Eye Candy of the Day

This is Henrik Zetterberg's hot ass girlfriend Emma Andersson. I want to be a hockey player now...

Color me embarrassed, and sorry about the drunk dial...

Yep, that was the text that I had to send this morning upon waking up and realizing what a tool of sabatoge me mouth can be whence betwixt a 7$ Super Stiff Martini Dealie and several beers.

Not to say that I did anything wrong, just that I get super honest when I am wasted. Which can be an interesting thing to have as an easy out. I mean, does anyone else ever get drunk simply because they want to know how they truly feel about something or someone in particular? I know that is exactly what I did. Worked out, at least, I think that it may have worked out. I know specifically how I feel and can begin to move forward from there.

Now? Now you get to ponder what the hell I have been up to since my hiatis from the blog...for five seconds...then I will tell you in a quick summary...





!!!BULLET POINT TIME!!!

* Got a moped
* Had a berfday
* Got promoted at work
* Then again and moved to a way cooler store (Sorry, Hock)
* Was run off the road by some asshole and totally spilled my bike and slammed (ready for it?) my RIGHT SHOULDER AND KNEE into the ground. Its been at least a week at this point and those parts just arent the same. Fuckers.
* Got drunk. A lot.
* Decided not to use the pig as a change jar and now have an actual jar jar. But not a Binks. Hells no.
* Read several books on the pooper in my room bathroom. Yeah, I told you about it.
* Worked on movie ideas that I am really, really excited for.
* SPKNORK!
* Actually got to spend quite a bit of time with my friends even though we are all on stupidly different schedules. (Color me Grateful, and I imagine that is a soft shade of blue)
* All kinds of new music. All day, son. All day.
* GTAIV is pretty much the bomb-steezy of all videogames. (And hey, that mission is really hard for me but I so enjoy blasting my way out of an abandoned hospital all in the name of a coke shipment)
* Jamiroquai is the dumbest name ever. But his music is good to groove to.
* Went to my first Lansing Lugnuts game
* Got kicked out of a Lugnuts game. The same game. oops.
* Free drinks from this total Bear at Rum Runners. Hilarious. And does everyone just assume that I am gay until I prove them otherwise?
* Learned to love the stupidest rap on the planet. Souljaboy? Pass it on over and crank the bass, I'm'a dancin'.

And hey, 73%. Thats a pretty awesome number. Anyone think that Utah would have approved gay marriage with that high of a percentage? Also, barring some sort of spectacular and unheard of action by the state supreme court, California hops on the bandwagon mid June.

That should do for the moment. Hmmm...

BATMAN, BATMAN, BATMAN. JOKER, JOKER, JOKER. WHY SO SERIOUS?

The Weekly WYR

Hello all. Another WYR was posted today on College Humor and I say let's take that time out of our day to ask ourselves that question.

Would you rather...

Get food poisoning every time you eat your favorite meal or have a seizure every time you watched your favorite show?

Seeing as how my favorite show(s) are on more than I get to eat my favorite meal, I'll bite the bullet and say that I would rather get poisoned. Another reasoning behind it is that, yes you do throw up and shit a lot, but seizures are just not something to be messed around with. Scary.

Have AIDS, but access to modern treatment, or have haunted semen?

I'm not quite sure what is meant by haunted semen but I'm gonna go with a big fat NO THANK YOU to the whole AIDS deal, unless you got a cure I'm not going to go there.

Live in a mansion with nothing in it or live in a hut with as much stuff that'll fit?

I never had a thing to huge houses, but I especially wouldn't enjoy it if you couldn't take advantage of the space! If I had a mansion there would be the man's room, a game room, and my own bar :) I'll take the hut, since this question has deprived me of all the wonderous things that a mansion could bring...but that does pose a great question for my fellow bloggers!! If you had a mansion with 8 rooms (not including your bedroom) what would you make those rooms into?

Own the De Lorean from Back to the Future or the Batmobile?

With the Batmobile, at least the current task-esque Batmobile I could just destroy shit left and right...but how do you pass up the De Lorean?? You can travel through time for God sakes!! "Where we going guys? What year? Just hope in the car."

Have a hangover cure that truly works or have guilt-free condomless sex forever?

