Silly woman...

Gets trapped and saved by email.

http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_11491.aspx

Wow.

Come on, Giuliani...

What will happen if Rudy gets the nod for the GOP nomination?

From CBN blog:
"From the moment Giuliani is nominated—if they are stupid enough to do it next February—a third party will be started emphasizing pro-family issues and conservative economic and foreign policies, and probably within a decade or two that 3rd party will be the dominant party along with the pro-abortion and left-wing Democrat Party."

Basically, you have Rudy, the Blue-est Red in the bunch, poised to win the GOP Nomination by a hefty margin and a splendid number of Bible-belters ready to walk from the party and as far away from modern times, or modern thought, as possible. These would be the same people worried about terrorists and would probably be the ones most likely to tout how the "terror" could be controlled if only the Islamic/muslim extremists were blasted off the planet. Cause, you know, God hates the Middle East, especially sand. Sounds pretty much like the nation is about to grow its own terrorist group. Good job, you crazy bible thumpers. Whatever happened to live and let live?

HAHAHA!
Politics are so much fun. So much fun. So much fun.

And to keep it slightly balanced...

Hillary Clinton is actually asking YouTubers to help her pick her campaign song.

The top 10 so far?
1. "Suddenly I See" ~ KT Tunstall
I guess I can understand this one. I mean, it did take her a loooong time, but I would play this song ALL DAY long if I had just realized that I had the chance to totally take revenge on my cheating spouse by fucking someone else in the Oval Office as President.
2. "Rock This Country" ~ Shania Twain
No. Nothing by Shania Twain works. Ever. Unless its 10 years ago and she is in that Ultra Sexy Leopard print body suit....mmm...Shania with perky boobs.
3. "Beautiful Day" ~ U2
Aren't these guys English? And isn't Bono Irish or something? Way to represent good 'ole American Values.
4. "Get Ready" ~ The Temptations
I am actually okay with Motown. I cannot quite remember this song, so I guess I'll stay neutral on it.
5. "I'm a Believer" ~ Smash Mouth
So the song that could be the force behind Hillary Clinton's campaign is the same song that Smash Mouth covered in Shrek? Yeah. Fuck that.
6. "Are You Gonna Go My Way" ~ Lenny Kravitz
Say it with me, folks..."Probably not, cause you're a woman with a bloodlust for power."
7. "Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now" ~ McFadden & Whitehead
Who the hell is Whitehead?
8. "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" ~ The Police
Dear God. Please dont ruin The Police for me. Thanks. Your Pal, America.
9. "You and I" ~ Celine Dion
Canadians are Passive. FRENCH Canadians are Passive-Agressive Demons. This sounds like the best fit for Clinton.
10. "The Best" ~ Tina Turner
If her campaign is anything like Tina Turners hair, the GOP wins the White House.

And people wonder why the country is so hesitant to elect a female president. Why would anyone give a shit about the song? This is not a goddamn contest. If you cannot pick a fucking song for your campaign, how the hell do you plan on handling REAL problems.

Go Go Gadget, Obama!


And now for some asinine news brought to you by ABC. The Worldwide leader in stupid shit today.

http://abcnews.go.com/print?id=3221538

Fun fact of the day...

Brought to you by Dan Savage!

"The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful-and potentially addictive-mood-altering chemicals. Study author Gordon G. Gallup, Ph.D., a psychologist at the State University of New York in Albany, also found that women who routinely had intercourse without condoms became increasingly depressed as more time elapsed since their last sexual encounter. There was no such correlation for women whose partners regularly used condoms."

And leads me to wonder who asks these questions?


***
ITS REAL!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria

Zombies...

Fucking ZOMBIES.

http://news.com.com/8301-10784_3-9723086-7.html?tag=head

Fierce, dude.

The Skull of Pac-Man.

http://blog.wired.com/tableofmalcontents/2007/05/pacmans_monstro.html

Sweetness in a little round skull. Bonus: Shiny teeth!

Religious Hate-Speach of the Day...

Fuck you, Jehovah.

Seriously. You let these followers of yours get medical treatment, all kinds of it, except for that whole transfusion thing, right? Yeah, good job. Make sure that you find new and inventive ways to really alienate your people from decent medical care. But hey, I guess it really doesn't come up all that often so these Witnesses should pretty much have nothing to worry about. Though, if this rule does shave then number of you fucks wandering around neighborhoods like rodents in search of bread crumbs, panhandling those fucking pamphlets, then I guess...well, I guess why limit it to transfusions when there are so many other medical procedures that you could do away with?

In conclusion, You're All Crazy. And I dont like you.

Happy Memorial Day!

Its strange...I really have no idea how I feel about this holiday. I mean, for the current war that is going on. Actually, I might just have to consider myself such a hippie that I have a hard time really feeling anything about this holiday for anyone other than the draftees of Vietnam and the wars prior. (I mean, you gotta take out Hitler.) We run a volunteer army. As such, I have a hard time really finding that warm spot in my heart for people who voluntarily got themselves into this quasi-war. Yet, there's the rub. How can I not feel for these people who may have volunteered with the same information that the country was given for initially getting into this mess. So here we are, at this weird little crossroad, and I stand perplexed with flags at half mast.

Other thoughts:
*So Scotty is turning 21. Interesting. I wonder if he'll actually be a bit more social now that he can actually go to the bars and hang out with a crowd. I hope so. It could do the guy some good.
*Excited for the Family Guy season opener. Basically, anybody that is willing to do Star Wars is going to skyrocket their ratings. And rightfully so. (thanks for the tip, B)
*Also, that Robot Chicken rendition of Star Wars looks fucking amazing.
*Transformers is going to save Michael Bay's career. Or completely fucking tank it.
*Pudge Rodriguez may have carved the Grand Canyone with his freakish jaw. Its possible. I swear.

And best of all.....

Its RetroWeek at YesButNoButYes.com...hooray!

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/05/retro_week_ode.html

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/05/retro_week.html

Here with the morning report...

Yeah, it is roughly 7 am and I am awake and ready for business. Apparently Denise thought that I was Chris and brought me coffee this morning. Hoo-freaking-ray! I totally needed it since the Mobil station is not exactly the best cup of joe that I have ever had. So yeah, the tally thus far is a mere three cups...I am pretty positive that we will reach epic proportions today.

And now for some random linkage.

Those mormons really know how to have a good time...

http://kutv.com/local/local_story_146205905.html

Oh, this totally makes sense to me. I mean, why wouldnt T-Rex have been on the Ark?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070526/us_nm/usa_museum_dc;_ylt=AkstRyMe0v3ZQns1AqOKJY7MWM0F

Yeah, nice surround sound...but how much was that sweet painting?

http://www.electronichouse.com/article/an_audio_system_that_spares_no_expense/

Igasm. Seriously? Wow.

http://www.macworld.co.uk/news/index.cfm?newsid=18110

Big Brother gots nothin' on these fuckers...

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article1821346.ece


And that'll do for the moment. I am going to smoke.

Yeah, we all knew it...

But the Scots actually studied it!

http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/Lovewise/2007/05/24/4205043.html

You gotta love the goggles.

Another reason to shake babies...

And Shake them like Ragdolls.

http://blog.wired.com/games/2007/05/threeyear_olds_.html


*Update*

Darth Vader Redux

http://www.laweekly.com/index.php?option=com_slideshow&type=1&gallery=218&Itemid=565

Careful, the Beverage you are about to enjoy is Extremely hot...

And they were NOT kidding about that. I wonder why Starbucks seems to think that the only way to serve coffee is roughly the temperature that would melt steel. Well, maybe not steel, but it sure burned the hell out of my mouth.

On a positive note, George W. got crapped on by a sparrow during a press conference on Friday. Apparently, as one reporter put it, thats good luck. Good luck or not, I hope this is not the last time he has to wipe some shit off his sleeve.

Saw Pirates last night. Good flick, wish I had brough a recliner, though. It was a damn long movie with some pretty sweet scenes filled with swashbuckling awesomeness and nautical trapezery glazed over with a touch of rose colored weak romance. And Jack Sparrow. Hallucinating Jack Sparrow. Hallucinating, barnacle-covered, brain-falling-out, peanut-stealing, running-like-a-fairy, and absolutely mind-boggling Jack Sparrow. Glad to see the guy can still pretty much carry this franchise. I left the movie slightly disappointed but still pretty content with the overall epic that I had just seen. So I will give it 4 Ninja Stars out of 5. And yes, I have just devised a really odd rating scale and am pretty damn pleased with it.

Oh yeah, And Star Wars turned 30 yesterday. Congrats Lucas.

Now for a little bit of bathroom weirdness...

http://slog.thestranger.com/files/2007/05/wallofwomen21

And Finally, Bacon Cheese & Beer Hot Dog or “Michigan caviar”

http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/03/post_135

Word to your Mother.

What a NICE day...

Such a good and sunny day, this is. I wish that I could be out in the sun for a bit and not working, like a good little drone. Though there are some interesting things in the news as of late...

Star Wars is about to celebrate its 30th anniversary. Woo Hoo! And in your face, trekkies. Because of this, the web is teeming with interesting articles about everything Star Wars...http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/news/2007/05/anakin_syndrome ...and some of the stuff is just wild.

Funny Stuff.

So there definitely needs to be some work done on the drivers side window on the Topaz. Oh the places you'll go are all fun, except when you have to fend off back sweat on a hot summer day without the benefit of a freaking breeze. Though I am totally psyched about the flip-flop wearing that is going on. I just love to be in the flops.

Also, I want cheetos.



*Update*
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/if_wanting_to_see_vaginas_is_a

L'il Bush in da House!

Transcript from Press Conference earlier today:

BUSH: And they will fight us. And the fundamental question is will we fight them?
I have made the decision to do so. I believe that the best way to protect us in this war on terror is to fight them. And so, we’re fighting them in Iraq; we’re fighting them in Afghanistan; we’ve helped the Philippines fight — Philippine government fight them. We’re fighting them. And this notion about how this isn’t a war on terror in my view is naïve. It doesn’t reflect the true nature of the world in which we live, you know?
The lessons of September the 11th are these: We’ve got to stay on the offense. We’ve got to bring these people to justice before they hurt again.


Wanna read some more interesting info? Sure you do....

http://thinkprogress.org/2007/05/24/bush-war-terrorism/

Got an hour or so?

Then take this interesting little survey. Go for it! Its for science!


http://www.christofflab.ca/sexstudy/

I would post my results...but I really think that I wont this time. It could be just a bit too much.

I hate screaming babies...

Why do they cry so loudly when they are completely uninjured? What is the whole deal with all of that? Why? WHY?

So yeah, I hate it when babies scream. I think that I hate it even more when the couple doesnt do anything about it. You know, it just does not seem like the "I am going to ignore it" plan ever really works. You ignore the kid for a while and it might stop crying, but only because it has run out of tears and shredded its vocal chords. The "I might just hug it out of them" method also does not really seem to work. That makes adults that all end up on an Ashton Kutcher reality show where they can "grow". What happened to the old fashioned "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I AM GOING TO DRAG YOU INTO THE PARKING LOT AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU" method that I love?

Also, does anyone else think that the public should be allowed to sue fatties simply for being fat? I think it makes sense....say, the next time I have to pay a copay for something I should be able to walk up to the nearest Gigantasaurus Fat and demand my 10 bucks back. "Thanks for driving up health care costs, you sonuvabitch."

Thats pretty much the shit that goes through my head.

Events that I want to be involved with or part of:

Burning Man
Bonaroo
An Incubus Concert * Woo! I get to go soon! *
A Reunion tour of Rage
Bay to Breakers
Obama at the Democratic National Convention
Marti Gras


And they found one of the three missing soldiers...floating in a river.

Thanks, George. You sonuvabitch.

Fun with polls...

As with any news poll, should be taken with a grain of salt. But look how amazing the numbers ARE!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10562904/

Time wasting with Fake band Bio...

http://www.bumbershoot.org/band-bio-generator.htm


Yeah, it IS that sweet.

Here's mine:

Originally formed in their high school's audio-visual club in Detroit, Indigo Bindi climbed to the top of the the indie rock scene in 1999 with their debut album, Insert Racial Slur Here. The band's latest album, Golly Gee, mixes Knoxville's unabashed vocal narratives with road-seasoned guitar parts to spark another collection of retro-inspired rave-ups. With standout tracks like "Paper Mache," already certified platinum in Europe, Indigo Bindi can count on loads of future success.

Fun things the Fucker said...

“Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them”
“Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions”
“AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals”
“If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being”“Textbooks are Soviet propaganda”
“It appears that America's anti-Biblical feminist movement is at last dying, thank God, and is possibly being replaced by a Christ-centered men's movement which may become the foundation for a desperately needed national spiritual awakening”
“The whole (global warming) thing is created to destroy America's free enterprise system and our economic stability”
“God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve”“[homosexuals are] brute beasts...part of a vile and satanic system [that] will be utterly annihilated, and there will be a celebration in heaven.”




*Update*
The Pope, in all his scary glory.

http://www.nydailynews.com/img/2007/05/10/amd_pope.jpg

Thank God...

Ding-dong, the bigot is dead! Which old bigot? The Falwell bigot! And is anybody else really really excited about this? I know that I am...

...no idea who this Falwell character is? Here's a little hint:

*speaking about 9-11*

"JERRY FALWELL: I fear, as Donald Rumsfeld, the Secretary of Defense said yesterday, that this is only the beginning. And with biological warfare available to these monsters; the Husseins, the Bin Ladens, the Arafats, what we saw on Tuesday, as terrible as it is, could be miniscule if, in fact, if in fact God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve.
PAT ROBERTSON: Jerry, that’s my feeling. I think we’ve just seen the antechamber to terror. We haven’t even begun to see what they can do to the major population.
JERRY FALWELL: The ACLU’s got to take a lot of blame for this.
PAT ROBERTSON: Well, yes.
JERRY FALWELL: And, I know that I’ll hear from them for this. But, throwing God out successfully with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools. The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen’.
PAT ROBERTSON: Well, I totally concur…."



So yeah, the crazy religious whacko is finally doing what many have been wishing for...not speaking to anyone.

I think this kid is a gypsy...

This family comes in today and will not leave. Somewhere, there is an older family member that should come and take this child away from my desk. I do no like green eggs and gypsys. I do not like them in Pokipsy. I would not like them on a boat, or even next to a freaking moat. I do not like green eggs and gypsys. Especially their kids. Because they are evil. Like the gremlins movie. I seriously want to know if the damn thing will lay eggs if I throw a cup of water on it...perhaps sprout fur? It sure sounds like those little critters.

Beyond that, I had no idea that Light Grenades was already out. (The new Incubus CD) I know that I have seen it, but for some reason it just never actually dawned on me that it would be on sale at just about any store. Something that I need to check out.

The gypsy is squawking now.


AWESOME. Someone just hit it.

Thanks, Jesus.

Headlines...or what they should have been...

Thanks, Fark.com

Pope raps Marxism, capitalism. If only there were another ideological system, a good German one, in which people respect authority and dissent is crushed like a troublesome insect.

If you are going to tie your boyfriend to a chair, sodomise him with a sex toy and threaten to stab him to death, you should come up with a better alibi for the police than "It wasn't me"

Sex offender ex-husband kills sex offender ex-wife's sex offender boyfriend with samurai sword

Man leaves two-year-old son in car. Man forgets where he parked. Jailarity ensues nine hours later. Bonus: It was the boy's birthday

British supermarket chain accused of encouraging binge drinking by selling beer for 70p a pint. In its defence, Sainsbury's points out it was Budweiser, so the binge will shortly be followed by the purge

Father and son barely fail Darwin Award certification after working on car engine during an electrical storm while standing in a large pool of water



And the world, will be a better place....

HAHAHAHA!

http://www.picturesofwalls.com/album05/51-60/058.html

You know that a kneecap doesnt actually float?

I sure as hell didnt. I mean, I knew that it did not defy most laws of physics, but I had absolutely no idea how much muscle was involved in that area. Sweeeeet. Thank god for google image searching, otherwise I might be pretty damn bored.

Sundays are what we in the biz call "annoying".

To Do List:
Laugh, like, a lot, at this Pirate woman. She has a freaking eye patch...!!!
Buy spaghetti sauce.
Rent some movies.

Thats about it.

Construction is a demon.

Interesting things to waste your time with...

So here is a slew of fun places to kill time at...you know, when there is nothing to do and you are incredibly bored and tired of not being able to watch FSN. (Geez, dude, that really does suck.)

http://www.fark.com/
a comprehensive list of everything, well, semi-news related.

http://www.avclub.com/content/
the best entertainment news and garbage ever. Ever.

http://slog.thestranger.com/
another list of fun fun things.

And yeah, that'll do for the moment.

I am absolutely sure that I will find other ways to waste time later.

The Inevitable Return of the Great White Dope...

Or, as the children call it, I am heading out to Cheeseburger in Paradise after work. You figure out how those two things tie in together and you get a pimp-ass prize!

Currently:
counting down the minutes until I get to leave.
swearing a multitude of times at the patient who is about to be brought to me.
secretly hating a good portion of the staff today.

And that is all for today.

To the Manufacturer of seat belts...

What is your deal? Who came up with the automatic seat belt dealie? And why, why would they have thought that the constant motion of the seatbelt, that horrid grind of metal and plastic with each passing day, would actually be a good thing?
And why is this bothering me so much?

My seatbelt decided to commit suicide last night...although, as it turns out, it was only in a self-induced mild coma. Still, the very idea, the 12 hours that I spent wondering if I would have to drive my car with a tight strap across my chest so tight that I could barely breathe, the very idea of all that just hurled me into a completely dark place filled with rage and, well, over-indulgent pissyness.
This morning I woke up and did my usual nothing-until-I-have-to routine but had to do it a bit quicker. I was slightly determined to fix the damn seat belt or at least smash the shit out of it to avoid having to sit like a mormon whenever I drive. (and yes, I really do think that mormons sit weird. Do not ask me why, it just seems to make sense to me.) No matter how much swearing and venom I spewed at that damn seatbelt, it just did not seem to want to work. I hit, squeezed, shook, and pounded it to the point that both my fists hurt and I was nearly out of saliva from all of my rage-filled shouting. Finally, as if the fucker was taunting me, I decided to give up and slid ever-so-awkwardly behind the belt and put my keys in the ignition.
So yeah, my seatbelt works now.
I have no idea how, and I think it was just effin with me, but it works.

Also, I need to do my laundry soon.

My very first real blog blog...

And oh, how it is going to suck. Oh yeah, it already does.

I think the point here is to just have something occupy space on the page until I have something slightly more brilliant to work with.

And that will do it for now.

Cox