The Weekly WYR

College Humor has graciously posted yet another addition of the Weekly WYR and I will take the time, because I have nothing else to do at the moment, to enlighten you on my choices for those most difficult of questions.

Would you rather...

Be Michael Phelps and be super famous every 4 years or be Ben Savage and be moderately famous forever?

I have never liked the idea of being a celebrity and having everyone constantly following you and taking pictures of every move you make and every shit you take. However, with Ben Savage, you only see him sporatically in the news and in movies so I'll take moderately famous over the outrageously famous Phelps who is not just famous every 4 years, but is everywhere you look.

Eat an entire Boa Constrictor while it was alive and be a bad ass or eat a dead Boa Constrictor and be a loser who couldn't eat it alive?

Not that I would ever in a million years do this but after a few bites here and there wouldn't it be dead anyway? It won't be alive the entire time you're eating it you douchebag. I think you have an unhealthy obsession and jerk it to pictures of snakes.

Never be able to wear shoes again or have to carry two briefcases wherever you went?

Shoes? Fuck shoes.

Have no one understand anything you said ever or not be able to talk at all?

Isn't this just the same thing just reworded? I think it is.

Have the sickest apartment in Milwaukee or a shitty place in New York City?

I've never been to either city and therefore cannot offer social commentary on either but I'll take the sickest apartment in Milwaukee b/c I can still drive myself around places and Milwaukee is a beer capital!

Fuck the hottest girl ever but all she does is lie there and say how tiny your dick is or bang a mediocre girl who can't get enough of how much of a stallion you are?

As much as it pains me, the hot girl would probably be talking too much, but then again so would the mediocre girl. If, for the purposes of this story, I have the tiny dick then I would say that the hot girl needs to shove it in her mouth. That'll shut her up.

Date a guy who looks like a hot girl or a girl who looks like a hot guy?

Wow.

Have a slutty mom or have a slutty daughter?

Gotta go with slutty mom b/c she may be your mom but at least your daughter isn't the town whore that you have to keep throwing guys off of. With mom, there's not much you can do about it as her child, as a parent, you can murder anyone who touches her. Excellent.

Weekly WYR

Hello everyone! College Humor has taken a few weeks off with the WYR questions, but they came back with a whole lot this week for my analysis and your viewing pleasure. As always, leave comments if you would like to expand on a question or disagree.

Would you rather...

Cry when you say bye to your dad and he tells you for the first time that you're a man and he's proud of you and have everyone see it or cry because he never said it, and be all alone?

What a wonderful way to start back on track with the WYR questions than with this horribly depressing question...shame on you Jake for posting this question. I wouldn't cry for either, you're a man so don't cry about things so trivial. Yes, the alone part sucks but you know when you're a man, whether he says it or not.

Have dining hall food that makes you painfully constipated or have dining hall food that gives you painful diarrhea?

Well I think as long as you're actually going to the bathroom it can't be all that bad, not being able to go would be the hardest part of it all. Screw constipation and, in the end, it will all pass anyway, you may as well save the time and have the diarrhea and save the enema.

The top bunk and hurt the bottom of your feet on the small rungs of that wooden ladder thing every single morning or the bottom bunk and constantly have Dorito crumbs in the sheets because everyone sits on your bed when they watch TV?

Quit your bitching top bunk. I don't care about Doritos in my sheets, I sleep in my own bed without a bunk and I have that shit. Doritos, Lays Potato Chips, McDonalds fries, Snackwraps...it's all there. Shit happens.

Lick the floor of the shower stall and not be able to brush your teeth or bite into the loofa of the fattest kid in your building?

Excuse me while I go throw up...

Get caught masturbating by your super religious roommate or get caught drinking by your super loser R.A.?

This one is easy. The R.A. can actually get you kicked out and cause you all kinds of problems. Your super religious roommate doesn't know what he's missing by having that happy time once in a while. Show him the goods and go about your day, he'll survive and you may get your soul prayed for for free in the meantime.

Call it Beirut or Beer Pong?

Are you insane? WTF is Beirut? No, it's Beer Pong bitch.

Cheat on your girlfriend with a hot girl from down your hall and have to confess or cheat on your girlfriend with the hot girls stubby roommate and have no one know?

I could never cheat on my girlfriend but for the purposes of this question I have to I suppose, if I'm going to cheat on her you bet your ass it'll be with some hot chick. The stubby girl may need lovin' too but according to Quagmire, she's gotta pay.

Pay 5 dollars for a cup at some lame off campus party or get kicked out of the lame off campus party and go home alone?

Well, that sucks for you bro. Keep your chin up b/c I'm not paying 5 bucks for any cup at any party. Why? Because we're the ones that would throw it! If you show up...I'd kick you out just to spite ya for this stupid question.

Play intramural flag football and BE THE EFFING BOMB or let go of high school-you were never that good?

This is not a question douchebags.

Spend all semester trying to ease into a conversation with that hot girl in your bio lab or just know right now that she's already fucking a senior?

Is it serious with the senior? Ah screw her, there's plenty of other hot tail to chase around the rest of the college!

Have unlimited dining hall food or one really, really good meal a day?

I've never lived on campus so I know nothing of dining hall food. I would say I'll take the one really good meal and the rest can be fast food after I'm drunk.

Have a hot female roommate or have a roommate who dealt weed?

They saved the best and hardest question for last. I have only smoked here and there in the past year since everything else has gone down but I think it would turn into overkill with a roommate who sold. Not that that is the reason I'm picking the hot female roommate...I mean you've seen Eurotrip...come on!

The Weekly WYR

That's right folks, I'm back with the next installment of the Weekly WYR, thanks goes as always to College Humor.

Would you rather...

Have your town overrun by zombies or fat girls with high self esteem?

Zombies will kill you and eat your brains which is pretty painful and, ultimately, deadly. Fat chicks...well it's about equal really. Kudos to you girls with high self esteem but come on, who wouldn't want to see an ironic thing like zombie Abe Lincoln try to eat the brains of an African American? Admit it, you would stop and see the irony.

Have popcorn kernels stuck in the back of your mouth or have a fly keep landing on your when youre trying to fall asleep?

Damn these are both uber annoying but I think the easiest thing to do would be to simply get up and swish around some water to get rid of the kernels. God knows I wouldn't want to take the time or energy to kill that damn fly, especially if I'm trying to fall asleep.

Burn the roof of your mouth eating hot food or have all your fingernails clipped too short?

