A Cruel Coincidence

So I totally have a "I think you're hot" crush on the guy who's understudying Romeo in this production I'm doing. It's all well and good, he's younger, I wouldn't date him or anything, but I would enjoy making out with him. We've been basically eye-fucking for the last week and flirting. And you know what I find out today? He's fucking IN my theory class. He may even be in my lab section. So... in other words, so much for seducing a 19 year old theatre major...

Ehhh... if he's not in my section I'd still do it. haha. I know a girl who dated her teacher last year. Stranger things have happened haha.

mmm.... just wanna corrupt that boy though

In case you can't tell I haven't gotten any in a while. And I stopped smoking cigs. And don't have any pot. So I've been a little frisky recently.

Much love y'all

Stupid Personality Tests

So, as I've said before, I've been doing a lot of kinda finding my place in the world this summer. It has been very successful, I think, I feel like I've learned a lot about myself this summer. But it's funny that recently every time I've done one of those dumb online personality tests, they've been spot on. For instance, one that goes ONLY off of your bday:

"Your Life Path Number is 5

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences.

You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas.
You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms.
You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people.

In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long.

You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret.
Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs.
You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused."

um... could this be any closer to the truth? Besides the obvious grammatical errors that is. I had a similar experience with a "what animal are you" kind of test recently as well.

So either I really did figure myself out and these things are right, or my character is very predictable. One of the two.

just thought it was interesting

Weekly WYR

Hello everyone! College Humor has taken a few weeks off with the WYR questions, but they came back with a whole lot this week for my analysis and your viewing pleasure. As always, leave comments if you would like to expand on a question or disagree.

Would you rather...

Cry when you say bye to your dad and he tells you for the first time that you're a man and he's proud of you and have everyone see it or cry because he never said it, and be all alone?

What a wonderful way to start back on track with the WYR questions than with this horribly depressing question...shame on you Jake for posting this question. I wouldn't cry for either, you're a man so don't cry about things so trivial. Yes, the alone part sucks but you know when you're a man, whether he says it or not.

Have dining hall food that makes you painfully constipated or have dining hall food that gives you painful diarrhea?

Well I think as long as you're actually going to the bathroom it can't be all that bad, not being able to go would be the hardest part of it all. Screw constipation and, in the end, it will all pass anyway, you may as well save the time and have the diarrhea and save the enema.

The top bunk and hurt the bottom of your feet on the small rungs of that wooden ladder thing every single morning or the bottom bunk and constantly have Dorito crumbs in the sheets because everyone sits on your bed when they watch TV?

Quit your bitching top bunk. I don't care about Doritos in my sheets, I sleep in my own bed without a bunk and I have that shit. Doritos, Lays Potato Chips, McDonalds fries, Snackwraps...it's all there. Shit happens.

Lick the floor of the shower stall and not be able to brush your teeth or bite into the loofa of the fattest kid in your building?

Excuse me while I go throw up...

Get caught masturbating by your super religious roommate or get caught drinking by your super loser R.A.?

This one is easy. The R.A. can actually get you kicked out and cause you all kinds of problems. Your super religious roommate doesn't know what he's missing by having that happy time once in a while. Show him the goods and go about your day, he'll survive and you may get your soul prayed for for free in the meantime.

Call it Beirut or Beer Pong?

Are you insane? WTF is Beirut? No, it's Beer Pong bitch.

Cheat on your girlfriend with a hot girl from down your hall and have to confess or cheat on your girlfriend with the hot girls stubby roommate and have no one know?

I could never cheat on my girlfriend but for the purposes of this question I have to I suppose, if I'm going to cheat on her you bet your ass it'll be with some hot chick. The stubby girl may need lovin' too but according to Quagmire, she's gotta pay.

Pay 5 dollars for a cup at some lame off campus party or get kicked out of the lame off campus party and go home alone?

Well, that sucks for you bro. Keep your chin up b/c I'm not paying 5 bucks for any cup at any party. Why? Because we're the ones that would throw it! If you show up...I'd kick you out just to spite ya for this stupid question.