This is a real question? Would anyone choose the hangover cure? Didn't think so.

The LOST ending suck or never have an ending to LOST?

Being I believe the only person on this blog who enjoys the absolute hell out of this show, I would personally want to kill someone if the ending sucked ass. I have every confidence in the world that when the directors have done such a good job for so long on the show that there is no way they could screw it up. I want to see an ending though, that's for sure.

Have a last name everyone made fun of or a last name no one could pronounce?

I have a last name that no one can pronounce and it's not so bad, I have fun with it actually. I don't take offense when people mess it up, I enjoy the trying and how badly it can be butchered. Fun times.

Fuckin Hilarious

this site is amazing:

garfieldminusgarfield.net

if you ever read garfield. or even if you didn't. read these. Jon's life is a DISASTER!

Eye Candy of the Day

We watched Strange Wilderness earlier today. It was funnier than I thought it was going to be, but one of the best things about the movie was the inclusion of Ashley Scott in the cast. She is one fine piece of ass.

We Finally Got Internet Back!

And somehow, Kiznox hasn't posted yet. Unbelievable. It's been far too long since I've had a solid connection on a working computer. One of the reasons why no one has been posting, Cottonmouth, is because 3 of the posters have been without the wonders of the internet.

I'm not really sure what to say, the excitement has thrown all the potential thoughts out of my head. There's so much to do.

Everyone should come and see our new apartment. It's not fully finished yet, but it's still good enough for people to visit...Rambo, I'm looking at you, ya dick. Cottonmouth, you're excused because you're like a 4+ hour drive from here, so come when you can.

I got hit on at the bar last night. Go me. Never thought that would happen. We should be seeing each other real soon...I'm hoping for the best.

PS. Grand Theft Auto 4 is fucking amazing!

Alternative Eye Candy of the Day

Well none of you sluts are posting so I'm gonna gay it up. meet the man of my dreams:

I Miss the Internet

So moving into an apartment with no internet suuuuuuuuuccckksssss! I just found out that I graduated, which there would have been no reason for me not to, but now its confirmed. Yay! I receive my diploma in 4 to 6 weeks. Anyways, I want the damn internet. I'm stuck at my parents house, using their crappy computer right now. Torture. If I knew we weren't going to have the internet within a couple of days of us moving in, I would have set it up a month ago. There are so many songs I need to download. Same thing with the cable...or satellite (kill me)...but what we have now is just awful.

PS. Satellite radio rocks!

PPS. As much as reality television sucks, I can't stop watching it. I watched a couple of episodes of A Shot At Love II tonight, and they are horrible! BUT, I can't stop watching. Its mesmerizing. No wonder why Americans are so stupid.

Eye Candy of the Week

Here's some eye candy for all of you folks: I know this isn'e my piece on the blog but seriously...how hot is this girl. And plus, this is mainly for Kiznox and I, but here she is Lauren Graham.
Best known for her very sexually smart roll as Lorelai Gilmore on the Gilmore Girls (one of the best shows ever created!). So go ahead Hock , make fun of me for my "terrible taste" in television because I have to think to be able to watch and understand a show. Now I know it doesn't have explosions so you probably won't watch it, but give it a try. (Jusssssskiddin'). And just in case Rambo doesn't like this show and wants to rip on it...I have three words for him "The Oh See" Suck on it! Love you all, and enjoy.

Go see Iron Man

Not simply because it is a good movie but because there is a new Dark Knight trailer before and, let's just say, I had to change my pants.

Dark Knight/Batman Trailer

Thanks to College Humor...these trailers are posted with the tagline "Why so similar?"

Babe of the Week...Revived!

This hasn't been done in a while. I guess everyone turned into a monk over the last couple of months. But since I just saw Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay and this girl was a super hottie in it, I present you with Danneel Harris, my pick for the Babe of the Week.

Movies!!!

So, I haven't done a movie review on here in a while...hell, I haven't done anything on here in a while...and this day will be no different. I want to do a review, but I don't have time at this moment.

But I will tell you this, Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay is fucking amazingly hysterical...like gut-busting funny. Niel Patrick Harris trips on shrooms and awesomeness ensues. I was super high watching it, so naturally I forgot some of the first half jokes. I really want to see it again for sure. Everyone who likes to laugh and doesn't have a stick up their ass should see this movie.

