In the spirit of comedy...

I have decided that I am in a marvelously funny mood today...don't ask why...but in the spirit of that I have decided that I am going to put up a huge list of some of my favorite jokes from some of my favorite comedians!

Lewis Black:

Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go — "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!

The Republicans are the party of bad ideas. The Democrats are the party of no ideas.

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants.

Rodney Dangerfield:

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much...way to much. My doctor drew blood and he ran a tab.

Bill Cosby:

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it.

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Don't worry about senility," my grandfather used to say. "When it hits you, you won't know it.

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. Think about your father: He doesn't know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up, and your mother sends you: "Go down and see what your father's doing before he blows up the house." He's a genius at work because he doesn't want to do it, and knows someone will be coming soon to stop him from doing it.

For good measure (and because I'm a big drinker) I decided to throw some drinking quotes on there here as well:

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink. (W.C. Fields)

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day. (Dean Martin)

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. (Jeff Foxworthy)

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem.