A Look Back at 2008

2008 is almost over, and it definitely has been a mixed bag.

There has been many good things to come out of it. I graduated...finally. Didn't get a job anywhere near my major, BUT I found a job. With these days, that's a great thing. I also found out that I can write off a bunch of stuff and get a huge return on my taxes (not for this year, obviously, but still great nonetheless).

There have been a couple of bad decisions, to say the least. First bad decision of 2008 for me...deciding to lease a car, instead of buying one. When I first got it, it seemed like a good idea. Then I got a job that requires me to travel thousands of miles per month. Now, within 8 months I put on 15,000 miles. Oops. The second bad decision was probably my choice to by a Mac. I don't have any problems with it and it is very fast, BUT everything I need to do on a computer for work involves mostly PC applications. I kinda wish I made that decision after I got the job. I personally don't see what's so good about Macs. They function properly and all, but they have a steep learning curve and I think, overall, I like PCs better. But that's just me. The 3rd one, which is the cheapest (maybe..haha) was allowing this one girl to slip through my fingers.

Oh well. That was 2008. I'm ready for 2009! I'm starting it off right, with a concert (maybe party) in Chicago, with one of my best friends. There could be more people there, but all of you suck.

Hope everyone has a drunk, safe, sex-filled, grape-eating, caber-tossing, pile-driving, beer pong throwing, champagne drinking, money making, drug taking, dance-filled, super-power having, great time on New Years Eve.

Smell Ya Later!

Merry Christmas, All...

So here is my really quick thing...

Merry Christmas. I am sure that I will not see most of you, but I do hope that your holiday goes well.

My news? My dad had a heart attack on Sunday. He is doing...well, he is alive and should be well soon. In any case, I just wanted to tell you all, since I really dont have much time to talk lately.

Life on the Road

These past 3 weeks have been interesting.

The first week I was in Farmington Hills, which was good because I was able to see my parents and friends who are not readily available. But it required lots of commuting, mostly during rush hour. Rush hour pisses me off, if you remember from earlier posts. Its almost as bad as raping babies. Also, Farmington has quite a few fatties and uggos. That's not acceptable. This city is a bust, luckily I didn't have to spend much time there.

Last week I was in some small town called Ottawa. No, not in America's hat. It was a city in Illinois. I wasn't expecting much from this city, but I received a lot more. First off, there are some hotties in Ottawa, unfortunately though, they were not slutty. The ones who were not hot, were actually fun to work with. Go figure. The staff at that store was amazing and made my week feel like nothing. The guy I was opening the store with was also a riot. It was a good week.

This week is quite a different beast. Whoever's idea it was to open a store on the week of Christmas should have his nuts ripped out by Jesus. I'm going to have to drive back to MI in a fucking snow storm on Christmas Eve. What the fuck! I'm in Kildeer, IL, which is like 30 miles south of Wisconsin. It's going to take me forever to get home. I drove here to provide 1...ONE!...full day of support, the other 2 are going to be half days. Why the fuck am I here? Everything at this store is going to be false...sales, delivery times, the "help" we are giving...because the store is right in the heart of a big shopping district, and guess where everyone goes to shop? Business is going to be way slower after the holidays. They really thought this one through. What the fuck ever though, I get 4 days off starting tomorrow.

There is 2 bad things about being on the road so much. 1) I am putting a shit ton of miles on my leased car (14,000 miles in 7 months). I'm probably going to try to rent a car next time. 2) I'm away from home for too long doing some bullshit work.

There are good things though. I am able to see new cities, whether they suck or not I still get to see new places. I get to do bullshit work (meaning, 3 hours of actual work on a 8-9 hour day) and get paid for it.

When I started "righting" this post, I had a grander vision for it. But now I think that vision is lost. Oh well, I get to come home tomorrow.

Merry Christmas!

Quick Math Problem

(Don't worry its multiple choice)

X-Mas Time + Me + JCottonmouth + Hock + Rambo + The Biz + Doodlepoops - Claudio + Bar = ?

a.) xmastimemejottonmothhockrmbothebzodepoopsbar
b.) the best idea ever
c.) the worst idea ever
d.) impossible to pull off
e.) happening ASAP

Choose wisely....

But seriously, bar tonight (Tuesday)?

Thank You Mormons!

I don't claim to know anything about Mormons and their crazy religion. (I think all religions are crazy) The Mormon people however are really nice. During today's big snow storm, amongst various other incidents, a group of young Mormon boys (all dressed in their suits per usual) helped to dig my car out of the snow so I could get the fuck outta Dodge.

So I want to personally thank those Mormon boys for helping me out today. Maybe someday when I have some money, I'll donate to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (yeah, probably not, but it's a nice gesture)

Thanks again!

I like to title my posts like Emo bands like to title their songs...you know, it has nothing to do with what the actual post is about. Anyways,

It's Another Block of Movies Time presented by viewer's like you. It has been just under two months and I have seen fifty more movies. Some good, some really good, and some very bad (in an order that is pretty close to how much I like them, comparatively).

Really Good
Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Role Models, Ed Wood, Lords of Dogtown, After Sex, Eagle Eye, Bickford Schmeckler's Cool Ideas, Hamlet 2, Vanilla Sky, Bolt 3-D, The Oh! in Ohio,

Comments: Zack and Miri and Role Models are definite hits, but I think I would only see Bolt if it was in 3-D. Hamlet 2 dragged in the first half, but really got me laughing with the performance. After Sex = hot Mila Kunis girl/girl action part.

Good
Be Cool, The House Bunny, The Big White, Diggers, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, King of California, Clay Pigeons, Flashbacks of a Fool, Kids in America, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, I Could Never Be Your Woman, Layer Cake, Hard Rain, Event Horizon, Saw V, My Best Friend's Girl, Harold, Swordfish, Rent, Cube

Comments: There were a bunch of movies that didn't quite make it because they only had "moments": Harold, My Best Friend'd Girl, I Could Never Be Your Woman (mostly from Paul Rudd), etc. I would definitely recommend the first 5 or 6 movies, though.

Not So Bad

Sweet November, Employee of the Month, The Holiday, The Promotion, Bladerunner, The Pagemaster, Radio Flyer, Hollywoodland, The Hammer

Comments: All of these movies only had their moments. You would have thought with John C. Reilly and Sean William Scott in The Promotion it would have been funny, but it was just boring at times.

Bad
The Black Dahlia, The Pink Panther, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Mad Money, Over Her Dead Body, The Mutant Chronicles, Postal, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Fly Me to the Moon, Soap Dish

Comments: These aren't really worth any time. Here's why: The Black Dahlia is just terrible and confusing, Journey to the... has parts in it that are physically impossible and scientifically inaccurate, and maybe Fly Me to the Moon would have been better in 3-D, but it was so not funny I will never know.

I'm outie 5000!

The Day the Earth Stood Still review

This movie was a mixed bag for me. I liked the plot and the special effects, but the execution was just sub-par.

