I just happened to stumble upon a website with this article. It's called the Inner Monologue of a Guy Smoking Weed for the First Time. It is some funny shit. Sorry, I couldn't put it more elegant than that.
Friday, September 4, 2009
This is 2 years old?
This is what you miss when you don't visit collegehumor.com for a couple years...
It would have been better if they were constantly dancing and then busted into their parts
It would have been better if they were constantly dancing and then busted into their parts
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I give this concept two thumbs way down
Nothing about this seems like a good idea - besides the obvious I don't really want to be looking at a fake girl ass while peeing, I'm imagining all the guys rubbing their junk on these things. While peeing. And then there's those guys who are horny and easily aroused - add trying not to piss all over the place with a hardon to the mix. And is this really what "normal" guys like? pissing between a girl's legs? I mean I appreciate a golden shower as much as the next guy but... really?
Eww.
Oh, and also...
Gross.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Is it terrible...
... that all I want in the world is to be able to call him and not feel like I'm overstepping the breakup boundaries?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Turns Out...
We are all just a little bit crazy. Just a little bit wrecked. And just a little bit without control.
Who knew?
Thing with life is that you never know how anything is ever going to turn out.
Who knew?
Thing with life is that you never know how anything is ever going to turn out.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Top 3 Reasons Why Last Night Sucked
3) I was invited to go sneak into a hot tub with jessy and a bunch of lesbians. the hot tub was not working so I skinny dipped in lukewarm water with a bunch of hairy dykes. So exciting for me.
2) I realized that I left the beer out in my car later so I went out to get them. I realized that my car was nowhere near a parking space so I tried to move it and ran into the car next to me. then I grabbed the beer and it all shattered all over the ground (8 bottles in all). Then I got a piece of glass in my foot which I just had to remove using a kitchen knife and fingernail clippers because I have no money to pay to go to the doctor
1) Patrick and I broke up. The distance wasn't working. And frankly it was mostly my fault. But that didn't change the fact that I was visibly crying (i.e. tears streaming uncontrollably down my face) the entire 30 minute bus ride to work this morning. I left at noon when I realized that with only 3 hours of sleep, a piece of glass in my foot and a penchant for bursting into tears at the drop of a hat I was not going to be much use at my job
I hate my life
2) I realized that I left the beer out in my car later so I went out to get them. I realized that my car was nowhere near a parking space so I tried to move it and ran into the car next to me. then I grabbed the beer and it all shattered all over the ground (8 bottles in all). Then I got a piece of glass in my foot which I just had to remove using a kitchen knife and fingernail clippers because I have no money to pay to go to the doctor
1) Patrick and I broke up. The distance wasn't working. And frankly it was mostly my fault. But that didn't change the fact that I was visibly crying (i.e. tears streaming uncontrollably down my face) the entire 30 minute bus ride to work this morning. I left at noon when I realized that with only 3 hours of sleep, a piece of glass in my foot and a penchant for bursting into tears at the drop of a hat I was not going to be much use at my job
I hate my life
Monday, August 24, 2009
FML
Haven't been here for a while, so why not come back with some good old fashioned complaining.
Since I quit my job, I have been a complete waste of space. All I have done is smoke pot, go to the bar, watch movie (sometimes the same one within a 24 hour period), and play video games. I should be happy with doing nothing. But I am not. I have no real interaction with the outside world. I've basically locked myself in my apartment. Quite frankly, I'm getting bored. I want a job right now to cure that boredom.
To make matters worse, I totally could of had sex with this chick last night, but then something happened. She just disappeared. No clue where she went or why she left. I also don't remember her name, oops. But I guess that's not important now. So instead I decided to pass out on the couch only to wake up with a shitty hangover. Great consolation prize.
When I was walking back to my car, the girl who spoke to me about a job interview called me. She said that I missed my interview this morning. The thing is, she told me Tuesday. Then she asked if I would like to reschedule. Since I should have an interview already scheduled for Tuesday, I was surprised when she asked me that. So, my original interview got pushed back a half hour. That was odd. I want the job because I need something, but at the same time I know nothing about this company...
