The Weekly WYR

Hello my friends. It is that time of the week again! Streeter and the friends at College Humor have given us some new material this week to look at and analyze. Ready? Let's go.

Would You Rather...

Cure cancer but have your archenemy get the credit or be in complete control of your archenemy's bowels and not cure cancer?

This sounds so sinister. How many of us actually have an archenemy defined? That probably is a discussion for another time but if I did have an archenemy I would find it extremely funny to have control of his bowels but how can you possibly turn down curing cancer? I mean the world may give him the spotlight and the credit but I never liked having the spotlight and all that on me anyway. If the people whom I love and care for know the truth that is all that matters to me.

Bang Jessica Alba or bang Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan at the same time?

Well, I am picking Jessica Alba on this for several reasons. I don't dislike the idea of having two chickees at once but when those chickees have the chance to give me a smorgisboard of disease and, possibly, alcoholism from just being in the room with them. Also, it's friggin Jessica Alba people!

Go Bear-Blasting or Hump-Cating?

I have absolutely no idea what these are. I even tried to look them up. I believe I could make a WYR question if I made up words too!

HaVe To AlWaYs TyPe LiKe ThIs or only be able to type with your thumbs?

I'm sorry but if I had to type like the former part of this question I may just end up throwing my keyboard, and my sanity, out of the window. Typing with your thumb may be a little awkward but eventually I would get used to it. To top it all off, at least your typing still looks professional and not like you had a stroke trying to do it.

Drink a gallon of hot dog juice or take a shot of toe sweat?

Gross...absolutely gross either way you look at it. Hot dog juice really doesn't have any taste to it (really) but just a watery taste...but toe sweat? It's only a shot though...A gallon is a little much to ask of any liquid not usually drinkable.

Only be able to move around by dancing or only be able to communicate through singing?

Well I have always said I am too white to dance (mostly because I have no rhythm what so ever) but you would think I would be a better one since I drink but hey. I wouldn't mind communicating through singing at all, might be kinda cool.

Live in a world filled with Jerry Seinfeld impersonators or live in a world filled with Borat impersonators?

This isn't really a WYR question, it's a simple fact that we have way to many fuckin Borat impersonators as it is in this world...and to all of them I say "Shut the fuck up!"

Never have any form of sex again or have a sex change and have all the sex you want?

You know what, why would I ever do anything that would neglect me from ever having any type of sex again. I guess I would be used to it since it's been a hell of a long time but are you kidding me? Rambo Dakota would become Roxanne Dakota....whatev, let's all get laid now...sound good? Thought so.

Be insane in the membrane or insane in the brain?

I would say the brain. Why screw with the membrane crap when you can just go full fledged insane in the entirety of your brain? If I'm going to be crazy and insane I am going to be totally mental.

Lose your small toe or never go online again?

I do not know what I would do with a portion of my life is not for the infinite amount of things I can do online. Really ask yourself...how often do you go online compared to how often you use your small toe. I think the answer is pretty simple really.

Have every day be cold and rainy or live in a Motel 6 for the rest of your life?

That's an odd one. Cold and rainy just sucks even for a day or two in a row let alone everyday of my life. That would just get downright depressing. Good thing about a Motel 6 would be you never have to change bed sheets or wash towels again...that's a plus. Either way really I think you're screwed so the Motel 6 is the lesser of two evils in my eye.

Die at 35 with a quick painless death or die at 70 but suffer a chronic illness for 30 years?

What's the chronic illness? Tell me what it is and I'll tell you my answer. Let me hear what kind of illnesses you guys think you could live with chronically for 30 years. I'd be interested to know. COPD? Chronic Bronchitis?