The movie starts off with no real explanation of anything, which is guess is kind of expected, but it still leaves you with a feeling of "what the fuck happened!?" Then you meet Jennifer Connelly. She looked sickly. But that's the way everyone looked in this movie. I don't know if its the way the movie was shot or if it was just bad makeup, but no one really looked that good. Most people looked sickly or anorexic. I also don't believe that Jennifer Connelly can be that kind of scientist. This has nothing to do with her being an attractive woman, she just was not able to convince me that she's that smart.

On the topic of characters, I'm going to comment on my least favorite: Jacob (Jaden Smith). He was just such a whiny bitch. He complained about everything and he didn't have any logic, reason, or common sense. He gave me no reason to like him. In fact, I despised him, through out the whole film, even when he somehow saved the day. I just couldn't like him at all.

Another character that I didn't like was Regina (Kathy Bates). I guess she was a character to parody the incredible destructiveness of the United States, but that probably makes me hate her more. She embodies America's "shoot first, ask later" mentality. She doesn't want to reason with Klatu (Keanu Reeves), she just wants to make him leave or kill him. Seriously, is that how people think? No one can be that unreasonable, can they?

Enough with the bad, let me talk about the good. I like Reeves' Klatu. I think he did a good job at remaining mysteriously dangerous. He didn't give much away, but still did quite a bit. He did look a little too skinny and sickly though...

The animation/CG was pretty damn good though. I enjoyed the scene when the sphere first landed on Earth. You didn't know what was going to happen and it all had an epic feel to it.

I did like the movie, I just think the execution and some of the cast could have been better. 7 out of 10.

What the fuck is normalcy?

So I finally graduated college. It may have taken longer than most people (1 semester longer). So, do either of my parents congratulate me? No. Instead, they ask "So, when are you getting a real job?" "I don't want you working in a restaurant all your life." Then my mom proceeds to compare me to my eldest brother, who is apparently the head cook in the prison he is currently incarcerated.

I can only imagine how it will be when (notice I use the word 'when' and not 'if', because I have more faith in myself than my parents do) I do get a job. Will I finally get my "We're so proud of you son!"? or will it be "So, when are you going to get a girlfriend, or get married, or buy a house and start a family?". Well I don't ever want a fucking house, and I'm still unsure of the family thing.

I can't tell if I'll just never be good enough for my parents, or if I'm just living in my brother's "successful" or "normal" shadow (other brother, not the one in prison).

Why does a "normal" life have to consist of a desk job, a house, a yard, kids. That's not what I want, so why the fuck does everyone want that for me?

Well this was just a rant, and I'm done. Man I used a lot of "quotes" in this post.

A Love Story

So, today while sitting alone in my apartment, having nothing to do, having no money, and all of my friends being out of town, I decided to watch a delightful film recommended to me by Goerg called; Wristcutters: A Love Story.

It sounds like it's going to be depressing, but it really is a good flick. It's really just a quarky tale with a lot of hidden messages left up to the viewer's interpretation. The movie really could have gone in a completley different direction than it did, but I like how it turned out.

I don't know exactly where all of you other bloggers religious views fall, but being Agnostic, this film gives a very unique and not completely unbelievable afterlife for those who "off themselves".

I really recommend that you all see this movie. It has a great cast too!

My Creative Side

Hey CFuckers,

I wanted to let you all know that I created my own blog. It will feature the poems and songs I have written since like 2002 or something. In no way will my second blog will get in the way of my favorite blog. Don't think I'm cheating on you. I figured it isn't really interesting to anyone but me, but if you enjoy it, feel free to comment. Well, if you are interested the site is: Right Fuckin' Here. Thanks, dudes.

GOERG

A Hero's Struggle

After watching Heroes yesterday and recently watching Hancock, I noticed that the heroes had to fight and struggle in order to keep or get back their powers. Hiro keeps getting the short end of the stick in that department. When ever something goes right for him, it usually ends in heartache, disappointment, or turns into another struggle.

Well, that got me thinking...if you had any power, one that you would want to keep...would you go through the trials of a hero to keep those powers? Even if it meant going through heartache and never knowing if you'll actually succeed? Can you handle the struggle?

My answer is yes! If I had the chance to do something great with a power that's among a few elite, or even if I was the sole person on earth with a power, I would want to do something great. My life would be one long quest, complete with side missions and leveling up...but for real.

What's worst than shoving a rabid howler monkey in your belly button and having it eat its way out your ear?

That would be rush hour traffic. I have seen the evil and torture that is rush hour. Sure, I have been in it before, but today it really irked me. I was on a 4 lane highway. 4 FUCKING LANES! For some reason, the 2 left most lanes actually stopped! I can see the far right stopping from the abundance of people getting on the freeway via the multiple on-ramps, but that's their fault for being in that lane if they have to stop. I can also see the middle right lane stopping, or slowing down tremendously to let others merge. But the left lanes? Seriously?! If people knew how to keep moving without freaking out and hitting everyone, then rush hour would just be normal traffic. I was in and out of lanes for a while, cruising at 70. Its totally possible to drive fucking normally during rush hour, but when you put 1000s of dumbasses on the road at once you get the single biggest headache of the day. God damn, most of them are women.

My scientific and very credible opinion has me estimating that 80 percent of drivers on the road are not worthy of a driver's license. But since the economy relies on car purchases, crashes (insurance premiums), and gas (all you do is waste it in rush hour), you won't see those people off the road anytime soon.

If there was just more common sense to go around, i'd probably only be 5% less pissed off. Fucking women, Asians, black people, and dickheads in SUVs.

FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!

Scurvy Knave

So... apparently I might have scurvy. Can you believe that crap? Apparently scurvy is not as awful as I expected it to be for the name - it is just a vitamin c deficiency but it would explain a LOT of shit that's been going on with me. In fact, considering how infrequently I eat fruit, it's possible I may have had this deficiency for years and that is the reason I get so down sometimes. Also smoking makes it easier to get. So basically yarrr. I'm a pirate. I'll keep you all updated. But this is good because it means I'm probably not dying.

LOL

Classic. Priest molestation is still funny

5 Years Ago

5 years ago, I never thought I'd be where I am in life. I was just entering college thinking I was going to major in business and, in all honesty, not have a clue what I was going to do with that. Probably work in some cubicle. Thank God I'm not.

3 years ago, was majoring in hospitality business. I originally tried that because I want to own a bar someday. Then I took a couple of hotel classes and wanted to run a hotel. Once again, thank God I'm not, hotels are a bitch to run.

2 years ago, I started majoring in telecommunications, thinking I would end up working at a movie production house. Obviously that didn't happen.

Now I'm out of college and at the point in my life where I know things never work out like I planned. Hell, 10 years ago, I thought I was going to be a mechanical engineer. Nothing is going like I hoped. Most of that is due to laziness. I could actually have skills in something if I actually tried. But, I didn't. And that has screwed me in life. I know nothing and have no skill.