Well the burning of the roof of your mouth is just a temporary inconvenience because that will go away much quicker than cutting all your fingernails too short. That is a nasty feeling for a while. Plus, the burning of the roof of my mouth happens much more often than the fingernails, so I'm semi-used to it.

Go back in time and change something in your past or go to the future and see what your life is like?

Ah, the never ending predicament. Would you go back in time to change something or see your future? I think it would take too much of the unpredictability of life out of the picture if you knew too much of the future. However, as we learn all to often from movies and TV, even the most innocent of changes in the past can dramatically alter the future. Changing that one thing in the past could alter things in this life beyond our wildest imaginations. You think you're not that important? Go to the past and change something...then let's see.

Have the monster from Cloverfield trying to kill you or Javier Bardem from No Country for Old Men?

Never seen either movie. I'll leave this one to the fellow bloggers.

Be best in the world at one thing or 10th best in the world at 10 things?

We all have that one talent, apparently, even if we don't know what it is, but 10 things? Sweetness. Now what ten things those would be, I don't have the time to think about that right now...maybe another post...

Have infinate amounts of okay pizza or have a set amount of the best pizza in the world?

Was this question written by a stoner? I love pizza with the best of them but there is a limit to it and I'll take a set amount of the best damn pizza because that's all you really need. We're talking the difference between Hungry Howies and Green Lantern pizza? No friggin contest. See you in Madison Heights.

Have your life depend on getting a swirled random password in one try or figure out a magic eye in one try?

I had to look up what a magic eye was and, because I suck at those, I have to go with the random swirled puzzle.

Be a cute polar bear with an amputated leg or a cute kitten that is bald due to a deathly illness?

Have you ever known a kitten to be cute when bald? I don't like cats anyway, so I'll take the polar bear. At least I can aggresively destroy anyone who pokes fun at me because I'm a friggin polar bear!

Personally end strife in Darfur or see The Dark Knight?

My fellow bloggers are going to hate me for this but...I have already seen the Dark Knight (tee hee hee) and it was magically entertaining and made me wish I could have the DVD already! I would love to see it again and again and again...so sorry people in Darfur, you can't compete with Heath Ledger's Joker.

The Weekly WYR

Sorry Rambo I was just too excited to wait for you on this one ;)

Age from the neck up, or age from the neck down? From Jan
hmmm... a tough one. I think probably from the neck up, because I think I have a babyish face that will (with any luck) stay attractive for a while.

Look weak and be really strong, or Look strong and be really weak? From Nick
Look strong. I'm vain. And a somewhat submissive gay guy. I'll take the hot bod and no functionality

Live without music, or sports? From Spencer
uhhhh... take a wild guess. What have sports added to my life? A couple good times with friends, and otherwise a pervasive sense of incompetence. What has music given me? Everything. My life, my happiness, my livelihood, my talents. No question

Have to see "The Love Guru", or see "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" From cole
Well... I'd have to say.... uhhh. The Love Guru. Justin Timberlake is hot and pretty funny.

Have X-ray vision but not be able to control it and have to see everyone you know naked all the time, or not see anyone naked? From Joe
Everyone naked, all the time. I regularly go to the gym. Yum. ;)

The Weekly WYR

Hello all. Another WYR was posted today on College Humor and I say let's take that time out of our day to ask ourselves that question.

Would you rather...

Get food poisoning every time you eat your favorite meal or have a seizure every time you watched your favorite show?

Seeing as how my favorite show(s) are on more than I get to eat my favorite meal, I'll bite the bullet and say that I would rather get poisoned. Another reasoning behind it is that, yes you do throw up and shit a lot, but seizures are just not something to be messed around with. Scary.

Have AIDS, but access to modern treatment, or have haunted semen?

I'm not quite sure what is meant by haunted semen but I'm gonna go with a big fat NO THANK YOU to the whole AIDS deal, unless you got a cure I'm not going to go there.

Live in a mansion with nothing in it or live in a hut with as much stuff that'll fit?

I never had a thing to huge houses, but I especially wouldn't enjoy it if you couldn't take advantage of the space! If I had a mansion there would be the man's room, a game room, and my own bar :) I'll take the hut, since this question has deprived me of all the wonderous things that a mansion could bring...but that does pose a great question for my fellow bloggers!! If you had a mansion with 8 rooms (not including your bedroom) what would you make those rooms into?

Own the De Lorean from Back to the Future or the Batmobile?

With the Batmobile, at least the current task-esque Batmobile I could just destroy shit left and right...but how do you pass up the De Lorean?? You can travel through time for God sakes!! "Where we going guys? What year? Just hope in the car."

Have a hangover cure that truly works or have guilt-free condomless sex forever?

This is a real question? Would anyone choose the hangover cure? Didn't think so.

The LOST ending suck or never have an ending to LOST?

Being I believe the only person on this blog who enjoys the absolute hell out of this show, I would personally want to kill someone if the ending sucked ass. I have every confidence in the world that when the directors have done such a good job for so long on the show that there is no way they could screw it up. I want to see an ending though, that's for sure.

Have a last name everyone made fun of or a last name no one could pronounce?

I have a last name that no one can pronounce and it's not so bad, I have fun with it actually. I don't take offense when people mess it up, I enjoy the trying and how badly it can be butchered. Fun times.

The Weekly WYR

That's right. I apologize for my lengthy absence, and a thank you to Cottonmouth for covering last week. I may be a little rusty when it comes to these but what better way to spend my lunch hour than answering those questions that boggle and intrigue the mind!

Would you rather...

Age backwards or relieve the same day all your life?

I can't imagine living the same day over and over, circa Groundhog's Day, but, at 22 years young, I cannot imagine only living 22 more years. Also, by aging backwards, I only have one more year possible before I would no longer be able to legally drink!! That we simply cannot allow.

Walk on water or breathe under it?

Well, if I could breathe under water I would obviously never drown and, Kiznox what I am going to say is not intended to be sacreligious, I would much rather walk over water so that I could get to places much faster. How cool would it be to just camp out right on the water? Take a trip across Lake Michigan or one of the Oceans without having to swim? Yeah, let's do that.

Sit next to an unshowered hobo or a Mormon missionary on a cross country flight?

I have a feeling that the smell would never diminish but I could just as easily tell the Mormon to shut the hell up. Just for shits and giggles, if he does happen to continue to talk, I'll just get drunk and pass out. Mormons have no problem with drinking right? :)

Have both of your hands cut off at once or have one finger cut off every month until they are gone?

