Eye Candy of the Day

Brought to you this Monday by Ali Larter, one of the stars of Heroes.

Thanks for the guilt trip

Just kidding dude. I have been working my ass off (I am currently on my sixth straight day, which today was 12 hours, and I finish my stretch with day number seven tomorrow). I will try harder. I will say this...I could not have been more ecstatic then when I saw the Stanford beat USC yesterday!! Go Cardinal!

I am currently working on the next installment of the Weekly WYR though! Be excited!!

Sorry Cottonmouth

I was too busy working about 30 hours in the past 3 days to care about posting on here. Also, I was very fucking drunk last night. I just haven't had the chance to post something of importance. I will leave you with this nugget..."everything was going great, but you threw the kittens again!"

Oral Sex: The Business Plan

I try not to steal too many things from College Humor, but this was great...


Also, I'm gettin sick of being the only person who ever posts on here. While you guys are busy getting laid, or not getting laid and complaining about it, or drinking and partying, or having fun, or actually enjoying your lives, I'm busy...
hating life. And writing on the blog. Because I have nothing better to do.

Oh blog, you're the only one who listens. And so together you and I shall conquer the Earth.

STARTING WITH LIECHTENSTEIN (let's be honest no one knows about that country anyway... next we'll head to Andorra, and if things go well, LUXEMBOURG SHALL BE OURS)

Here's to taking out the world one small unknown nation at a time.

Cottonmouth out

I Love My...

...Cocktail Shaker.

My mixed drinks are so delicious now.

Perfectly chilled

Totally mixed

Just the right amount of water from the ice

It's like a veritable alcohol orgasm.

So the question is:

When are y'all gonna come down here so I can make delicious cocktails for you? :)

Iron Chef America

So I'm not such a fun of the American version. I LOVE Japanese Iron Chef. But the ingredients in America are SO boring.

Battle Shrimp?

Battle FROZEN PEAS?

I mean, I know the point of this competition is to show your ability to work with anything, but in the Japanese version I've seen soft-shelled turtle and sea urchin. Is american cuisine REALLY that boring? I mean, even a strange vegetable would be more interesting.

Boo Iron Chef America. Boo

time to get DRUNK!

It's Official...

I absolutely suck at the game. I had ample opportunity to sleep with this girl and I fucking blew it every time. She even asked if she could stay here for the night, which right there should of been an in, but that was the last time I saw her all night. Why the fuck does this shit happen? Why do guys always have to initiate things? She fucking knew I was interested. Fucking bitch was probably enjoying herself watching me make a fool out of myself. Damn fucking shit ass piss I need to get laid. But I also need to do that when I'm not completely wasted.

I Closed...

I FUCKING CLOSED. And you know what? I still got screwed over. You know why? Because some bitch fucking knocked on the door and said that she could not find her clothes. Fuck that. Find them in the morning.

Im pissed.

And you know what else?

This sucks.

Set Strike

or "Why My Job is Preventing Me From Having Any Semblance of a Social Life"

So it's 2. and I just got home from work. Yep, that's two saturday nights in a row that have been ruined. Next weekend is Chicago, then I should have a weekend off before the wedding (although D+J really want me to come up for their respective bitrthdays, but I just don't think I have the time or money to do it :( ). Then shit hits the fan with Boheme. I mean, besides the boheme cast party, I literally have no opportunity to go out on a Saturday night til... December. Essentially.

Grrr.

At least I LOVE the people I work with. I should try to round up a group of them to party

You Know Those Times...

...When you totally have a chance to score and you totally fuck it up. Yeah! FUCK ME!

Yes!

I totally found the STS9 set from clutch cargos. FUCK YEAH!!!

I'll have to share that around...

And I promise I'll try to knock it off with the ridiculously short posts that are useless. I'm just bored. and lonely

Pandora Radio

So this is something that's been around for a while, but I wanted to bring your attention to it.

www.pandora.com

It's a site where you can (for free) put in an artist or song you like, and it will create a radio station of music that has similar musical qualities (and they're pretty intelligent). I've already found several new bands that I really enjoy, and it's a lot of fun to see what the site deems the "characteristics" of bands you like. Definitely worth checking out!

I can enjoy Guitar Hero III after all!

It's being released for mac! with a usb guitar. crazy eh?

I'm at Work

So work currently rules my life. in a bad way. So I'm sticking it to the man, pulling a Kiznox, and blogging at work. on a light bridge. 100 ft above the stage. or maybe 50. I'm a terrible judge of distance.

So Always Sunny in Philadelphia last night=amazing. Especially the second one. The scene with Dee climbing on fire out of the well and throwing the box of kittens? Classic television. Drawn together was pretty good as well, although I think I like that show better when I'm stoned.

Actually I know I like it better when I'm stoned. I like everything better when I'm stoned.

I found a new fun music group called Modeselektor. Thom Yorke likes them a lot. And, not surprisingly, I do too. I also thoroughly enjoyed the Audioslave self titled cd last night. Now I need to listen to the Rage album I got and the other modeselektor album - some tasks for tonight.

I want to go to a bar. Bleh. Drinking a shit ton of red wine by myself is not as fun as you might think. It's FUN! but not THAT fun

Hurry!!!

Call now and get yours, before it's too late!!!



Get some ASS!!!

Hey, can I borrow someone's sex dice?

More Good News in the Music World

Muse is on track to self-produce their next album to ensure complete creative license over what they do. It will apparently have more electronic influence and may employ a full orchestra. And they're already working on new songs. So... I can't wait til their tour ends... So they can get on that.

Here's hoping - NIN LP 6 and Muse LP 5 sometime next year. Probably wishful thinking, but I need something to keep me looking forward. Not like my future or anything. New music by my favorite bands. :)

Women Today...

Saw IV

Just saw a preview. Looks terrible.

that's it.

I can think of terrible violent ways for people to die too. It doesn't make me a film-maker. It doesn't make me a psychopath. It means I have an imagination. and it's dark. congratulations.

Billboard Hot 100

I did it. I read the Billboard Hot 100. I knew I wasn't gonna like it. But I didn't realize it would be this bad:

The top 10:
1
Soulja Boy Tell'em
Crank That (Soulja Boy)

2
Kanye West
Stronger

3
Timbaland Featuring Keri Hilson
The Way I Are

4
Fergie
Big Girls Don't Cry

5
J. Holiday
Bed

6
50 Cent Featuring Justin Timberlake & Timbaland
Ayo Technology

7
Keyshia Cole Featuring Missy Elliott & Lil Kim
Let It Go

8
Nickelback
Rockstar

9
Pink
Who Knew

10
Colbie Caillat
Bubbly

Really?

REALLY?

I mean... Is the only rock song in the top 10 most popular REALLY by Nickelback? And the other leaders. Pink. Kanye West. Fergie with Big Girls Don't Cry. At number four. THAT SONG HAS EVIDENTLY BEEN IN THE TOP 100 FOR 23 WEEKS. THAT'S THREE WEEKS SHORT OF HALF OF A FUCKING YEAR. And Carrie Underwood has been on the chart for 56 weeks.

There's a part of me that feels like I'm going to vomit. like every part of it.

I hate pop culture. I hate it. I want to go to a frat-asshole/sorostitute heavy bar with a baseball bat and start going to town. And I don't mean hitting groundballs. I mean beating the life out of everyone I see. In a blind rage. Screaming "YOU HAVE BAD MUSIC TASTE. YOU DON'T EVEN BUMP AND GRIND TO LEGITIMATE MUSIC. I HOPE THEY HAVE NOTHING BUT BADLY SUNG OPERA WAITING FOR YOU IN HELL YOU UNCULTURED BASTARDS AND BITCHES"

Call me closed minded. Call me a bastard. I dance at those bars too. but for CHRIST SAKE there is BETTER MUSIC OUT THERE. Have your guilty pleasures. But realize that there are better things out there. So I can sleep at night...

RRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blurbs

So first off, my mom is PISSED about this not shaving thing. So let the battle royale between my mom and a famous director begin. She doesn't want me to look "like a scuzz for Sian's wedding". Yep my mom called me a scuzz. What exactly does that mean.

Someone's gonna sue South Park for this week. Seriously. Aw Shit! :)

I kinda have a crush on Whopper Jr. in the commercials. I just think he's good looking. Is that REALLY weird? Probably

Who are you people praying to, Jesus of Noise-areth? I have to admit I enjoy Sarah Silverman.

One week and counting til Radiohead. YES!!!

I got NO game down here. It's annoying. Meeting people was easier in Michigan. I can't believe I just said that.

Also - I'm in really good shape right now because I've been working my fucking ass off. So... yay! But that doesn't change the fact that there aren't nearly enough good guys around here.

sorry... good GAY guys

Watching South Park and knowing my brethren and sistren are up in Michigan doing the same made me feel connected for a short amount of time. I miss home still.

Bassnectar/Chicago trip next weekend. Yeah!

anyway, that's it. Cottonmouth out. To drink more Cabernet Sauvignon. By myself. While watching tv.

The things I do for my art...

So starting today, up until the show goes up the second week of November, I'm not allowed to cut my hair. No biggie.

I'm also not allowed to shave.

That one might be more of an issue.

So for all of us who have wondered what would happen if I grew out my facial hair (and if I'm going to have an embarassingly uneven moustache from the scar on my lip, or embarassingly uneven facial hair because I look like I still haven't finished puberty) now we'll know. The longest I've gone without shaving in the last few months is probably a week. this should be funny ;)

CPAC 2007...

Maria Bamford: Paralyzed by Hope...

And damn proud of it.

Got this in an email

GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2007

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

New Rule:There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

Someone, Please Think of the Children!

So, apparently friends shouldn't be roommates. Well, at least not when both of them are hard-headed assholes. Why is it so hard to accept another's opinion? Fuck you guys. Why is it so hard to get along? This is not fair.

Oh My God

Oh My God

Oh My God

I'm gonna have a heart attack

New Radiohead album (which has had basically NO press up until the last week) comes out digitally on October 10th. Entitled "In Rainbows"

Yep that's right. Next fucking week. Since Radiohead is no longer signed to a label, they do whatever the fuck they want now. Let me tell you a little about this endeavor.

Radiohead is currently the sole distributor of this album. No amazon, no itunes, no nothing. The ONLY place you can download it/order it is directly from the band's site. It is available for preorder in two formats:
Discbox and Download

I actually think I've gone into shock because this is too overwhelming, so I'm doing a lot of copying and pasting from here on out.
A little about each.
DISCBOX - THIS CONSISTS OF THE NEW ALBUM, IN RAINBOWS, ON CD
AND ON 2 X 12 INCH HEAVYWEIGHT VINYL RECORDS.
A SECOND, ENHANCED CD CONTAINS MORE NEW SONGS, ALONG WITH DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHS AND ARTWORK.
THE DISCBOX ALSO INCLUDES ARTWORK AND LYRIC BOOKLETS.
ALL ARE ENCASED IN A HARDBACK BOOK AND SLIPCASE.

THE ALBUM DOWNLOAD AUTOMATICALLY COMES WITH THIS PACK.
YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE FILE DIGITALLY FROM THE 10TH OCTOBER 2007.

DISCBOXES ARE BEING MADE TO ORDER AND ARE PRICED AT £40.00 INCLUDING POSTAGE.
SHIPPING WILL BEGIN ON OR BEFORE 3RD DECEMBER 2007.


DOWNLOAD - THIS CONSISTS OF THE NEW ALBUM, IN RAINBOWS.


IT DOES NOT INCLUDE THE EXTRA MATERIAL CONTAINED IN THE DISCBOX.

YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE FILE DIGITALLY FROM THE 10th OCTOBER 2007.

YOUR PURCHASE MAY BE SUBJECT TO A TRANSACTION FEE.
THIS WILL BE SHOWN AT THE CHECKOUT.

And how much does the download cost? You choose.

No seriously. You get to decide exactly how much you pay for each track. Seriously

Best Week Ever put it best when they said: "Radiohead Bends Record Industry Over Conference Table And Goes To Town."

The Record Industry's response?
"While many industry observers speculated that Radiohead might go off-label for its seventh album, it was presumed the band would at least rely on Apple's iTunes or United Kingdom-based online music store 7digital for distribution. Few suspected the band members had the ambition (or the server capacity) to put an album out on their own. The final decision was apparently made just a few weeks ago, and, when informed of the news on Sunday, several record executives admitted that, despite the rumors, they were stunned. "This feels like yet another death knell," emailed an A&R executive at a major European label. "If the best band in the world doesn't want a part of us, I'm not sure what's left for this business."

Labels can still be influential and profitable by focusing on younger acts that need their muscle to get radio play and placement in record stores — but only if the music itself remains a saleable commodity. "That's the interesting part of all this," says a producer who works primarily with American rap artists. "Radiohead is the best band in the world; if you can pay whatever you want for music by the best band in the world, why would you pay $13 dollars or $.99 cents for music by somebody less talented? Once you open that door and start giving music away legally, I'm not sure there's any going back."

Radiohead, yet again, has revolutionized the world of music.

I'm ordering a discbox. Yeah it's kinda pricey. But shit is it worth it.

This album is also similar to Kid A in that it will have no singles or videos. So you won't be hearing it on the radio most likely.

Tracklisting:
In Rainbows:
1)15 Step
2)Bodysnatchers
3)Nude
4)Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
5)All I Need
6)Faust Arp
7)Reckoner
8)House of Cards
9)Jigsaw Falling Into Place
10)Videotape

CD2 (only with the Discbox, so I'll have to wait a while for this
1)MK 1
2)Down is the New Up
3)Go Slowly
4)MK 2
5)Last Flowers
6)Up on the Ladder
7)Bangers and Mash
8)4 Minute Warning

Oh My Fucking God 15 step
Oh My Fucking God Videotape

South Park Quote of the Day

"It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation."

- Eric Cartman

Alternative Eye Candy of the Day

brought to you by the cast of The Covenant

State Shutdown Narrowly Missed. Say Hello to Rape-You-In-the-Ass Taxes...

LANSING, Mich. (AP) -- The state Legislature agreed early Monday to raise the income tax and expand the sales tax to services in a historic deal with the governor that quickly ended a partial state government shutdown.

For just over four hours early Monday, fewer state police were on Michigan highways, campgrounds were closed, road construction projects and lottery sales were stopped, and more service interruptions were on the horizon for later in the day until the final pieces were sent to Democratic Gov. Jennifer Granholm.

Applause broke out in Granholm's office at the Capitol as soon as the final vote was announced at 4:18 a.m. The deal prompted Granholm to call off the partial shutdown of government that began at 12:01 a.m.

"This budget agreement is the right solution for Michigan," Granholm said in a statement. "We prevented massive cuts to public education, health care and public safety while also making extensive government reforms and passing new revenue. With the state back on solid financial footing, we can turn our focus to the critical task of jump-starting our economy and creating new jobs."

Granholm signed a 30-day extension of Michigan's budget that technically expired at midnight. The continuation budget keeps government running.

The Legislature agreed to raise Michigan's income tax rate from 3.9 percent to 4.35 percent and expand the 6 percent sales tax to some services. Granholm signed both measures.

Structural changes to state government -- including the management of teacher and other public employee benefits -- also are part of the package.

The tax increases should erase most of a projected $1.75 billion deficit in Michigan's next budget. The final budget for the new fiscal year will include $440 million in spending cuts, including no inflationary funding increase for public universities and community colleges, Granholm said.

The Republican-led Senate finished passing the package at the end of a draining, marathon session that covered parts of three days. Members of the Democratic-controlled House stopped voting and left the chamber before 4 a.m. since the only key vote related to the deal remained in the Senate.

"Nobody wanted a shutdown. I think that is true across the board," said Liz Boyd, a spokeswoman for Granholm.

Michigan already has the nation's highest unemployment rate -- 7.4 percent in August -- and just went through a two-day strike involving the United Auto Workers and General Motors Corp. Disrupting services from state parks to road construction risked further upsetting an already unsettled public.

But Boyd said the months-long debate over Michigan's new budget is about defining the state's future and making sure enough money was available to support education, public safety and health care.

Senate Majority Leader Mike Bishop, R-Rochester, said he was disappointed that taxes are going up but added that Republicans successfully pushed for spending cuts and government restructuring changes.

"It's been a long, long couple of days," he said. "We're coming out of this having been through a lot and I think we're better for it."

Without a budget deal in place, 35,000 of the state's roughly 53,000 workers would have been barred from going to work Monday morning and all state services except those needed to protect health and safety would've halted.

Employee paychecks would have been reduced to reflect any hours missed because of a shutdown, but Granholm asked them all to report to work as usual Monday. The state last withheld some employee paychecks in 1959, when a cash-starved state budget resulted in what became known as the Payless Payday crisis.

"It's always tough in a recession to look at doing a revenue increase," said House Speaker Andy Dillon, D-Redford. "But I think it was clearly unavoidable. We also need reforms, and we are getting substantial reforms as part of this agreement."

Some of the toughest votes were for tax increases, especially in the Republican-led Senate.

The Senate split 19-19 twice, forcing Lt. Gov. John Cherry to cast the tie-breaking vote in favor of the income tax bill and expanded sales tax to cover some services.

Four Republican senators voted for the higher income tax -- Patricia Birkholz of Saugatuck, Tom George of Portage, Ron Jelinek of Three Oaks and Gerald Van Woerkom of Norton Shores. Democrats Glenn Anderson of Westland and Dennis Olshove of Warren voted against the income tax increase.

Three Republicans senators -- Jelinek, Valde Garcia of Howell and Wayne Kuipers of Holland -- voted to expand the sales tax to services. Anderson was the lone Democrat opposing the sales tax expansion.

The House passed the income tax measure 57-52. Democrats hold a 58-52 edge in the House, but three Democrats -- Martin Griffin and Michael Simpson of the Jackson area and Lisa Wojno of Warren -- voted against it. Two Republicans, Chris Ward of Brighton and Ed Gaffney of Grosse Pointe Farms, voted in favor of the proposal.

No House Republicans voted for the bill placing the 6 percent sales tax on services -- a proposal stiffly opposed by the business community. All Democrats did, except for Reps. Marc Corriveau of Northville and Kate Ebli of Monroe, who voted no.

The sales tax would not apply to tickets to sporting and entertainment events or accounting services. But businesses and consumers would pay the tax on ski tickets, administrative and investment services, consultants, warehousing and storage, interior design, commercial landscaping and janitorial services, among other services.

Raising the state's income tax to 4.35 percent will raise an additional $765 million for the state. The income tax bill is written so the rate will gradually drop back to 3.9 percent between 2011 and 2015.

Extending the sales tax to some services starting Dec. 1 will bring in an estimated $614 million for the 10 months remaining in the fiscal year at that point, or about $750 million annually, state Treasurer Robert Kleine said.

Rep. Craig DeRoche of Novi, the top Republican in the House, said he didn't want a government shutdown or higher taxes.

"I think it sets back Michigan's economy," he said.

The House and Senate also approved a controversial measure that would change the way some teacher and state worker health benefits are determined -- a tough vote for many Democrats and some Republicans because it will affect an insurance affiliate of the Michigan Education Association, the state's largest teachers' union.

Political posturing over votes, with an eye toward the 2008 and 2010 elections, slowed down the process of getting a deal in place. Some vulnerable Democrats had resisted voting for a tax increase, while some Republicans worried they could face recalls if they supported a tax increase.

October, I Love You!

You bring us goodies like new South Park and Drawn Together on Oct. 3rd and 4th, respectively. Then, 2 weeks later, you bring us the Transformers DVD on the 16th. Then, less than 2 weeks after that, you bring me Guitar Hero 3 on the 28th. I'll see you guys in November.