The thing is, I'm not that pissed at the direction my life is taking. I believe things can be better, but at the moment, I'm pretty happy. I know for sure I don't want to work for JJs for very long (5 years, max...unless something good happens). I still want to open a bar at some point in my life and hopefully I will and it ends up being successful. Who knows what will happen when I move out to Denver. Who knows who I'll meet, what I'll learn, and where this thing called "life" will take me.

Maybe its a good thing my life didn't turn out like I wanted it too. I'm only in the first quarter of my life though, so who knows what will happen later. Hell, I still want to be a stunt driver for movies. That'd be awesome.

Cheerio

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 6)

So many of these episodes are bringing back those memories and shows me how funny they still are, all these years later.

Number 5: "Round Springfield" (Episode 125)

Bart eats a metallic Krusty-O and, while he recovers in the hospital, Lisa runs into an old friend, Bleeding Gums Murphy.

Favorite quote:
Hot dog vendor: "Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here!"
Homer: "Woo hoo!"
Marge: "What do you do, follow my husband around?"
Hot dog vendor: "Lady, he's putting my kids through college!"

Number 4: "Bart of Darkness" (Episode 104)

The summer heat is cranking up and the Simpson children decide to annoy Homer and Marge enough that they get their own pool. Bart breaks his leg and cannot enjoy it so decides to spy on people with his telescope.

Favorite quotes:
Homer: "All right, everybody in the pool!"
Amish Guy: "It's a fine barn but sure 'tis no pool English."
Homer: "Doe'th!"

"Don't be alarmed, continue swimming naked. Oh come on! Ah, alright Lou open fire." - Chief Wiggum

Number 3: "A Star is Burns" (Episode 121)

Springfield decides to host a film festival and they bring in Jay Sherman from "The Critic" to help out.

Favorite quote:
Barney: "My name is Barney Gumbel and I'm an alcoholic."
Lisa: "Mr. Gumbel, this is a girl scout meeting."
Barney: "Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?"

Number 2: "Homer the Great" (Episode 115)

Need I say more than one word to describe this episode: Stonecutters

Favorite quote:
Grampa: "I'm an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, I'm the President of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason, ah here it is, the Stonecutters."
Homer: "This is it! This is my ticket in! They have to let me join if I'm the son of a member! I'll take this Communist one too."

Number 1: "Treehouse of Horror V" (Episode 109)

The Shinning, Time and Punishment and Nightmare Cafeteria.

Favorite quotes:
Homer: "David Letterman!"
Grampa: "Hi David, I'm Grampa!"

"Oh I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish." - Homer

Oh, the weather outside is weather...

Well, it's the last day of the semester (besides exams) and I am feeling happy. It could very well be the coldest day of the year so far and I have a smile plastered to my face. You may ask yourself, "Why, freak?" Winter is one of my favorite seasons because it is the most beautiful season. It is at the point where we just had a gorgeous end-of-fall and the snow hasn't quite broken everyone's spirits. The fresh layer of snow blankets the mud, dirt, and leaves. The trees bow down under the weight of the snow. The sunsets that are early and vibrant. And the comical way people try to bundle up and also try to stay fashionable. Here are some of pictures that I took around campus and around my apartment that showcase these said beauties:

Red Cedar (sans all the visible pollution)

Obedient Trees Bowing over the Red Cedar
Sunset over the field by my place (see my car?)The Day is Through

Have a wonderful day, everybody.
Love, GOERG

Tgiving

Thank you all once again for such an amazing break. I am truly blessed to have the friends I do. I don't think there was a single moment I frowned until I was packing up my things to leave.
Much love

ps. I want to see this picture of me and pat :)

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 5)

It is getting harder and harder to choose a top 5! I may have to change format soon.

Number 5: "Homer Loves Flanders" (Episode 97)

Flanders wins tickets to the big football game and invites Homer, who then becomes best friends with Flanders...much to Flanders annoyance.

Favorite quote:
"Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital somewhere who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him to inspire you." - Mr. Burns

Number 4: "Lady Bouvier's Lover" (Episode 102)

Marge's mother is smitten with both Abe Simpson and Mr. Burns, ultimately walking to the altar with Burns, but leaves with Grampa.

Favorite quote:
"You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to." - Grampa

Number 3: "Homer's Barbershop Quartet" (Episode 82)

The Be Sharps story is the topic of this episode.

Favorite quote:
"Dad, thanks to television I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago. Really I can't, it's a serious problem!" - Bart

Number 2: "Cape Feare" (Episode 83)

Sideshow Bob sends Bart threatening letters, forcing the Simpsons to become the Thompsons in Witness Protection.

Favorite quote:
Bart: "Take him away boys."
Chief Wiggum: "Hey, I'm the Chief here. Bake him away toys."
Lou: "What did you say Chief?"
Chief Wiggum: "Do what the kid says."

Number 1: "Treehouse of Horror IV" (Episode 86)

The three minisodes include "The Devil and Homer Simpson," "Terror at 5 1/2 feet," and "Bart Simpsons Dracula."

Favorite quotes:
Mr. Burns: "Welcome, come in! Ah fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead."
Smithers: "Sir you have to let go of the button."
Mr. Burns: "Well son of a bit..."

Homer: "Wait a minute, you are a vampire!"
Grampa: "Quick, we have to kill the boy!"
Marge: "How'd you know he was a vampire?"
Grampa: "He's a vampire?! AHHH!"

Voice Of Our Generation Indeed

I promise this will be my last Kanye inspired post. But it's not really inspired by him, so I think it's ok. This is actually inspired by the last two times I went to the bar. When it occurred to me that despite how much I hate Kanye, he may be right. He may be the voice of this generation.

At some point around my senior year of undergrad and my first year of grad school, pop culture took one of the most drastic shifts I've ever noticed in my life. For a while I thought it was just 80s fashion coming back in style and my moving to a different state. But it was more far reaching than that. When I was at the Rochester brewery last night, I was SERIOUSLY underdressed in a tshirt and jeans. Not like anyone cares - but seriously, I've never seen so many people dressed up to go out for a random night of drinking in my life. And it occurred to me that we have transitioned away from the 90s/early2000s "look at how much I don't care about anything" sentiments (which coincidentally resulted in the interest in vintage clothing, ripped jeans, 70s style clothing). Now we want to look rich. We want to look glamorous. And this is why 80s fashion has come back in style - big gaudy jewelry, absurdly colored printed tees and all. Designer drugs have come back with a vengeance, partially in part to the infusion of drugs into hip hop culture and pop culture in general, but more so just because it's the new "hip" thing. Drugs and rap music have always gone hand in hand, but it used to be in the "my life is so hard living on the streets" way.

There's a good reason why I don't pay much attention to lyrics in songs anymore, besides a select few artists. Because it's true, lyrics nowadays truly do not speak to me. They may speak to others, but not to me. I miss the subtle poetry (why Radiohead still speaks to me more than any other group does). I like electronic music in the same way I like most classical music - all that really matters is what the music itself is saying, not the words. Nobody goes to see an opera to hear beautiful lyrics. They go to hear a beautiful voice.

