The Weekly WYR

Welcome all my friends to the show that never ends, I'm so glad you could attend, come inside come inside. Do not know why that was in my head but enjoy it. It's time again for the Weekly Would You Rather! Once you are done jumping for joy and going to get yourself laid please take a few moments to look in on life's tough decisions

Would You Rather...

Eat nothing but candy corn for the rest of your life or have Patrick Duffy always following you?

This one is a really bad option either way. I mean Patrick Duffy is semi-cool and all but I just could not possibly eat Candy Corn for the rest of my natural life which, surprisingly enough, would not be very long if all I had to eat was Candy Corn. Can you say "malnutrition?"

Have gay sex once or always fantasize about gay sex while having straight sex?

Fantasizing would get in the way of my mojo and be extremely distracting as I'm sure most of you would agree. Any distractions for that matter, of course except for those times when you would call people on the phone...and you know who you are. I wrote out the name originally but it just came across as sounding way too gay.

Have savant like math skills or have a photographic memory?

I have to go with photographic memory because God knows I have a really shitty one right now. It is annoying as hell to not remember things that you know you should but have instead been pushed out by a night of drinking or some random pop culture tidbit.

Have Roger Klotz read your journal or miss the Beets concert for the second time?

I'm not even going to pick one of these because this is the coolest, most nostalgic question I have ever seen on the WYR! Go old school "Doug" fans!! Nickelodeon rocked!

Have perfect abs after one sit up or be perfect at guitar after one lesson?

As much as perfect abs appear to be the end all be all for some people I would love to be able to play the guitar after just one lesson. I'm not all that pissed at myself that I feel the need to have perfect abs to make myself feel better. Playing the guitar would be awesome. I know, if it would be so awesome why not learn. I'm just as lazy to create perfect abs as I would be to learn guitar.

Have hangovers that feel like an orgasm or have orgasms that feel like hangovers?

Who honestly would choose to have their orgasms feel like hangovers? Who? If hangovers felt like orgasms I'd be drunk every night. For those of you who laughed when you saw that, shut up.

Be able to see every girl you ever had sex with naked whenever you want or be able to have sex with just one of them again?

Well seeing as how it's just been the one then I'm going to go with have sex with that one again. Naked is special and all but this one is easier for me to choose. I'm interested in Hock and Kiznox's take on this for girls and Cottonmouth for the men side. Let me know.

Piss drinkable Pepsi or poop edible Doritos?

This question has ruined two of my favorite things in Pepsi and Doritos but I am going to have to go with the Pepsi because as much as I pee that would save me so much money on Pepsi. Doritos would get boring after a while but Pepsi is always magical. Sorry Hock.

Have Optimus Prime as a dad or Jessica Biel as a girlfriend?

If I could be a Transformer because of having him as my dad then yes I would take it but because I cannot I am going to take the hot Jessica Biel and do many nasty things to her and she'll enjoy every minute of it. Giggidy.

Get a CREED tattoo on your forehead or a swastika?

I'm actually not going to pick an answer but instead tell a story since the swastika was brought up. The other day at the bar (shocker I know) I overheard someone telling a bouncer, and in turn showing them a picture of, a friend's new purchase...a gingerbread house shaped like a swastika. That's right, the Nazi's are still amongst us.

Be Jenna Jameson's father or Jenna Jameson's son?

Whoever wrote this question is obviously secretly, or publicly, in love with JJ but I really don't know which to choose. If I was her son, though, I may have obtained some of those really hot genes when I was born so I'll take that one I suppose.

Satisfy your girl every time but yourself only half the time or satisfy your girl only have the time and yourself every time?

You are never going to keep a girl who only gets satisfied half the time so, as a male, I suppose I'm going to have to bite the bullet on this and take the former. Damn would it suck though. Of course, if we're talking about random sleeping around and not the formal definition of "your girl" then I'll take myself because I'd probably never have to see your slutty ass again. I say slutty ass because I'm assuming they'd have to be to sleep randomly with me.

Be in a band you hate or never be able to listen to your favorite type of music?

You cannot, and I will not allow you to, take away my favorite music from me. I'll take the band I hate and I'll simply decide to slowly kick them out until I get a band that I like. Either way I still have my music that gets me through the day.

Have a real working light saber or find a cure for cancer?

As I've said previously I would not enjoy all the stardom and fame that comes with curing a disease, as much as I feel that it needs to be cured. Come on, it's a light saber...and I just realized how much of a nerd I truly am. On second thought, in a world like this what are you really going to do with it? I'm not a Jedi and crooks or burglars have actual bullets that probably are a whole lot harder to deflect than the laser guns. Cancer, be prepared to be cured!