Also, Forgetting Sarah Marshall is another amazing movie by Judd Apatow. That man is a genius, even if he didn't even write it. I want to see that one again too and I would recommend it to everyone. Cottonmouth, he shows his penis.

Forbidden Kingdom's story was forgettable, but the fight scene between Jackie Chan and Jet Li is fucking amazing. I say pass on this one until its out on DVD.

I'll probably do a full review of Ironman when it comes out next weekend, but until then I'll leave you with this blurb from rottentomatoes.com: As for Superman, the big news this week was that one of the Legendary Pictures bigwigs used the phrase, "angry god" to describe the approach for the second film...AWESOME!

I'm so excited!!!

My life is going bye-bye in a couple of days after I read this. Grand Theft Auto IV looks to be one of the best games I will ever play and I can't wait. It comes out at midnight on Monday (technically Tuesday, for all you assholes who care about semantics) and I'm sure as hell picking up my copy at that point. I wish my finals week was last week so I didn't have to worry about anything but playing that game. The wait has been too long. I need my fix, just inject it straight into my veins!

The Weekly WYR

That's right. I apologize for my lengthy absence, and a thank you to Cottonmouth for covering last week. I may be a little rusty when it comes to these but what better way to spend my lunch hour than answering those questions that boggle and intrigue the mind!

Would you rather...

Age backwards or relieve the same day all your life?

I can't imagine living the same day over and over, circa Groundhog's Day, but, at 22 years young, I cannot imagine only living 22 more years. Also, by aging backwards, I only have one more year possible before I would no longer be able to legally drink!! That we simply cannot allow.

Walk on water or breathe under it?

Well, if I could breathe under water I would obviously never drown and, Kiznox what I am going to say is not intended to be sacreligious, I would much rather walk over water so that I could get to places much faster. How cool would it be to just camp out right on the water? Take a trip across Lake Michigan or one of the Oceans without having to swim? Yeah, let's do that.

Sit next to an unshowered hobo or a Mormon missionary on a cross country flight?

I have a feeling that the smell would never diminish but I could just as easily tell the Mormon to shut the hell up. Just for shits and giggles, if he does happen to continue to talk, I'll just get drunk and pass out. Mormons have no problem with drinking right? :)

Have both of your hands cut off at once or have one finger cut off every month until they are gone?

That's actually a tough one and, from an HR prospective, I could get a lot of money on my "Accidental Death or Dismemberment" benefit. For that reason, I say that if I lose them both I would get reimbursed by my employer and would be eligible for disability as well. Another drain on the system would be created and our economy would continue to lose money paying for someone else's problems. Would I like to lose even a part of one finger? No. For the purposes of this question, it is fiscally irresponsible for me to lose fingers or hands.

Put a dildo up your butt or a piece of floss down your pee hole?

I really don't want to do either. Neither of those seem very comfy and I'm going to ask for help from my fellow bloggers on this one. Which would you rather do? I'm hurting just thinking about it.

Have sex with the girl of your dreams knowing that there's a trained sniper aimed at the back of your head with orders to shoot the second you came or have sex with the girl of your dreams knowing you would spontaneously combust the second it was over?

Well this is indeed a very specific WYR question. As I was typing it in I was thinking to myself that I probably, given either scenario, knowing that my death is in the near future, may not be able to even concentrate while sexing her up. How can you get into it knowing that you are going to die? On the bright side, if there is one, the last feeling you experience on this Earth is, God willing, one of the best orgasms of your life! I guess you can't complain too much there.

Date Susanna Wolff or marry Susanna Wolff?

I will admit that I had to look her up to see who she is and she is a College Humor staff member. I would probably take her out on a date, not sure about marriage though. That's a little too quick off the draw.

Despair

It's a little scary right now for me. I don't know what happened to me. I'm anxious, upset, hopeless, for no reason. Even the smallest tasks seem almost impossibly overwhelming. it's just not me. I'm not usually the guy who has trouble making friends and meeting people. Even when I'm with my friends I don't really feel any sense of satisfaction. I just don't know where I'm goin, what I'm doing, it's frightening. I just want to meet a guy, and settle down. That sounds so ridiculous I'm fucking 22, and god knows young gays are not the type for commitment normally. I've just got all the downsides of adult life (bills, insurance, responsibility, assumed maturity) with none of the perks (love, success, family). And I've just kinda realized that it doesn't really matter where I am, it's always gonna be the same until I change my outlook.

I'm sorry to moan again on here, but I just needed to vent a little.

much love everyone

Lollapalooza anyone?

One of my classmates informed me today that Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead, and Rage Against the Machine are going to be headlining Lollapalooza this year! Please tell me someone wants to go to this?! I would love to go because I've never been to Chicago and the lineup is (to me at least) better than Rothbury's (sorry, 311). Bonnaroo also has a pretty solid lineup consisting of Metallica, Pearl Jam, and Umphrey's McGee, but I don't know if I can take the heat again. At least Chicago and Rothbury will have trees and water around. This is a tough decision. Right now Lollapalooza has my vote. Cottonmouth, you wanna go?

So I Figured It Out

Whenever I pick out a girl, she ends up being a loony. There's no middle ground, she's just nuts. Every girl I've slept with has been nutty (except for your sister, Cottonmouth...yes!), but I don't even know how to explain this one. She is everything I want and everything I hate. Fuck. Why can't this work out for me once? Just once. Is that so much to ask for?

Disconnect...

That is how I feel. I feel completely disconnected at the moment. I am angry, resentful, spiteful, pissed on, and not in any way happy at the moment. Completely directing it at the wrong people...but totally not actually giving it to them like they should be getting it. I can become so frustrated sometimes. I feel like it is a flaw because I WANT to be so effing chill all the time...it just is nearly impossible for that to happen.

Cant wait to move.

Suck My Cock...

You hear me, worldly dick suckers? That is the call I put out to you...the neverending-set-your-watch-by-it "Fellatio in the Springtime" Call.

The loins are steaming. Who would like my load?

Dont We All Miss My Rage Against Religion?

And this one could stem into an interesting debate on the "who" actually did the fucking in the rape of the Native Americans. The "who" could be something bigger than the pilgrims. Hell, it could be the Catholics.

Excerpt from Hegel’s Lectures on the History of Philosophy concerning the rules Catholic missionaries established for the education and civilization of Indians:

I even recall one missionary used to ring a bell at midnight to remind the [Indians] to perform their marital duties. Because it would have never occurred to them to do so.

So then, the question becomes; What the hell is wrong with missionaries. All jokes aside, where does this train of thought come in to play? Do you really think that a group of people would need a reminder to fuck? Wouldn't said group's existence alone be enough to prove that they do, indeed, fuck...?

Cyanide and Happiness

Since College Humor ROCKS

I did this once before but I figured I would do it again for those who may have forgotten just how idiotic people can be. Below you will see a combination of quotes from College Humor's "Stupid Questions Hall of Fame" so far in 2008. I always get a kick out of some of the questions but a lot of times out of the professor's response. I have separated them into these two categories. Enjoy!!

Best Teacher Responses

The professor was talking about equilateral triangles...
Genius: So what's it called if there are more than 3 equal sides?
Professor: A square.

Professor: One of the oldest human type skeletons ever found is Lucy (showing picture of skeleton).
Future Trophy Wife: How did they know her name was Lucy?
Professor: They found her driver's license.

Professor: Your test will consist of 85 questions but only 75 will count for a total of 150 points.
Girl: Will it say on the test which questions will cost?
Professor: Really?

On the first day of class...
Scholar: You include "2:30-3:20, Mondays and Wednesdays" on the top of the syllabus. Are those your office hours?
Professor: Those are the class times. That's now. We're in class.

Professor: So does anyone know anything about the Guatemlan Civil War?
Valedictorian: Um...yeah. Wasn't that the one in Mexico?
Professor: Um...no. A civil war would be one inside of a country...by definition...

Dumbest Student Responses

While looking over the syllabus and noting that we have off MLK Jr. Day...
The Brilliance: What is milk day and why do we have it off?

Professor: And which party is President Bush a member of?
Valedictorian: He's a Democrat right? I mean, we live in a democracy, so he's gotta be a Democrat.

Professor: How do you think Abraham Lincoln was elected even though abolition wasn't the most popular idea of the time?
The Brilliance: Well, obviously all those slaves voted for him, right?

Professor: After the President dropped two atomic bombs into Japan, on the cities of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, Japan finally surrendered to the United States.
The Brilliance: Wait...we won World War II?

20 minutes into a test where a scantron was passed out with the tests...
Valedictorian: Does anyone have an extra scantron?
Confounded Professor: You need another?
Valedictorian: I didn't know we were supposed to bring one.
Professor: They were passed out with the test!

Professor: So when calculating inventory turnover you use either 12 months or 52 weeks.
Einstein: Wait, there's only 48 weeks in a year.
Professor: Umm...let's just use 52 weeks...
Einstein: But that's wrong! There's 12 months in a year and 4 weeks in a month so that makes 48.

Since Rambo SUCKS

Your Weekly WYR


Be God, or Zordon?
Uh... Zordon hands down. God has too much responsibility. I just want to be the overlord of superheroes with crazy robotic battle machines (for those of you who don't remember, Zordon created the power rangers)

Have a 20 minute orgasm every month, or have Keira Knightley hand-feed you Cool Ranch Doritos on command?
Seriously? Uh... 20 min orgasm. Even if you switched keira with my good friend Jake Gyllenhaal... I think I'd still rather have the 20 min orgasm haha.

Always have peanut butter in your mouth when you tried to talk, or dust in your eye whenever you tried to look at something? PB in your mouth. Dust in your eye is not an annoyance, it is excruciatingly painful.

Only watch the NIT, or only watch the girls tournament?
NIT. Sweaty boys

Go out with a girl knowing she blew the whole football team, or go out with a girl NOT knowing she blew the whole football team?
Again, I switch over to go out with a boy who did the same. I think I'd rather not know. And never find out. And never get any of their diseases

Have all 150 Pokemon at your disposal, or have the force from Star Wars?
Pokemon, no question. I'm OCD, that gives me so many more fun options

Make a really good prank call, or have a mediocre hookup?
Good prank call... I get plenty of GOOD hookups, I don't need a mediocre one

I just dont get it...

totally...its as if there is no explanation for women.

What would this mean?

What would this truly entail?

Why always back to you?

Work Sucks...

So I'm at work. I have no other responsibilities for the rest of the show. But I'm not allowed to go home. Why? Who fuckin knows. So I'm just gonna be chilling here for the next 45 mins or so doing nothing. I'm SO pumped for South Park tonight, because Erek is supposed to come over (and maybe spend the night ;) ) and I actually have bud. I got some from Kristin who told me that Ben is still being a little bitch about me. But he wrote me a text saying I'm allowed to go over to his place again, so the period of not speaking is over (whatever, at least now he doesn't have to be so awkward about it). Although he was not happy that I called him "bud" in my text message back. So I guess we can be friends, I just can't make it too obvious that that's ALL we are. But anyway. I should really get back on headset. PEACE OUT YO

Of Course...

Since HD-DVD is now officially dead and the external add-on for the Xbox 360 is now obsolete, Microsoft has to jump on the Blu-ray ship. Taken from ign.com, "...the Taiwan-based company Lite-On is currently in development of an internal Blu-ray drive for the Xbox 360 game console...shipments of the drive will begin in the second half of 2008 along with the 'next-generation of Xbox 360 game consoles,' fueling speculation that a console more powerful than Xbox 360's currently high-end model, the Elite, could be on the way as early as this holiday."

If they come out with a new console, I might just have to buy it, especially if it has Blu-ray internally.

I Want to See Muse Live!

Someone needs to find a show (I'm looking at you, Cottonmouth) that's not super far away, because this clip just shows how much they rock live

This is from their live CD/DVD called H.A.A.R.P. I might buy it shortly, because it probably rocks.

For Those Of You Sans OCD

www.southparkstudios.com

the south park site now has every episode streaming online. Every season. even the new ones. I'll still collect DVDs, but that's just because I started so I can't stop...

hence the OCD

What the fuck is wrong with women?

Why are women the most confusing beings on this planet? I can't figure a damn thing out with them.