I dunno really what I wanted to say through this post, it's just something I'm seeing. I've never been the guy on the forefront of trends, but I do notice things. So I guess we can look forward to a new upsurge of grunge in about ten years or so.

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 4)

The seasons start to get better and better!

Number 5: "Last Exit to Springfield" (Episode 76)

In this episode, Mr. Burns takes away the Dental Plan from the Springfield Power Plant Union and they elect Homer President of the Union to get back the plan, mostly because Lisa needs braces too.

Favorite quote:
"Where's my burrito? Where's my burrito?" - Homer

Number 4: "Krusty Gets Kancelled" (Episode 81)

Gabbo makes his way to Springfield, taking over Krusty's time slot and forcing his show into cancellation. With the help of Bette Midler, Hugh Hefner and Johnny Carson, he gets a special show together and kicks out Gabbo.

Favorite quote:
"Come on you stupid horse, I've got my last ten bucks on you! No, don't look at me! Run!! No, don't come over here. Oh boy." - Krusty

Number 3: "Treehouse of Horror III" (Episode 64)

Episodes include "Clown Without Pity," "King Homer," and "Dial "Z" for Zombie."

Favorite quote:
Bart: "Grampa, where'd you get the money?"
Grampa: "The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment I'll raise hell!"

Number 2: "Homer's Triple Bypass" (Episode 70)

Homer's continuous bad eating habits catch up to him as he has a heart attack and must go to Dr. Nick to get an inexpensive surgery.

Favorite quote (I have two):
Marge: "Homer's in the hospital, they think it's his heart!"
Patty/Selma: "Oh my God! Five cents off wax paper."

Homer: "Kids, I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people."
Lisa: "What about Abe Lincoln?"
Homer: "He sold poison milk to school children."

Number 1: "So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show" (Episode 77)

The classic April Fool's episode where Bart shakes up the Duff can which puts Homer into the hospital.

Favorite quote:
"Coma? I go in and out of comas all the (zzzzzzz) French toast please." - Grampa

Thankful Givings

Happy Thanksgiving, Mother-Clusters!

I hope your days are wonderful with your families everybody.

Some thoughts:
Last night was fuckin' awesome! At the bar, we all got super gay and wouldn't have had it any other way. It was nice to see all my far-away friends: The Biz, B-Don, and even Kiznox (who really shouldn't and WON'T be a "far-away friend" anymore). After the bar, JCottonmouth, Hock, Kiznox all went to JC's house to after-partay...and who should show up, but Geggles and Justine Luttrell! So at two in the morning, a second round of awesome started. After putzing around for a while (and Kiznox passing out, and Hock taking him home) we decided to head into the hot tub, which is exactly what the doctor ordered. It was so relaxing...and plus Justine is super hot in a "bathing suit". So after an hour or so in the jacuzzi, we pulled our pruney selves out of the hot water and directly into the snow covered outside hell. We dried off and we went our separate ways. And I finally arrived home at 5:45 am. So I would like to THANK all of you for GIVING me a great night. (Double pun?)

And today the fun doesn't stop. Marky is having dinner with my family and later Claudio, Gegs, Justine, and possibly Hock are coming over to hang out after dinner! Fuck yeah!

Peace and Love, (Cluster) fuckers.

**Hope you all get super fat today!**

Burcham Reunion

Well, JCottonmouth came to visit for Thanksgiving and we had a Burcham Boys reunion of sorts. Once Hock got home from work (around midnight), we began the usual drinking (slash other stuff) shenanigans. It was great. We played Euchre and listened to Umphrey's. Then after the game, we watched Clone High. Then I went to bed.

This story sucks. I thought I would post this because it is nice having Mark around.

Love, GOERG

R.I.P. Rose McMahon

Recently my aunt gave birth to premature twins, born after only 24 weeks. The girl (Rose) was struggling pretty bad and died last night. The boy (Raymond) is faring much better and should make a full recovery. The thing that irks me the most is that my uncle is one of the nicest guys I know. He doesn't deserve this pain. I called him earlier today and almost lost my shit because he was just out of it, and I've never heard him sound so depressed before. I just hope they can pull through, because this is just tragic. Goodbye, Rose, I wish I was able to meet you before you left this world.

Fuck You, Beyonce

So tonight, when we were closing, I heard the song "If I Were A Boy" (something like that) by Beyonce. All I gotta say is Fuck you, Beyonce! She's a man hater. Some of the lines in that song include, "I'd listen to her, because I know how it hurts" and "I'd put myself first, and make up the rules as I go." Shut the fuck up, bitch! I used to like this girl too. She was smokin'. But this song makes me just despise her. She's stereotyping-man hating. That's the worst kind. Piss off, slut.

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 3)

I told you I had it completed but I just now finalized it. Enjoy!

Number 5: “Like Father, Like Clown” (Episode 41)

Krusty goes to the Simpson household for dinner and is reminded of his estrangement to his Rabbi father. Bart & Lisa attempt to find him and convince him to reconcile with his son, for both of their sakes.

Favorite quote:
Homer: “Son, you don’t have to follow in my footsteps.”
Bart: “Don’t worry, I don’t even like using the bathroom after you.”

Number 4: “Black Widower” (Episode 56)

Sideshow Bob marries Selma after being released from prison. She begins to despise her and eventually plans to kill her by running the gas in their honeymoon apartment, waiting for her to light a match for her cigarette and blow herself sky high. Bart, however, foils his plans once again.

Favorite quote:
Bart: “Chief Wiggum, you think you have room in jail for a two time loser?”
Chief Wiggum: “Well no frankly, but that never stopped us before!”

Number 3: “Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?” (Episode 59)

Herb returns with a new idea of how to make his fortune back. He creates a machine that translates baby talk so parents can understand what their kids are saying. He reconciles with Homer and buys the family gifts. Homer also won the Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.

Favorite quote:
Scientist: “This can’t be right; this man has 104% body fat! Hey, no eating in the tank!”
Homer: “Go to hell.”

Number 2: “Homer at the Bat” (Episode 52)

The Plant softball team goes on a huge winning streak with Homer’s lucky bat but Burns makes a wager with the Shelbyville Power Plant owner for the Championship game and he does not want to lose. He goes out and recruits baseball players like Ozzie Smith, Jose Canseco, Don Mattingly and Roger Clemens. In the end, something weird happens to each one of them (except Darryl Strawberry) and Homer “drives” in the winning run.

Favorite quote:
Homer: “You’re Darryl Strawberry.”
D.S.: “Yes.”
Homer: “You play right field.”
D.S.: “So?”
Homer: “Well, are you better than me?”
D.S.: “Well I’ve never met you but…yes.”

