So I got an ipod

and I don't know how I went this long without one. It's kinda the best thing ever. The sound quality is amazing. So yay. And I'm officially over my deal against ipods and we're good friends now. I may become completely antisocial now and just listen to music constantly. Sound ok to everyone?

I did not get a wii. My sister is just weird.

I did however get an external hard drive, which is badass, along with a bunch of other smaller but still cool things like clothes, candy, and a usb hub. Altogether it was a pretty good haul!

Merry Christmas to All...

...And to all a good night!

Black Sheep

So break's been weird. And it's my fault.

I'm totally like the black sheep of the family, and they don't seem to get that. That might sound kinda weird, so let me explain. My family is perfect. Smart, dedicated, talented, whatever. My parents are well off, my sister just got married and everything. My dad drinks, but not all that often honestly, and no one in my family smokes, or really ever did drugs. So being around them is kinda like trying to live a double life. And what's worse is I'm not comfortable talking to my parents about Ben, especially since Sian's married now. I don't even know if they understand what my life as a gay man is like, or will be when I'm older. Would my grandma put up a picture of me and my husband (or whatever) up next to my mom's, sister's, aunt's and uncle's wedding pictures if I got married, or at least had a commitment ceremony? It's hard to tell. I know they are supportive of me, but I just don't really know how I fit in. I just want a fucking cigarette, and to get back to where I'm with my friends where I don't feel like I constantly have to hide things.

It makes me so upset that I feel like this on Christmas Eve. I miss my boyfriend so much it hurts, and every minute that passes while I'm alone at my house is another minute I'm wasting because I'm not seeing any of my friends. I'm not very happy right now, and I don't know what to do about it (although there's a big part of me that's tempted to take a year off, but I don't really even feel like that's an option at this point.

I just don't know.

Regardless, Merry Christmas to all, and much love

Spears is Pregnant!

Not Brittany, but her 16 year old sister! Apparently Jamie Lynn couldn't stand only being an aunt, I guess she wanted to be a mom too. Well, probably not, but either she's having a kid or this is one huge stupid publicity stunt...for someone who isn't famous. Hopefully she will have better parenting skills than Brittany.

CRASH! and thats the sound of silence breaking...

Because it had to be broken.

Hmmm...some pretty interesting things have happened over the past few weeks:

-my car broke, kinda.
-I disovered a shit ton of new music. Listening to it now.
-I'm good at looking like things.
-Golden Compass was a disappointment.
-So was I am Legend.
-Been watching a lot of movies lately. Mostly with Mark in town and no one having any ideas/money to really go out on the town.
-Learned to truly appreciate the free irish creamer at the gas station.
-discovered that the temple of doom is real. Looking for experienced sherpa.
-Started moving really slowly on the grill. Dont know why. Should probably speed things up a bit.
-Want another cigarette, but that would be chain smoking at 130 in the morning, which cannot be good.
-Still looking for apartments. Would love to have my own bathroom, sheerly for the sake of decorating another room of my own! I could totally do interior design for a living. Does that take any real experience?
-Been working on more crosswords lately. That has been pretty fun, actually. Word!
-If you arent laughing about that, you really should be. Its worth at least a chuckle about how lame it is. I mean, its borderline so lame that its funny. Cut me a break here. Jeez.
-Saved the world from ridiculously stereotypical mole men with help of trusty necromancer. No, the tights do not supress fire and stay completely in tact like in most comics. This bad ass mother fucker wore battle-damage awesomeness.
-Still want that smoke.
-Learned that I really do enjoy listening to Umphrees.
-Muse is awesome.
-Thought about putting together a top 10 list of my favorite music, but then realized that unless I can put each song on the list with the help of audio...trail off...not doing it, long thought process...
-Americas Most Smartest Model has got to be the dumbest fucking thing on television. How the mighty have fallen...eh, Ben Stine?
-I am addicted to watching Tila Tequila. Its like a drug.
-Fuck you if you didnt think that was funny.
-Ok, maybe not fuck you, but come on...its cute.
-Fiona Apple is someone that I would like to own a lot more music of.
-I still have ALL of my christmas shopping left to do.
-Currently listening to Sara Bareilles doing a cover of Take on Me. Awesome. Sexy.
-Have some of that popcorn kernal skin shit stuck in my teeth and it is driving me fucking nuts! I could just go brush it out, but I know that it is so much more satisfying to tongue it out. Ya know?
-Devendra Banhart is also awesome.
-Would definitely like to get together on christmas eve at the bar and get ished on cheap booze and family.
-Sappy Sap Sap Sap.
-My knee really fucking hurts.

Is silence golden?

And a silence fell over the blog. No one had an opinion, not even an irk. The silence fell deep over all the neighboring towns, devouring all sound. Nothing could stop it, nothing at all. Only a few men could save the city from total silence. They calleed themselves the Clusterfuck.


Where'd everyone go?

I'm sick of having to be so correct

also known as "why my major blows, reason number 900765"

So I'm REALLY agitated about this.

I am SO sick of being in a major and in a career that actually decides for me (if I want to be successful) what I wear, how I act, what I do or don't do, how I live my life, etc.

I know that in theory nothing decides who I am except me. But really, I know that basically the way to the top in the arts is to kiss every ass I meet for the next 15 years. And I'm so fucking over it. What if I want to wear clothes that are "inappropriate" for a grad student to wear? What if I want to drink? What if I want a piercing? What if I don't fucking feel like going to your boring ass class? What if I just want to spend my money on bullshit?

This may make me sound very irresponsible. I assure everyone this is not where it comes from.

My entire life I feel like I have worked SO hard to come across as clean, and polite, and like good little Marky. Part of it has been to keep my parents happy, but otherwise it's just this burden that I feel like the "real world" has placed on me. And I got news for you - I've seen my career path, and it lies FAR outside the realm of the "real world". I want to buy a shirt from Baked (a sweet ass cookie store around here) that says "I get Baked before class". That shit is hilarious. But I feel like I'm literally FIGHTING against my sense of reason, which tells me that if I'm wearing that shirt around campus and see a music professor, I could cause a fucking HUGE issue. It just makes me so FUCKING mad.

I have had to work very hard in figuring out who I am, and I still have so far to go. I do not want to be defined by what I do professionally. I fucking HATE singers. they are cocky, annoying, and don't know what to do besides talk about themselves or bring up annoying music-related subject matter. And you know what I realized? I don't care. I don't care what you have to say. I don't care who you met over the summer. I don't care what aria you're working on. I just want you to stop talking to me so I can put my earbuds back in and keep listening to my psychedelic music.

What makes me even angrier is when I was talking to someone in choir about the Umphrey's concert who said "Is that one of your crazy bands you listen to? I gave up on trying to do that a long time ago."

seriously?

I have seen peers and professionals perform. NUMEROUS times. Some are very talented, others not so. But I can very honestly and confidently say that the musicians in Umphrey's McGee are among the greatest I have ever seen in my life. If you can't sit down and judge every piece of music for its artistic merit, if you think that one type of music is the only one which is legitimate, I feel sorry for you. And there's a good reason why I'm always told that my performances are so musical - because I have experienced SO many different types of music, and I still feel like there's so much out there still to hear. Every piece of music I have heard has added something to my ideas about how to perform, be it things to bring out, or things to avoid. If you only listen to opera, chances are your performing will be just like everybody else's. And that's not the way to rise to the top.

Some people think they've got it all figured out. And maybe for them, that's all they need. But I have realized over the past 5 years or so that there is SO MUCH MORE to the world than I ever imagined. I want to finish up my degree, but after that, for god's sake, I want to be able to LIVE a little bit. It's stressful not having money. And I'd really like to be able to pay off my loans. But there are parts of me that are so fucking angry that I bothered to go to grad school. I should have waited. I should have sat and really thought about what I wanted, rather than rushing into what seemed like a good idea.

Don't get me wrong, everyone. I love singing. I really like IU. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love and who loves me. I don't feel like I'm in the wrong place or situation. I just feel like some of the circumstances are off.

And by circumstances, I mean people.

to bring this all full circle, I will say this. I'm gonna get a gym membership over break and work off the rest of my gut. Maybe buy some tight-ass low rise gay jeans. Or a completely inappropriate shirt. I just don't care about making those impressions anymore. I'm tired of trying to look pleasant. I'd rather risk having someone think I look tacky for the possibility of someone seeing me and remembering me the next time they pass me on campus.