Strange.
Since I quit my job, I have been a complete waste of space. All I have done is smoke pot, go to the bar, watch movie (sometimes the same one within a 24 hour period), and play video games. I should be happy with doing nothing. But I am not. I have no real interaction with the outside world. I've basically locked myself in my apartment. Quite frankly, I'm getting bored. I want a job right now to cure that boredom.
To make matters worse, I totally could of had sex with this chick last night, but then something happened. She just disappeared. No clue where she went or why she left. I also don't remember her name, oops. But I guess that's not important now. So instead I decided to pass out on the couch only to wake up with a shitty hangover. Great consolation prize.
When I was walking back to my car, the girl who spoke to me about a job interview called me. She said that I missed my interview this morning. The thing is, she told me Tuesday. Then she asked if I would like to reschedule. Since I should have an interview already scheduled for Tuesday, I was surprised when she asked me that. So, my original interview got pushed back a half hour. That was odd. I want the job because I need something, but at the same time I know nothing about this company...
Strange.
Friday, August 21, 2009
So here's the dealio
I'm gonna be in Crotchester this weekend. Tomorrow night til Monday to be exact. Come home if you want to hang out. Miss you all and I hope things are going good.
much love
-Cottonmouth
much love
-Cottonmouth
Thursday, August 20, 2009
"Summer Nights" Video
I know you guys do not like country music but this video has a lot of hot chicks in it on the beach. So bear with it at least once, or turn the volume down. That works too. There are even a few moments for you Cottonmouth.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
I'll have you know
I was one of the only people posting on here (with mike) for quite a long time. I'm in Santa Fe visiting Sian and besides that I have nothing to talk about because people get pissed off when this blog turns into a bitchfest so I figured I'd just avoid it altogether and not bother posting. I might make it up to Michigan after I get my student loan refund but I wouldn't count on it. My paychecks are just enough so that I try to pay my bills and still overdraw every account and card I own. SOOOOO.... Don't look at me for not posting recently because I don't think anyone really wants to hear about that crap.
peace
J.Co.
peace
J.Co.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Liberation from Death...
Its been a while since there has been much activity on the blog. (Hock, I know, you did not let the blog die.)
And so, in the most random of fashions, I would like to add the following string(s) of thought:
Flaming Lips DOUBLE ALBUM will, hopefully, be amazing. I am a bit nervous for this one, though. The songs that they played from it at Pitchfork were, well, a bit weird. Even by their standards. He rode on top of a guy in a gorilla costume while crowing into a megaphone. Whafuck is that noise? I am betting that my complete and total love of these guys will make it hard for me to not show some serious bias and force me to listen to everything millions of times. Over and over. Until Hock kills me and then breaks the cd.
I miss big gay karaoke. That sounds like the bees freaking knees, dude. I wish there was a place in this area that 1-had karaoke and 2-people I know would go to.
My list is as follows:
Mandy Moore
Natalie Portman
Scarlett Johanssen
Shannyn Sossamon
Emma Watson
and then all of them again. In no particular order. Just immense amounts of fucking. Oh god, the fucking.
Got about 2 weeks left until work starts kicking my ass for another semester. All in all, I would say it has been a pretty damn good summer.
I could totally go for a big, gigantic, monstrous beer right now. Later, though. There is movie to see. With eyes. Asian talk fun. HAHAHA.
Yup.
Thats what I got for now. Enjoys it.
And so, in the most random of fashions, I would like to add the following string(s) of thought:
Flaming Lips DOUBLE ALBUM will, hopefully, be amazing. I am a bit nervous for this one, though. The songs that they played from it at Pitchfork were, well, a bit weird. Even by their standards. He rode on top of a guy in a gorilla costume while crowing into a megaphone. Whafuck is that noise? I am betting that my complete and total love of these guys will make it hard for me to not show some serious bias and force me to listen to everything millions of times. Over and over. Until Hock kills me and then breaks the cd.
I miss big gay karaoke. That sounds like the bees freaking knees, dude. I wish there was a place in this area that 1-had karaoke and 2-people I know would go to.