Number 1: “Treehouse of Horror II” (Episode 42)

The kids and Homer eat too much candy and each has their own nightmare. Lisa’s nightmare includes a monkey claw that grants wishes, Bart’s includes him as a monster that makes everyone think happy thoughts, and Homer’s involves him being killed and his brain transplanted into a robot.

Favorite quote:
Smithers: “Did you hear that sir?”
Mr. Burns: “No, I didn’t, who is it? Frankenstein? The Boogerman?”
Smithers: “It’s the man in the bag sir, I think he’s alive.”
Mr. Burns: “Oh. (beating bag with shovel) Bad corpse! Bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers.”

Coming soon...Season 4!

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 2)

The next batch of Simpsons episodes has arrived! I have actually completed Season 3 as well and will be posting that soon. Enjoy!

Number 5: “Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?” (Episode 28)

Homer finds out he has a half-brother, Herbert Powell (voiced by Danny DeVito), who lives in Detroit. Homer goes to visit him only to discover he is rich and owns Powell Motors. He ultimately lets Homer design the car for the average man, which is so terrible it bankrupts Herb.

Favorite quote:
“A millionaire?! (whispers to himself) I kept the wrong one.” – Grampa

Number 4: “Lisa’s Substitute” (Episode 32)

Ms. Hoover goes out on a medical leave with Lyme Disease and is replaced with Mr. Bergstrom (voiced by Dustin Hoffman). Lisa loves the style of teaching and how much she is learning from Mr. Bergstrom that she is devastated when Ms. Hoover returns.

Favorite quote:
“Hey, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand” – Homer

Number 3: “Bart Gets an F” (Episode 14)

Bart fails a test and is threatened to be held back a year if he does not improve. He enlists the help of Martin Prince and prays for a snow day so that he can have another day to study. Despite his best efforts, he still fails the test but, after an obscure historical reference, he passes with a D-.

Favorite quote:
“I got a D-, I passed! I got a D-, I passed! I passed! I…kissed the teacher!” – Bart

Number 2: “Bart Gets Hit by a Car” (Episode 23)

Bart gets hit by Mr. Burns while skateboarding and is promised by Lionel Hutz they will receive a big cash settlement. He takes Bart to Dr. Nick for further examination, which is all phony. Marge’s conscience gets the best of her and Burns finds out about the phony diagnosis and retracts his settlement.

Favorite quote:
Lawyer: “Your Honor, my client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, and that he is not like other men.”
Mr. Burns: “I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!”

Number 1: Treehouse of Horror (Episode 16)

The three sections of the episode include “Bad Dream House,” “Hungry are the Damned” and “The Raven.” The episode (and the next two following) are labeled “The Simpson’s Halloween Special” and not yet the Treehouse title.

Favorite quote:
The entire poem “The Raven” as it is one of my favorite poems.

My Weekend

My weekend started on Friday, when I woke up at 7:30 and realized, "I am soooo not going to class." I rolled off the couch and played Guitar Hero World Tour until Hock woke up (at 1 pm-ish). I waited around for Claudio to get off work and then we smizzed a bizz and watched the newest episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," The Office," and "30 Rock." I had to immediately kick him out after that because I had to drive to Rochester and take care of my family's animals while they were out of town (my sisiter in Mt. Pleasant and my parents in Owosso). I watched 3 movies that night, whcih were all merely OK. On Friday, I watched: Hollywoodland (Diane Lane is f'n hot in that movie), Employee of the Month (completely predictable, but had its moments), and The Holiday (a little draggy) and on Saturday morning: Rent (decent music, more rock than I expected!). After the movie ended, I walked all four dogs and putzed around the house for a while, got in contact with the 'rents and then took off. I got back in EL/Okemos just to have Hock tell me that my good buddy JCottonmouth was only 20 minutes away!!! Fuck yeah! Hock, JC, and I went to Menna's Joint and shot the shit for a while. Then SVG met us back at the apartment and we played some more GHWT. JC took off to see an opera rehearsal and SVG and I smizzed a bizz (per usual) and left to go see Hamlet 2 at his work. The movie was a little less funny than I had expected. I thought Amy Poehler had a bigger part. The first part of the movie dragged at parts, but the production of Hamlet 2 (equipped with "Rock Me Sexy Jesus") was hysterical. After that I hung around SVG's work, and then we set off to see a stand-up comedian at the International Center next door. Kyle Dunnigan was performing. (For those of you who don't know, Kyle Dunnigan is Trudy Wiegal's boyfriend on Reno 911! He is the serial killer.) I have seen his Comedy Central Presents before and he did a few jokes from that and he extended a few of them. (Run-on sentence, fuck it.) My sides were hurting so much from laughing so hard. It was awesome. My Sunday was boring: Work -> sleep -> wake up -> eat -> TV (sunday night line-up) -> sleep. That's all.

Peace, buddies.

Someone Please Kill Kanye

The ever humble Kanye, who you might remember flipped out when he didn't get video of the year the first year he was even considered, has now declared himself "the voice of this generation".

"I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice," he said in an interview on Wednesday. "It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan."
The Grammy-winning rapper-producer said Justin Timberlake had a chance to be music's MVP, but hasn't put out enough material. "There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin went on vacation I made albums," he said. "And it just came out to be that."

I'm physically ill having read this. I wish Kanye West would die. Seriously. He is the worst thing to happen to music in recent history. I like a lot of rappers, and even though it's not my favorite genre, I don't mind hip hop. But Kanye's shit makes me want to beat anyone who lists him as a favorite artist within an inch of their life.

Why Is My Life SO Terrible Sometimes...

So I had a blast this weekend. It was nice to see some of you guys for a little bit, I'm looking forward to T-Giving break so we can continue this. I was terribly depressed while I was leaving, because I love East Lansing. Bloomington is not home. It will never be home. EL on the other hand does feel like home. And the other problem with Bloomington? Every time that I leave to go out of town recently, on the way back there's some sort of disaster. As in... last weekend on the way back from Louisville, Jessy getting dumped on the side of the road, getting a flat tire on the way back from Indy, having my oil run out and running over a carcass. And the newest addition to my repertory?
SO last night first of all, I hit a blinding snowstorm in the bottom of Michigan and eventually just had to pull over, but I called my sister and she told me if I could push through it, it'd be over in 20 miles, so as soon as I got a little north of Fort Wayne, it was just sprinkling rain. So then as I'm driving through Fort Wayne (which, mind you, is a big city, highly populated) what happens? I hit not one, but TWO DEER at the same time. Going 50 mph. They were just hanging out in the middle of the center lane and I plowed through the both of them. Miraculously the only damage to my car was a broken headlight and a crack in my fender, considering I hit them with enough force that my back seat opened. I'm also ridiculously sore today. So yeah. Next time I come to Michigan, I wish I could just stay forever. Fuck Bloomington
Love you guys
-Cottonmouth out

From the mind of Seth MacFarlane

Mario rescues the Princess! Does he get what he wants though?

Movie Review: Quantum Of Solace

Well, it's been a while since I've done one of these...

