A Wedding we shall go...

Yes, this in the weekend that my silly NY brother gets married. Again. And you know what? I am actually getting pretty darn excited for this. It should be a sweet event overflowing with free booze, slutty women, (oh god, I hope slutty women) and all kinds of ridiculous family drama brought to you by the wonderful gathering of broken genes and marriage contracts that is my family and the ridiculousness of my brother and his weird friends.

The facts:
*I hate the morning. In fact, the morning has always seemed like a fiendish plot by the sun and moon to make suicide look like a beautiful way out.
*Unless my shitty shitty friends were actually serious about dumping my angry ass at the airport at a glorious 1am where I would have to sleep on the oh-so-comfortable furnishings of DTW's Smith terminal, I have to leave my house by 4am to get through security.
*Security is sure to be a mind-fuck. I sincerely hope that I have no trouble getting past them as I have decided to bring my hair goop, a razor, (because apparently it is expected that I shave the morning of this wedding) and my smokes.
*My flight leaves at 6am. I hate mornings. I hate morning flights. I hate morning flights that do not even serve a meal and, quite possibly, will be upset if I order a Bailey's and Coffee the moment that I sit down and demand at least two pillows and a multitude of blankets. After which I will spend much of the flight somewhere between sleep and rage as my experience with Bombardier aircraft has always been one of incredible turbulence.
*This will not be a direct flight. Oh no, that would be convenient and we all know how much I would hate that. And being a flight where I need to connect at the airport in Washington DC it would only make sense that I have a paltry 7 minutes to get off of my plane, which will NOT have a walkway from the plane to the airport itself but, rather, a set of steel steps leading down to the outside of the airport where a door to the inside will taunt me from 50 feet away, and rush to my next flight. Which, excitingly enough, is also some little bug plane that may be rattled from the sky by nearly any wind.
*I am excited to be in Washington DC, if only for 7 minutes. I almost wish that I had about 10 hour between flights so that I might take a quick tour. Lincoln, I would love to see how big your stone feet actually are.
*My flight, or flights, will be delayed, cancelled, overbooked, or completely nonexistent. Such is Murphy's Law. Such is life.
*This will all happen before 11am.

After that, there are many uncertainties, many drinks, and as much fun as I can actually manage to have.