FUCK EVERYONE RAWR!!!







on another note, I really gotta run tomorrow. that rant got a little intense there - gotta let off some steam evidently

Man, Life is Nuts

So I haven't written in ages but life has been CRAZY. I just turned in my last assignment yesterday (a huge project), and now have been able to party it up. Or rather, now I can without anything to worry about. Ben is still wonderful and he's great to me, although I am beginning to hit the amount of time when I get paranoid in dating (if we date for like another week, it will be my longest non-long distance relationship. So sad... Although things are going really well still so no worries :). I've been gettin really wasted a lot - making up for lost time at the beginning of the semester. By lost time I mean time not spent drinking. I've listened to the second CD of In Rainbows now and it's fantastic. I'm really happy it included a few good up tempo songs like "Down is the New Up", "Up on the Ladder" and "Bangers and Mash". If these are "b-sides", they're certainly higher quality than the majority of radiohead's b-sides recently. I'm planning on doing some psychadelics this week and again over break. I can't fuckin wait. I'm such a drug addict haha...
anyway that's pretty much it

The Weekly WYR

I know there have not been many posts but I have began my full time internship and have not had time to think let alone put those thoughts on the blog. So I will give you my thoughts and interpretations of this week's WYR.

Would You Rather...

Have Tourette's Syndrome and let out loud curse words or Chewbacca howls?

I am a big fan of Star Wars but the only complaint that I have for the series is just how damn annoying that howl is. I know it would be unprofessional, yet funny, to hear curse words but which is weirder in the end? I think it's the howls.

Be addicted to crack or masturbation?

Is there really anything wrong with the latter? I mean in theory it is not a disease or anything, it's just tiring sometimes. I really don't see the comparison as I would never even go near crack but I would like to hear an argument for the former in this case.

Be Indiana Jones' sidekick, Shourtround or Chunk from the Goonies?

The Goonies is a classic movie that I have not seen in years but used to see all the time before that. Even so, Indiana Jones would be fun to ride along with as well. He is someone who gets into a whole lot of danger though. In the end, who wouldn't want to say "Hey you guys!" and get a good response every time. Plus the guy who played him back then is doing pretty well educationally for himself. We'll go with Chunk.

Be incredibly, ridiculously looking or be incredibly, ridiculously intelligent?

I think I may have mistyped because who is going to select the option of ridiculously looking over intelligent? I'm going with the assumption, and I could look it up but I am lazy, that it should have "good" in front of the looking. Either way, I'm taking intelligence.

Yell "Schwing!" every time you get a boner or yell "Honk!" every time you touch a woman's breast?

Well the former happens much more than the latter (God help me), so I cannot in good conscience take the "Schwing" part of this question, even though I know full well that taking the "Honk" part of it will ruin most chances anyway, so I'm screwed (and not literally either).

Be a really angry drunk every time you drink, and have to face the consequences of your drunken rampages, or be surrounded by ten far bigger and stronger angry drunks every time you drink?

I can be an angry drunk from time to time but usually there have not been dire consequences to face coming out of the nights. Why would I want to surround myself with bigger, stronger drunks? Now come on. I don't like the "really angry" part of the question but I guess if Vince can get away with being angry (and sometimes drunk) all the time, anyone can.

Have TiVo that made fart noises or have your farts sound like TiVo noises?

Well I have off-brand TiVo so I defer to Kiznox on this (since he came up with that nickname) and ask: What would you like my off brand TiVo to make noises of?

Have sex with a beautiful woman ten separate times or have sex with ten beautiful women all at once - one time only?

Okay, having ten beautiful women at the same time would just be a little too bunched together don't ya think? At this point I'll take the beautiful woman ten separate times and go about my merry way, thank you very much!

Alternative Eye Candy of the Day

The only three reasons I would ever watch Gossip Girl

Chace Crawford (who's been on here a few times before)

Penn Badgley

and Ed Westwick

You boys should check out the girls too...

Drink More Coffee and Smoke Less

I found a really good article about how to beat death. You should check it out, it has some great tips in it.

I Do it Too...

But, lets face it...we all do it, to some extent.

One Upper

So I'm really paranoid about this now...
So it's been mentioned to me that I one up people a lot. On several occasions. And I've started noticing it when I talk and then I get embarrassed and self-conscious. So here's what I want to say. If at any point you ever feel like I've done this to you, I'm sorry. I HONESTLY never tell a story to try to one up someone - rather if I feel like I have a somewhat similar story that's funny, I tell it to try to relate to the conversation. I by NO MEANS think my stories are better or funnier or more exciting than other people's.

I blame it on Ideene (as I do with most of my bad conversational habits) :)

that's it
Cottonmouth out

SO CUTE!

I know I haven't written in a while - I promise I will soon. But for now here's the CUTEST PICTURE EVER

Let the Good Times Roll

I haven't posted in a while, so I'll just go ahead and use this space to tell you how much my life sucks. I am graduating (hopefully) in May, but I don't have a damn clue what I'm going to do when I'm done. I don't have an internship, nor do I have experience in anything. I've wasted the better part of my college career killing all my brain cells. I seriously think I'm more dumb now than I was when I started college. Ben told me to put myself out there and do whatever it takes to get ahead, it doesn't matter if I have the experience or not, just do it. I want to believe that, but the way my life has gone so far, that won't work out for me very well. I have dreams and aspirations to make millions, but I have a very unsettling feeling that I'll end up working in some cubicle for $40k per year doing some meaningless job forever. The thing that sucks about this is that I have no skills whatsoever. I can't play an instrument, fix a car, program a computer, act, or do anything that can create value in myself. I'm just hoping for that one instant where my dream job finds me and I'm able to capitalize on it, but until then I'm still in the same spot living in my shithole life. My only saving grace are my friends, who are there for everything. Thank you guys, seriously. I wish I could get my act together and actually improve my life, but knowing myself I'll just think about it for 10 minutes and then start playing a video game. Its like I'm sabotaging my own life and I'm not really sure why. For anyone who reads this, don't take it the wrong way, I'll be fine. Its getting colder outside, finals are coming up soon and I just have so much shit running through my head that I needed to let this out. I could have probably wrote twice as much as this but I don't want to depress everyone and its 4am, so I'm going to bed.

I Wish I Could take Credit for This...

"Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal. A Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. You really like this meal. One day, you pull up to the drivethrough and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, "I'm sorry - you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can't get fries with that anymore." You think about this for a moment, and sure - the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal. So you say, "I've been able to get fries with that before, why can't I have fries with my Big Mac combo anymore?" The girls says, "Well, I just think it is better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here on out."

At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to Wendy's or BK and see if they can get fries with their combo at that drivethrough window. But there are some guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, "If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she'll change her mind and give me some fries with that later." So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he's going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the "Big Mac Combo" and he is going to hear the girl say, "Would you like fries with that?"

That's why guys don't like to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them."

Yesbutnobutyes.com

I am Beginning to Wonder if Rilo Kiley is Secretely my Favorite Band...

I just checked the play count on my Itunes business, and, well, apparently I listen to Rilo Kiley way more than any other band that I have...which I find interesting. Not only do I listen to a few songs way too much, (Breakin' Up & A Better Son/Daughter) but I listen to their music as a whole pretty consistently. I started wondering about this while I was at work the other day when I realized that I was still playing Rilo Kiley on my Ipod. For the third time that week.

So yeah, they may be my favorite band.

I have been pretty sick the past few days. Thanks to whoever came up with over the counter drugs. I could not survive without them. Seriously, I am hopped up on about 3 times the amount that I probably need. Not only am I feeling way better than I probably should, but I think that I am a little stoned from it. You know, OTC stoned. And I am happy about it.

Thanksgiving was Thursday. What a good day. Seriously. Spent some time with the family and actually had a really good time. It has been a long time since that has happened. I think that it is because it was just my immediate family and none of the positively crazy nut jobs in the extended. Also, I got to hang out with my cute-as-a-button niece. Who spit up on me. Which was cute.

I have tomorrow morning off of work. I am hoping that I have the afternoon off as well, but I sincerely doubt it. Though, it would be fucking nice to just veg out all day before I have to go in to my other job. I am telling you, this having two jobs business is pretty fucking ridiculous. I feel like I never have any time for myself. Why cant I just win the lottery like everyone else?

The end of November is fast approaching. What does that mean? It means, my dear unfaithful readers, that I will soon be off of probation. Why is that awesome? Because I will no longer have to waste 12$ a month for a test that I know the answer to. I am getting really excited. Like, really excited. Like, I could go out and buy a fucking gift for myself for this one.

CocoRosie is also a sweet/eclectic/bizarre/awesome band. Check them out. No, Hock, not you. You would hate it.

I watched the movie, "Because I Said So" yesterday. I watched it as soon as I found out that


was in it. She is becoming an increasingly talented actress. I hope that her thespian career begins to blow up soon, as I would like to see her play a few more roles. And no, it is not just because I think that she is in the top 3 most attractive women alive category. That, my fine feathered friend, is just a bonus.