Quantum of Solace is the first movie in the Bond franchise's history to be a direct sequel to the movie before it (Casino Royale). The movie starts off promising, with an action-packed car chase, something Casino Royale was lacking. But, at the same time, the action is so erratic that you can't really tell what's going on for the most part. Still fun though. This is followed by the opening credits, which brings a song performed by Jack White and Alicia Keys. The song is alright, but I'm pretty sure Mr. White could have written something better.

While you need to watch Casino Royale to understand most of the references thrown around, you'll still probably get lost in the first 15 minutes. There are so many names spouted out during the course of the movie that I lost track of who is who, or who I should give a shit about. The main characters are the only ones I remember. On the topic of characters, Camille (played by Olga Kurylenko) is not only amazingly hot, but she actually has a good role...until she pusses out. Gemma Arterton, who plays Strawberry Fields (yes, that is her name in the film), is also amazingly attractive, and has a great charm which helps you become emotionally attached to her. The villian, Dominic Greene (played by Mathieu Amalric), starts off very frightning, but near the end he doesn't seem very threatening. Judi Dench plays her part as amazing as always, and Daniel Craig plays a super lucky/bulletproof/man-whore/super-spy James Bond just as good as he did the first time. He has those charming one liners, and actually shows some emotion, but he seems to get out of situations way too easily...even for Bond.

Camille, Bond, Fields

That brings me to the action. I had no clue what is going on, for the most part. It seems like they tried to copy the same camera style as the Bourne Supremacy...which is not a good thing. The resulting shaky camera action leaves you asking what the hell is going on. I wasn't sure who was hitting who, all I knew was that Bond was somehow going to win. I'm not saying the action was bad, it was very entertaining, I just wish I could tell what was going on half the time.

Overall, it was fun to watch, but was kind of an empty experience. They never even mentioned what the Quantum of Solace even was. If they did, they did such a shitty job with it that I don't even remember what it was. I really wanted to like this movie, but it felt like they threw a bunch of action scenes into a revenge story that makes no sense and has no real ending. Oh yeah, that's right, it has a open ending. I can see how they want to make sequels forever, but I wish they ended it. I want them to continue like the series always has, with no mention/relation to the movie preceeding it. While it was an enjoyable movie, I wish I knew what the fuck was going on. I will give this a 3.5 out of 5.

I suggest spending your money on Role Models and/or Zack and Miri Make a Porno, first. Those movies are fantasticly hilarious. If you liked Casino Royale, then I would suggest seeing Quantum of Solace, but don't expect any real conclusion.

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes (Season 1)

I told you I would do it and I am. It gives me a chance to watch those episodes that I have not watched in forever and laugh all over again! I noticed that Season 1 really was not as funny as most other years. The show seemed to start on a more solid, dramatic note with most of their episodes. Comedy snuck in there but was not as prominent as it was in later years.

Here are the top 5 episodes of Season 1 and my favorite quote from the episode:

Number 5: "Homer's Odyssey" (Episode 3)

This episode features Homer getting fired from the Power Plant (the first episode for Mr. Burns and Smithers) after causing an accident. He goes on a crusade to create safety throughout the neighborhood and, eventually, is offered a job by Mr. Burns as the Plant's Safety Inspector.

Favorite quote:
"All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale." - Bart

Number 4: "Some Enchanted Evening" (Episode 13)

Here the Simpson children deal with the notorious Babysitter Bandit. Marge and Homer finally get a night out on the town and the kids find out their babysitter is armed and dangerous when they see her picture on TV. Of course, Maggie comes to the rescue and unties/helps them knock her out. When Homer gets back, he lets her go and pays her triple for her trouble. The press questions Homer about his actions.

Favorite quote:
Secretary: "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service."
Homer: "Hello, this is Mr. Sampson...I said Sampson, not Simpson."
Secretary: "Thank God! Those Simpsons, what a bunch of savages, especially that big ape father."

Number 3: "Bart the General" (Episode 5)

Nelson is on the warpath after Bart makes him bleed. He is out to ruin Bart's life by constantly beating him up and, despite Homer's teachings, continually is beaten. He enlists the help of Grampa and Herman to launch an attack on Nelson and his cronies. Bart rounds up most of his class and trains them. In the end, they attack Nelson with hundreds of water balloons and tie him up.

Favorite quote:
"Dear Advertisers, I am disgusted by the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good ole days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive." - Grampa

Number 2: "Moaning Lisa" (Episode 6)

Lisa becomes depressed and begins to decline in her school work. No one seems to be able to make her happy, so she begins to play her saxophone constantly. One night she hears jazz music in the distance and goes to find out where it is coming from. She stumbles upon Bleeding Gums Murphy and they jam together. Lisa is renewed with spirit after making up her own song on the spot. The song is later sung by Murphy in a jazz club as the Simpsons look on.

Favorite quote:
"I've got this bratty brother, he bugs me everyday, and this morning my own mother, gave my last cupcake away. My dad acts like he belongs, he belongs in the zoo. I'm the saddest kid in grade number two." - Lisa

Number 1: "Krusty Gets Busted" (Episode 12)

I love anything with Sideshow Bob (as I'm sure you'll find out). In this classic episode, Bob frames Krusty for a robbery at the Kwik-E-Mart. Bart & Lisa solve the case and Bob is thrown in jail for the first of many times.

Favorite quotes: (I have to pick two, both involving Apu)
Sideshow Bob (as Krusty): "Hand over all your money in a paperbag."
Apu: "Yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery, I do work in a convenience store you know."

Apu: "Hey, hey! This is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down or I'll blow your heads off." (to Bart and Lisa...I laughed for like two minutes after I heard this one again).

Next up...Season 2!

I'm Back...

And that is all for the moment. Now, to read up on some things that I have missed.

Top 10 Simpsons Episodes

I found this article on AskMen.com and found it quite interesting. How do you select 10 episodes of one of the greatest shows of all time? I agree in some aspects of this but not all. What episodes do you think were left off? I definitely agree with Cape Feare as #1, that is one of my all-time favorite episodes. God, I cannot just pick one!! One is the Apu wedding and another is Jasper freezing himself. "Moon Pie! What a time to be alive."

I think I'm going to do my own Top episodes and/or quotes soon....excellent.

Oh, sorry for not answering my own questions, I post the question for you guys (usually at work) then I forget to go back and answer it myself. Whoops!

Cottonmouth, you will get your update my friend real soon! If I am bored at work, which is a good possibility lately, I will do a lot of blogging I think :)

Yo Rambo

Ya gotta start answering some of your own questions too! I have one for you too - how's life? I want updates since I haven't seen you in... (wait for it)... 8 months? 10 months? Something like that? Far too long, regardless. Miss you buddy, I'll hopefully see you a little over t-giving if you're around.

