuck yourself, sir. You have ruined cinema after you spent decades making it fun. Congrats.

Now give me a job making Hollywood better.

1500!

...because I can't let the Daily Clusterfuck die when it is so close to reaching 1500 posts.

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St. Valentine's Humour

I don't know why it is turning it sideways, sorry.

Valentine's Day Math Humour...anybody? anybody?




And not really a joke, but I think it is cute.



Love you guys.

A Little Culture for the New Decade

"we've all lost our way trying to feel good" by Simon Birch


Just liked this a lot