Skittles: Greatest Hits

I bought a bag of Wild Berry Skittles on my trip home today. There were a couple of flavors I didn't like, such as the cough syrup flavored wild cherry.

This got me thinking, why doesn't Skittles just skip the bullshit and make a bag with all of their best flavors.

Strawberry and Grape (Original)
Kiwi Lime and Pineapple Passion fruit (Tropical)
Raspberry, Berry Punch, and Melon Berry (Wild Berry)

Can they fit that much flavor into 1 bag?! They should definitely try.

Starburst too...

On second thought, I'm pretty sure I know why they do the ones no one cares about. They give you something to give to your friends when you give some out. Here you go, all green and yellow. Reds and purples are mine. Bwahahahaha!

Diabolical Skittles

How are people SO dumb?

First an egregious typo:
On the website for the Student Rec Sports Center at IU:
For the sight impaired please download the transcripts for the SRSC Video Tour

For the SIGHT impaired? Number one the sight impaired won't be able to read the website. And even if they could, what POSSIBLE good would a DOCUMENT TRANSCRIPT do for them

And then, just a stupid label:
On my bag of frozen chicken breasts (haha breasts... anyway):
Great for Recipes!

Oh my god! Chicken breast. Being used for RECIPES? Who ever thought this up needs a medal. Here I was trying to make chicken parmagiana and using... what? Scraps of metal? Wood shavings? Bleach? And to go further, does this mean that OTHER foods can go in recipes too?

Seriously, what the fuck.

pathetic

So I'm this bored:
I'm trying to smoke the resin off of my two bowls. Again. And by again I mean for the third time. No - Fourth time. At some point I'll quit smoking here out of necessity... Like right now. I'm gettin a little loopy, but it might just be from lighter fluid fumes.

I got dinner with Mark 2 tonight and that was excellent. I kinda feel like I'm annoying and talk too much, but whatev. He'll be really busy soon since he's in the first opera so I'll just go from there.

I had a good lesson with Prof Noble today in which he basically said I was only his second student ever to come to his studio with no problems with my voice, only things to continue fixing. The other one is now singing at the Met. This is very encouraging, however, he wants me to do repertoire now that kinda... isn't that much fun. And that I've already sung. I just need to be very patient...

On Opening a Chinese Restaurant

So I was perusing Bloomington's fantastic supply of various ethnic restaurants, and looking at the names of Chinese restaurants I noticed a fascinating correllation between the names of pretty much every one in the United States. To the point where it may as well be a formula...

To name your new Am-Asian enterprise you must first start with your first descriptive ""adjective"" I double quotationed that word because you'll find that pretty much every word in this list is actually a noun, deceptively posing as an adjective.

Possible ""Adjectives"":
China
Golden
Rice
Hunan
Panda
Dragon


Next, select one of the following types of restaurant that you feel best describes your establishment. Or just whichever you feel like, it doesn't necessarily have to be correct. Or even make sense

Possible Restaurant Styles:
House
Wok
Garden
Kitchen
Cafe
Express
Buffet
King

Seriously... Of these combinations, I not only know of but have eaten at all of the following:
China King
Rice Kitchen
Golden Wok
China Wok
Dragon House
Panda Express
Panda House
China Cafe
China King Super Buffet (only for the most daring of entrepeneurs - the dreaded Chinese "two nouns being used as adjectives")

Try it yourself - see what you come up with.

Or if you want to be really creative, try using words from Chinese cuisine thrown into a popular phrase, like so:
Wok This Way
Panda-monium
Just a Closer Wok With Thee
Wok Around the Clock
Va-China Mongol-ogues

OK so "wok" is way easier to do that with than the others... But I do like the last one a lot...

I promise I am not an idiot

So my sister gave me this melon flavored japanese pop today, a brand called ramune.

I consider myself to be a very intelligent person. But I'll tell you. I had no fuckin clue how to open it.

First of all let's examine the bottle:


Interesting design... I had assumed those indentations were where japanese people naturally hold the bottle (Japanese people generally seem to have pretty small hands). Little did I know how wrong I would prove.

Attempt number one: Upon peeling off the plastic protector, the white cap simply came off in my hand. So I lifted the bottle to drink. Nothing. In fact, the bottle was still totally sealed with glass, with the exception of a piece of hard plastic around the top, which simply held another piece of glass that was dome shaped. It kind of looked like that gross lip gloss that 11 year old girls wear that has a little plastic ball at the top to ensure they don't waste. Or similarly, like perfume bottles of the same nature.

Attempt number two: Try twisting off plastic piece. All I did was spin the label on the bottle

At this time I checked the bottle for opening directions. Then I remembered almost everything on the bottle was in Japanese. Fuck

Attempt number three: Try prying off plastic piece. Still no luck. I figured if I had to work that hard I had to be doing something wrong. I briefly considered getting a sharp knife to aid me, but again, I figured there was no way someone would design a bottle that needed such extreme opening measures.

Attempt number four: Try licking glass piece in case it works just like aforementioned lip gloss. Nope, it wouldn't budge.

Attempt number five: Try using discarded original plastic piece as magical straw. I don't know what I was thinking here. I just noticed a small tube - with only one end open, mind you - and I put it against the glass dome and just sucked. Not surprisingly, nothing happened, except me realizing my own idiocy for actually trying that.

At this point I gave up. I put the drink in the fridge again and searched for it online.

Yep that's right. I had to SEARCH ONLINE FOR DIRECTIONS ON HOW TO OPEN A SODA BOTTLE. The worst part? The first thing it said was that it is one of the most popular Japanese drinks. Maybe they really are just smarter over there.

THE FINAL VERDICT:

So it turns out I needn't have felt bad after all. Let me tell you how this works:

The glass piece is a marble, held securely in place by the carbonation of the soda. The first plastic cap (with the tube bit) is a device to push the marble into the bottle and release the seal. And to bring it all full circle...


The indentations catch the marble so it rolls around in the neck of the bottle while you drink. Unfuckingbelievable

Fuck you Panera

So I went to Panera today - always seems like a pretty good choice especially when my mom's paying for me. The food there's pretty good, and it's usually a decent atmosphere. So we get up to the counter to order, and I decide on a You Pick Two* combo. You may be wondering about the asterisk*, and so was I, so I direct my eyes to the bottom of the sign. It essentially said "Items marked with stars are subject to additional charge." So to avoid paying more than 5.99 for half a sandwich and half a salad I checked out my options: to avoid incurring an extra fee I could have a caesar or side salad with a peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese. Seriously Panera? I'm paying six dollars for HALF a sandwich and HALF a salad, and the best you can give me would cost me fifty cents to make at home? Of course I could option for som of the more gourmet options, but I do not enjoy paying eight dollars for half of a really good salad and half of a really good sandwich.

So fuck you Panera, way to jump on the "the economy sucks in this country" bandwagon and charge me up the ass for your crappy combo. Next time I'm fuckin going to Jimmy John's

I really want to try Frito Pie...

I dont know why.
But I gotta try,
Some Frito Fucking Pie.

Best Tasting Heart Attack EVER!

Last night, we decided to go out and get ourselves the new Baconator from Wendy's. 1/2 pound of beef and 6 bacon strips. It was fucking glorious!

I'm bored...

So you all get to see what I ate today.

First was lunch, where I had a a delicious plate of:



Then, as dinner time rolled around, my buddy Larry and I rolled to:



Where I had a phenomenal:



Which will surely cause a:



And since I already have that to look forward to, I have decided to look forward to a:



For Breakfast. (oh, and the Dog gets one too)