Amazing Actors: Paul Rudd

I'm going to start a new series. It's called "Amazing Actors" and it spotlights the most amazing actors you can think of. This is a prestegious award, though, not just anyone can be nominated. The actor you choose must earn this honor. My inagural pick is Paul Rudd. You may remember him from such roles as David in the 40 Year Old Virgin, Pete in Knocked Up, and more recently Danny Donahue in Role Models. He is at his best in the latter. He is everything I strive to be...in terms of being a sarcastic, but witty asshole. Not an asshole in a bad way, more like just having a very funny comeback to anything you can throw at him. Watch any of his movies and he is just brilliant. I dare you to hate him. He was amazing as a stoner in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. ..."Oh the weather outside is weather"....hahahaha! Anyways, Goerg and I have been watching many movies with Paul Rudd in it and I gotta say, he is consistently an amazing actor. Watch The Ten, The Oh in Ohio, and Role Models and tell me he's not brilliant. I fucking love the guy. I think I'd go gay for Paul Rudd. He's everything I love: he's cynical, sarcastic, and above all, HILARIOUS!

Today's "What if..."

If you were given three wishes, what would you wish for?

The ultimate question right? One we all hope we get one day but do we actually think about what we want?

Whoops

Epic fail on the NIN tour

After a break

I have decided to add another question to the blog this week:

What if one song were to describe your life? Which song would it be?

Think long and hard about this one...I know I am going to.

Interactive Mirror

This shit is awesome. I want one. I could keep myself entertained for hours. Suddenly looking in the mirror doesn't seem so depressing

Halloween Exploits

So the rave was a total bust. The DJs were awesome, but nobody showed up :(. Of course this left me and Doug trippin our balls off with nothing to do. So we did what any self-respecting drug users would do on Halloween; that is to say, we bought a shit ton of glow sticks, turned off the lights, and put my playlist of dance music on random until after 6 in the morning. It was a really fun night despite it all. I never really got balls deep on the mushrooms like I sometimes do. But I was certainly real fucked up, and I'm sure I just couldn't relax enough to really enjoy since the beginning of the trip consisted of a trip to walmart and then me basically alone in some warehouse dancing by myself as the rest of the crowd dissipated one by one. It's just a real shame that people are not really interested in the whole electronic scene here. The guy who put this whole thing together spent a lot of money, and it was a real labor of love, but by the time that Doug got back with Jess there's was no way that the 3 of us could save the party. Ah well. Half a fifth of vodka, a bunch of beer, a heaping bowl and a few hours later as I laid on the ground, listened to Hallucinogen and watched Doug and Jess do a bunch of crazy shit with glow sticks above my face, I realized that the night wasn't such a bust after all. :)

PS I will be home alone in the Roch over Thanksgiving which means two things:
1) I need people to celebrate T-Giving with. I'm not inviting myself to dinner or anything, but if anyone is free during the day or whatever, it be nice to hang out with my extended family :)
2) No parties at my place but... I may be able to acquire some more trippy stuff and we could have a "party" with a few peeps in my basement. Or regardless, we can all hang out. As long as no one's playing bongo drums or skinny dipping in the hot tub.

PPS I'm thinkin about goin to one night of the Umphrey's New Year's run, if someone can come with me. I'll be in South Bend area at my grandparents up til then so I'd be happy to drive into Chicago if someone met me there. If no one can go, no big, but I'm just not sure if I'll be around MI for New Year's Eve or not. The current plan is to try to find a good dance party with Doug and groove into 2009.

PPPS I'm WELL aware that I'm totally becoming a raver kid. haha. It was only a matter of time. But I'm getting a lot better with glow sticks :-D

All Hallow's Day After

Any good Halloween stories? Any pictures? Rambo did you do anything fun? I only ask you specifically because (a) I live with Hock and (basically) Claudio, (b) I know Mark went to a 'rave,' (c) and Kiznox is MIA from the CFuck.

I will have a picture of me as Stanley the Sterling Heights Stallion as soon as my friend posts it.

GOERG

Happy Halloween!

I hope you all have a great time tonight! After a few days of debating I opted to just wear this random sweater and leather pants I have with safety pins all over them. In addition to spiking my hair, spraying it black, and wearing eyeliner. I don't know exactly what this makes me (I suppose some kind of punk/goth/counter-culture stereotype). But it's not normal me so whatever. My plan for the evening? Some underground industrial/hard techno crazy party at some abandoned warehouse that someone I know bought. And some mushrooms. Should be a good time had by all. I'll try to take some pictures but... no promises. Much love to you all, enjoy the day, and I'll maybe give you a call later??? Who knows

Marvel just let us know the following:

ROBERT DOWNEY JR. AND JON FAVREAU SUIT UP FOR MARVEL STUDIOS' THE AVENGERS AND IRON MAN 2

As part of his four picture deal with Marvel Studios, Robert Downey Jr. is appearing as Tony Stark in THE AVENGERS motion picture, as well as reprising his starring role as the larger-than-life leading character in IRON MAN 2. Jon Favreau will return to direct the sequel to the blockbuster IRON MAN, which to date has grossed over $578 million worldwide, as well as executive produce THE AVENGERS.

Marvel Studios is pleased today to confirm that an agreement has been finalized with award-winning actor Don Cheadle to take on the role of Colonel James "Rhodey" Rhodes in Marvel's IRON MAN 2 due in theaters on May 7, 2010. In casting Cheadle, Marvel replaces Terrence Howard who appeared in the role of Rhodey in IRON MAN.

Based on Marvel's iconic Super Hero, IRON MAN 2 continues the story of this summer's box office blockbuster IRON MAN, the first feature film produced independently by Marvel Studios. IRON MAN 2 will be produced by Marvel Studios' President, Kevin Feige, and executive produced by Louis D'Esposito, Jon Favreau, Stan Lee, David Maisel and Denis Stewart.

In a movie event, THE AVENGERS will bring together the super hero team of Marvel Comics characters for the first time ever, including Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, the Hulk and more, as they are forced to band together to battle the biggest foe they've ever faced.

The highly anticipated sequel to IRON MAN will be released in theatres on May 7, 2010 and THE AVENGERS will be released July 15, 2011. Both films will be distributed by Paramount Pictures.

ALRIGHT! Who's got the DeLorean so we can go back in time??

Back to business

After a long weekend, let's test your minds to see if they are still working properly.

What if you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life? Which song would you choose?

I'm going to have to think about that myself.

Makes you want to be Tom Brady...

Several pictures of his extremely hot girlfriend Gisele:

My future (I mean skin) is so bright, I need shades.

Here is another installment of "Why GOERG needs to get a life..."

I will introduce a rating system for this one because if I do it like the other lists then I bore myself. So....

