A Look Back at 2008

2008 is almost over, and it definitely has been a mixed bag.

There has been many good things to come out of it. I graduated...finally. Didn't get a job anywhere near my major, BUT I found a job. With these days, that's a great thing. I also found out that I can write off a bunch of stuff and get a huge return on my taxes (not for this year, obviously, but still great nonetheless).

There have been a couple of bad decisions, to say the least. First bad decision of 2008 for me...deciding to lease a car, instead of buying one. When I first got it, it seemed like a good idea. Then I got a job that requires me to travel thousands of miles per month. Now, within 8 months I put on 15,000 miles. Oops. The second bad decision was probably my choice to by a Mac. I don't have any problems with it and it is very fast, BUT everything I need to do on a computer for work involves mostly PC applications. I kinda wish I made that decision after I got the job. I personally don't see what's so good about Macs. They function properly and all, but they have a steep learning curve and I think, overall, I like PCs better. But that's just me. The 3rd one, which is the cheapest (maybe..haha) was allowing this one girl to slip through my fingers.

Oh well. That was 2008. I'm ready for 2009! I'm starting it off right, with a concert (maybe party) in Chicago, with one of my best friends. There could be more people there, but all of you suck.

Hope everyone has a drunk, safe, sex-filled, grape-eating, caber-tossing, pile-driving, beer pong throwing, champagne drinking, money making, drug taking, dance-filled, super-power having, great time on New Years Eve.

Smell Ya Later!

Merry Christmas, All...

So here is my really quick thing...

Merry Christmas. I am sure that I will not see most of you, but I do hope that your holiday goes well.

My news? My dad had a heart attack on Sunday. He is doing...well, he is alive and should be well soon. In any case, I just wanted to tell you all, since I really dont have much time to talk lately.

Life on the Road

These past 3 weeks have been interesting.

The first week I was in Farmington Hills, which was good because I was able to see my parents and friends who are not readily available. But it required lots of commuting, mostly during rush hour. Rush hour pisses me off, if you remember from earlier posts. Its almost as bad as raping babies. Also, Farmington has quite a few fatties and uggos. That's not acceptable. This city is a bust, luckily I didn't have to spend much time there.

Last week I was in some small town called Ottawa. No, not in America's hat. It was a city in Illinois. I wasn't expecting much from this city, but I received a lot more. First off, there are some hotties in Ottawa, unfortunately though, they were not slutty. The ones who were not hot, were actually fun to work with. Go figure. The staff at that store was amazing and made my week feel like nothing. The guy I was opening the store with was also a riot. It was a good week.

This week is quite a different beast. Whoever's idea it was to open a store on the week of Christmas should have his nuts ripped out by Jesus. I'm going to have to drive back to MI in a fucking snow storm on Christmas Eve. What the fuck! I'm in Kildeer, IL, which is like 30 miles south of Wisconsin. It's going to take me forever to get home. I drove here to provide 1...ONE!...full day of support, the other 2 are going to be half days. Why the fuck am I here? Everything at this store is going to be false...sales, delivery times, the "help" we are giving...because the store is right in the heart of a big shopping district, and guess where everyone goes to shop? Business is going to be way slower after the holidays. They really thought this one through. What the fuck ever though, I get 4 days off starting tomorrow.

There is 2 bad things about being on the road so much. 1) I am putting a shit ton of miles on my leased car (14,000 miles in 7 months). I'm probably going to try to rent a car next time. 2) I'm away from home for too long doing some bullshit work.

There are good things though. I am able to see new cities, whether they suck or not I still get to see new places. I get to do bullshit work (meaning, 3 hours of actual work on a 8-9 hour day) and get paid for it.

When I started "righting" this post, I had a grander vision for it. But now I think that vision is lost. Oh well, I get to come home tomorrow.

Merry Christmas!

Quick Math Problem

(Don't worry its multiple choice)

X-Mas Time + Me + JCottonmouth + Hock + Rambo + The Biz + Doodlepoops - Claudio + Bar = ?

a.) xmastimemejottonmothhockrmbothebzodepoopsbar
b.) the best idea ever
c.) the worst idea ever
d.) impossible to pull off
e.) happening ASAP

Choose wisely....

But seriously, bar tonight (Tuesday)?

Thank You Mormons!

