Would you rather...

I found the Weekly WYR (would you rather) on College Humor just now and figured it might be fun to let you take a look at it and go a little in depth as to which I would choose. These questions were posted by random people who emailed the author of this article. I will only refer to the person who posted the question if they annoy me.

Would you rather...

1. Be blind or have the hiccups for the rest of your life?

Wow this is a tough one to start off with. I guess you would adjust to being blind and you could still do a lot of things, although in a different way but having the hiccups all day long while your trying to eat and drink would eventually give you pain I would think. I get the hiccups sometimes and if it falls in the middle of me eating or drinking something I could choke or have some chest pain from it. All in all I would obviously rather be neither, but I will go with blind.

2. Hit every stop light and know that you will never be in an accident or always hit greens and know that someday you will be in a terrible crash?

Let me first say that I've been in a terrible crash and I would never like for that to happen again. If the decision is simply based off hitting green or red lights, which I would only love it to be so simple, then I would have to say that I have to say green lights but with hesitation. Hitting red lights is not always a bad thing but if I had to hit every single one of them for the rest of my life...ouch. However, that ouch is nothing compared to what may happen to you should you get into a terrible accident (could be nothing or could be severe). In light of that I am going to choose hitting red lights.

3. Have no teeth or no ears?

I'm going to say no teeth because I am going to translate this conundrum by saying that you saying I cannot have teeth would be defined to me as no REAL teeth. In light of this new evidence I say no teeth because I'm just gonna go get false ones! Take that you bastard teeth! How do you feel now? Ears are getting laid and you are not! HA!

4. Get beat up in front of your friends by your younger brother or your older sister?

No brainer here. You get beat up by your younger brother as I am a guy writing this to you. Any one of us know that if you got your ass kicked by a girl, let alone your younger sister, as a guy you would be ridiculed until the day you die. Thank you but I can get ridiculed enough as it is without even having a sister.

5. Have a permanent light spot in your right eye or a permanent ringing in your ears?

This one is a little different too. I have a ringing every so often...don't ask why...but if it was permanent I might just go crazy. You would get used to either one of these problems relatively quickly I would think as they are both minor inconveniences to your daily life. In the end I am going to go with the ringing because I don't wanna mess around with my eyes by any means.

6. Have sex with Jessica Alba on a bed of nails or have sex with Fergie on a bed of roses?

Jessica Alba...hands down...if I get to fuck that woman I don't care where we are...next question. When is that gonna happen? Now? That would be super.

7. Be Aquaman or the kid with Heart from Captain Planet?

Ummm...I'm not getting laid either way...so kid with the power of "heart." Why you ask? Fuck the sea. I don't like it so why would I wanna talk to it?

8. Be unemployed the rest of your life or have to go to college the rest of your life?

I know that unemployment is extremely tempting and going to college is not. However I'm wondering if they are not one in the same because a lot of people who go to college do not work because they are devoted to their college work...or they're spoiled and their parents pay for everything. Unemployment is doable if you can get unemployment checks and live off the government as a shit load of people in this country do but I believe I could and would be extremely uber-bored for the rest of my life (unless I had a family to take care of). However, college is a way to constantly better yourself but I think if you did it for the rest of your life you would surely go absolutely insane and your head would explode. So I'm going with unemployment and I'll take my chances with Uncle Sam.

9. Have a younger sister who is really hot or really ugly?

I think if I had a younger sister who was really hot I would worry about her too much but the same would go for the ugly sister, only in different ways. The hot sister I would have to worry about all those bastard teenagers (that I once was) ogling over every her step and every time she bends over to pick something up. I would trust her to handle herself but I also open myself up to what I do with some of my friends...the atypical "Your sister is fuckin' hot dude!" Now if my sister was ugly I would worry she would be shunned by people for the way she looked because during those teenage years especially kids are extremely cruel to someone they deem different or unworthy. She could find herself someone but when I think ugly sister I think Meg from Family Guy and the shit she goes through. So the answer is hot sister due to the fact that the reason the other sister is ugly is because it's Meg's fault.

10. Have chair demolishing fart explosions or always have gas and never fart?

First I say, "Jesus Christ" to Kevin for his marvelous depiction of such a wonderful daily occurrence, especially when labeled "chair demolishing." Always having gas and never farting is something that I dealt with when I had abdominal surgery and that was not fun at all. There was a moment that I was in so much pain it was unbearable. Knowing that feeling is just as bad, if not close to worse, than when I had my kidney stones I think you know what I'm picking.

11. Be nicknamed "The Big Sticky" or "OafLoaf"?

What? Tyler are you nicknamed OafLoaf? I hope so because that is the stupidest nickname ever and this is a stupid question, so good for you. You have become another reason that aliens should come down and enslave all the dumbass people like you.

12. Never be able to use a cell phone or never be able to drive a car?

This one is pretty easy because it comes down to simple common sense. A cell phone is not a necessity in life, it is a privilege. A car is a necessity and a privilege. Need I say more? You have to get from point A to point B and, God willing, back to point A with a car and that cell phone you don't have isn't going to make one damn bit of difference to you getting there. I agree that cell phones can be extremely useful for idiots like me who don't ever know where they are going but at least I have a car to get there in.

The "I'm probably a virgin" question:

13. Have a magic war versus Dumbledore from Harry Potter or Gandolf from Lord of the Rings?

I love both of these movie franchises and I believe that I can give you a legitimate answer as to why I choose what I choose. I love Gandolf, he is my favorite LOTR character by far but he cannot compete with Dumbledore. Gandolf has his staff but I cannot compete with the power that the wand of Dumbledore would pack. I have seen far to many spells from Dumbledore that could honestly render me helpless as an infant. Gandolf is not the type of wizard that is meant to dominate in a battle and I believe Dumbledore is...and I think we'll see that in the next few Harry Potter movies.

Well I hope you enjoyed this little take on "Would you rather." Feel free to comment and let me know your different takes on the topics and let me know what you would do.