My list is as follows:
Mandy Moore
Natalie Portman
Scarlett Johanssen
Shannyn Sossamon
Emma Watson
and then all of them again. In no particular order. Just immense amounts of fucking. Oh god, the fucking.
Got about 2 weeks left until work starts kicking my ass for another semester. All in all, I would say it has been a pretty damn good summer.
I could totally go for a big, gigantic, monstrous beer right now. Later, though. There is movie to see. With eyes. Asian talk fun. HAHAHA.
Yup.
Thats what I got for now. Enjoys it.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Fall into New Music
A while ago on the blog, Kiznox had made mention to a new Flaming Lips album coming out soon and that got me thinking. What other awesome bands are releasing stuff?
Fall of 2009 is getting some mad love for new music from some of my favorite artists. These records are supposed to be some of the most mature works from these musicians.
9/22/09
Brand New - "Daisy" - It's about time, it has been nearly three years since The Devil and God...
9/29/09
AFI - "Crash Love" - Cannot wait for this to come out!
9/29/09
Paramore - "brand new eyes" - I know, I know. But I like them.
10/13/09
The Flaming Lips - "Embryonic" - DOUBLE ALBUM!
Not to mention, there are some unconfirmed dates for a new Ima Robot and Minus the Bear albums.
Anybody know any others?
or is the blog dying a slow and painful death?
GOERG
Fall of 2009 is getting some mad love for new music from some of my favorite artists. These records are supposed to be some of the most mature works from these musicians.
9/22/09
Brand New - "Daisy" - It's about time, it has been nearly three years since The Devil and God...
9/29/09
AFI - "Crash Love" - Cannot wait for this to come out!
9/29/09
Paramore - "brand new eyes" - I know, I know. But I like them.
10/13/09
The Flaming Lips - "Embryonic" - DOUBLE ALBUM!
Not to mention, there are some unconfirmed dates for a new Ima Robot and Minus the Bear albums.
Anybody know any others?
or is the blog dying a slow and painful death?
GOERG
Sunday, August 9, 2009
If They Were Single, I'd Fuck 'Em
Hell, I'd fuck them anyways
If I could have any famous person to fuck or get married to, the list would probably go something like this:
In order:
1. Jessica Alba
2. Mandy Moore (veeeerrrryyyy close to #1)
3. Mary Elizabeth Winstead
4. Shannyn Sossamon
5. Scarlett Johansson
6. Olivia Munn
7. Zooey Deschanel
8. Kristen Bell
9. Keira Knightley
10. Elisha Cuthbert
I would have given you pics of all of them, but after 3 I got lazy.
If I could have any famous person to fuck or get married to, the list would probably go something like this:
In order:
1. Jessica Alba
2. Mandy Moore (veeeerrrryyyy close to #1)
3. Mary Elizabeth Winstead
4. Shannyn Sossamon
5. Scarlett Johansson
6. Olivia Munn
7. Zooey Deschanel
8. Kristen Bell
9. Keira Knightley
10. Elisha Cuthbert
I would have given you pics of all of them, but after 3 I got lazy.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
So...
Things are going well here. I like the new place. Contrary to what I said before, Jess is staying single, and currently coming over to smoke. Me and her went to the gay bar to do some karaoke which was fantastisch. That's it for now. miss you all, much love and let's all have an orgy soon... I mean... uhh right...
Sunday, August 2, 2009
I'm Moving
Hence why I haven't written in a while. Not much to write about I suppose. I'm sick, have literally no money, and have eaten a lot of ramen recently. so yeah. Jess and Daws have been here for the weekend because she and Zack finally broke up. I'll write again when there's something more to say.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I Can't Take It!
As you guys may know, I am incredibly miserable at my job. I have no free time and I'm constantly shit on. This past weekend I was forced to stay in Houston for an extra day just because I would spend 8 hours in the store instead of 9 if I took the Friday flight. Instead of getting home Friday night, I was forced to lose 4 hours of quality time I could of had to move out. Now I have to unfairly put that burden on Kiznox to finish up for me because I'm not in the state.
