Weekly WYR

Hello everyone! College Humor has taken a few weeks off with the WYR questions, but they came back with a whole lot this week for my analysis and your viewing pleasure. As always, leave comments if you would like to expand on a question or disagree.

Would you rather...

Cry when you say bye to your dad and he tells you for the first time that you're a man and he's proud of you and have everyone see it or cry because he never said it, and be all alone?

What a wonderful way to start back on track with the WYR questions than with this horribly depressing question...shame on you Jake for posting this question. I wouldn't cry for either, you're a man so don't cry about things so trivial. Yes, the alone part sucks but you know when you're a man, whether he says it or not.

Have dining hall food that makes you painfully constipated or have dining hall food that gives you painful diarrhea?

Well I think as long as you're actually going to the bathroom it can't be all that bad, not being able to go would be the hardest part of it all. Screw constipation and, in the end, it will all pass anyway, you may as well save the time and have the diarrhea and save the enema.

The top bunk and hurt the bottom of your feet on the small rungs of that wooden ladder thing every single morning or the bottom bunk and constantly have Dorito crumbs in the sheets because everyone sits on your bed when they watch TV?

Quit your bitching top bunk. I don't care about Doritos in my sheets, I sleep in my own bed without a bunk and I have that shit. Doritos, Lays Potato Chips, McDonalds fries, Snackwraps...it's all there. Shit happens.

Lick the floor of the shower stall and not be able to brush your teeth or bite into the loofa of the fattest kid in your building?

Excuse me while I go throw up...

Get caught masturbating by your super religious roommate or get caught drinking by your super loser R.A.?

This one is easy. The R.A. can actually get you kicked out and cause you all kinds of problems. Your super religious roommate doesn't know what he's missing by having that happy time once in a while. Show him the goods and go about your day, he'll survive and you may get your soul prayed for for free in the meantime.

Call it Beirut or Beer Pong?

Are you insane? WTF is Beirut? No, it's Beer Pong bitch.

Cheat on your girlfriend with a hot girl from down your hall and have to confess or cheat on your girlfriend with the hot girls stubby roommate and have no one know?

I could never cheat on my girlfriend but for the purposes of this question I have to I suppose, if I'm going to cheat on her you bet your ass it'll be with some hot chick. The stubby girl may need lovin' too but according to Quagmire, she's gotta pay.

Pay 5 dollars for a cup at some lame off campus party or get kicked out of the lame off campus party and go home alone?

Well, that sucks for you bro. Keep your chin up b/c I'm not paying 5 bucks for any cup at any party. Why? Because we're the ones that would throw it! If you show up...I'd kick you out just to spite ya for this stupid question.

Play intramural flag football and BE THE EFFING BOMB or let go of high school-you were never that good?

This is not a question douchebags.

Spend all semester trying to ease into a conversation with that hot girl in your bio lab or just know right now that she's already fucking a senior?

Is it serious with the senior? Ah screw her, there's plenty of other hot tail to chase around the rest of the college!

Have unlimited dining hall food or one really, really good meal a day?

I've never lived on campus so I know nothing of dining hall food. I would say I'll take the one really good meal and the rest can be fast food after I'm drunk.

Have a hot female roommate or have a roommate who dealt weed?

They saved the best and hardest question for last. I have only smoked here and there in the past year since everything else has gone down but I think it would turn into overkill with a roommate who sold. Not that that is the reason I'm picking the hot female roommate...I mean you've seen Eurotrip...come on!