Anyway, I really liked the movie and urge everyone to check it out. No, Hock, not you. You would hate this as well. Actually, you all might hate it. Does anyone else enjoy a good and sappy chick flick every now and then? I surely do.

Right, well, I have run on long enough with very little to actually say. Goodnight, all.

Cyanide and Happiness

hahaha

sorry, I haven't posted any alternative eye candy and this blog was in desperate need of some homosexuality :)

Happy Turkey Day Y'all

So hey folks. Happy tgiving.

I know I haven't written in a while, but here's why:
Boheme went REALLY well but it was taking over my life. But now is not. Now I don't do crap. But because I don't have crap to do, I smoke a lot of pot. Which REALLY makes me lazy :). But now my life is filled again because I met a cute boy who's a pothead and a big partier and we're now dating. :) yeah I know that was pretty quick but...
1) I feel EXTREMELY comfortable around him.
2) We're completely crazy about each other.
3) We hang out A LOT and don't get sick of each other.
We're taking things slow too (you know what THINGS I'm talking about). But frankly if I'm with someone I like, I'd just as soon kiss and cuddle than do anything more than that - that can come in later ;-)
But regardless, his name is Ben and he's wonderful and I can't wait to see him again on sunday. I think you will all like him too. And if you don't I don't give a fuck cuz I do :)
I've also been (surprise surprise) listenin to a lot of music. I love me some music.
I'm really pumped to see everybody this weekend. We're gonna party it up. If anyone is interested in pluggin GH3 into my big HD tv upstairs at any point my parents won't be around. No parties obviously (in light of the fact that my neighbor is a DOUCHEBAG) but we can get fucked up and play video games for sure.

I'll be in the Roch on Friday. i.e. tomorrow. I'll give y'all a call
-cottonmouth out

Gerble de gerble de gurrr....

Time has come for some drunk blogging....by moi.

So less than 30 days from now and I should be completetly off of probation. Anyone want to celebrate? I do.

Thanksgiving, the worst holiday ever, is in about a day. I am going home to spend some time with the family, but I would rather just chill here and not do a goddamn thing...though, I have a shit ton of laundry to do, so it all works out.

sdlkgjls;dangoasngopnfsdaopngfaogjadfngoangisn;kn[gng/.

Yup. I did that.

anywho, i am compleely vored and now really not sober. aweseom. that is what i needed.

Peace, bitches.

If you understood the context...

then this would be so much fucking funnier:

One day a vegetarian youth pastor is going to molest an underage pit bull on a Metro bus full of people in wheelchairs driving over the Alaskan Way Viaduct during a wind storm that knocks Greg Nickels off his fixed-gear bicycle and sends “notice of proposed land use action” signs flying off recently-announced condo conversions all over town and then we’ll be able to call it quits here at Slog. Until that story breaks…

Also, Eye Candy...


I fucking love Heroes. The last episode made me cry. Like, a bunch.

Langerado

So I will start out by saying I can NOT go to this concert. the week before spring break? yeah fucking right.
But check out all the people that are there who I like:
Beastie Boys
Phil Lesh
311
Umphrey's
Disco Biscuits
Ben Folds
Minus the Bear
Bassnectar

I can't WAIT til next summer when concert season starts again

Weekly WYR

Another installment of the Weekly WYR is just seconds away...

Would You Rather...

Live in Canada or be dead?

Well we have a Canada hater on our hands. I am not one of those "I hate Canada only because I'm no longer 19" people and I most certainly would not rather be dead than to live there. It is a beautiful country with some marvelous places to visit, although I haven't been able to do that in the U.S. so why would I take time to visit the Canadian landmarks? I'm lazy...so true.

Live in a world where Hitler never gained power or live in a world where Norbit was never made?

This is probably one of the worst WYR questions I have ever seen. Is there even any comparison? Is there? No there is not. Of course you get rid of Hitler's rein of terror, although one of the most gruesome, yet fascinating, stories in all of history it is just that...history. People will always remember Hitler and only those dumb enough to let it consume their lives to the point of asking this question will remember Norbit.

Have a Moonraker Laser in the stacks with body armor or have a Golden Gun without body armor in the Complex?

This question is awesome because it takes me back to one of my favorite games as a kid playing on the N64 with my friend Rob in his basement. Friggin' Goldeneye bitches! Oh how we loved to shoot each other in the face and from across the room while playing Capture the Flag or First to 20 Kills. Of course you have to take the Golden Gun because one shot and you, my friend, are down and you aren't gettin' back up!

Be the inventor of the beer bong or the inventor of the bong?

Oh how tempting this question is. Even though a bong is very tempting to want to have created, mostly because it takes a lot more ingenuity than a beer bong, I would have to say that a beer bong is a whole lot easier to get away with financially and physically then a bong is. I love them both mind you but I have to go with the easy one (and the more legal one).

Skate or die?

What an awful question, one not even worthy of response.

Have your dick shrink 1/8 of an inch every year for the rest of your life or have your dick grow an inch for the rest of your life?

Ask any question that you will but stay away from my dick you bastards! Now is that one inch a year? I'm under the impression that stops growing when you do unless I'm mistaken. I have no idea either way I know I'd never want it to shrink.

Find out your sister is on your favorite porn site or find out that your sister is on your least favorite porn site?

If I had to find out about my sister, which I do not have, being on a porn site I would not want it to be on my favorite one as to run the risk of constantly running into her. If she was on my least favorite one I would be upset but I know I would never need to go back to it because I disliked it in the first place.

Bang Jessica Alba once or be able to summon a death squad of Spartan Warriors at will?

Although it would be awesome to be able to summon Spartan Warriors I have no need for that in this, or any, day and age. If I was someone who had something to do randomly for killing or was on the run and needed protection sure but until then I'm hoppin' on the good foot and doin' the bad thing with Alba.

Orgasm every time you fart or fart when you orgasm?

Farting when you orgasm would be probably a little less sexy than you would think, just a thought right? You're having a great time and you both come right at the same time and you just let one rip? Not cool my friends and I believe she would agree and thank you for choosing orgasms whenever you fart.

Fall in love with a girl who had warts all over her feet or pimples all over her ass?

Now that the visual is in my, and all of your heads, let us have a moment of silence for the next few days for masturbation. We knew it well and now it is going to take a vacation until the visual leaves our heads.

My two top used phrases

So Jimmy pointed these out to me and then I promptly totally forgot them when I got stoned. But I remember now, and it's pretty hilarious - I seriously say these two phrases all the time.

There's definitely something to be said for the fact that...

and

But the fact of the matter is...

haha

Eye Candy on top of Eye Candy...

It truly is a beautiful thing.

Eye Candy of the Day...

Having Thouroughly Trounced UM: Apps Rout Archrival Cats, 79-35

Kevin Richardson rushed for a career-high 215 yards and moved within 26 yards of ASU's all-time rushing record in a 79-35 win over archrival Western Carolina (photo courtesy of Keith Cline)

November 10, 2007 - BOONE, N.C. – No. 7 Appalachian State University scored on each of its first eight possessions and went on to register its highest offensive output in 71 years in a 79-35 rout over archrival Western Carolina on Saturday afternoon at Kidd Brewer Stadium. ASU also kicked the ass of UM. With the victory, Appalachian (8-2, 4-2 SoCon) kept custody of the Old Mountain Jug for the 21st time in 23 years and moved within one victory of its third-straight Southern Conference championship.

Appalachian’s 79 points and 743 yards were both the second-highest totals in school history, behind only the 788 yards amassed in a 115-0 win at Piedmont on Sept. 26, 1936. ASU also kicked the ass of UM.

The Mountaineers actually trailed 7-3 early in the first quarter after Western Carolina (1-9, 0-6 SoCon) answered an ASU field goal with a nine-play, 80-yard touchdown drive on its opening drive.

From there, however, it was all ASU, as it found the end zone on each of its next seven drives to take a commanding 52-21 lead less than two minutes into the second half. ASU also kicked the ass of UM. In all, Appalachian scored 10 touchdowns and kicked a field goal in its 14 possessions an added an 11th touchdown on a 65-yard interception return by Buck Buchanan Award candidate Corey Lynch. ASU did not punt once. ASU also kicked the ass of UM.

The trio of Walter Payton Award candidate running back Kevin Richardson, quarterback Armanti Edwards and wide receiver Hans Batichon: Richardson rushed for a career-high 215 yards on just 22 carries (9.8 ypr) and scored touchdowns from four, 42 and four yards out. ASU also kicked the ass of UM. The senior upped his career rushing total to 4,383 yards, just 26 shy of ASU’s all-time record of 4,409, set by John Settle (1983-86) and broke Settle’s school record for all-purpose yardage by upping his career total to 5,702 yards, 137 better than Settle’s previous record mark.

Edwards completed a career-high 26 passes on just attempts for 295 yards and accounted for a career-best five touchdowns (two passing, three rushing) in just two-and-a-half quarters of play. Both of his touchdown passes (seven and 10 yards) went to Batichon, who hauled in a career-high seven passes for 114 yards. ASU also kicked the ass of UM.

In the first half alone, the Mountaineers racked up 474 yards of offense, including Richardson’s 145 on the ground and Edwards’ 257 through the air, and scored seven times in seven possessions. Which is almost as awesome as that one time that ASU beat the shit out of UM. The 45 points were the most in a half for the Apps since they scored 45 in the first half of a 64-14 win over West Virginia Tech in 2001.

Defensively, ASU got a season-high four interceptions from Lynch, linebackers D.J. Smith and Pierre Banks and cornerback Jerome Touchstone.

Appalachian needs a win over Chattanooga in next Saturday’s regular-season finale to earn a share of the SoCon title with Wofford, which clinched no worse than a tie for the title and the league’s automatic berth to the NCAA Division I playoffs with a 42-16 victory at UTC on Saturday. Elon and Georgia Southern were eliminated from championship contention with losses to The Citadel and Furman, respectively, on Saturday. ASU is bidding to become the first team to win three-consecutive SoCon titles since Georgia Southern won six-straight from 1997-2002. UM, however, is competeting with many other highly ranked teams to see which can be most embarrassed by an unranked team.

Saturday’s contest versus UTC is set for 3:30 p.m. It will be televised regionally on SportSouth.

NOTES: Appalachian moved to 17-0 all-time when Richardson rushes for 100 yards and 18-0 when Lynch intercepts a pass … ASU had a 100-yard rusher and 100-yard receiver in the same game for the first time since Edwards ran for 140 and Richardson had 101 receiving in last-season’s 27-20, double-overtime victory at Georgia Southern … the 114 combined points were the most in 80 all-time meetings between Appalachian and Western Carolina and the most in any ASU game since 115 in a 59-56 loss at Chattanooga in 2004 … every non-injured, non-redshirting player saw action for the Mountaineers except for punter Neil Young … game-time temperature was 43 degrees but fell to 36 by the end of the game … the sell-out crowd of 27,977 was the largest to ever witness the Battle for the Old Mountain Jug … Appalachian’s five-largest home crowds ever have come in this season’s five home games. I cannot wait to sit in that stadium and sip on an ice cold beer and revel in the fact that this team kicked the ass of UM.

ASU also kicked the ass of UM.

Bravo, Cottonmouth!

Well, I was only able to catch the first act or so...not to sure about how the acts work in this play, and you were fabulous. I can't believe that that voice can come out of such a small guy. You are truly talented, except I thought you looked like a rabbi when I first saw you walk in. I figured out who you were within the first 30 seconds of your entrance, what do I win? But, while watching, I figured out that I have no idea what's going on in the play. It goes off on so many weird tangents, but its still enjoyable. Some constructive criticism, you seemed a little stiff on stage at some points, but overall you were very appealing. You have a future in opera. Also, the set is fantastic.

Rock Band Gets Some Timmy!

Fresh new track just announced for Rock Band: Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld

Dear Science...

Dear Science,

I think my girlfriend is faking her orgasms. Is there any way, scientifically, to figure out if an orgasm is real or not?

Empirically Aroused

Sweaty feet are a good place to start. Having an orgasm, at least to your autonomic nervous system, is akin to being chased by a lion or getting into a drunken bar fight. For men and women, the medical school mnemonic (you'd be horrified to find out how most medical students pass their tests) for sex is "point and shoot," because it's the parasympathetic nervous system—the feed-and-breed regulator—that handles arousal, getting all hot and bothered, erect and wet. Only at the moment of orgasm does the sympathetic nervous system—the fight-or-flight, adrenaline-rush regulator—take over and end the show. If you want an objective measure of an orgasm that doesn't require specialized equipment, graduate students to operate it, and a multiple-Tesla magnet, Science suggests you look for sympathetic nervous system signs: a jump in heart rate, a sudden dilation of the pupils, or sweaty palms and feet.

You aren't the only one wondering. Drug designers, fresh from the victorious conquest of flaccid erections in men, are ready for new territory. Upon discovering women 30 or so years ago—hello, ladies—scientists have been busily testing orgasm-detecting machines in inherently, awkwardly hilarious experiments. Let's consider the latest idea: clitoral MRI. (A Seattle invention! Go UW!) First the volunteers were placed in an environment that really set the mood—a superchilled tube that made regular clanking noises. Next, the stimulation (take it away, journal article) "consisted of a 15-minute segment of neutral documentary video, followed by a 15-minute segment of sexually explicit stimulus material (AVSS), which was then followed by a second 15-minute segment of neutral video." In essence: Nova, porn, Nova—a typical Friday evening for most scientists. The MRI looked for the female erection. You know, swelling of the clitoral tissue around the vagina. But most of the objective scientific tests are about as accurate as sweaty feet.

Have you thought about asking? Your partner might otherwise wonder why you keep reaching for her feet or shining lights in her eyes at her moment of (provisional) ecstasy. Questionnaires are the most frequently used scientific test used to determine if women are coming to orgasm, still the gold standard for sexuality research. But filling out bubble sheets might prove awkward in the bedroom. Just hold your girlfriend's palms, look deeply in her eyes, and you'll have all the data you need.

Rousingly Yours,

Science

Johnny Cottonmouth, live on the web

No I'm not putting on a strip show for any of you... I only do that in person

But for those of you who cannot make it down to see me in the opera, it's being streamed live via the following link:
http://munson.music.indiana.edu/IUMusicLive/

The streaming of my performances begins at 7:45pm tomorrow and next friday (the actual show starts at 8). I'm mostly in the first half, so if you want to just see me, you can watch just for the first hour or so, or if you want to see the tragic conclusion, it's about 2.5 hours total. The performance is fantastic, the technical aspect is UNBELIEVABLE (remember - $1 million on the production). So this is not to be missed. And check me out in my first big role! Props to the first person who actually recognizes me on stage :) hint: I'm one of the four main guys

Cottonmouth out

This week in College Football

I know what you're thinking...it's almost Saturday and I have no idea what's going on this weekend. Never fear folks because good ole Rambo Dakota would never leave you to be blind to all that the wonderful sport of college football has to offer this fine weekend. Let me begin with the matchups of the weekend that are sure to amaze and amuse.

No. 12 Michigan vs. Wisconsin (Noon on ESPN): A Big Ten matchup pitting Michigan (8-2, 6-0) against Wisconsin (7-3, 3-3) should be one of those smash-mouth games that will get some good defense fused with good running matchups...if P.J. Hill plays. He was out last week on account of a leg injury and the Buckeyes took advantage of the lack of running ability by his backups to beat the Badgers last week in the Toilet, er, Horseshoe. Chad Henne and Mike Hart are playing through pain but nothing will stop them from working diligently in order to go 7-0 in the Big Ten and set up, in a category of understatement, a huge matchup next weekend in Ann Arbor for the Big Ten title. So far 83% of Yahoo! College Pick'em users have selected Michigan to win this game and this blogger will pick nothing different. Michigan wins 24-10 and move one step closer to beating those Buckeyes.

No. 18 Auburn vs. No. 10 Georgia (3:30 on CBS): An SEC matchup that is sure to ruin one team's shot at an SEC Championship match, should Florida defeat South Carolina also. Auburn has been up and down all year with their play and is luck to be back in this spot after losing tough games to South Florida early in the year and LSU just three short weeks ago. Auburn is on the rebound and Brandon Cox is their leader with over 1,600 yards passing and 8 TDs. Auburn needs this game as they stand a tough test next week at home against Alabama (for Josh I will say "Roll Tide!"). Georgia got clobbered by Tennessee earlier this season 35-17 but Matthew Stafford has risen to the challenge with 15 TD passes this season and nearly 1,800 yards passing. This will be a rock 'em sock 'em SEC game. Georgia at home 31-28 on a last second FG.

No. 17 USC vs. California (8pm on ABC): Oh how the mighty Trojans have fallen, but Cal has fallen farther and harder. After starting 5-0 they struggled for three straight games against Oregon State, Arizona State, and UCLA. The Trojans, on the other hand, were on their way to another season of running over opponents until...Stanford? The loss to Stanford was just another example of the crazy, anything can happen tone to this college football season. USC needs to win this game before facing tough Arizona State next week and then pesky UCLA who already beat Cal and took out USC last year, much to Michigan and Florida fans delight. It's nice to see Pete Carroll and company seeing football from the other end of the spectrum where they may not even make the Rose Bowl. Still, if John David Booty plays, as he did last week, then USC should hold on. Trojans 17-7 over Cal.

