The Weekly WYR

That's right. I apologize for my lengthy absence, and a thank you to Cottonmouth for covering last week. I may be a little rusty when it comes to these but what better way to spend my lunch hour than answering those questions that boggle and intrigue the mind!

Would you rather...

Age backwards or relieve the same day all your life?

I can't imagine living the same day over and over, circa Groundhog's Day, but, at 22 years young, I cannot imagine only living 22 more years. Also, by aging backwards, I only have one more year possible before I would no longer be able to legally drink!! That we simply cannot allow.

Walk on water or breathe under it?

Well, if I could breathe under water I would obviously never drown and, Kiznox what I am going to say is not intended to be sacreligious, I would much rather walk over water so that I could get to places much faster. How cool would it be to just camp out right on the water? Take a trip across Lake Michigan or one of the Oceans without having to swim? Yeah, let's do that.

Sit next to an unshowered hobo or a Mormon missionary on a cross country flight?

I have a feeling that the smell would never diminish but I could just as easily tell the Mormon to shut the hell up. Just for shits and giggles, if he does happen to continue to talk, I'll just get drunk and pass out. Mormons have no problem with drinking right? :)

Have both of your hands cut off at once or have one finger cut off every month until they are gone?

That's actually a tough one and, from an HR prospective, I could get a lot of money on my "Accidental Death or Dismemberment" benefit. For that reason, I say that if I lose them both I would get reimbursed by my employer and would be eligible for disability as well. Another drain on the system would be created and our economy would continue to lose money paying for someone else's problems. Would I like to lose even a part of one finger? No. For the purposes of this question, it is fiscally irresponsible for me to lose fingers or hands.

Put a dildo up your butt or a piece of floss down your pee hole?

I really don't want to do either. Neither of those seem very comfy and I'm going to ask for help from my fellow bloggers on this one. Which would you rather do? I'm hurting just thinking about it.

Have sex with the girl of your dreams knowing that there's a trained sniper aimed at the back of your head with orders to shoot the second you came or have sex with the girl of your dreams knowing you would spontaneously combust the second it was over?

Well this is indeed a very specific WYR question. As I was typing it in I was thinking to myself that I probably, given either scenario, knowing that my death is in the near future, may not be able to even concentrate while sexing her up. How can you get into it knowing that you are going to die? On the bright side, if there is one, the last feeling you experience on this Earth is, God willing, one of the best orgasms of your life! I guess you can't complain too much there.

Date Susanna Wolff or marry Susanna Wolff?

I will admit that I had to look her up to see who she is and she is a College Humor staff member. I would probably take her out on a date, not sure about marriage though. That's a little too quick off the draw.