Grosse...

So, I'm pretty sure that I just caught my coworker eating her lip liner. Or lip gloss. Or lip shitter. I dont know what the hell it is called. Its that stuff that comes in a thin little tube with a cap, but the cap has this stick attached to it that goes into the tube and has a spongy thing-dealie on the end of it. You know what I am trying to say?

Yeah. Nasty.

I would not have noticed it if I had not heard the squeaking and lip smacking. From 50 feet away. Behind a layer of glass.

What. The. Fuck.

I heard this noise that sounded much like the squeaky lip smacking of some couple going at it during a movie at a drive-in theatre, (or what I assume is what a couple seeing a movie at a drive-in theatre would sound like) and decided to investigate. As I got closer the noise became much more apparent. My coworker was/is sitting around the corner so I was able to get relatively close without her noticing me.

Then I looked around. I looked around intensely, not moving anything but my head and eyes, hoping that I was wrong about the source of the noise. Hoping that the disgusting sounds emanating from the area were from something completely different. Like a faucet. Or that I had just gone batshit crazy. But, alas, no batshit crazy for me.

Slowly, as if I felt like some sort of super secret ninja spy moron for no reason, I peered around the corner and witnessed the horror: she was eating the shit! No, fuck that. She was devouring the shit off of that stick. She was even trying to be slightly slick about it and would run it across her lips first before plunging that stick back into the tube and sucking the shit right off of that spongy ending. It was disgusting.

I am just hoping that somehow, some way, I fucked up and this did not actually happen. Maybe a trick of the lights? Maybe?

Doubtful.

But it does explain A LOT about her dumb-ass, "deer in the headlights" behavior.