The Daily ClusterFuck...

The priests are not sexually assaulting their own today, so here is a story about a dumbass couple who thinks they saw Jesus on their cupboard. I see the Grinch and laugh.

Jabba the Hutt falls asleep in court, sexually harasses a bailiff, wants to kill the convict it is married to and tries to scare a witness by using an old Jedi mind trick.

"The incident began when a 15-year-old girl and two women went to a downtown auto service station Saturday night to dance for an employee." Then it gets weird.

Astronaut forced to cut work efforts to repair hole in shuttle due to...wait for it...hole it glove. NASA says, "fuck it", decides not to fix shuttle.

When "asked about the fire after being charged with arson Thursday." Suspect answers, "I don't know," he said. "Jesus asked me all kinds of questions." And I thought today was going to be a slow one for the church.

So it is not completely for sure, but Katie Holmes is in a discussion phase about playing Wonder Woman in an upcoming adaptation of the series. Not sure if I like the idea, but I must admit that I freaking love sexy Katie Holmes.

One of my favorite authors, Sylvia Plath, apparently painted until around the age of 20. Looks like her art work is going to go on display soon. Any rich people want to buy me one?

Completing the Trifecta and making this a perfect day: "When we asked him what his name was, he said he was a friend of Jesus. When we asked him where he lived, he quoted Bible verses."

German scientists claim to have broken the light-speed barrier and gone straight to plaid.

Good news for PC gamers:

Bioshock available for digital delivery.

Also, since I am unable to get to certain gaming web sites: Check out this screen shot of a Halo 3 multiplayer map called Narrows. (too big for email...and Hock, I am well aware that you probably already linked this in your post. But I have NO WAY to see it. So there.)

Awesome article exploring marijuana use by women in The Stranger: "The only thing more remarkable than teach's drug use is teach's gender. Fiona is that rarest of species—a female stoner."

Fetus gets own Facebook profile. WhaFuck?

"According to court documents filed Wednesday in Jackson County Circuit Court, Stanley Reimer walked his wife to the balcony of their apartment and kissed her before throwing her over." And This is why UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE needs to happen.

"Lightning during a severe thunderstorm struck a meteorologist's home" and made her think twice about that "chance of showers" bullshit.