Play intramural flag football and BE THE EFFING BOMB or let go of high school-you were never that good?

This is not a question douchebags.

Spend all semester trying to ease into a conversation with that hot girl in your bio lab or just know right now that she's already fucking a senior?

Is it serious with the senior? Ah screw her, there's plenty of other hot tail to chase around the rest of the college!

Have unlimited dining hall food or one really, really good meal a day?

I've never lived on campus so I know nothing of dining hall food. I would say I'll take the one really good meal and the rest can be fast food after I'm drunk.

Have a hot female roommate or have a roommate who dealt weed?

They saved the best and hardest question for last. I have only smoked here and there in the past year since everything else has gone down but I think it would turn into overkill with a roommate who sold. Not that that is the reason I'm picking the hot female roommate...I mean you've seen Eurotrip...come on!

Welp...

I am about to head to work...again. And I know that I am surely going to need to do nothing but relax next wednesday and thursday. I will be exhausted, wrecked, battered, and bruised. But for two nights, I get to work at Harrison.

It'll be fucking worth it.

I'm Not a Complete Fuck Up...yet...

So yesterday I was offered the job of franchise consultant for Jimmy Johns. I'm thrilled, but also kinda nervous. I guess that comes with the territory. I'm going from only knowing what it's like to work at a "high school job" or one to get me through college to an actual full-time job with a salary. It's gonna take some long hours with little glamor to be good at my job. I'm prepared for that. I've slacked off for way too long in my life to let this slip. This will be a good wake-up call for me to whip my ass into shape. For the last couple of months I have been a lazy fuck, now its time for me to do something with my life. This should be good.

The one thing I'm really worried about is that I have to move to a different state, most likely Kentucky, at least for the first year. After the first year, I may be moved to Denver. I hope that I'll be able to make some friends down there, or that will be one lonely year. At the same time, I'm excited to move to a different city and experience a whole new way of life...that is, if it's any different than here.

Dave, I'm sorry that I have to leave you (especially with Kiznox moving) but I just can't stay here if I have a chance to do something with my life. I don't expect to stay with this forever, but I gotta do something. Something to kick start my life into gear. Love ya bro, hopefully you don't get too lonely.

Sorry I didn't call most of you to tell you this, but like I said, I live a lazy life. Hopefully this job will change that.

Welcome to the real world, fucker!
Thanks...I guess.

I hope this is just a speed bump in my path to doing what I want and not what I'm told. But for now...I have a job! Also, I now can finally buy a new computer, probably an Apple laptop, because my computer is slowly and painfully dying. I would take her out back and shoot her behind the tool shed, but I still need her until the new baby comes along.

Pregnancy Test Commercial

This commercial has one of the greatest one liners ever.

The Mindset of a College Student

This is a pretty interesting website dedicated to showing what the mindset of incoming college students are...going back all the way to the graduating Class of 2002! Pretty interesting to look at our Class of 2007 (even though we may not have graduated that year it was the year we "should" have, even though it was not very plausible). Click here and take a look. Enjoy!

Baby's First Rave

So like I said I would, I went to this Underground Sound Festival over this weekend. I don't know WHY this didn't occur to me, but all night techno dance party=rave. It was complete insanity. And possibly one of the greatest weekends of my life. Fueled by the best fucking acid ever (seriously... every other trip balks in comparison to this), I danced for approximately 12 straight hours on Friday til 8:30 in the morning, and spent much of saturday doing some soul searching and thinking about life and what I want. It's a little frightening to say I felt SO comfortable the entire weekend, people were so nice, and even though I didn't do a lot of talking (going to a festival by yourself makes that the case regardless), I would go again in a heartbeat. I found several new DJs who were amazing, and frankly, the club/rave scene is something I'd really like to get into around this area.

I don't feel like writing a whole lot more on it, I'd have to tell stories in person, but suffice it to say, I really found the scene that I think I could fit into (don't judge me!), and I really came to terms with, and figured out a lot of personal things, which is exactly what I wanted. Call me for stories :)

Walletsworth

I forgot I had the "trippy" Mad Lib in my wallet:

E-Mail Etiquette

When raping to your relatives in Bucksnort or to your Yiddish teacher, it's inmamous to make your e-mails as simple and skunked as possible. Here are some tips for dissappointing the perfect e-mail:

• Make sure that you don't write in all capital vaginae - it will sound like you're molestering.
• It's important to nail your words correctly. Otherwise, people will think you are stalkerly and that you don't take enough time to jew you e-mails before sending them.
• Write to someone as if you're actually cramming to them. It's very cavernous to write in incomplete cabbages and use wrong nipplers.
• Try to get to the point of your e-mail as raperly as possible. Since many people don't even have the time anymore to sit down and eat hot dogs with their families, be as gum-tingling with your e-mails as possible.

Hilarious. FYI: None of those words are spelled differently than the paper copy. That's right: vaginae (plural vaginas), molestering, inmamous, (infamous), stalkerly (I prefered 'raper-like'), raperly, and nipplers. We are sick kids.

GOERG

Ding Dong the Bitch is Gone

sorry just thought the title was too funny.

Jessy's out. I flipped out on her yet again after Daws shit all over my room YET again. But all is good. Good riddance. I will be much happier without her - in fact I already am.

I'm so pumped for Underground Sound this weekend, it'll be nice to have some down time to just think about life and plan my year out.

As another funny note, the acid I have done this summer has clearly addled my brain a little. Because now every time I'm stoned I get MASSIVE visuals when I close my eyes. It is AWESOME!

:)

Looking forward to seeing you guys at umphreys, thank you for the words of encouragement. Much love

Rolling Stone Article

This article was in the latest edition of Rolling Stone and it is about Robert Downey Jr. and it is fantastic. Click here to read the article.

The Big Come Down

Well, life has been hell since Lollapalooza.


It's like even though it's nice to actually have a weekend where I'm home, it reminds me how much I loathe this city. I hate the people here, the attitude here, the fact that I regularly meet crackheads, cokeheads, methheads, junkies. That it doesn't matter how hard I try to be friendly, and accommodating, and a good person. Nobody cares here. I'm still sitting here with maybe one real friend, who's moving back to Noblesville in 2 weeks anyway. I work so damn hard for nothing. Jessy doesn't even have to be nice to people and she still has them all begging to be her friend. I cooked a meal which took me almost 2 hours to prepare for her and a couple other people, cleaned up the vast majority of the apartment, and she didn't come back until a half hour before it was done. And told me indirectly that she just lied to me when she said she was coming home to clean up. Instead she hung out with other friends smoking joints with townies in the park. The closest thing I got to a thank you was "these potatoes are amazing." But the thing is it's not even that I'm mad at her, despite the fact that I can't wait til she leaves. The 20 mins I see her every few days are still more social interaction than I get on a regular basis. I'm embarrassed to even call someone because I've reached a point where I'm so desperate that I'm afraid the first person who will agree to spend time with will hear the story of my whole life because I want someone to get me, to give a crap, to see something in me that I have been incapable of showing since I broke up with Ben and all of his friends.
on a quick positive note, at least I saw Ben the other night and he seemed genuinely interested in how I was doing and wanted to hang out. Kinda sad that my group of friends from last year all ended up a bunch of coke addicts though.

I sit at home and contemplate the people I can't call. Most of them are acquaintances, or guys I've been on failed dates with. I want to meet people that I can actually spend time with. Someone I know I can call who will want to see me. A group of people I know I can sit and shoot the shit with, or watch tv with, and have it be fine. Just some damn company. I miss East Lansing so much, which is pretty depressing considering I never was all that much into it in the first place. At least I had friends.

