that I realized I will never be happy in an office. Never be able to smile from a paycheck that comes from a suit. Never be able to enjoy what so many people in the white collar sector do. And yet, I am perplexed as to whether or not I should really care.
Dont get me wrong, I do still want to get into journalism, but not where I would be sitting in an office and re-writing stories that come directly from the AP wire. Because that would just bore the shit out of me.
Anyway, it all comes down to this: I got my third paycheck today. The third check that I have gotten since getting back on the line and cooking. And, you know what? I appreciated the hell out of this check. You know when the last time I felt proud about getting a check was? Neither do I. Where I worked before...well, I was an unapologetic shitty employee. I will never apologize for that because of the bullshit that the job entailed. It was not hard. It was not thought provoking. It was not stressful. It did nothing to interest me in any way other than to give me a great reason to hash out arguments with coworkers over why such and such boss sucked and why such and such policy was completely dick-tooled. The job bored the ever living shit out of me and absolutely made me feel a sincere disgust for that kind of work.
I know, I cannot assume that all office work is like that. Hell, I presume that it is not, yet I cannot get that awful taste out of my mouth about office work in general. It just seems that so little productivity comes out of an actual office. Numbers move. Letters get printed. However, actuall physical productivity does not really show itself. Sad.
So yeah. I cook for a living. The end result of what I have done is no more important to me than what I used to do. You like my food? Good, because I could give a shit if you do. I like it. I think that I did a fan-fucking-tastic job getting it right. Go fuck yourself if you dont like my fries. The point is that I had a damn good time getting there.
Maybe none of this is cohesive. Maybe none of this makes any sense whatsoever. I'm not really sure where any of this is supposed to be going. I do, however, know that I am having a great/interesting time right now.
And I do not miss purple.
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1 comment:
Just a thought... (NOT to convince you of anything to the negative of positive)
Just make sure you don't make boundaries for yourself. I know how rewarding it is to work in a hands on job versus a desk job. But that doesn't mean a desk job can't be rewarding or a hands on job can't be boring. don't make parameters for yourself, just concentrate on what you want!
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