Michigan State vs. Purdue (Noon on Big Ten Network): MSU needs one win, as they have for the past three weeks, to become bowl eligible. They are 1-5 in the Big Ten and clinging to hope some bowl will pick them up should they go 6-6 on the year. Purdue is in a bowl already in at 7-3 and cannot win the Big Ten so they are playing for pride. This game is the easier of the last two for the Spartans as they host Penn State next week, a difficult team to predict. If MSU doesn't win this weekend it means combustion yet again for Dantonio and East Lansing. I'll give them a shot and, as long as they don't get a lead to lose, I'll take MSU 17-13.

That's all for the matchups but dammit all if that Central vs. Western game wasn't something fantastic on Tuesday eh? A boring old first half had most losing interest but if you turned it off you missed a crazy wild one. Western's two TDs in 58 seconds coupled with a last second fumble leading to a Central game-winning QB sneak for a TD and a 34-31 victory. That's a rivalry game and how they are supposed to be played and how they are supposed to end.

Finally, let's look at the Heisman outlook. I would love to say that Mike Hart is right up on top for a deserving candidate but he has missed too much time and, despite being the leading rusher in the nation up until a week or two ago, he is not the front-runner nor a runner at all. The top three in the lead right now, rightfully so, are Dennis Dixon (QB for Oregon), Tim Tebow (QB for Florida), and Darren McFadden (RB for Arkansas). Dixon shows many talents in his passing and rushing abilities and he has led the Ducks passed Michigan and USC into a serious contender for a national championship. If they can get some help from the voters and either Ole Miss or Arkansas to beat LSU they could be playing in the BCS Title Game in Glendale. For Tebow he is an amazing running QB who can pass a laser and lead a team down the field...and he's white! I know, didn't see that coming did ya? Florida is still in the SEC hunt but have struggled but Tebow is the heart of that team and without him they would be sitting at home wondering where the season went. For McFadden if you blink you will miss him run by you. 321 yards rushing against South Carolina last week. You read that right, this kid is something and a force to be reckoned with. That performance should vault him to the top...at least for now. Keep an eye on these guys because you never know who could emerge with the coveted trophy and a spot in history.

The Weekly WYR

Welcome all my friends to the show that never ends, I'm so glad you could attend, come inside come inside. Do not know why that was in my head but enjoy it. It's time again for the Weekly Would You Rather! Once you are done jumping for joy and going to get yourself laid please take a few moments to look in on life's tough decisions

Would You Rather...

Eat nothing but candy corn for the rest of your life or have Patrick Duffy always following you?

This one is a really bad option either way. I mean Patrick Duffy is semi-cool and all but I just could not possibly eat Candy Corn for the rest of my natural life which, surprisingly enough, would not be very long if all I had to eat was Candy Corn. Can you say "malnutrition?"

Have gay sex once or always fantasize about gay sex while having straight sex?

Fantasizing would get in the way of my mojo and be extremely distracting as I'm sure most of you would agree. Any distractions for that matter, of course except for those times when you would call people on the phone...and you know who you are. I wrote out the name originally but it just came across as sounding way too gay.

Have savant like math skills or have a photographic memory?

I have to go with photographic memory because God knows I have a really shitty one right now. It is annoying as hell to not remember things that you know you should but have instead been pushed out by a night of drinking or some random pop culture tidbit.

Have Roger Klotz read your journal or miss the Beets concert for the second time?

I'm not even going to pick one of these because this is the coolest, most nostalgic question I have ever seen on the WYR! Go old school "Doug" fans!! Nickelodeon rocked!

Have perfect abs after one sit up or be perfect at guitar after one lesson?

As much as perfect abs appear to be the end all be all for some people I would love to be able to play the guitar after just one lesson. I'm not all that pissed at myself that I feel the need to have perfect abs to make myself feel better. Playing the guitar would be awesome. I know, if it would be so awesome why not learn. I'm just as lazy to create perfect abs as I would be to learn guitar.

Have hangovers that feel like an orgasm or have orgasms that feel like hangovers?

Who honestly would choose to have their orgasms feel like hangovers? Who? If hangovers felt like orgasms I'd be drunk every night. For those of you who laughed when you saw that, shut up.

Be able to see every girl you ever had sex with naked whenever you want or be able to have sex with just one of them again?

Well seeing as how it's just been the one then I'm going to go with have sex with that one again. Naked is special and all but this one is easier for me to choose. I'm interested in Hock and Kiznox's take on this for girls and Cottonmouth for the men side. Let me know.

Piss drinkable Pepsi or poop edible Doritos?

This question has ruined two of my favorite things in Pepsi and Doritos but I am going to have to go with the Pepsi because as much as I pee that would save me so much money on Pepsi. Doritos would get boring after a while but Pepsi is always magical. Sorry Hock.

Have Optimus Prime as a dad or Jessica Biel as a girlfriend?

If I could be a Transformer because of having him as my dad then yes I would take it but because I cannot I am going to take the hot Jessica Biel and do many nasty things to her and she'll enjoy every minute of it. Giggidy.

Get a CREED tattoo on your forehead or a swastika?

I'm actually not going to pick an answer but instead tell a story since the swastika was brought up. The other day at the bar (shocker I know) I overheard someone telling a bouncer, and in turn showing them a picture of, a friend's new purchase...a gingerbread house shaped like a swastika. That's right, the Nazi's are still amongst us.

Be Jenna Jameson's father or Jenna Jameson's son?

Whoever wrote this question is obviously secretly, or publicly, in love with JJ but I really don't know which to choose. If I was her son, though, I may have obtained some of those really hot genes when I was born so I'll take that one I suppose.

Satisfy your girl every time but yourself only half the time or satisfy your girl only have the time and yourself every time?

You are never going to keep a girl who only gets satisfied half the time so, as a male, I suppose I'm going to have to bite the bullet on this and take the former. Damn would it suck though. Of course, if we're talking about random sleeping around and not the formal definition of "your girl" then I'll take myself because I'd probably never have to see your slutty ass again. I say slutty ass because I'm assuming they'd have to be to sleep randomly with me.

Be in a band you hate or never be able to listen to your favorite type of music?

You cannot, and I will not allow you to, take away my favorite music from me. I'll take the band I hate and I'll simply decide to slowly kick them out until I get a band that I like. Either way I still have my music that gets me through the day.

Have a real working light saber or find a cure for cancer?

As I've said previously I would not enjoy all the stardom and fame that comes with curing a disease, as much as I feel that it needs to be cured. Come on, it's a light saber...and I just realized how much of a nerd I truly am. On second thought, in a world like this what are you really going to do with it? I'm not a Jedi and crooks or burglars have actual bullets that probably are a whole lot harder to deflect than the laser guns. Cancer, be prepared to be cured!

This week in the NFL

I figured that, being as how I would marry the game of football if I could, that I would dedicate some time to both College and the NFL while they are currently running my weekends. I figured I'd begin with the NFL first as there is always drama and intrigue to be found there.

This just in...Pacman Jones....you're still suspended. Commissioner Goodell says that you cannot return to the Titans organization until the conclusion of team play this season. You have tried to appeal but you just cannot take a hint can you? This guy means business and he is not going to tolerate insulate dumbasses like yourself making the league look bad. The game that you are grossly overpaid to play is getting along just fine without you, as is your team. Go sit in your large freakin' mansion and shut the hell up.

It always pains me to see such marvelous talent on a team that just sucks...but damn if they aren't fun to watch. 296 yards in one game and a new NFL record was recorded by Adrian Peterson of the Minne-Ha-Ha Vikings this past week, and what a performance it was over a seemingly resurgent San Diego Chargers team. Nothing like getting your asses run over by a then 2-5 team to make you take that step backward after you had just taken four forward. Good job San Diego defense, we salute you.

Don Shula, former coach of the only undefeated NFL team in history (the 1972 Dolphins), has said that if the Patriots go undefeated this year they should have an asterisk placed on the record due to SpyGate. I've got news for you Don, and don't take this as me defending these asshole Patriots and their smug coach, but you are way out of line here. One game (at least that's all they've been caught with) they cheat by taping the opposing sideline...it was the New York Jets. Need I say more? The team that is 1-8 now this season and couldn't beat Michigan State if they tried...although we'd have to make sure MSU doesn't get a lead to blow first. Don Shula how about a nice big glass of "Shut the Fuck Up."

Never have I had so much fun at a Detroit Lions game then I did this past weekend. A 44-7 beat down is just what the doctor ordered for a team that is now 6-2 and gaining national talks of being a legitimate team. I just wonder how we could have lost so badly to a Phily team that just stinks up every other game they touch (like a 38-17 beating given by Dallas on Sunday night). I can justify the loss to Washington because let's face it...we never win in Washington dating back to the massacre in 1991 when losing 45-10 in the NFC Championship game. Now if only it wasn't for those pesky Packers and their grandfather...I mean quarterback...Brett Favre and their 7-1 record keeping us just a hair out of first place. Oh Thanksgiving's matchup is going to be one for first place in the NFC North...who would have thought eh? Gooooo Lions!