Then Kiznox and I drove to Chicago, as he has already outlined. I will leave the good, fun, happy story time to him. All I could think of on Sunday is how fucked I'm going to be on Monday.
Well, I was fucked today. I left for the airport, only to get pulled over and receive a speeding ticket. Awesome start. Get to the airport and miss my flight because the security line is too long. Even better. The flight I ended up on wasn't bad, I slept for most of it. Then I got into the Charlotte airport, where I have to sit for an hour and a half before my flight leaves. The time comes up to where my flight is supposed to take off and we're still in the terminal. An announcement comes up on the speaker saying that the plane needs a part and it'll be 15 more minutes. Another announcement comes on, saying they may need to change planes and it'll be 30 more minutes before they know. Well, we end up changing planes and waiting at another gate for 45 more minutes. We board that plane...finally. While onboard, we wait for another 30 minutes before even taking off. What the fuck! I got in 4 hours late. It's cool that I got a half day, but I was stressing out.
The whole time, all I could think about is how much I can't take this anymore. It's true. I'm putting in my 2 weeks notice by the end of this week. I'm aging too quickly and I have no life. I don't need this shit. Now I have to work on these stupid fucking goals because I got a bad evaluation from one piece of shit manager a couple weeks ago.
I don't need this stress. Fuck this god damn company!
Then Kiznox and I drove to Chicago, as he has already outlined. I will leave the good, fun, happy story time to him. All I could think of on Sunday is how fucked I'm going to be on Monday.
Well, I was fucked today. I left for the airport, only to get pulled over and receive a speeding ticket. Awesome start. Get to the airport and miss my flight because the security line is too long. Even better. The flight I ended up on wasn't bad, I slept for most of it. Then I got into the Charlotte airport, where I have to sit for an hour and a half before my flight leaves. The time comes up to where my flight is supposed to take off and we're still in the terminal. An announcement comes up on the speaker saying that the plane needs a part and it'll be 15 more minutes. Another announcement comes on, saying they may need to change planes and it'll be 30 more minutes before they know. Well, we end up changing planes and waiting at another gate for 45 more minutes. We board that plane...finally. While onboard, we wait for another 30 minutes before even taking off. What the fuck! I got in 4 hours late. It's cool that I got a half day, but I was stressing out.
The whole time, all I could think about is how much I can't take this anymore. It's true. I'm putting in my 2 weeks notice by the end of this week. I'm aging too quickly and I have no life. I don't need this shit. Now I have to work on these stupid fucking goals because I got a bad evaluation from one piece of shit manager a couple weeks ago.
I don't need this stress. Fuck this god damn company!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Pitchfork and Chicago Trip...
Whew...now that I have slept for a few hours and gotten just enough rest to get rid of the bloody/veiny/nasty red-eye thing that you get when you are really fucking tired but still awake for no reason at all thing....its time to get into the wonders of this trip!
It all started when we finished disastrously and haphazardly tossing as many of Hock's belongings into my apartment. (Moving is a pain in the ass...I am so effin glad that I'm not the one actually moving for once.) We finally got into my car and started heading west. I had absolutely no fucking clue what the hell I was doing...and, honestly, the GPS Hock brought with confused me more than anything. Helpful once I got used to it, but technology basically confuses me. Yup.
Anyway, we got into Chi-town around 10(ish?) and checked into the hotel. Congress Plaza is really nice, though the shoebox they had the two of us jammed into was not exactly as awesome as the "gold-room" postcards they were handing out in the main lobby.
Gold Room:
Our Room:
(Well, close)
Favorite part about the hotel? The bathroom door wouldnt actually shut due to an issue involving hinge placement.
After getting ready we decided to venture out into the Chicago nite in search of cheap booze and busty broads. This, however, turned out to be harder than we realized. Turns out, our hotel was not located in the more happenin area and we, as out-of-towners, had no fucking clue where to go.
Answer to any problem? Ask the Cabbie! He took us to Harry Caray's:
Which was AWESOME! Where else would a waitress decide to make up for INCREDIBLY SLOW SERVICE by BUYING US BEER!
TWICE!
Hung out there for a bit and then Hock got hold of some people he knew that lived out there...who told us to go to Flat Iron and meet them. So we hopped in a cab and headed in that direction.
We ended up here:
Piece bar. I seriously thought that this was Flat Iron. There was a fucking street sign right in front of the place that said Flat Iron! Damn Chicago trickery! Turned out that Piece is actually a really sweet bar. They had a live band playing some quality tunage along with a plethera of Piece Specific beers, killer customer area, phenomenal architecture, and a general sense of trendsetter community love. My favorite thing about this place was the band. And by band, I mean that they had a live band playing and KARAOKE!!!
Finished our beers, then consulted our nav systems on our sweet James Bond phones and found that we were actually really close to our intended destination. Left Piece and ventured onward.
Flat Iron:
Finally made it. This bar scared me. Well, okay, it didnt really scare me, but it was definitely not my bag...Good place, but reminded me of a shady biker bar where everything looks dirty and grungy but for some reason you still want to go home with most of the women. Never did find the people we were trying to meet up with. Did get to see some guy snap a pool stick in half.
We left there and kind of wandered around for a minute before deciding to head to another bar...This would be the last place we went to that nite and, sadly, neither one of us has any idea what the goddamn name of it was. It was, in fact, the most fun I had at any of the bars and I'm totally heading back there the next time that I am in Chicago. But yeah, great bar, kinda upscale, amazingly sexy people all over the place, good service, well set up, and just amazingly bad but totally perfect club music. Not a place to start, but a phenomenal place to finish.
After the bars everything is kind of a blur. Hock suggested that we go to Flash Burrito(?) to get some delicious munchies before heading back to the hotel.
I had no idea that Zordon was busy making burritos these days. I love it. The food was delicious and sexy. Yep, the food had sex appeal...which means that I was really drunk. And hungry. And horny. And hungry.
Saturday nite was a fucking blast. Stay tuned for Sunday...
It all started when we finished disastrously and haphazardly tossing as many of Hock's belongings into my apartment. (Moving is a pain in the ass...I am so effin glad that I'm not the one actually moving for once.) We finally got into my car and started heading west. I had absolutely no fucking clue what the hell I was doing...and, honestly, the GPS Hock brought with confused me more than anything. Helpful once I got used to it, but technology basically confuses me. Yup.
Anyway, we got into Chi-town around 10(ish?) and checked into the hotel. Congress Plaza is really nice, though the shoebox they had the two of us jammed into was not exactly as awesome as the "gold-room" postcards they were handing out in the main lobby.
Gold Room:
Our Room:
(Well, close)
Favorite part about the hotel? The bathroom door wouldnt actually shut due to an issue involving hinge placement.
After getting ready we decided to venture out into the Chicago nite in search of cheap booze and busty broads. This, however, turned out to be harder than we realized. Turns out, our hotel was not located in the more happenin area and we, as out-of-towners, had no fucking clue where to go.
Answer to any problem? Ask the Cabbie! He took us to Harry Caray's:
Which was AWESOME! Where else would a waitress decide to make up for INCREDIBLY SLOW SERVICE by BUYING US BEER!
TWICE!
Hung out there for a bit and then Hock got hold of some people he knew that lived out there...who told us to go to Flat Iron and meet them. So we hopped in a cab and headed in that direction.
We ended up here:
Piece bar. I seriously thought that this was Flat Iron. There was a fucking street sign right in front of the place that said Flat Iron! Damn Chicago trickery! Turned out that Piece is actually a really sweet bar. They had a live band playing some quality tunage along with a plethera of Piece Specific beers, killer customer area, phenomenal architecture, and a general sense of trendsetter community love. My favorite thing about this place was the band. And by band, I mean that they had a live band playing and KARAOKE!!!
Finished our beers, then consulted our nav systems on our sweet James Bond phones and found that we were actually really close to our intended destination. Left Piece and ventured onward.