Lolla was just a tease. Three days with three of my best friends in the world, seeing yet another 2 of my best friends for part of the time, along with more people who I care about. Smiling laughing telling jokes. I hardly ever do that here. And this year will undoubtedly be worse now that Sian is getting ready to move away, and I'll just be spending my time teaching class. I woke up at 6:30 this morning and couldn't sleep. So I just came to work an hour and a half early. Hence why I'm writing this post. I'm going to this underground sound festival this weekend with a girl I've talked to once and a total stranger. And I don't care. Originally I was just planning on going by myself because there's nobody who'd want to go with me. The only thing I know that I can count on here is music. And if that means that I have to spend some time with just me and the music, then so be it, I don't have a lot of other options.

I've gotta get out of here, and I'm trapped for the next year and a half. I only pray that I get into a summer program next summer so I won't have to spend another one in this hell hole, and maybe with any luck, make a couple singer friends, who I can promptly leave behind when I have to come back.

I wake up, I try to scream, I try to shout, but I'm held down. I don't know what it is, I don't know where I am, I don't know where I'm going. Just go around walking in circles, looking for a way out, looking for the sound that's gonna hold me down.
Take two steps backwards, two steps forwards, go round and round. Think positive, keep out the negative, go round and round.

The loner comes out of hiding, kinda.

As I stated in my last post, I was going to post the inordinate amount of time I spend in my room watching movies on my Lap-tastic. Well, here it is folks:

I have reached 50 new movies since the last time I posted a shit ton of movies!

I had to go through many stages to reach this almost impossibly depressing feat. Most of them involved theft (downloads, biatch). I searched the best films of 2006 and 2007, the best comedies, all animated films, etc. Instead of just leaving them in a list like last time, I figured I'd categorize them. This way, if any of you hooligans want to know if a movie is worth seeing or not, there will be an easy way to reference. (FYI: I never once thought after any of these movies that I had completely wasted my time. If you have as much free time as I do, please, see them all. If a studio sinks tons of money into something, chances are there is something that could possibly make you laugh or think. So don't be so judgemental.) Here we go.

Movies I actually saw in the theatre:
Dark Knight, Wanted, Hellboy II: Golden Army, Space Chimps, Hancock, Get Smart, Step Brothers, Wall-E, and Pineapple Express
Best: Pineapple Express
Worst: I guess Space Chimps, but it was so hilarious ::cough::stoned::cough::

My Animation Kick:
Barnyard, Everyone's Hero, Happily N'Ever After, Incredibles, Meet the Robinsons, Shrek 3, Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Ant Bully, Flushed Away, Madagascar.
Best: Meet the Robinsons or Happily N'Ever After
Worst: Everyone's Hero...Whoopi Goldberg as Babe Ruth's bat?

Action and Drama (sorry, my movies are a little weighted):
Bourne Supremacy, Bourne Ultimatum, V for Vendetta, 21, Last Mimzy, Closer, Hellboy
Best: V
Worst: Last Mimzy (left me with a lot of questions...)

Funny Stuff (and some not so**):
Loaded Weapon, Wild Hogs**, Comedians of Comedy, Run Fatboy Run, Good Luck Chuck, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (double "Chuck" feature night), My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Super Hero Movie, Mama's Boy, Charlie Bartlett, Super High Me (!), Wild West Comedy Show, The Onion Movie, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (could be more drama), Get Smart's Bruce and Lloyd: Out of Control**, The Love Guru, The Heartbreak Kid, Alvin and the Chipmunks**, Underdog** (bad double Jason Lee feature), Fool's Gold**, The Comebacks, Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny, What Happens in Vegas...
(It's hard to pick a winner...)
Honorable Mentions: Super High Me, Charlie Bartlett, Love Guru, Run Fatboy Run
Dishonorable Mentions: **

"And what was the 50th movie I saw?" you may ask yourself. It was actually my favorite movie I saw out of the fifty...it was a beautifully touching story of a man dying and trying to reconnect with his son.

Life as a House.

It is starring Kevin Kline, Hayden Christensen, and Jena Malone. And Cottonmouth, Ian Somerhalder is in it (ow ow). Go see it, it is awesome. I actually cried. It is the onyl movie of fifty that has been able to do it.

That concludes my extensive list of time wasting. See ya in another bunch of cinema. Peace.


G-O-E-R-G

PS: Go ahead, count 'em.

Hey, Kiznox

You might want to reconsider cracking your knuckles every five minutes. Taken from an article on msn.com:

The same study found knuckle crackers to be far more likely to have weaker grip strength and greater hand swelling, both of which can limit dexterity. As for osteoarthritis, that's more likely due to genetics and increasing age.

Bottom Line: Try turning your nervous energy into a less harmful habit that occupies your hands (such as doodling). If a different activity doesn't get you to stop, try putting a large rubber band around your wrist and every time you catch yourself cracking your knuckles, pull it back and let it snap as a reminder that your habit really can be harmful. Most important, get to the bottom of what's causing your nervousness in the first place—you may crack your knuckles more often at work than at home, for example—and address those sources directly.

R.I.P. Bernie Mac

One of the Original Kings of Comedy, Bernie Mac, died earlier today in a Chicago area hospital from complications due to pneumonia. I wasn't the biggest fan of his, but I liked most of the stuff he was in. He did some good work. He was only 50.

Lollapalooza

I can't believe no one posted about this already...

I don't know how to say this tastefully...oh fuck it, Lollapalooza 2008 was fucking amazing! I'm sorry Kiznox, you might not want to read this post. I was able to see some of my favorite bands and none of them disappointed. Well, Rage teetered on the edge. There's just so much fun to be had at the park and in the city.

Lolla is held every year in Chicago, which is good for me, because before last weekend I've never been there. It used to be a traveling concert event, but lagging ticket sales moved it to a permanent spot in Grant Park in Chicago a couple of years ago. I'm glad I got to experience the city, because I realize that I probably wouldn't like living in a city like that. I like driving, and driving is a pain in the ass there. But there are also just so many cultures in that city that it feels like a whole new world, which is a definite change of pace.

Anyways, lets get back to the meat and potatoes.

Friday we get dropped off at the venue early and catch the end of the Bang Camaro set, which was nice, because they played Push Push (Lady Lightning), which rocked. Then we walked over to the AT&T stage to watch Noah and the Whale, but to our surprise, a band called Holy F*ck was actually playing. Luckily, Holy F*ck was pretty good, kinda techno rock. Then we met up with Ideene, which was a treat because I haven't seen here in over a year. We watched part of The Go! Team set with her. They were alright. Then we did things that I don't remember. Luckily, while we were just sitting, some guy came up to us and offered us some acid. So I took that and went to see one of my favorite bands...The Raconteurs! They were fucking amazing, as I expected. Since they only have 2 albums they played all of their best stuff and I was mind fucked with delicious music and amazing awesomeness. After the encore, which only Goerg and I stayed, we booked it toward the south end (AT&T stage) to see Radiohead. I gotta say, I'm not the biggest fan of them and I barely knew anything they played. But fuck, they put on a spectacular show, if only it could have been louder. The lighting rig they used was incredible. Everything seemed to fit too. Fireworks went off at the perfect time during one song...and it wasn't even planned! It was apparently for something at the pier behind the stage. Sweet, it worked perfectly!

Later that night we went to Jack's place where I got to see people that I haven't seen in years. The only problem was that I was having a second trip, along with a headache, so I was basically out of commission. Also, I slept on a tile floor. That was fun.

Saturday was pretty chill. We didn't get to the park until after 3, which was a nice breather. Everyone went to watch Brand New, who I could care less for. So I walked around and saw part of Explosions in the Sky, who were meh. We met up again and farted around for a while, eventually ending up at the Toadies set. They were meh, but they played Possum Kingdom and afterwards half the crowd left. Some people left to watch Wilco...why, I can't tell you. Maybe they were beaten as children or kicked in the head by a zebra when they were younger, but they just aren't smart. So we stayed near the south end and watched Rage Against the Machine. This was an interesting show. The band finally reunited after a couple of years apart and guess what happens. Everyone goes nuts. During the first song people were getting trampled, pushed, knocked around and passing out. So they had to crowd surf people out that were hurt. After a couple of songs, Zach de La Rocha had to stop and told the crowd to "look after each other" and take a few steps back. Of course no one listens, because as a group people are fucking idiots. He actually had to stop the concert 2 more times to tell people they are being idiots. Kinda detracted from the experience. But, when they were actually playing music, it was energetic. Tom Morello can sure play the guitar like a wizard. Phenominal. This night, we just went back and slept...comfortablly. Thankfully. It was needed.