I don't claim to know anything about Mormons and their crazy religion. (I think all religions are crazy) The Mormon people however are really nice. During today's big snow storm, amongst various other incidents, a group of young Mormon boys (all dressed in their suits per usual) helped to dig my car out of the snow so I could get the fuck outta Dodge.

So I want to personally thank those Mormon boys for helping me out today. Maybe someday when I have some money, I'll donate to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (yeah, probably not, but it's a nice gesture)

Thanks again!

I like to title my posts like Emo bands like to title their songs...you know, it has nothing to do with what the actual post is about. Anyways,

It's Another Block of Movies Time presented by viewer's like you. It has been just under two months and I have seen fifty more movies. Some good, some really good, and some very bad (in an order that is pretty close to how much I like them, comparatively).

Really Good
Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Role Models, Ed Wood, Lords of Dogtown, After Sex, Eagle Eye, Bickford Schmeckler's Cool Ideas, Hamlet 2, Vanilla Sky, Bolt 3-D, The Oh! in Ohio,

Comments: Zack and Miri and Role Models are definite hits, but I think I would only see Bolt if it was in 3-D. Hamlet 2 dragged in the first half, but really got me laughing with the performance. After Sex = hot Mila Kunis girl/girl action part.

Good
Be Cool, The House Bunny, The Big White, Diggers, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, King of California, Clay Pigeons, Flashbacks of a Fool, Kids in America, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, I Could Never Be Your Woman, Layer Cake, Hard Rain, Event Horizon, Saw V, My Best Friend's Girl, Harold, Swordfish, Rent, Cube

Comments: There were a bunch of movies that didn't quite make it because they only had "moments": Harold, My Best Friend'd Girl, I Could Never Be Your Woman (mostly from Paul Rudd), etc. I would definitely recommend the first 5 or 6 movies, though.

Not So Bad

Sweet November, Employee of the Month, The Holiday, The Promotion, Bladerunner, The Pagemaster, Radio Flyer, Hollywoodland, The Hammer

Comments: All of these movies only had their moments. You would have thought with John C. Reilly and Sean William Scott in The Promotion it would have been funny, but it was just boring at times.

Bad
The Black Dahlia, The Pink Panther, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Mad Money, Over Her Dead Body, The Mutant Chronicles, Postal, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Fly Me to the Moon, Soap Dish

Comments: These aren't really worth any time. Here's why: The Black Dahlia is just terrible and confusing, Journey to the... has parts in it that are physically impossible and scientifically inaccurate, and maybe Fly Me to the Moon would have been better in 3-D, but it was so not funny I will never know.

I'm outie 5000!

The Day the Earth Stood Still review

This movie was a mixed bag for me. I liked the plot and the special effects, but the execution was just sub-par.

The movie starts off with no real explanation of anything, which is guess is kind of expected, but it still leaves you with a feeling of "what the fuck happened!?" Then you meet Jennifer Connelly. She looked sickly. But that's the way everyone looked in this movie. I don't know if its the way the movie was shot or if it was just bad makeup, but no one really looked that good. Most people looked sickly or anorexic. I also don't believe that Jennifer Connelly can be that kind of scientist. This has nothing to do with her being an attractive woman, she just was not able to convince me that she's that smart.

On the topic of characters, I'm going to comment on my least favorite: Jacob (Jaden Smith). He was just such a whiny bitch. He complained about everything and he didn't have any logic, reason, or common sense. He gave me no reason to like him. In fact, I despised him, through out the whole film, even when he somehow saved the day. I just couldn't like him at all.

Another character that I didn't like was Regina (Kathy Bates). I guess she was a character to parody the incredible destructiveness of the United States, but that probably makes me hate her more. She embodies America's "shoot first, ask later" mentality. She doesn't want to reason with Klatu (Keanu Reeves), she just wants to make him leave or kill him. Seriously, is that how people think? No one can be that unreasonable, can they?

Enough with the bad, let me talk about the good. I like Reeves' Klatu. I think he did a good job at remaining mysteriously dangerous. He didn't give much away, but still did quite a bit. He did look a little too skinny and sickly though...

The animation/CG was pretty damn good though. I enjoyed the scene when the sphere first landed on Earth. You didn't know what was going to happen and it all had an epic feel to it.

I did like the movie, I just think the execution and some of the cast could have been better. 7 out of 10.

What the fuck is normalcy?

So I finally graduated college. It may have taken longer than most people (1 semester longer). So, do either of my parents congratulate me? No. Instead, they ask "So, when are you getting a real job?" "I don't want you working in a restaurant all your life." Then my mom proceeds to compare me to my eldest brother, who is apparently the head cook in the prison he is currently incarcerated.

I can only imagine how it will be when (notice I use the word 'when' and not 'if', because I have more faith in myself than my parents do) I do get a job. Will I finally get my "We're so proud of you son!"? or will it be "So, when are you going to get a girlfriend, or get married, or buy a house and start a family?". Well I don't ever want a fucking house, and I'm still unsure of the family thing.

I can't tell if I'll just never be good enough for my parents, or if I'm just living in my brother's "successful" or "normal" shadow (other brother, not the one in prison).

Why does a "normal" life have to consist of a desk job, a house, a yard, kids. That's not what I want, so why the fuck does everyone want that for me?

Well this was just a rant, and I'm done. Man I used a lot of "quotes" in this post.

A Love Story

So, today while sitting alone in my apartment, having nothing to do, having no money, and all of my friends being out of town, I decided to watch a delightful film recommended to me by Goerg called; Wristcutters: A Love Story.

It sounds like it's going to be depressing, but it really is a good flick. It's really just a quarky tale with a lot of hidden messages left up to the viewer's interpretation. The movie really could have gone in a completley different direction than it did, but I like how it turned out.

I don't know exactly where all of you other bloggers religious views fall, but being Agnostic, this film gives a very unique and not completely unbelievable afterlife for those who "off themselves".

I really recommend that you all see this movie. It has a great cast too!

My Creative Side

Hey CFuckers,

I wanted to let you all know that I created my own blog. It will feature the poems and songs I have written since like 2002 or something. In no way will my second blog will get in the way of my favorite blog. Don't think I'm cheating on you. I figured it isn't really interesting to anyone but me, but if you enjoy it, feel free to comment. Well, if you are interested the site is: Right Fuckin' Here. Thanks, dudes.

GOERG

A Hero's Struggle

After watching Heroes yesterday and recently watching Hancock, I noticed that the heroes had to fight and struggle in order to keep or get back their powers. Hiro keeps getting the short end of the stick in that department. When ever something goes right for him, it usually ends in heartache, disappointment, or turns into another struggle.

Well, that got me thinking...if you had any power, one that you would want to keep...would you go through the trials of a hero to keep those powers? Even if it meant going through heartache and never knowing if you'll actually succeed? Can you handle the struggle?

My answer is yes! If I had the chance to do something great with a power that's among a few elite, or even if I was the sole person on earth with a power, I would want to do something great. My life would be one long quest, complete with side missions and leveling up...but for real.

What's worst than shoving a rabid howler monkey in your belly button and having it eat its way out your ear?

That would be rush hour traffic. I have seen the evil and torture that is rush hour. Sure, I have been in it before, but today it really irked me. I was on a 4 lane highway. 4 FUCKING LANES! For some reason, the 2 left most lanes actually stopped! I can see the far right stopping from the abundance of people getting on the freeway via the multiple on-ramps, but that's their fault for being in that lane if they have to stop. I can also see the middle right lane stopping, or slowing down tremendously to let others merge. But the left lanes? Seriously?! If people knew how to keep moving without freaking out and hitting everyone, then rush hour would just be normal traffic. I was in and out of lanes for a while, cruising at 70. Its totally possible to drive fucking normally during rush hour, but when you put 1000s of dumbasses on the road at once you get the single biggest headache of the day. God damn, most of them are women.

My scientific and very credible opinion has me estimating that 80 percent of drivers on the road are not worthy of a driver's license. But since the economy relies on car purchases, crashes (insurance premiums), and gas (all you do is waste it in rush hour), you won't see those people off the road anytime soon.

If there was just more common sense to go around, i'd probably only be 5% less pissed off. Fucking women, Asians, black people, and dickheads in SUVs.

FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!

Scurvy Knave

So... apparently I might have scurvy. Can you believe that crap? Apparently scurvy is not as awful as I expected it to be for the name - it is just a vitamin c deficiency but it would explain a LOT of shit that's been going on with me. In fact, considering how infrequently I eat fruit, it's possible I may have had this deficiency for years and that is the reason I get so down sometimes. Also smoking makes it easier to get. So basically yarrr. I'm a pirate. I'll keep you all updated. But this is good because it means I'm probably not dying.

LOL

Classic. Priest molestation is still funny

5 Years Ago

5 years ago, I never thought I'd be where I am in life. I was just entering college thinking I was going to major in business and, in all honesty, not have a clue what I was going to do with that. Probably work in some cubicle. Thank God I'm not.

3 years ago, was majoring in hospitality business. I originally tried that because I want to own a bar someday. Then I took a couple of hotel classes and wanted to run a hotel. Once again, thank God I'm not, hotels are a bitch to run.

2 years ago, I started majoring in telecommunications, thinking I would end up working at a movie production house. Obviously that didn't happen.

Now I'm out of college and at the point in my life where I know things never work out like I planned. Hell, 10 years ago, I thought I was going to be a mechanical engineer. Nothing is going like I hoped. Most of that is due to laziness. I could actually have skills in something if I actually tried. But, I didn't. And that has screwed me in life. I know nothing and have no skill.

The thing is, I'm not that pissed at the direction my life is taking. I believe things can be better, but at the moment, I'm pretty happy. I know for sure I don't want to work for JJs for very long (5 years, max...unless something good happens). I still want to open a bar at some point in my life and hopefully I will and it ends up being successful. Who knows what will happen when I move out to Denver. Who knows who I'll meet, what I'll learn, and where this thing called "life" will take me.

Maybe its a good thing my life didn't turn out like I wanted it too. I'm only in the first quarter of my life though, so who knows what will happen later. Hell, I still want to be a stunt driver for movies. That'd be awesome.

Cheerio

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 6)

So many of these episodes are bringing back those memories and shows me how funny they still are, all these years later.

Number 5: "Round Springfield" (Episode 125)

Bart eats a metallic Krusty-O and, while he recovers in the hospital, Lisa runs into an old friend, Bleeding Gums Murphy.

Favorite quote:
Hot dog vendor: "Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here!"
Homer: "Woo hoo!"
Marge: "What do you do, follow my husband around?"
Hot dog vendor: "Lady, he's putting my kids through college!"

Number 4: "Bart of Darkness" (Episode 104)

The summer heat is cranking up and the Simpson children decide to annoy Homer and Marge enough that they get their own pool. Bart breaks his leg and cannot enjoy it so decides to spy on people with his telescope.

Favorite quotes:
Homer: "All right, everybody in the pool!"
Amish Guy: "It's a fine barn but sure 'tis no pool English."
Homer: "Doe'th!"

"Don't be alarmed, continue swimming naked. Oh come on! Ah, alright Lou open fire." - Chief Wiggum

Number 3: "A Star is Burns" (Episode 121)

Springfield decides to host a film festival and they bring in Jay Sherman from "The Critic" to help out.

Favorite quote:
Barney: "My name is Barney Gumbel and I'm an alcoholic."
Lisa: "Mr. Gumbel, this is a girl scout meeting."
Barney: "Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?"

Number 2: "Homer the Great" (Episode 115)

Need I say more than one word to describe this episode: Stonecutters

Favorite quote:
Grampa: "I'm an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, I'm the President of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason, ah here it is, the Stonecutters."
Homer: "This is it! This is my ticket in! They have to let me join if I'm the son of a member! I'll take this Communist one too."

Number 1: "Treehouse of Horror V" (Episode 109)

The Shinning, Time and Punishment and Nightmare Cafeteria.

Favorite quotes:
Homer: "David Letterman!"
Grampa: "Hi David, I'm Grampa!"

"Oh I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish." - Homer

Oh, the weather outside is weather...

Well, it's the last day of the semester (besides exams) and I am feeling happy. It could very well be the coldest day of the year so far and I have a smile plastered to my face. You may ask yourself, "Why, freak?" Winter is one of my favorite seasons because it is the most beautiful season. It is at the point where we just had a gorgeous end-of-fall and the snow hasn't quite broken everyone's spirits. The fresh layer of snow blankets the mud, dirt, and leaves. The trees bow down under the weight of the snow. The sunsets that are early and vibrant. And the comical way people try to bundle up and also try to stay fashionable. Here are some of pictures that I took around campus and around my apartment that showcase these said beauties:

Red Cedar (sans all the visible pollution)

Obedient Trees Bowing over the Red Cedar
Sunset over the field by my place (see my car?)The Day is Through

Have a wonderful day, everybody.
Love, GOERG

Tgiving

Thank you all once again for such an amazing break. I am truly blessed to have the friends I do. I don't think there was a single moment I frowned until I was packing up my things to leave.
Much love

ps. I want to see this picture of me and pat :)

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 5)

It is getting harder and harder to choose a top 5! I may have to change format soon.

Number 5: "Homer Loves Flanders" (Episode 97)

Flanders wins tickets to the big football game and invites Homer, who then becomes best friends with Flanders...much to Flanders annoyance.

Favorite quote:
"Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital somewhere who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him to inspire you." - Mr. Burns

Number 4: "Lady Bouvier's Lover" (Episode 102)

Marge's mother is smitten with both Abe Simpson and Mr. Burns, ultimately walking to the altar with Burns, but leaves with Grampa.

Favorite quote:
"You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to." - Grampa

Number 3: "Homer's Barbershop Quartet" (Episode 82)

The Be Sharps story is the topic of this episode.

Favorite quote:
"Dad, thanks to television I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago. Really I can't, it's a serious problem!" - Bart

Number 2: "Cape Feare" (Episode 83)

Sideshow Bob sends Bart threatening letters, forcing the Simpsons to become the Thompsons in Witness Protection.

Favorite quote:
Bart: "Take him away boys."
Chief Wiggum: "Hey, I'm the Chief here. Bake him away toys."
Lou: "What did you say Chief?"
Chief Wiggum: "Do what the kid says."

Number 1: "Treehouse of Horror IV" (Episode 86)

The three minisodes include "The Devil and Homer Simpson," "Terror at 5 1/2 feet," and "Bart Simpsons Dracula."

Favorite quotes:
Mr. Burns: "Welcome, come in! Ah fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead."
Smithers: "Sir you have to let go of the button."
Mr. Burns: "Well son of a bit..."

Homer: "Wait a minute, you are a vampire!"
Grampa: "Quick, we have to kill the boy!"
Marge: "How'd you know he was a vampire?"
Grampa: "He's a vampire?! AHHH!"

Voice Of Our Generation Indeed

I promise this will be my last Kanye inspired post. But it's not really inspired by him, so I think it's ok. This is actually inspired by the last two times I went to the bar. When it occurred to me that despite how much I hate Kanye, he may be right. He may be the voice of this generation.

At some point around my senior year of undergrad and my first year of grad school, pop culture took one of the most drastic shifts I've ever noticed in my life. For a while I thought it was just 80s fashion coming back in style and my moving to a different state. But it was more far reaching than that. When I was at the Rochester brewery last night, I was SERIOUSLY underdressed in a tshirt and jeans. Not like anyone cares - but seriously, I've never seen so many people dressed up to go out for a random night of drinking in my life. And it occurred to me that we have transitioned away from the 90s/early2000s "look at how much I don't care about anything" sentiments (which coincidentally resulted in the interest in vintage clothing, ripped jeans, 70s style clothing). Now we want to look rich. We want to look glamorous. And this is why 80s fashion has come back in style - big gaudy jewelry, absurdly colored printed tees and all. Designer drugs have come back with a vengeance, partially in part to the infusion of drugs into hip hop culture and pop culture in general, but more so just because it's the new "hip" thing. Drugs and rap music have always gone hand in hand, but it used to be in the "my life is so hard living on the streets" way.

There's a good reason why I don't pay much attention to lyrics in songs anymore, besides a select few artists. Because it's true, lyrics nowadays truly do not speak to me. They may speak to others, but not to me. I miss the subtle poetry (why Radiohead still speaks to me more than any other group does). I like electronic music in the same way I like most classical music - all that really matters is what the music itself is saying, not the words. Nobody goes to see an opera to hear beautiful lyrics. They go to hear a beautiful voice.

I dunno really what I wanted to say through this post, it's just something I'm seeing. I've never been the guy on the forefront of trends, but I do notice things. So I guess we can look forward to a new upsurge of grunge in about ten years or so.

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 4)

The seasons start to get better and better!

Number 5: "Last Exit to Springfield" (Episode 76)

In this episode, Mr. Burns takes away the Dental Plan from the Springfield Power Plant Union and they elect Homer President of the Union to get back the plan, mostly because Lisa needs braces too.

Favorite quote:
"Where's my burrito? Where's my burrito?" - Homer

Number 4: "Krusty Gets Kancelled" (Episode 81)

Gabbo makes his way to Springfield, taking over Krusty's time slot and forcing his show into cancellation. With the help of Bette Midler, Hugh Hefner and Johnny Carson, he gets a special show together and kicks out Gabbo.

Favorite quote:
"Come on you stupid horse, I've got my last ten bucks on you! No, don't look at me! Run!! No, don't come over here. Oh boy." - Krusty

Number 3: "Treehouse of Horror III" (Episode 64)

Episodes include "Clown Without Pity," "King Homer," and "Dial "Z" for Zombie."

Favorite quote:
Bart: "Grampa, where'd you get the money?"
Grampa: "The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment I'll raise hell!"

Number 2: "Homer's Triple Bypass" (Episode 70)

Homer's continuous bad eating habits catch up to him as he has a heart attack and must go to Dr. Nick to get an inexpensive surgery.

Favorite quote (I have two):
Marge: "Homer's in the hospital, they think it's his heart!"
Patty/Selma: "Oh my God! Five cents off wax paper."

Homer: "Kids, I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people."
Lisa: "What about Abe Lincoln?"
Homer: "He sold poison milk to school children."

Number 1: "So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show" (Episode 77)

The classic April Fool's episode where Bart shakes up the Duff can which puts Homer into the hospital.

Favorite quote:
"Coma? I go in and out of comas all the (zzzzzzz) French toast please." - Grampa

Thankful Givings

Happy Thanksgiving, Mother-Clusters!

I hope your days are wonderful with your families everybody.

Some thoughts:
Last night was fuckin' awesome! At the bar, we all got super gay and wouldn't have had it any other way. It was nice to see all my far-away friends: The Biz, B-Don, and even Kiznox (who really shouldn't and WON'T be a "far-away friend" anymore). After the bar, JCottonmouth, Hock, Kiznox all went to JC's house to after-partay...and who should show up, but Geggles and Justine Luttrell! So at two in the morning, a second round of awesome started. After putzing around for a while (and Kiznox passing out, and Hock taking him home) we decided to head into the hot tub, which is exactly what the doctor ordered. It was so relaxing...and plus Justine is super hot in a "bathing suit". So after an hour or so in the jacuzzi, we pulled our pruney selves out of the hot water and directly into the snow covered outside hell. We dried off and we went our separate ways. And I finally arrived home at 5:45 am. So I would like to THANK all of you for GIVING me a great night. (Double pun?)

And today the fun doesn't stop. Marky is having dinner with my family and later Claudio, Gegs, Justine, and possibly Hock are coming over to hang out after dinner! Fuck yeah!

Peace and Love, (Cluster) fuckers.

**Hope you all get super fat today!**

Burcham Reunion

Well, JCottonmouth came to visit for Thanksgiving and we had a Burcham Boys reunion of sorts. Once Hock got home from work (around midnight), we began the usual drinking (slash other stuff) shenanigans. It was great. We played Euchre and listened to Umphrey's. Then after the game, we watched Clone High. Then I went to bed.

This story sucks. I thought I would post this because it is nice having Mark around.

Love, GOERG

R.I.P. Rose McMahon

Recently my aunt gave birth to premature twins, born after only 24 weeks. The girl (Rose) was struggling pretty bad and died last night. The boy (Raymond) is faring much better and should make a full recovery. The thing that irks me the most is that my uncle is one of the nicest guys I know. He doesn't deserve this pain. I called him earlier today and almost lost my shit because he was just out of it, and I've never heard him sound so depressed before. I just hope they can pull through, because this is just tragic. Goodbye, Rose, I wish I was able to meet you before you left this world.

Fuck You, Beyonce

So tonight, when we were closing, I heard the song "If I Were A Boy" (something like that) by Beyonce. All I gotta say is Fuck you, Beyonce! She's a man hater. Some of the lines in that song include, "I'd listen to her, because I know how it hurts" and "I'd put myself first, and make up the rules as I go." Shut the fuck up, bitch! I used to like this girl too. She was smokin'. But this song makes me just despise her. She's stereotyping-man hating. That's the worst kind. Piss off, slut.

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 3)

I told you I had it completed but I just now finalized it. Enjoy!

Number 5: “Like Father, Like Clown” (Episode 41)

Krusty goes to the Simpson household for dinner and is reminded of his estrangement to his Rabbi father. Bart & Lisa attempt to find him and convince him to reconcile with his son, for both of their sakes.

Favorite quote:
Homer: “Son, you don’t have to follow in my footsteps.”
Bart: “Don’t worry, I don’t even like using the bathroom after you.”

Number 4: “Black Widower” (Episode 56)

Sideshow Bob marries Selma after being released from prison. She begins to despise her and eventually plans to kill her by running the gas in their honeymoon apartment, waiting for her to light a match for her cigarette and blow herself sky high. Bart, however, foils his plans once again.

Favorite quote:
Bart: “Chief Wiggum, you think you have room in jail for a two time loser?”
Chief Wiggum: “Well no frankly, but that never stopped us before!”

Number 3: “Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?” (Episode 59)

Herb returns with a new idea of how to make his fortune back. He creates a machine that translates baby talk so parents can understand what their kids are saying. He reconciles with Homer and buys the family gifts. Homer also won the Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.

Favorite quote:
Scientist: “This can’t be right; this man has 104% body fat! Hey, no eating in the tank!”
Homer: “Go to hell.”

Number 2: “Homer at the Bat” (Episode 52)

The Plant softball team goes on a huge winning streak with Homer’s lucky bat but Burns makes a wager with the Shelbyville Power Plant owner for the Championship game and he does not want to lose. He goes out and recruits baseball players like Ozzie Smith, Jose Canseco, Don Mattingly and Roger Clemens. In the end, something weird happens to each one of them (except Darryl Strawberry) and Homer “drives” in the winning run.

Favorite quote:
Homer: “You’re Darryl Strawberry.”
D.S.: “Yes.”
Homer: “You play right field.”
D.S.: “So?”
Homer: “Well, are you better than me?”
D.S.: “Well I’ve never met you but…yes.”

Number 1: “Treehouse of Horror II” (Episode 42)

The kids and Homer eat too much candy and each has their own nightmare. Lisa’s nightmare includes a monkey claw that grants wishes, Bart’s includes him as a monster that makes everyone think happy thoughts, and Homer’s involves him being killed and his brain transplanted into a robot.

Favorite quote:
Smithers: “Did you hear that sir?”
Mr. Burns: “No, I didn’t, who is it? Frankenstein? The Boogerman?”
Smithers: “It’s the man in the bag sir, I think he’s alive.”
Mr. Burns: “Oh. (beating bag with shovel) Bad corpse! Bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers.”

Coming soon...Season 4!

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 2)

The next batch of Simpsons episodes has arrived! I have actually completed Season 3 as well and will be posting that soon. Enjoy!

Number 5: “Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?” (Episode 28)

Homer finds out he has a half-brother, Herbert Powell (voiced by Danny DeVito), who lives in Detroit. Homer goes to visit him only to discover he is rich and owns Powell Motors. He ultimately lets Homer design the car for the average man, which is so terrible it bankrupts Herb.

Favorite quote:
“A millionaire?! (whispers to himself) I kept the wrong one.” – Grampa

Number 4: “Lisa’s Substitute” (Episode 32)

Ms. Hoover goes out on a medical leave with Lyme Disease and is replaced with Mr. Bergstrom (voiced by Dustin Hoffman). Lisa loves the style of teaching and how much she is learning from Mr. Bergstrom that she is devastated when Ms. Hoover returns.

Favorite quote:
“Hey, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand” – Homer

Number 3: “Bart Gets an F” (Episode 14)

Bart fails a test and is threatened to be held back a year if he does not improve. He enlists the help of Martin Prince and prays for a snow day so that he can have another day to study. Despite his best efforts, he still fails the test but, after an obscure historical reference, he passes with a D-.

Favorite quote:
“I got a D-, I passed! I got a D-, I passed! I passed! I…kissed the teacher!” – Bart

Number 2: “Bart Gets Hit by a Car” (Episode 23)

Bart gets hit by Mr. Burns while skateboarding and is promised by Lionel Hutz they will receive a big cash settlement. He takes Bart to Dr. Nick for further examination, which is all phony. Marge’s conscience gets the best of her and Burns finds out about the phony diagnosis and retracts his settlement.

Favorite quote:
Lawyer: “Your Honor, my client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, and that he is not like other men.”
Mr. Burns: “I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!”

Number 1: Treehouse of Horror (Episode 16)

The three sections of the episode include “Bad Dream House,” “Hungry are the Damned” and “The Raven.” The episode (and the next two following) are labeled “The Simpson’s Halloween Special” and not yet the Treehouse title.

Favorite quote:
The entire poem “The Raven” as it is one of my favorite poems.

My Weekend

My weekend started on Friday, when I woke up at 7:30 and realized, "I am soooo not going to class." I rolled off the couch and played Guitar Hero World Tour until Hock woke up (at 1 pm-ish). I waited around for Claudio to get off work and then we smizzed a bizz and watched the newest episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," The Office," and "30 Rock." I had to immediately kick him out after that because I had to drive to Rochester and take care of my family's animals while they were out of town (my sisiter in Mt. Pleasant and my parents in Owosso). I watched 3 movies that night, whcih were all merely OK. On Friday, I watched: Hollywoodland (Diane Lane is f'n hot in that movie), Employee of the Month (completely predictable, but had its moments), and The Holiday (a little draggy) and on Saturday morning: Rent (decent music, more rock than I expected!). After the movie ended, I walked all four dogs and putzed around the house for a while, got in contact with the 'rents and then took off. I got back in EL/Okemos just to have Hock tell me that my good buddy JCottonmouth was only 20 minutes away!!! Fuck yeah! Hock, JC, and I went to Menna's Joint and shot the shit for a while. Then SVG met us back at the apartment and we played some more GHWT. JC took off to see an opera rehearsal and SVG and I smizzed a bizz (per usual) and left to go see Hamlet 2 at his work. The movie was a little less funny than I had expected. I thought Amy Poehler had a bigger part. The first part of the movie dragged at parts, but the production of Hamlet 2 (equipped with "Rock Me Sexy Jesus") was hysterical. After that I hung around SVG's work, and then we set off to see a stand-up comedian at the International Center next door. Kyle Dunnigan was performing. (For those of you who don't know, Kyle Dunnigan is Trudy Wiegal's boyfriend on Reno 911! He is the serial killer.) I have seen his Comedy Central Presents before and he did a few jokes from that and he extended a few of them. (Run-on sentence, fuck it.) My sides were hurting so much from laughing so hard. It was awesome. My Sunday was boring: Work -> sleep -> wake up -> eat -> TV (sunday night line-up) -> sleep. That's all.

Peace, buddies.

Someone Please Kill Kanye

The ever humble Kanye, who you might remember flipped out when he didn't get video of the year the first year he was even considered, has now declared himself "the voice of this generation".

"I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice," he said in an interview on Wednesday. "It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan."
The Grammy-winning rapper-producer said Justin Timberlake had a chance to be music's MVP, but hasn't put out enough material. "There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin went on vacation I made albums," he said. "And it just came out to be that."

I'm physically ill having read this. I wish Kanye West would die. Seriously. He is the worst thing to happen to music in recent history. I like a lot of rappers, and even though it's not my favorite genre, I don't mind hip hop. But Kanye's shit makes me want to beat anyone who lists him as a favorite artist within an inch of their life.

Why Is My Life SO Terrible Sometimes...

So I had a blast this weekend. It was nice to see some of you guys for a little bit, I'm looking forward to T-Giving break so we can continue this. I was terribly depressed while I was leaving, because I love East Lansing. Bloomington is not home. It will never be home. EL on the other hand does feel like home. And the other problem with Bloomington? Every time that I leave to go out of town recently, on the way back there's some sort of disaster. As in... last weekend on the way back from Louisville, Jessy getting dumped on the side of the road, getting a flat tire on the way back from Indy, having my oil run out and running over a carcass. And the newest addition to my repertory?
SO last night first of all, I hit a blinding snowstorm in the bottom of Michigan and eventually just had to pull over, but I called my sister and she told me if I could push through it, it'd be over in 20 miles, so as soon as I got a little north of Fort Wayne, it was just sprinkling rain. So then as I'm driving through Fort Wayne (which, mind you, is a big city, highly populated) what happens? I hit not one, but TWO DEER at the same time. Going 50 mph. They were just hanging out in the middle of the center lane and I plowed through the both of them. Miraculously the only damage to my car was a broken headlight and a crack in my fender, considering I hit them with enough force that my back seat opened. I'm also ridiculously sore today. So yeah. Next time I come to Michigan, I wish I could just stay forever. Fuck Bloomington
Love you guys
-Cottonmouth out