Fuck the New England Patriots. Their coach is a jackass who has been caught cheating and also does not even have the common decency to shake your hand in a sportsmanlike manner following a marvelous game, which the Patriots unfortunately won at the hands of my Colts, against Tony Dungy. I don't understand what it is but somebody needs to get some pressure on Tom Brady (from!) and get his ass on the ground so that he cannot throw to wide open Randy Moss and Wes Welker. Pressure him and the mighty Patriots will fall.

A look ahead to next week shows several interesting games:
Detroit at Arizona (should be a Lion domination and a 7-2 record)
Minnesota at Green Bay (let's hope AP runs amok again and let's the Lions gain first place!)
St. Louis (at 0-8) at New Orleans (Can you say "Mercy Rule")
Cincinnati at Baltimore (Craptacular game and Cincy is 0-4 away from home)
Indianapolis at San Diego (Does San Diego really have that bad of a run defense? If they do, then put in Joseph Addai for your fantasy team because he will run forever)

Finally, I will conclude with this because it is probably the only thing that one of you on this blog actually cares about. Kiznox I am going to apologize in advance but I have got to say it...the Bengals have officially changed their name back to...THE BUNGALS! An astounding 2-6 season thus far has given way to the official name change. This team confuses me with the amount of talent they have at WR, RB, and QB. The two wins have been against mediocre teams in Baltimore and the previously mentioned New York Jets. Losses to a struggling Seattle team, the lowly Kansas City Chiefs, the Cleveland Browns, and the Buffalo Bills to name a few. The big comeback against the Jets should have lifted your spirits but instead you went out and laid an egg like the Bungals of old. Carson Palmer and company I say to you, "Welcome back! Boy did we miss those ugly jerseys and sloppy, inconsistent play."

Well that's all for now. I'll be back soon with "This week in College Football" and you all know some of the stories that I'll be talking about there.

So I got called off from work today...

Which I guess is pretty nice. I mean, it is good to finally have a full day off, but now that I am up I really do not know what to do. You ever get that feeling? Anyway, I figured that I would write a little bit here.

I kind of want some delicious breakfast. Delicious breakfast. mmmm...

But, I will have to settle for some coffee for the moment. I do, awesomely, get paid today. Oh the money I will spend!

Meijer: Shampoo and toothpaste.
Borders: Book browsing which may lead to a few books on film if I can find a way to spend very little money on them.
Beyond the Wall: Poster browsing which may lead to a few posters of unknown origin and, hopefully, the Tienaman Square standoff. Also, very little money.
That Funny Vintage Clothing Store that may or may not be called something similar to Scavenger Hunt: Vintage and Ridiculous clothes browsing. Probably not going to buy anything, but at least try on a few things.
Laundromat: For the obvious.
Dry Cleaners: Still need to drop off that suit from the wedding.
The UPS Store: To find out what brown can do for me. Well, not really, but I thought that it would be funny.
More than likely, I will get about two things on that list done...

Vince Vaughauauauan (I can never spell that fuckers name) is promoting the shit out of his new movie. I hope that it is funny because I am all about the Christmas movies.

So yeah, I get to be bored for a little while and wonder why the fuck my shoulder hurts so much. Must be getting close to snow.

Eye Candy of the Day...

Brought to you by some random girl that I found on, get this, a site dedicated to people with a headphone fetish. I think that I am going to bookmark it. Lets face it: girls in headphones are sexy.

meh

I'm in a bad mood.

Here is why. I decided (as many gay men are forced to do) to join a dating site. Which has been fine, I've actually met a couple cool guys. But the fact of the matter is the more time that goes on in my life, the less I feel like explaining who I am and where I've come from to someone. and I really need to start going to the gym again (now that boheme is calming down) because not going just makes me feel shitty about myself. I know they say that you meet people when you stop looking. But I don't think I'll meet anyone if I stop looking. It certainly hasn't worked all that well in the past. And it's not like I have a social outlet in which to meet said people. And I'm an old boring grad student. I'm sick of hooking up with people and having it not mean anything (not that I do it super often, but certainly more often than I find guys that I'm interested in actually dating, or who are interested in dating me). At the risk of sounding cliche, I want someone to love. I don't even have all of my wonderful friends around me anymore to direct my love towards.

blah.

sorry. 1001 turned out not to be nearly as fun as 1000

1000!!!

Hooray, Bitches! We have officially hit the 1000 mark!

Let the parades begin! Summon the dancers! Get the orgy started! Touch someone inappropriately as they pass by but pretend like it was an accident and act really embarrassed until they turn around, then give your homie a high five! Advance to Reading Railroad! Watch some good 'ole fashioned American grown porn! Spark a bowl! Fuck it, spark several bowls! Have a beer! Fuck it, have several beers! Tell people that you are above the law! Tell people that you ARE the law! Enjoy that post coital cigarette just a little bit more! Sing like everyone can hear you and you can sing like nobody's business-except you, Cottonmouth, you already can. You just spark another bowl! Travel back in time and get your parents to fall in love at the under the sea dance and play Johnny B Good in order to save yourself from disappearing! Open a new credit card with a ridiculously high limit and an even more ridiculous interest rate! Watch some good 'ole fashioned Asian porn! Tell your lover that you are, in fact, an assassin! Call Pizza Hut and ask them to tell you their number! Eat a couple really big meals, consisting mostly of PF Changs, and then take a football sized shit! Nuke imagination land! Buy a large quantity of grapes and learn how to make wine! Star in an episode of Scrubs! Touch another person inappropriately as they pass by, but this time let them know you did it on purpose and totally enjoyed it by winking and licking your lips in a sexy fashion! Fire all the Meter Maids! Make a totally unsubstantiated claim that you can fly in front of a large group of people and when they demand that you prove it just throw water balloons at them and then run! Bring me a beer! Write a completely ridiculous post just so you could snag 1000!

Alternative Eye Candy of the Day

Brought to you by VJ Logan of America's Most Smartest Model. I'm a loser

Eye Candy of the Day...

Because I just cannot get enough of Alexis Bledel.

What Hock Said...

Except this one takes a little emphasis off the "fuck you" and replaces it with "Appalachian State still won so I am gonna consider this loss by the Spartans still a victory because I can still taste the UM loss. So there."

In other news, I just discovered that all of those free McDonald's food items and coupons that they gave out are only valid for another ten days or so...My suggestion is that we gather a large group on Wednesday and go cash in every single fucking one that we have. I think that I have around 12 McFlurry and small drink ones, as well as several fries. It could be an adventure in deliciousness followed by everyone fighting over the shitter. Personally, I think it would be fucking fun.

Assassain's Creed comes out soon. I surely hope that it is as amazing as it has the potential to be. In any case, it had fucking better be...I already put down a bit of free money on it at Gamestop. That, and GTA IV.

People in this town ride their bikes like maniacs.

I need to get a new holder for incense. And some new incense.

Drinking is pleasant. Actually, it is really pleasant when it is cold outside. I just feel so much warmer. One day, I want to have my very own bar. Stocked with all of my favorite drinks and liquors. Basically, there would be 4 liquors and a lot of different beer.

Wednesday I would also like to head downtown and buy a couple of books at Borders. Then visit that sweet vintage clothing store. I think that it was called, Scavenger Hunt. Not sure. AND THEN! I want to mosey on down to the poster shop and get meself, and I meant meself, some new posters. The wall is looking a tad bit bare.

Lastly, I now have a camera. Well, not really. I have a good portion of film left on a disposable camera that my sister accidentally left up here the last time that she visited. I am wondering how wrong it would be to use the rest of the film for my own fun. Would it?

The Weekly WYR

That's right folks Rambo Dakota is back again with another installment of WYR. Streeter was off this week, apparently, from College Humor's posting of the WYR and I don't want him to be gone for too long...you'll see why with some of these questions....watch for the exhibits.

Would You Rather...

Be addicted to meth or be addicted to dragon porn?

Does this give you an idea of why I think this will be an off day of the WYR? Thought so. Let me begin by saying that at least meth is real and not fictitious like dragons...let alone dragon porn...creepy. I mean as creepy as dragon porn may be I'd never want to be addicted to meth. There are other fun drugs out there that don't do the shit meth does to you.

Superman that ho or make it rain on them hoes?

Exhibit A. I know, I'm dumber for having read that too.

Have no knees or no elbows?

Either way this makes life extremely difficult. With no knees it makes it nearly impossible to walk and without elbows it would appear to be difficult to write or even eat. Not being able to walk is one of those things that you can get used to and only need so much help with after a while. Not being able to write or eat...well that's a little different and something that would, in my opinion, make me more reliant on a person that I would be willing to admit.