That's actually a tough one and, from an HR prospective, I could get a lot of money on my "Accidental Death or Dismemberment" benefit. For that reason, I say that if I lose them both I would get reimbursed by my employer and would be eligible for disability as well. Another drain on the system would be created and our economy would continue to lose money paying for someone else's problems. Would I like to lose even a part of one finger? No. For the purposes of this question, it is fiscally irresponsible for me to lose fingers or hands.

Put a dildo up your butt or a piece of floss down your pee hole?

I really don't want to do either. Neither of those seem very comfy and I'm going to ask for help from my fellow bloggers on this one. Which would you rather do? I'm hurting just thinking about it.

Have sex with the girl of your dreams knowing that there's a trained sniper aimed at the back of your head with orders to shoot the second you came or have sex with the girl of your dreams knowing you would spontaneously combust the second it was over?

Well this is indeed a very specific WYR question. As I was typing it in I was thinking to myself that I probably, given either scenario, knowing that my death is in the near future, may not be able to even concentrate while sexing her up. How can you get into it knowing that you are going to die? On the bright side, if there is one, the last feeling you experience on this Earth is, God willing, one of the best orgasms of your life! I guess you can't complain too much there.

Date Susanna Wolff or marry Susanna Wolff?

I will admit that I had to look her up to see who she is and she is a College Humor staff member. I would probably take her out on a date, not sure about marriage though. That's a little too quick off the draw.

Since Rambo SUCKS

Your Weekly WYR


Be God, or Zordon?
Uh... Zordon hands down. God has too much responsibility. I just want to be the overlord of superheroes with crazy robotic battle machines (for those of you who don't remember, Zordon created the power rangers)

Have a 20 minute orgasm every month, or have Keira Knightley hand-feed you Cool Ranch Doritos on command?
Seriously? Uh... 20 min orgasm. Even if you switched keira with my good friend Jake Gyllenhaal... I think I'd still rather have the 20 min orgasm haha.

Always have peanut butter in your mouth when you tried to talk, or dust in your eye whenever you tried to look at something? PB in your mouth. Dust in your eye is not an annoyance, it is excruciatingly painful.

Only watch the NIT, or only watch the girls tournament?
NIT. Sweaty boys

Go out with a girl knowing she blew the whole football team, or go out with a girl NOT knowing she blew the whole football team?
Again, I switch over to go out with a boy who did the same. I think I'd rather not know. And never find out. And never get any of their diseases

Have all 150 Pokemon at your disposal, or have the force from Star Wars?
Pokemon, no question. I'm OCD, that gives me so many more fun options

Make a really good prank call, or have a mediocre hookup?
Good prank call... I get plenty of GOOD hookups, I don't need a mediocre one

The Weekly WYR

It's been gone from College Humor with the holidays as I have been away from the Daily Clusterfuck. For that I apologize sincerely. Working full time and not really having any energy to sit down at my home computer after staring at one all day long at work is a reason and an excuse. Would it be me if I didn't come back with the WYR that you all know and love? Oh this brings back memories because I'm slacking at work. I don't normally get to anymore (like the old job) but it's Friday and I don't care. Let's go!

Would You Rather...

Fart every time you laugh or pee every time you sneeze?

Well I laugh much more than I sneeze and I'm sure it would be a bitch during those times when you can't stop sneezing but I have to go with that. It doesn't say how much you have to pee and we know that sometimes we laugh so hard we fart already. We'd just have to get used to bringing that extra pair of pants ya know?

Step barefoot on a thumb tack or watch Alvin and the Chipmunks?

I'll have you know that movie was awesome. I could watch Alvin and the Chipmunks and give the child inside me something to do. I haven't done enough of that lately so that's what I'd do. It would be even greater if I invite my friend Gregg over too. Who honestly would choose to step on a thumbtack? Crazy bitches.

Play Hungry Hungry Hippos nude and have your balls caught in the Hippos' or play Crossfire nude and get hit in the nuts with the metal ball?

Either way...ouch. Also, I have no interest in playing any of those games...let alone in the nude!

Never eat Doritos again or only be able to eat Doritos?

That's a tough one. I'm a fan of the Nacho Doritos and I could probably eat a whole bag by myself in one sitting but they are something that, after so long, you just don't feel like eating and if you're left with no other choice you are kinda screwed there. I'd hate not being able to eat Doritos but I could not imagine eating nothing but. Oh yeah and there's the nutrition part where I wouldn't get any and die.

Have a Hamster-sized Rhino or have a Rhino-sized Hamster?

Why would I want anything as big as a Rhino? That's just crazy but a Hamster-sized Rhino? Awesome. Wouldn't be a whole lot to play around with because of the horn but I'd just like to be able to say "Hey, wanna see my Rhino?" HA! What a double entendre eh?

Be a little bit taller, be a baller, or have a girl who looked good so you could call her?

You can rhyme. Good for you. I'll take the girl. Duh.

Speak Klingon or have a girlfriend?

This is not even a would you rather question as much as it is just hilariously true. Get it? HAHA! Oh man.

Find out one of your friends had sex with your mother or find out one of your friends had sex with your father?

I'd kill them. For those of you that contribute to this blog I know full well what most of you originally thought when you read this question. Screw you.

Have no short term memory or have no short term memory?

Don't worry about me. I hardly have a memory as it is! Hey...where am I?

The Weekly WYR

I know there have not been many posts but I have began my full time internship and have not had time to think let alone put those thoughts on the blog. So I will give you my thoughts and interpretations of this week's WYR.

Would You Rather...

Have Tourette's Syndrome and let out loud curse words or Chewbacca howls?

I am a big fan of Star Wars but the only complaint that I have for the series is just how damn annoying that howl is. I know it would be unprofessional, yet funny, to hear curse words but which is weirder in the end? I think it's the howls.

Be addicted to crack or masturbation?

Is there really anything wrong with the latter? I mean in theory it is not a disease or anything, it's just tiring sometimes. I really don't see the comparison as I would never even go near crack but I would like to hear an argument for the former in this case.

Be Indiana Jones' sidekick, Shourtround or Chunk from the Goonies?

The Goonies is a classic movie that I have not seen in years but used to see all the time before that. Even so, Indiana Jones would be fun to ride along with as well. He is someone who gets into a whole lot of danger though. In the end, who wouldn't want to say "Hey you guys!" and get a good response every time. Plus the guy who played him back then is doing pretty well educationally for himself. We'll go with Chunk.

Be incredibly, ridiculously looking or be incredibly, ridiculously intelligent?

I think I may have mistyped because who is going to select the option of ridiculously looking over intelligent? I'm going with the assumption, and I could look it up but I am lazy, that it should have "good" in front of the looking. Either way, I'm taking intelligence.

Yell "Schwing!" every time you get a boner or yell "Honk!" every time you touch a woman's breast?

Well the former happens much more than the latter (God help me), so I cannot in good conscience take the "Schwing" part of this question, even though I know full well that taking the "Honk" part of it will ruin most chances anyway, so I'm screwed (and not literally either).

Be a really angry drunk every time you drink, and have to face the consequences of your drunken rampages, or be surrounded by ten far bigger and stronger angry drunks every time you drink?

I can be an angry drunk from time to time but usually there have not been dire consequences to face coming out of the nights. Why would I want to surround myself with bigger, stronger drunks? Now come on. I don't like the "really angry" part of the question but I guess if Vince can get away with being angry (and sometimes drunk) all the time, anyone can.

Have TiVo that made fart noises or have your farts sound like TiVo noises?

Well I have off-brand TiVo so I defer to Kiznox on this (since he came up with that nickname) and ask: What would you like my off brand TiVo to make noises of?

Have sex with a beautiful woman ten separate times or have sex with ten beautiful women all at once - one time only?

Okay, having ten beautiful women at the same time would just be a little too bunched together don't ya think? At this point I'll take the beautiful woman ten separate times and go about my merry way, thank you very much!

Weekly WYR

Another installment of the Weekly WYR is just seconds away...

Would You Rather...

Live in Canada or be dead?

Well we have a Canada hater on our hands. I am not one of those "I hate Canada only because I'm no longer 19" people and I most certainly would not rather be dead than to live there. It is a beautiful country with some marvelous places to visit, although I haven't been able to do that in the U.S. so why would I take time to visit the Canadian landmarks? I'm lazy...so true.

Live in a world where Hitler never gained power or live in a world where Norbit was never made?

This is probably one of the worst WYR questions I have ever seen. Is there even any comparison? Is there? No there is not. Of course you get rid of Hitler's rein of terror, although one of the most gruesome, yet fascinating, stories in all of history it is just that...history. People will always remember Hitler and only those dumb enough to let it consume their lives to the point of asking this question will remember Norbit.

Have a Moonraker Laser in the stacks with body armor or have a Golden Gun without body armor in the Complex?

This question is awesome because it takes me back to one of my favorite games as a kid playing on the N64 with my friend Rob in his basement. Friggin' Goldeneye bitches! Oh how we loved to shoot each other in the face and from across the room while playing Capture the Flag or First to 20 Kills. Of course you have to take the Golden Gun because one shot and you, my friend, are down and you aren't gettin' back up!

Be the inventor of the beer bong or the inventor of the bong?

Oh how tempting this question is. Even though a bong is very tempting to want to have created, mostly because it takes a lot more ingenuity than a beer bong, I would have to say that a beer bong is a whole lot easier to get away with financially and physically then a bong is. I love them both mind you but I have to go with the easy one (and the more legal one).

Skate or die?

What an awful question, one not even worthy of response.

Have your dick shrink 1/8 of an inch every year for the rest of your life or have your dick grow an inch for the rest of your life?

Ask any question that you will but stay away from my dick you bastards! Now is that one inch a year? I'm under the impression that stops growing when you do unless I'm mistaken. I have no idea either way I know I'd never want it to shrink.

Find out your sister is on your favorite porn site or find out that your sister is on your least favorite porn site?

If I had to find out about my sister, which I do not have, being on a porn site I would not want it to be on my favorite one as to run the risk of constantly running into her. If she was on my least favorite one I would be upset but I know I would never need to go back to it because I disliked it in the first place.

Bang Jessica Alba once or be able to summon a death squad of Spartan Warriors at will?

Although it would be awesome to be able to summon Spartan Warriors I have no need for that in this, or any, day and age. If I was someone who had something to do randomly for killing or was on the run and needed protection sure but until then I'm hoppin' on the good foot and doin' the bad thing with Alba.

Orgasm every time you fart or fart when you orgasm?

Farting when you orgasm would be probably a little less sexy than you would think, just a thought right? You're having a great time and you both come right at the same time and you just let one rip? Not cool my friends and I believe she would agree and thank you for choosing orgasms whenever you fart.

Fall in love with a girl who had warts all over her feet or pimples all over her ass?

Now that the visual is in my, and all of your heads, let us have a moment of silence for the next few days for masturbation. We knew it well and now it is going to take a vacation until the visual leaves our heads.

The Weekly WYR

Welcome all my friends to the show that never ends, I'm so glad you could attend, come inside come inside. Do not know why that was in my head but enjoy it. It's time again for the Weekly Would You Rather! Once you are done jumping for joy and going to get yourself laid please take a few moments to look in on life's tough decisions

Would You Rather...

Eat nothing but candy corn for the rest of your life or have Patrick Duffy always following you?

This one is a really bad option either way. I mean Patrick Duffy is semi-cool and all but I just could not possibly eat Candy Corn for the rest of my natural life which, surprisingly enough, would not be very long if all I had to eat was Candy Corn. Can you say "malnutrition?"

Have gay sex once or always fantasize about gay sex while having straight sex?

Fantasizing would get in the way of my mojo and be extremely distracting as I'm sure most of you would agree. Any distractions for that matter, of course except for those times when you would call people on the phone...and you know who you are. I wrote out the name originally but it just came across as sounding way too gay.

Have savant like math skills or have a photographic memory?

I have to go with photographic memory because God knows I have a really shitty one right now. It is annoying as hell to not remember things that you know you should but have instead been pushed out by a night of drinking or some random pop culture tidbit.

Have Roger Klotz read your journal or miss the Beets concert for the second time?

I'm not even going to pick one of these because this is the coolest, most nostalgic question I have ever seen on the WYR! Go old school "Doug" fans!! Nickelodeon rocked!

Have perfect abs after one sit up or be perfect at guitar after one lesson?

As much as perfect abs appear to be the end all be all for some people I would love to be able to play the guitar after just one lesson. I'm not all that pissed at myself that I feel the need to have perfect abs to make myself feel better. Playing the guitar would be awesome. I know, if it would be so awesome why not learn. I'm just as lazy to create perfect abs as I would be to learn guitar.

Have hangovers that feel like an orgasm or have orgasms that feel like hangovers?

Who honestly would choose to have their orgasms feel like hangovers? Who? If hangovers felt like orgasms I'd be drunk every night. For those of you who laughed when you saw that, shut up.

Be able to see every girl you ever had sex with naked whenever you want or be able to have sex with just one of them again?

Well seeing as how it's just been the one then I'm going to go with have sex with that one again. Naked is special and all but this one is easier for me to choose. I'm interested in Hock and Kiznox's take on this for girls and Cottonmouth for the men side. Let me know.

Piss drinkable Pepsi or poop edible Doritos?

This question has ruined two of my favorite things in Pepsi and Doritos but I am going to have to go with the Pepsi because as much as I pee that would save me so much money on Pepsi. Doritos would get boring after a while but Pepsi is always magical. Sorry Hock.

Have Optimus Prime as a dad or Jessica Biel as a girlfriend?

If I could be a Transformer because of having him as my dad then yes I would take it but because I cannot I am going to take the hot Jessica Biel and do many nasty things to her and she'll enjoy every minute of it. Giggidy.

Get a CREED tattoo on your forehead or a swastika?

I'm actually not going to pick an answer but instead tell a story since the swastika was brought up. The other day at the bar (shocker I know) I overheard someone telling a bouncer, and in turn showing them a picture of, a friend's new purchase...a gingerbread house shaped like a swastika. That's right, the Nazi's are still amongst us.

Be Jenna Jameson's father or Jenna Jameson's son?

Whoever wrote this question is obviously secretly, or publicly, in love with JJ but I really don't know which to choose. If I was her son, though, I may have obtained some of those really hot genes when I was born so I'll take that one I suppose.

Satisfy your girl every time but yourself only half the time or satisfy your girl only have the time and yourself every time?

You are never going to keep a girl who only gets satisfied half the time so, as a male, I suppose I'm going to have to bite the bullet on this and take the former. Damn would it suck though. Of course, if we're talking about random sleeping around and not the formal definition of "your girl" then I'll take myself because I'd probably never have to see your slutty ass again. I say slutty ass because I'm assuming they'd have to be to sleep randomly with me.

Be in a band you hate or never be able to listen to your favorite type of music?

You cannot, and I will not allow you to, take away my favorite music from me. I'll take the band I hate and I'll simply decide to slowly kick them out until I get a band that I like. Either way I still have my music that gets me through the day.

Have a real working light saber or find a cure for cancer?

As I've said previously I would not enjoy all the stardom and fame that comes with curing a disease, as much as I feel that it needs to be cured. Come on, it's a light saber...and I just realized how much of a nerd I truly am. On second thought, in a world like this what are you really going to do with it? I'm not a Jedi and crooks or burglars have actual bullets that probably are a whole lot harder to deflect than the laser guns. Cancer, be prepared to be cured!

The Weekly WYR

That's right folks Rambo Dakota is back again with another installment of WYR. Streeter was off this week, apparently, from College Humor's posting of the WYR and I don't want him to be gone for too long...you'll see why with some of these questions....watch for the exhibits.

Would You Rather...

Be addicted to meth or be addicted to dragon porn?

Does this give you an idea of why I think this will be an off day of the WYR? Thought so. Let me begin by saying that at least meth is real and not fictitious like dragons...let alone dragon porn...creepy. I mean as creepy as dragon porn may be I'd never want to be addicted to meth. There are other fun drugs out there that don't do the shit meth does to you.

Superman that ho or make it rain on them hoes?

Exhibit A. I know, I'm dumber for having read that too.

Have no knees or no elbows?

Either way this makes life extremely difficult. With no knees it makes it nearly impossible to walk and without elbows it would appear to be difficult to write or even eat. Not being able to walk is one of those things that you can get used to and only need so much help with after a while. Not being able to write or eat...well that's a little different and something that would, in my opinion, make me more reliant on a person that I would be willing to admit.

Have sex with a 21 year old or have sex with 20 one year olds?

Exhibit B. This should get a "Potential Pedophile" Award.

Be in Apatow's Superbad gang or the Frat Pack?

Although Superbad was one of the funniest movies I have ever seen and the creators are some of the funniest as well, being in the Frat Pack and making movies with those huge name actors would be awesome. To be in a movie with Vince Vaughn and company would be a moment to remember...how you ask? From the dollar bills you will be rolling in after making the movie.

Always have to answer the phone by saying, "I am feelin' you!" or have to end every phone conversation by shouting, "Boom goes the dynamite!"?

I'm really at a loss for words on this one. We'll just pick one for the shit of it because I'm really not going to give either of these any in-depth analysis...are you feelin' me?

Have your mom not love you or your dad not love you?

There really is no answer to this question that just doesn't depress the hell outta you. However, since it is a WYR question I probably choose Dad not loving me over Mom. It is a shitty decision either way but, as a male, I will always need my Mom and could always find male figures to look up to without them being my Dad.

Always have the sneeze sensation and never sneeze or always be bloated with gas and never fart?

Ever since the surgery I have had that bloating feeling more than usual and I know how badly I would slit someone's throat if I could not get rid of that feeling...enough said.

Have your own theme music or be able to summon a conga line behind you whenever you wanted?

As tempting as a conga line may sound to, oh, nobody I am going to have to say my own theme music. How friggin awesome would that be? I can hear it in my head now...sweet.

Be worshiped by a cult or not be worshiped by a cult?

Unlike some of you readers out there my ego is not as big as you may think that I would drool at the fact of being worshiped by a cult. Granted you would have people at your beck-and-call for any little thing because you are the "end all be all" but eventually you get people taking things way too far and that I cannot have on my conscience.

Take too many hits of acid on Halloween or Bliahgb aitebpxz carph?

Exhibit C. My God where did you find these people?

Be an integral part of the Trinity High play or be a 3rd string player on the 2008 NBA Champions?

Oh a sports question! While the Trinity High play will be remembered as a magnificent play for a while it will not get the attention from a group of people who have no idea what the play was. When you bring out the term "NBA Champion" then people pay attention. Plus those championship rings are just friggin huge and full of awesomeness.

The Weekly WYR

Hello my friends. It is that time of the week again! Streeter and the friends at College Humor have given us some new material this week to look at and analyze. Ready? Let's go.

Would You Rather...

Cure cancer but have your archenemy get the credit or be in complete control of your archenemy's bowels and not cure cancer?

This sounds so sinister. How many of us actually have an archenemy defined? That probably is a discussion for another time but if I did have an archenemy I would find it extremely funny to have control of his bowels but how can you possibly turn down curing cancer? I mean the world may give him the spotlight and the credit but I never liked having the spotlight and all that on me anyway. If the people whom I love and care for know the truth that is all that matters to me.

Bang Jessica Alba or bang Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan at the same time?

Well, I am picking Jessica Alba on this for several reasons. I don't dislike the idea of having two chickees at once but when those chickees have the chance to give me a smorgisboard of disease and, possibly, alcoholism from just being in the room with them. Also, it's friggin Jessica Alba people!

Go Bear-Blasting or Hump-Cating?

I have absolutely no idea what these are. I even tried to look them up. I believe I could make a WYR question if I made up words too!

HaVe To AlWaYs TyPe LiKe ThIs or only be able to type with your thumbs?

I'm sorry but if I had to type like the former part of this question I may just end up throwing my keyboard, and my sanity, out of the window. Typing with your thumb may be a little awkward but eventually I would get used to it. To top it all off, at least your typing still looks professional and not like you had a stroke trying to do it.

Drink a gallon of hot dog juice or take a shot of toe sweat?

Gross...absolutely gross either way you look at it. Hot dog juice really doesn't have any taste to it (really) but just a watery taste...but toe sweat? It's only a shot though...A gallon is a little much to ask of any liquid not usually drinkable.

Only be able to move around by dancing or only be able to communicate through singing?

Well I have always said I am too white to dance (mostly because I have no rhythm what so ever) but you would think I would be a better one since I drink but hey. I wouldn't mind communicating through singing at all, might be kinda cool.

Live in a world filled with Jerry Seinfeld impersonators or live in a world filled with Borat impersonators?

This isn't really a WYR question, it's a simple fact that we have way to many fuckin Borat impersonators as it is in this world...and to all of them I say "Shut the fuck up!"

Never have any form of sex again or have a sex change and have all the sex you want?

You know what, why would I ever do anything that would neglect me from ever having any type of sex again. I guess I would be used to it since it's been a hell of a long time but are you kidding me? Rambo Dakota would become Roxanne Dakota....whatev, let's all get laid now...sound good? Thought so.

Be insane in the membrane or insane in the brain?

I would say the brain. Why screw with the membrane crap when you can just go full fledged insane in the entirety of your brain? If I'm going to be crazy and insane I am going to be totally mental.

Lose your small toe or never go online again?

I do not know what I would do with a portion of my life is not for the infinite amount of things I can do online. Really ask yourself...how often do you go online compared to how often you use your small toe. I think the answer is pretty simple really.

Have every day be cold and rainy or live in a Motel 6 for the rest of your life?

That's an odd one. Cold and rainy just sucks even for a day or two in a row let alone everyday of my life. That would just get downright depressing. Good thing about a Motel 6 would be you never have to change bed sheets or wash towels again...that's a plus. Either way really I think you're screwed so the Motel 6 is the lesser of two evils in my eye.

Die at 35 with a quick painless death or die at 70 but suffer a chronic illness for 30 years?

What's the chronic illness? Tell me what it is and I'll tell you my answer. Let me hear what kind of illnesses you guys think you could live with chronically for 30 years. I'd be interested to know. COPD? Chronic Bronchitis?

WYR's Triumphant Return!

That's right folks! WYR is officially back on the Daily Clusterfuck, thanks as always goes to College Humor and Streeter. So without further delay...

Would you rather...

Have a girl fall sleep while you are having sex or have her tell you to "just stop" because she is going to fall asleep?

I'm going to go with the falling asleep while having sex because at least that way I get to finish. Let's just be honest who cares about anything else at that point. I know, the true sounds of a man who is not getting any...thanks.

Get shot in the leg or stabbed in the arm?

Stabbed. Gun shots require surgery and pierce some crazy ass things when those bullets enter your body, especially in your leg. This is not to say that a knife could not nick something too, but you get my point.

Be able to draw perfect geometrical shapes or be able to write in Times New Roman font?

I don't really know how either of these benefits you in any way, shape (no pun intended), or form. I personally have very good handwriting so I'm gonna take the shapes.

Run a mile on scalding hot concrete or swim half a mile in freezing cold water?

I couldn't swim a half mile in any water let alone freezing water. If the question was more specific then it would have said "run a mile barefoot on scalding hot concrete" because I would love to run a mile with shoes on. That'd be okay on that "scalding hot" concrete.

Have to swear in every sentence you speak or be limited to a third grade vocabulary?

I pretty much swear in every sentence already.

Have body hair that is constantly growing or have a cone head that grows two inches every year?

Body hair constantly growing can be managed but that cone head just sounds awful. Just awful.

Eat a whole can of dog food or a whole tube of toothpaste?

I guess dog food because just swallowing a little toothpaste can get your stomach a little rumbly. I need to eat something now. Something real people eat.

The Best WYR Questions (Part Five of Five)

It ends at last (he says as he sheds a tear). All good things must end but the next time our friends at College Humor decide to post another WYR on their website, we shall analyze it. Until then:

Would You Rather...

Fall into a coma for twenty years and then wake up and resume your life for another forty or live for twenty years more and then drop dead?
Well...a tough one to be sure. I would miss a lot of things by being in a coma for twenty years (seeing as how I have no significant other or anything at the moment) and when I come out I would still live to be a decent age. Going into a coma and then coming out has it's disadvantages with physical health afterwards but it would not compare to just how much I would miss if I died in twenty years without really having a full experience of life between marriage, anniversaries, retirement, children and grandchildren.

Answer the question or take the physical challenge? (Old school baby!)
Hell you can answer questions all day long that have just as much relevance as those ones...if you are on Double Dare you better take the damn physical challenge bitches!!

Be able to do any accent perfectly or be able to sing any song perfectly?
I would love love to have an accent and do it masterfully and it could be beneficial..somehow..but I think singing a song perfectly could work out much more to your personal advantage (unless it's only one...then fuck that).

Have the ability to eat coal and poop diamonds or have the ability to eat criminals and poop truth and justice?
First off, this question kicks ass just in the wording and shit...nice job! Second...bring on diamonds baby!! I would have people coming to my house to watch me poop, which would be awkward at first but then I would just start charging admission, and see the size of that giant (or small) diamond that may surface following my visit with the Porcelain Queen.

Have your daughter do hardcore porn or hardcore drugs?
My daughter will never do those things and if she does I will smote her!

Be a famous rock star or a famous athlete?
Athletes run the risk of injury while rock star run the risk of OD. I personally have envisioned myself more standing in front of a large crowd singing along to every verse you sing than scoring the game winning touchdown. You may not get the same amount of press being a rock star as opposed to an athlete but being a rock star would be an absolute dream come true.

Have cookies or french fries positively affect your health?
French fries because I constantly eat fast food more than cookies.

Be blind or Canadian?
I don't need to answer this question because the answer is obvious but I just think it is hilarious to make fun of Canada once in a while.