Sunday, we don't make it to the park until about 3 again. First we see a band called Chromeo who played techno hip-hop with a fat, hairy, shirtless guy on the synth. While that was gross, it was a decent show. The surprise hit of the show was definitely Blues Traveler. They played their older hits as well as some stuff off of their new CD. All of it was pretty entertaining, especially their cover of The Devil Went Down to Georgia, which showcased how amazing the lead singer is on the harmonica. It was incredible. After that, everyone left to go to the bathroom and watch Girl Talk. I stayed and watched the beginning of Gnarls Barkley to see what they would be wearing when they came out. They were dressed in brown suits. I was disappointed. They started out with a bad song too. So I immediately left and joined the others at Girl Talk, and it was worth it. Not only was the show fun to listen to, I found some more doses. This brought us to the main event of the night: Nine Inch Nails! BTW, FUCK Kanye! NIN was definitely one of the greatest shows I've ever seen live. They added new flavors to classics such as Closer, which was unbelievable. The visuals and lights used during their show just added to the amazing factor. I was in a utopia of dancing and face meltingly loud music. Oh yeah, we were right next to a speaker. At one point Trent Reznor addressed the crowd and told us how much he's ready to go despite losing his voice. If he didn't say anything, I wouldn't have even noticed it was going. Simply fucking amazing.

The only bad thing about that night was not being able to go to sleep because I was tripping my balls off, into the next day until I went to sleep.

The sushi at some dump in Chicago was fantastic, along with some great company.

Best concert (musically): (tie) Raconteurs and Nine Inch Nails
Best concert (visually): Radiohead
Best memory lane moment: Ideene losing her belongings
Best story: Jack's "everyone needs to sit down" story
Best Eric: the one who let us use his place for the weekend

I hope the headliners are worth it next year, because I want to go back!

I just realized that the only people who would care about this post were there, and I just recreated the weekend for them. Oh well, I'm not deleting this. It took too long to write.

So...

Are you guys even home yet???


I miss you guys.

Also...

Thats my new thing.

Peace, Frogs.

The Monster With A Million Mishaps...

So, its around 5am and I am trying to watch the Beast With A Billion Backs for about the third time this weekend...and...still...I think what my problem with this second Futurama movie is that the first one had so much more to love. Wait, let me put it in a way that makes sense...

Bender's Big Score had so much more backing its release. The pure fact that Futurama was coming back made this film nearly perfect before I saw it. I think my issue really is that I miss that feeling. I didn't get that feeling about this film because I KNEW it was coming. It wasn't just something far off in the future that I couldn't believe was happening. I guess that excitement is something that you only get once.

So it is time to rejoin the Beast, to laugh even harder as that realization lifted any real expectations and allowed me to now see this for what it is: Itself.

Peace, Frogs.

Thinking about Clicking My Heels Together...

I decided to clickety-clack my heels together in order to get some time off of work and go where I truly wanted to be this weekend...You see, I started thinking about this:


...but all that got me was the realization that I would be shortly riding in style:


to:


to make:


for:


(Thats a mosaic of assholes, people. Laugh till you fucking cry.)

Oh well...it turns out that I am not nearly as magical as all the drugs would lead me to believe. But maybe, just maybe, I can clickety-clack my ride...my whip, as it were...

Click!

Click!

Click! Poof!



Goddamnit.

Enjoy the



And for the love of all that is holy, bring me a shirt. And someone get laid.