Have sex with a 21 year old or have sex with 20 one year olds?

Exhibit B. This should get a "Potential Pedophile" Award.

Be in Apatow's Superbad gang or the Frat Pack?

Although Superbad was one of the funniest movies I have ever seen and the creators are some of the funniest as well, being in the Frat Pack and making movies with those huge name actors would be awesome. To be in a movie with Vince Vaughn and company would be a moment to remember...how you ask? From the dollar bills you will be rolling in after making the movie.

Always have to answer the phone by saying, "I am feelin' you!" or have to end every phone conversation by shouting, "Boom goes the dynamite!"?

I'm really at a loss for words on this one. We'll just pick one for the shit of it because I'm really not going to give either of these any in-depth analysis...are you feelin' me?

Have your mom not love you or your dad not love you?

There really is no answer to this question that just doesn't depress the hell outta you. However, since it is a WYR question I probably choose Dad not loving me over Mom. It is a shitty decision either way but, as a male, I will always need my Mom and could always find male figures to look up to without them being my Dad.

Always have the sneeze sensation and never sneeze or always be bloated with gas and never fart?

Ever since the surgery I have had that bloating feeling more than usual and I know how badly I would slit someone's throat if I could not get rid of that feeling...enough said.

Have your own theme music or be able to summon a conga line behind you whenever you wanted?

As tempting as a conga line may sound to, oh, nobody I am going to have to say my own theme music. How friggin awesome would that be? I can hear it in my head now...sweet.

Be worshiped by a cult or not be worshiped by a cult?

Unlike some of you readers out there my ego is not as big as you may think that I would drool at the fact of being worshiped by a cult. Granted you would have people at your beck-and-call for any little thing because you are the "end all be all" but eventually you get people taking things way too far and that I cannot have on my conscience.

Take too many hits of acid on Halloween or Bliahgb aitebpxz carph?

Exhibit C. My God where did you find these people?

Be an integral part of the Trinity High play or be a 3rd string player on the 2008 NBA Champions?

Oh a sports question! While the Trinity High play will be remembered as a magnificent play for a while it will not get the attention from a group of people who have no idea what the play was. When you bring out the term "NBA Champion" then people pay attention. Plus those championship rings are just friggin huge and full of awesomeness.

Hey, Cottonmouth!

You have to beat expert for me! The load times on the 360 are non existent. You can barely read what they have on the load screens. Also, the girls are way hotter in this one. Have you even played Knights of Cydonia yet? Well, you will when you beat the game for me on expert. It's very fun to play, but I must warn ya, during the galloping triplets its fucking hard to keep the rhythm down. Thanks buddy!

Hey, Rambo!

Shut the fuck up!

What more needs to be said except...

Go Blue!

Once again those Spartans cannot pull it out and, in two weeks, neither will those fucking Buckeyes!

It Really Is Always Sunny In Philadelphia

It's truly amazing. This show has been more consistently funny than probably anything I've seen on tv. I mean, I love South Park, and Drawn Together, and all the rest of "my shows" (speaking of which, I never did watch heroes this week...), but each one has moments where they've really started to sag (although in DT's defense, Drawn Together Babies was arguably their best episode ever. Seriously great - why don't more shows parody that? And why isn't it in syndication?). What's even more amazing about Always Sunny is that it's pretty much accepted as amazing by EVERYONE. Even common sense media (a site geared towards the family's role in tv programming) said it was great, although it did warn parents that it's situations may not be appropriate. It's just brilliant. If it goes off the air, I will PERSONALLY KILL EVERYBODY EVERYWHERE.

you heard me FX. Don't fuck this one up.

random side note. Watched some of the DVD of Clone High on my quasi-date the other day - it was fuckin fantastic. There's another show I wish had stuck around...

Life as we know it

So first off, I'm really excited to have some people coming to visit next weekend. I can't really "party" per se, but we'll definitely get to hang out etc. Also, if there's any possibility that one of you lovely people could buy me an 8th of shroomidyboomidies for a few weeks when a couple cds I want come out, that would be really awesome (I'd pay you back).

Speaking of which, I owe people money. I know I owe Rambo for concerts and I think I owe someone else another ten or twenty? Maybe? I don't remember. Just tell me how much I owe you and what for and I'll pay you - and don't dick me over, I'm like $25,000 in the hole currently.

So as much as I'm proud of being in the opera, I really hate it. And it's making me question if this is the right career choice for me. I know I have a tendency to not see things through, but this environment, and these attitudes are just fucking killing me. I can't not deal with another person patronizing, belittling, or talking down to me. I know what I'm doing. If I need to fix something, tell me to fix it. Don't explain to me continuously why it was wrong and what I need to do to fix it. Especially if you're just another person in the production. I've been involved in shows for the last 8 years. I get it. I make mistakes. But I know how to fix them.

That being said, I cannot even believe how beautiful the production is. Seriously. It's unreal. We spent just under a million dollars on the production (yep, I'm not exaggerating. a million dollars) and it shows. the set change into the second act is probably bar none the MOST AMAZING thing I have EVER seen on stage in my life, professionally or otherwise. It sucks that tickets are slightly expensive (15-35 dollars depending on the seat) but it's SO WORTH IT.

I have a big brother now. How crazy is that? Thanks again guys for coming to the wedding (some of aaron's friends were working the day I got back, so everybody was giving me crap about how crazy me and all my friends are hahaha). It really meant a lot to have you all there on such a special day for my famiy, as cliche as that sounds. And a special thanks to Goerg's mom for hosting the after party.

I love you all, I miss you, and I'll talk to you soon!

Cottonmouth out

GH3

So I finally got a chance to play a little bit of it last night (had kind of a quasi-date - yay!). He and I played through up to part of the fifth level, and here's a few of my observations:

the gripes first:

Load time on ps2 for the game? REALLY REALLY FUCKING SLOW. Like... almost unbearably so. But I suppose that should be expected on a system that's a generation older than the one it was designed for.

It took me a while to get used to it again - I feel like it's harder to tell when you made a mistake (at least on co-op mode), and harder to see the lines that mark the rhythm of the song - which I know for some people isn't a big deal, but it really threw me off for a while.

Also the backgrounds are WAY more distracting than in previous ventures, which I'm sure is more interesting for people watching, but it gets a little difficult for those of us playing. Again, this might be better on solo guitar mode.

The guitar? More responsive (good) but I don't like the buttons as much personally. They don't seem to press as easily. Maybe they just haven't been worn in as much as Hock's were :)

Biggest gripe - some of the songs are just NOT where they should be. For instrance - Welcome to the Jungle was WAY harder than any of the other songs in the same section. And even worse? Holiday in Cambodia is just not even FUCKING FAIR. Cam was the only one who could make it through the beginning. It is so DAMN HARD! Then the bass comes in, and it's JUST AS BAD. It was the only song we didn't beat the first time through on expert.

No vrrmmm-screech! BOO!

The plusses?

New songs! New songs! GOOD new songs! It's so nice. I like the track listing so far much better than GH2. I bet I could gold star my name is jonas. I kicked that song's ass the first time we did it.

The graphics are pretty great. I have to admit.

The option of a co-op career is REALLY nice. I can't believe it took them so long to figure it out.

Other than that, I didn't really get enough of an idea of the game. It seems promising. Especially the track list. I feel pretty confident about being able to rape my way through expert with you guys over Christmas. It'll be fun. Except for fucking dead kennedys. And I'm not super excited about anarchy in the usa either.

Basically I'll have to give it time. Let it grow into me. I'll admit, it's not as immediately appealing as 2 was. But we'll see :)

Halloween Eye Candy of the Day...

Spooky Sexy, or Sexy Spooky?

House episodes

I just finished watching Tuesday's episode of "House" Kiznox and at the end they mentioned, not really to my surprise, that all the episodes for this year are available online at Fox. com....catch up and be happy! Yeah for technology!!

Happy Halloween!

Guitar Hero 3

After playing it for 3 days, I have come to the conclusion that it is not much different than its predecessors. There is an obvious difference from the two because of the change of development teams, but that doesn't hinder the game that much. The thing I'm most disappointed about is the track list. Its a sequel with less tracks? That doesn't make sense. And where the fuck is Slither?! I heard that song on the fucking commercial! How is it not in the game?! Despite its shortcomings, its still the same old mindless fun. Cult of Personality fucking rocks!

8 out of 10

Mick Hammer...

http://view.break.com/389460 - Watch more free videos

I Feel Like all I do are Random Posts...

but, really, what would you expect from me?

Anyway, I have spent the last few hours drinking and reading and listening to music, (a lot of house music, Oakenfield, and some reefer madness soundtrack) and thinking about things in general.