Since Mr. Streeter and College Humor can give out an award so can I. The "Why Would You Want To Deface Beer So Badly" award goes to:

"Would you rather have a Bud Light bottle stuck up your ass or a Miller Lite bottle stuck up your ass?"

The Best WYR Questions (Part Four of Five)

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The Best WYR Questions (Part Three of Five)

That's right we are back for even more fun and exciting analysis of everyone's favorite theoretical question:

Would You Rather...

Get handed a $100,000 check at the beginning of every year or know everything on Wikipedia?
I don't even know if anyone would need nor want to be that smart to know everything on Wikipedia. My head might just explode and I don't think I'd be able to retain anything in day to day life. I find myself responsible when it comes to money so I trust myself to use it efficiently. If I did know everything on Wikipedia I could go on Jeopardy and other shows and get a lot of money but I'm lazy so just give me the money.

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes or be cursed to always use proverbs in the wrong context?
Well I probably would, if I ever did decide to use a proverb, use them in the wrong context. I'm cursed as a dumbass and I do think you can learn a lot about someone by walking a mile in their shoes. There are several people, friends and alike, who I would like to have a mile in their shoes, you learn so much more that way, about humanity, about other people's problems, how other's deal with problems, and the internal conflicts of others.

Have invented the slam dunk or invented beer pong?
Well if I invented the slam dunk that would mean I probably played professional basketball...snooze. I would probably be rich because I played that sport but if I invented beer pong...I could have an allegiance of college students at my beck and call! They would find new and exciting ways to play the game and I would be able to sit there on any night of the week during a college week and say "at least one thousand students are getting drunk while playing the game I invented." Sweet.

Have chicks refer to your sexual ability as "the best two minutes of my life" or "the worst two hours?"
I don't have the attention span for two hours! Satisfy her for sure, I don't care how long or short it is...although she might but if it's the best two minutes of her life then it was still good and she isn't complaining...I hope.

Only be allowed to eat soda, pizza, and french fries (but it's healthy) or continue your current diet?
Rambo Dakota does not, nor has he ever needed to, followed a diet. The three items listed in the former section of this question (soda, pizza, and french fries) could very well be considered a diet that I do follow almost religiously. If these things were healthy for me you best believe I would only be allowed to eat/drink those things.

Serve under Captain Morgan or Cap'n Crunch?
The ultimate question becomes do I want to be constantly drunk or never be hungry again? Cap'n Crunch was cool when I was little and remains cool, although his cereal is a little blah. I don't drink a lot of rum (more of a beer guy) but I think I could manage to find something to mix it with. Plus who doesn't want to just stand and say "I have a little Captain in me" while on a ship. I could be like Jack Sparrow bitches..."where is the rum?"

Know the meaning of life and not be able to tell anyone or have everyone know the meaning of life besides you?
I would be tempted to tell but knowing I couldn't and I am not someone who is going to flaunt the fact that I know something like that. I just hope that if I did know the meaning of life and I couldn't tell anyone that my actions would reflect the ability for those around me to hopefully figure that out. It would be my life to fulfill that meaning.

Get rich or die trying? (My gangsta question of the day)
Okay, if you want to die trying to do something, die trying to save a friend or family member from a burning building or taking a bullet but if you die trying to get rich that is a waste of life. Yes if you live in extreme poverty and you have nothing else to live by except to try and become "rich" then that's a different story but to get rich is an accomplishment (nine out of ten times) because you've worked hard to get it.

Never read a book for the rest of your life or have to read one book a month or you die?
I find it hard sometimes to read a book because I have the time I just never take it but reading a book, especially if you're forced to read one a month, is something everyone needs to do. It expands vocabulary, it takes your face away from the TV for a while, it takes you to a world of imagination and intimate detail, and learn how circumstances and situations can be handled without actually having to do anything. Even if those of you out there wouldn't die if you didn't read a book every month, you should do it for yourself anyway.

The "Didn't Get It" award goes to:

"Would you have sex with your grandma for a million dollars?"

Hey kiddo, way to not to know what the hell a WYR question is! As always thank you Streeter and College Humor.

The Best WYR Questions (Part Two of Five)

Once again we explore the inane yet titillating questions that begin with:

Would You Rather...

Be pissed off constantly or pissed on occasionally?
I'm not going to even pretend to joke about the fact that I could be pissed on constantly. Being pissed off can only be as annoying and punishing as you make it. When I am pissed off but I still smile and go about my day because if you are pissed off at someone be pissed at them but do not take it out on everyone else. Pissed on would just be super gross.

Have Wii or weed?
I have always said that my type of video games are the ones with a controller that I can sit in front of a TV and veg. I'm not faulting Wii for getting people off their asses and making the games more interactive but it just isn't what I would want when I can have weed instead! Of course when I have the weed I might just be dying to have an interactive system like the Wii...oh well...does Wii have Halo? No? Didn't think so.

Be able to converse solely using song lyrics or movie quotes?
This is an interesting question because you have to think about which you know more about. Song lyrics only do me good when I am actually listening to the song or when it's stuck in my head. Movie quotes stick with you in some part of your mind (sometimes so many that I wonder if parts of my childhood are being pushed out) for a long time and, take it from someone who is a Simpson fanatic, you remember quotes before you remember specific song lyrics. Of course song lyrics are so vast and varying that you could probably find a good lyric for almost any situation but I don't think I could retain that many lyrics.

Be a guest on "The Daily Show" or "The Colbert Report?"
Colbert is a funny guy but I don't really like his show nor his style of humor while hosting the show. I absolutely enjoy Jon Stewart and his show, from his opening stories to his back up staff and especially his guests. He always has good guests and always tends to have fun with people like Sen. John McCain and many of the actors and actresses in Hollywood. I enjoy watching his show and therefore I would love to be a guest on it.

Lose all of the contacts in your cell phone, or be able to have all of them memorized but only able to use a home phone?
Seeing as how I am never home for more than eating and sleeping I am going to say lose my contacts because I will just go out and get them on a piece of paper for my wallet. For the record though, if you are special enough I have your number memorized already anyway.

Be lost on an island with every single one of your possessions or not be lost but own nothing but a TV and "Lost" DVDs?
Look I love "Lost" as much as the next person but I cannot own only a TV and a "Lost" DVD...uh uh! You think I can get a little crazy now? Oh you just wait and see if the latter happens here. I could get by...if I couldn't get by though I'd be dead soon so the misery would be minimal.

Pay for all your music or just stop listening to music altogether?
I very rarely ever use BearShare or any form of illegal downloading anymore. You cannot guarantee the quality of what you're downloading and the viruses have ravaged my computer before. I use iTunes and pay 99 cents for songs I know will be good quality right from the CD and I can also get a CD on iTunes for like 10 bucks to download the entire thing once it comes out in stores. Kick ass when you use your iPod more than anything else. Why would I never want to listen to music ever again? Screw that shit.

Be able to grow an instant beard or be able to grow instant head hair?
I see different issues with this, one with the beard is that it would be kinda cool if you decide you want a beard that you could grow one in the snap of a finger, especially if you are on the run from the law eh? The downside is how often you would have to shave and, for all you guys out there who will agree, shaving constantly sucks ass. In terms of instant head hair that would be cool if you like long hair, which I do not. You would also either have to learn how to cut hair or have someone who can do it for cheap because you'd be a regular customer to say the least. To answer the question...beard because I'm always going back and forth between beard and cleanly shaved.

Ride the short bus or have to drive the short bus?
Well if I had to ride the short bus I don't think I would really care about this question because I'm probably not in the right state of mind to really understand why I am on this bus. Driving the short bus is a job and in the economy we have a job should be welcomed and encouraged. I personally would have no problem driving the bus but I know some people who would probably crash it by becoming frustrated.

In addition, the "Two Ways to Say the Same Thing" award, according to Mr. Streeter at College Humor is:

"Would you rather have a severe sunburn on your penis for a month or not be able to have sex for a month?"

Responses to the WYR

First of all, Rambo, I agree - great choices...

But it makes me sad to hear you've never had a lucid dream!!! It doesn't happen to me super often, but you have no idea how gratifying and fun it is to be able to control your dreams... And even if it's not happening in real life, think of how great it would be to get to sleep with whomever you'd like every night, and do whatever you want.

I'm 6'0 and happy with that. And I'm happy with the size of my dick... HOWEVER! 6'3 is too tall, I'd rather be shorter if anything, so by process of elimination... bring on the cock lengthening!

I would kill myself if I had to eat McDonald's every day - I'd say one out of every five times I go there the food is fresh and prepared properly (cold soggy fries? come on McDonalds, you make enough money to just throw away the ones that have been there for a half hour). And shit Rambo, I'll cook for you every day to avoid you dying at age 25 of a clogged artery...

I'd rather have a panda for a heart. I'm not a big chocolate person

The Best WYR Questions (Part One of Five)

College Humor has not put up their new one for the week but I have discovered the previous WYRs that were created before this blog began and I have compiled the best questions of those WYRs. There are so many I am going to have to break it into five parts. There are ten questions per part so prepare for intellectual quagmires and critical decision making.

Would You Rather...

Be able to control your dreams for the rest of your life, or live any fantasy you want for one day?
I never really have to much trouble with my dreams but when I think it out how can you consciously control your dreams when you're not technically conscious enough to do that? I just don't see it working out...and to live out a fantasy for one day would be uber-cool and totally worth not controlling my dreams over. What is the fantasy you ask? That's for me to know...and you all will be the first one to know if it ever comes true.

Wake up next to Jessica Biel or Scarlett Johansson?
God help me wake up next to either one of these two women...hell, if you ARE going to help me, make it both of them! If I have to choose one of them though I would have to go with, even though it is a very difficult decision, Scarlett Johansson...Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Goo.

Have your life narrated by Morgan Freeman or James Earl Jones?
If you look at acting ability I have always liked Morgan Freeman better and James Earl Jones has always been "the voice" whether it is for Darth Vader or CNN. My life though would be so cool being narrated by Darth Vader but I just always liked to hear Morgan Freeman talk more than Jones. I don't really know how to explain it but I figure since it's my life that is probably a good enough reason as any.

Be 3 inches taller or have your dick be 1 inch bigger?
I am 5 foot 9ish and am very comfortable with my height. Thank you and where do I sign?

Bang Mo the Referee or have a glowing piece of Radical Rock?
Oh dude when I was little she was HOT but I grew up. I do love love love accents, especially in women and she's got one for sure but to have a piece of that Radical Rock forever? That's true glory not just a one night stand with someone who is probably blowing someone else's whistle for cash nowadays...know what I'm sayin??...GUTS! (I do need to get laid though...)

Burn out or fade away?
I have no problem with fading away because it does not have to be a bad thing to fade away. If you burn yourself out on something you basically will try not to do it anymore or you will do it at a mediocre pace because you are worried of the same fate. Fading away can leave you with a legacy and a reputation. You can also fade away gracefully but never burn out gracefully. You ever burned out on something fellow readers? If you have, you know that you never want that to happen again.

Be a Star Wars kid or the Numa Numa guy?
I'm not going to lie I had to look up to see who the "Numa Numa" guy was and it was that guy who sang that shitty song, which I cannot even explain so that's reason number one, while dancing online.I know that you're looking for that time in the sun but it has come and gone because that's not who this kid is and what he's enjoys. If you are a Star Wars kid it is because you thoroughly enjoy the movies and have a love for them. You cannot have a life long love for this shitty song and dance routine. You will NOT fade away on this...you will burn out. Being the Star Wars kid leaves me nerdy but it's the coolest of the nerdy by far!

Eat nothing but McDonalds for the rest of your life, or have to make everything you eat from scratch for the rest of your life?
I could probably handle making my own food all the time but not from scratch every time. McDonalds is a great drunk food and, seeing as how I am drunk on a regular basis, I can justify McDonalds for that reason and the fact that no one ever has to drive far to get to one. With an ever expanding menu that I could rotate upon daily or weekly McDonalds has everything I want and more. Ba da ba ba ba...I'm lovin it.

Run into yourself 10 years into the past or 10 years into the future?
Well I don't think I would have an intelligent conversation with myself since I would be around 12 years old. Seeing myself 10 years in the future would be a intellectual and enlightening experience and I would love to see if the decisions I've made to this point have helped or hindered my continual growth in life.

For good measure (I won't even answer these but I just want you to see the genious and anger that is out there in the world):

Get pounded in the fucking face till your own bitch of a mother doesn't recognize you anymore or quit looking at my fucking girlfriend chief? (Anger issues much?)

Would you rather have chocolate for blood or a panda for a heart? (Can you say how high was I last night?)

Finally here is what Streeter (the editor of the Weekly WYR) describes as the winner of the "Hate-Fueld Bigot" award:

"This may not be very PC but I don't care. Here goes:
Would you rather have a son who came out and told you he was gay OR have your daughter marry a black guy?
Tough one huh?"

Streeter's response: "Congrats man, you're a horrible person."