Flat Iron:
Finally made it. This bar scared me. Well, okay, it didnt really scare me, but it was definitely not my bag...Good place, but reminded me of a shady biker bar where everything looks dirty and grungy but for some reason you still want to go home with most of the women. Never did find the people we were trying to meet up with. Did get to see some guy snap a pool stick in half.
We left there and kind of wandered around for a minute before deciding to head to another bar...This would be the last place we went to that nite and, sadly, neither one of us has any idea what the goddamn name of it was. It was, in fact, the most fun I had at any of the bars and I'm totally heading back there the next time that I am in Chicago. But yeah, great bar, kinda upscale, amazingly sexy people all over the place, good service, well set up, and just amazingly bad but totally perfect club music. Not a place to start, but a phenomenal place to finish.
After the bars everything is kind of a blur. Hock suggested that we go to Flash Burrito(?) to get some delicious munchies before heading back to the hotel.
I had no idea that Zordon was busy making burritos these days. I love it. The food was delicious and sexy. Yep, the food had sex appeal...which means that I was really drunk. And hungry. And horny. And hungry.
Saturday nite was a fucking blast. Stay tuned for Sunday...
THE FLAMING LIPS!!! THE FLAMING LIPS!!! THE FLAMING LIPS!!!
2009 PitchFork Festival Closer
Which was followed by this mess of business...
Vids from my phone and possibly pics coming soon.
Also, Hock, that band we were trying to figure out is M83.
More on the waaaaaaaaay...
Which was followed by this mess of business...
Vids from my phone and possibly pics coming soon.
Also, Hock, that band we were trying to figure out is M83.
More on the waaaaaaaaay...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Forget about Deadpool...
"Ryan Reynolds is the new Green Lantern
13 July 2009 5:04 PM, PDT | From The Scorecard Review | See recent Scorecard Review news
It has been confirmed by Variety that The Proposal actor Ryan Reynolds is set to play DC Comics hero The Green Lantern in the new live-action film from Warner Brothers.
Casino Royale director Martin Campbell is set to direct the picture which will begin production in January. Green Lantern will be working with a script by Greg Berlanti, Marc Guggenheim, and Michael Green. Producers will be Berlanti and Donald DeLine.
Reynolds was not a shoo-in for the role, as he had competition from a few other top actors for the part. A few days ago, The Hangover star Bradley Cooper and Jared Leto were taking screen tests for the role.
This marks another comic-book character role for Reynolds, as earlier this season he got his coveted role in a X-Men Origins: Wolverine spinoff, Deadpool. Not for nothing, he also helped make The Proposal a box-office success.
A Green Lantern film is long overdue."
WOOT!!!WOOT!!!WOOT!!!WOOT!!!
13 July 2009 5:04 PM, PDT | From The Scorecard Review | See recent Scorecard Review news
It has been confirmed by Variety that The Proposal actor Ryan Reynolds is set to play DC Comics hero The Green Lantern in the new live-action film from Warner Brothers.
Casino Royale director Martin Campbell is set to direct the picture which will begin production in January. Green Lantern will be working with a script by Greg Berlanti, Marc Guggenheim, and Michael Green. Producers will be Berlanti and Donald DeLine.
Reynolds was not a shoo-in for the role, as he had competition from a few other top actors for the part. A few days ago, The Hangover star Bradley Cooper and Jared Leto were taking screen tests for the role.
This marks another comic-book character role for Reynolds, as earlier this season he got his coveted role in a X-Men Origins: Wolverine spinoff, Deadpool. Not for nothing, he also helped make The Proposal a box-office success.
A Green Lantern film is long overdue."
WOOT!!!WOOT!!!WOOT!!!WOOT!!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Emma Watson
In the spirit of the newest Harry Potter movie, let's all gawk in amazement at how smoking hot Emma Watson is...
Friday, July 3, 2009
Lolla
While riding the blue line this week I saw a couple of billboards for Lollapalooza 2009. It piqued my interest. When I originally looked at it a couple of months ago, I thought it was just alright. Now that I had another chance to look at the whole list, I gotta say I wanna go. The lineup is sweet. Anyone want to go?
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