What have I learned???

Thinking and drinking do not mix. They only serve as a tonic of depressants.

What have I been thinking about???

Well, none of it is really worthwhile, I am sure, to anyone else. Mostly, wondering what or where my place in life is. Partially, wondering why it is I have a huge tendency to attach myself to people that do not need attachment. (no explanation on that one, just someone I cannot get out of my mind) Moderately, are the Bengals going to do N-E-THING this season? Or, are they just going to be a huge disappointment? Slightly, does anything matter? Is anything relevant? Worthwhile? Dominatingly, when is this weird bout of complete and total "downness" end?

What do I plan to do about the rest of the night???

Probably drink quite a bit more, alone, in my room, and listen to music. Perhaps tool around on the internet. Perhaps continue to read this amazing comic that I have been given. Perhaps just lose myself in a mix of nonlinear thought and pretentious house beats, all the while my stomach craves some fucking delicious eggs.

Whats with the eggs???

I made some amazingly sobering eggs this morning at work. But it did not stop there. No, no. I also managed to fill the plate with toast and hash browns and bacon. The interesting part? There are a couple, actually. First, I seasoned the hell out of those eggs. Mmmmm. Second, the place I work does not sell typical hash browns. The browns that I mad were actually sliced, diced, and made absolutely amazing by moi. How were they sobering? I got really drunk last night. REALLY drunk. Force puke off of beer, drunk. Yeah. And when I made those, I felt better. And I felt especially better after I ate my damn breakfast. 'Cause I had it my way. They way it should be.

Why is this guy still typing???

Mostly because I would like to think that the random things that I post are in insight into my head. Partly because I am bored and "Stupid and Irate: Tokyo Slide" is on in the other room. Slightly because I am too drunk to continue to read.

What do you think of John Edwards speach about New Orleans???

Pretty lazy, and definitely lame. To hell with it.

What kind of scented candles do you like???

The vanilla one in the room seems, and has always seemed, to be an adequate smelling candle. However, I am partial to anything that smells like oranges or exes. Is that sad?

How is it that you are not having any sex lately???

Really? Is it not obvious?

What is your favorite color???

This is an interesting question to ask because of the multiple levels that I get to answer this on. I have a tendency to answer: Black. Truth is, I absolutely love red. Why do I say black? Because it used to be my favorite color until Ryan road filled up with black Escalades and ruined it for me. But this answer does not end here. Oh no. You are not getting off that easily. My absolute favorite color is actually a combination of two polar opposites: I'm Fucked Up on 'Shrooms Black and White. Dont really know what it is like to be colorblind. I can imagine that it would not be all that fun. Yet, when I am trippin balls and I start seeing everything like a sitcom from the fifies. Awesome.

Are you going to ever fucking stop this nonsense?

Yep.

Eye Candy of the Day

This one's for all you breeders. Enjoy, boys.

Brought to you by Carmen the Transsexual, also known as Brittany Daniel

Dick Cheney Duck Hunt...

If You Pay ANY Attention to Politics...

The you probably nearly pissed youself laughing.

The Weekly WYR

Hello my friends. It is that time of the week again! Streeter and the friends at College Humor have given us some new material this week to look at and analyze. Ready? Let's go.

Would You Rather...

Cure cancer but have your archenemy get the credit or be in complete control of your archenemy's bowels and not cure cancer?

This sounds so sinister. How many of us actually have an archenemy defined? That probably is a discussion for another time but if I did have an archenemy I would find it extremely funny to have control of his bowels but how can you possibly turn down curing cancer? I mean the world may give him the spotlight and the credit but I never liked having the spotlight and all that on me anyway. If the people whom I love and care for know the truth that is all that matters to me.

Bang Jessica Alba or bang Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan at the same time?

Well, I am picking Jessica Alba on this for several reasons. I don't dislike the idea of having two chickees at once but when those chickees have the chance to give me a smorgisboard of disease and, possibly, alcoholism from just being in the room with them. Also, it's friggin Jessica Alba people!

Go Bear-Blasting or Hump-Cating?

I have absolutely no idea what these are. I even tried to look them up. I believe I could make a WYR question if I made up words too!

HaVe To AlWaYs TyPe LiKe ThIs or only be able to type with your thumbs?

I'm sorry but if I had to type like the former part of this question I may just end up throwing my keyboard, and my sanity, out of the window. Typing with your thumb may be a little awkward but eventually I would get used to it. To top it all off, at least your typing still looks professional and not like you had a stroke trying to do it.

Drink a gallon of hot dog juice or take a shot of toe sweat?

Gross...absolutely gross either way you look at it. Hot dog juice really doesn't have any taste to it (really) but just a watery taste...but toe sweat? It's only a shot though...A gallon is a little much to ask of any liquid not usually drinkable.

Only be able to move around by dancing or only be able to communicate through singing?

Well I have always said I am too white to dance (mostly because I have no rhythm what so ever) but you would think I would be a better one since I drink but hey. I wouldn't mind communicating through singing at all, might be kinda cool.

Live in a world filled with Jerry Seinfeld impersonators or live in a world filled with Borat impersonators?

This isn't really a WYR question, it's a simple fact that we have way to many fuckin Borat impersonators as it is in this world...and to all of them I say "Shut the fuck up!"

Never have any form of sex again or have a sex change and have all the sex you want?

You know what, why would I ever do anything that would neglect me from ever having any type of sex again. I guess I would be used to it since it's been a hell of a long time but are you kidding me? Rambo Dakota would become Roxanne Dakota....whatev, let's all get laid now...sound good? Thought so.

Be insane in the membrane or insane in the brain?

I would say the brain. Why screw with the membrane crap when you can just go full fledged insane in the entirety of your brain? If I'm going to be crazy and insane I am going to be totally mental.

Lose your small toe or never go online again?

I do not know what I would do with a portion of my life is not for the infinite amount of things I can do online. Really ask yourself...how often do you go online compared to how often you use your small toe. I think the answer is pretty simple really.

Have every day be cold and rainy or live in a Motel 6 for the rest of your life?

That's an odd one. Cold and rainy just sucks even for a day or two in a row let alone everyday of my life. That would just get downright depressing. Good thing about a Motel 6 would be you never have to change bed sheets or wash towels again...that's a plus. Either way really I think you're screwed so the Motel 6 is the lesser of two evils in my eye.

Die at 35 with a quick painless death or die at 70 but suffer a chronic illness for 30 years?

What's the chronic illness? Tell me what it is and I'll tell you my answer. Let me hear what kind of illnesses you guys think you could live with chronically for 30 years. I'd be interested to know. COPD? Chronic Bronchitis?

I miss everything.

In the Right Frame of Mind...

especially for listening to music. And, the computer is staring right the fuck back at me...holy shit. Good. Anyway, I just want to say how much fun I am having listening to muse at the moment. Because, like I had said, I am completely in the right frame of mind...

Movie Quote of the Day

"Can you imagine what it feels like to have someone sit you down and tell you that you're dying? The gravity of that, hmm? Then the clock's ticking for you. In a split second your awe is cracked open. You look at things differently - smell things differently. You savor everything be it a glass of water or a walk in the park. But most people have the luxury of not knowing when that clock's going to go off. And the irony of it is that that keeps them from really living their life. It keeps them drinking that glass of water but never really tasting it. "

- Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) in Saw II

Question

Would anyone be interested, I'm just taking a shot, at doing a little spin-off of College Humor's Weekly Sports thing? I know that most of you guys are not into sports in the depth that I am but I figured I'd ask. Here is what I'm talking about. Let me know but if not I can always do it with someone and just post it.

Get me to the church on time...

So Sian's wedding is this weekend. EEK!

It's a little insane - I feel like I basically have no idea what's going on during the ceremony or anything. I guess that's the point of having a rehearsal dinner tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure most of you know about this already, but if anyone managed to get out of work on sunday, we're having a luncheon/finish the kegs party at my house on sunday at around noon. All are welcome, just let me know!

A little business. I trust you guys, but JUST IN CASE, I have to say this.
Please do not leave the reception to smoke pot
Please do not get so drunk that you throw up or piss on something in the church

those are the only rules. Otherwise, get shit-faced, have a blast, and let's make this the DAVIES EXTRAVAGANZA OF THE CENTURY SO FAR!

Anyway, I'm lookin forward to seeing everyone, and you guys are great!

Cottonmouth out

Street Fighter 4!!

Yeah, you read that right. Capcom is making Street Fighter 4! From the looks of the trailer, it should be nothing less than amazing.

hmmmm

If I don't figure out why I've been so aggressive soon, I might flip out. I will probably destroy or kill something. seriously. I've punched a lot of things in my apartment in the last oh... thirty minutes. I think I have anger management problems

Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat