The Weekly WYR

That's right folks it is back! It has been a while (and not weekly) but once again I am at the mercy of those wonderful people at College Humor. It is time to analyze and criticize our choices in life and I'm sure there will be disagreements, ones that my fellow bloggers will be sure to happily point out but hey, that's what this is all about. Without further adieux:

Would You Rather...


Poop pretty good blueberries or plums that were the best thing you've ever eaten?
What a way to bring back the WYR...this is an awful question...just awful. I'm going to go with anything that comes out of my ass, no matter how good it may taste, is never ever ever going into my mouth. To top it off I am not a big plum fan nor blueberries fan either, so let's just save me a whole long process and say, "screw you you sick fucker" to whoever entered this question.

Live long or prosper?
Can't I do both dammit?! I am a huge family man and the longer I get to see my family the better. Prospering would always be an exceptional way of life, especially if you look at it from the financial security point of view but all that money can alienate you in ways that I would never want to happen to me. Money corrupts even the most moral and ethical people in this world and what good does living long do you if you are among the hated? I am happy with the people around me everyday of every month and if I could have that I will pick live long until the day I get called home.

Be 4' 9" or 8' 10"?
To me this is a no brainer. Being 4' 9'' is not going to attract you as much attention as being 8' 10''. Being that tall is a freakishly large predicament that I would never want to experience. I know there are people out there who make arguments that people who are that short are not real people (one of which is a blogger on this site) but if I was 4' 9'' then it might just freak him out enough...tee hee hee. I realize that argument is usually reserved for midgets and alike but I think he would make an exception simply because it was me. I would not want nor will ever desire the attention you would receive for being 8' 10" and I would honestly be surprised at anyone who would.

Listen to an endless loop of Creed or Nickelback?
l knew the answer right when I read the question. I can live with Nickelback I CANNOT and WILL NOT live with Creed's shitty ass chords. Nickelback gets a very bad wrap from a lot of people, some of it justified, but I personally do not mind them. An endless loop of them though? I would rather go friggin insane and start throwing shit at people passing by as I sit on my porch with a shotgun and a beer. On second thought...I will just start picking off bitches and nappy headed hoes who pass by in their cars. All this would occur to the cover that Nickelback sang of "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting."

Be able to hook up with everyone from the hottest 1% of the opposite gender, or anyone from the other 99%?
I guess this would raise the argument that the hottest one percent be damned you don't have to be hot to blah blah blah...eff that shit. I haven't had any play in what amounts to a drought the size of Lake Michigan so I will see your one percent of the hottest girls and raise you the twenty boxes of condoms that I will be needing. Giggidy.

Have to chew food 100 times before you could swallow it or every time you were thirsty you could only suck on an ice cube until it melted?
Oh the horror! I'm going to add a third option on this one. "or simply decide life is no longer worth living and set yourself ablaze to the tune of "We Didn't Start The Fire?" Yeah, I'll pick that one.

Be covered in bruises or covered in scratches?
Interesting question, as most of these are. I hate bruises they make you look all beat up and shit, well odds are that's what happens or you're just old and bumping something gives you a bruise. Scratches are what I'm going to go with. I just got a bunch of them while canoeing (drunk canoeing mind you) and I lived.

Have friends who spend all your money, or no friends at all?
Is a friend who spends all of YOUR money even your friend to begin with? If you believe so it's your own dumbass fault that your money gets spent.

Eat a Jelly-fish or drink one?
One word comes to mind...one made famous by this very blog...Whafuck??

Feel a little bit worse every single day or your life or feel the worst you can feel today and have it get a little bit better everyday?
I think that I will go with feeling the worst I can today and feeling progressively better with time. Getting worse would be the most frustrating thing because you know it's never going to get better. Knowing that eventually the way you feel will actually go away is the most comforting of the options. Feeling like you want to die because you feel so bad happens to all of us in our lifetime so knowing it gets better (and this argument turns into a double entendre too) will save your life in the end.