! - Highly Recommend
@ - Decent
$ - See it, but only intoxicated.
# - Meh. So-So.
? - Why would you see this crap?
And we're off (in order of watching them),

PCU (#), Monkeybone (?), Orgazmo (!!!), Being John Malkovich (!), The TV Set (!), Sahara (#), Magnolia (? or $, it drug on for three fuckin' hours), Escanaba in da Moonlight (#), The Sasquatch Dumpling Gang (!), No Reservations (@), Burn After Reading (!), Swingers (!), Just Add Water (!), Little Black Book (?), Pi (?, confusing shit), Driving Lessons (#), Serendipity (@, for a chick flick), Arsenic and Old Lace (#), Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (!!!), Proof (@), The Nines (!), Go (!), The Wackness (!!!), Bottle Rocket (#, boring), The Big Bounce (@), College (#, could have been better), Henry Poole is Here (!), Bongwater ($$), Thunderpants (????????, easily the worst movie ever made), Art School Confidential (!), The Rocker (!), Kung Fu Panda (!), 10 Items or Less (#), The Moguls (!), License to Wed (@), Van Wilder 2: Rise of Taj ($), Fred Claus (!), Cheats (#), The Incredible Hulk (@, Ed Notron version), The Virgin Suicides (@, totally fucked up but worth a watch), Virgin Territory (?), Foot Fist Way (?), Birds of America (!!), The Pacifier (??), Wristcutters: A Love Story (@), Definitely Maybe (@-!), Home Fries (?), Alfie (@), Inside Man (!), and finally...The Bone Collector (!)

And that makes fifty movies (roughly 85 hours of wasted time). Per usual, any questions about these movies, feel free to ask...I remember most of them.

Peace amphibians,

G-O-E-R-G

Great pre-game huddle!

I know you guys aren't as into football as I am, but Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints has one of the greatest pre-game huddles I have ever seen. Love it.

Found this on myspace...

One of my myspace friends had this as a post and I laughed.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'.
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'.
What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'
If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Happy Friday!

Because I "steal" the good answers, I am going to wait to respond to today's "What if?" question...wouldn't want to upset Goerg ;)

What if you could hear what someone is thinking for a day? Who would you choose?

I'm interested to hear the results of this one...

Let's try again

Since Hock was the only one to respond to the first one, let's see if this one sparks interest.

What if you could committ a crime and get away with it? What crime would you committ?

I would have to say robbing a bank or something along those lines. Financial security thanks to money that is now tax free!! Hells yeah.

Let's try something new...

I want to gather discussion about something as often as I can, since I struggle to contribute to this blog recently. What I was thinking, and this can lead to reply postings or comments to this posting, is to give a scenario or situation and see what we would all do. I usually do the Weekly WYR but let's mix it up a little bit.I have a whole list so I will try to post one a day.


What if you could be invisible for a day? What would you do and why?

Let's hear what you would do guys!

I think I would probably turn into a creeper, but who wouldn't when they were invisible? Honestly though, I would mess with people all friggin day. Freak a lot of people out, make them think there are ghosts, especially some people that I KNOW deserve it. Why would I do that? Because I'm invisible, you try to find me to tell me it's wrong :) Oh, when I'm not messing with people, I'm watching hot chicks undress. Did I really have to say it? No, you were all thinking it...

Family Values

So the last time I went home (yeah, I know it's been a few weeks. I'm slow, deal) I learned quite a bit about my family.

First off, the most crazy news. My 17 year old cousin, who is a good kid in school and sports, was first busted for marijuana possession. The day he went to court, the judge was very lenient on him. He went golfing that day and drank with his friend, who brought the beer. Well, my cousin, you know, the smart one, drove them home. He did something stupid in a minivan and was pulled over and slapped with a DUI. Well, he was put right back into court and saw the same judge. As you would expect, the judge wasn't so nice the second time. He put my 17 year old cousin under house arrest, only able to leave to go to school or work. When he received his sentencing, he was put in jail for 45 DAYS! He's still in high school. And I thought he was the good one of the family.

My other cousin, who is 25, also got a DUI around the same time. He is rather lucky though, as he works at the post office and they don't give a shit about arrest records there. He still has fines and shit to pay off, but at least that should kick his alcoholism for a while.

Found out that my other cousin, 30, was a huge coke fiend. She's missing some teeth, lost her house and her old bf (who committed suicide), and has been in jail quite a few times for stealing things...from Sam's Club. Seriously, Sam's Club, the bulk warehouse. I knew she wasn't the smartest one, but I thought she had more sense than that.

My uncle just got laid off, after about 20 years or so at Chrysler. He has a years worth of severance pay, but he's still about 5 years from retirement, so he can't receive any of that. The worst part is that he has TWINS on the way with my new aunt. I hope he finds something soon.

My sister is running deeper into the hole. She doesn't stay at a job for more than a year, just because she gets bored or she's just flat out stubborn and/or stupid. Hopefully her bf starts making some more money and they get married and she can just mooch off of his money, because that's what I see her doing anyways...sadly enough.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I'm the one with the most going for me right now...and that's not saying much. I never thought I'd be in this position. This is a strange feeling. I just hope I don't start to travel down the road that most of my family seems to already have traveled. I just hope I'm doing the right thing with taking this job. Hopefully it opens new doors that I never even thought of and I have a successful life. I know that's what everyone wants, but I wanted to say it anyways.

Reflections on 23 years.

Well, I have completed my 23rd year of being on this earth as of 8:18 am. Looking back on this year, I have done a lot yet done nothing. I have:

- Moved several times
- Seen Umphrey's McGee at about 7 different shows
- Seen close to 200 new movies (not including ones I have already seen)
- Ended the only real relationship I have ever had
- Schooled for the entire time
- Rose to the position of Head Prep Guy at Gables
- Drove to South Carolina and saw the beautiful states in between
- Went to Lollapalooza
- Saw Brand New in concert
- Found many many new bands
- Lost friends
- Gained friends
- Kept friends
- Continued my pot habit
- Watched about 4 seasons of Gilmore Girls
- Kept up with my shows: Heroes, Always Sunny, South Park, Entourage
- Lived alone for three weeks
- Did some psychedelia
- Re-read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, only to be disappointed by the movie postponement
- Saw Weird Al in concert
- Became a regular at the Alphabet Dinner
- Became a regular at Coral Gables' Monday Night Debauchery
- Have never felt stronger about who I am.

And those are twenty-three things I did in my twenty-third year. Love you guys.

Peace, G-O-E-R-G

8:00 Classes Can Still Suck My Nuts

So I'm sitting in this lecture at 8:15 and I feel like death. Despite the fact that I don't even really have to pay that much attention to anything because I am an instructor and know it already. But even still, as the mornings grow darker and darker, it's getting increasingly more difficult to drag my ass here. ugh. I feel kinda crappy, partly because I've been going out more, but that's a good thing, not a bad thing. I almost stayed out long enough to see Afroman last night (booyah) but instead I went home and watched South Park. Which was honestly a LITTLE disappointing in terms of plot. But it was worth it if only to see
1) Wendy's angry face
&
2) Cartman getting the shit kicked out of him
I need to fucking go somewhere and dance. I'm dying without music and movement. I also haven't been exercising which I'm sure doesn't help. But really, I need to find a good club to go to - I have a few options I'm gonna start looking into - the only thing that sucks is that everybody here listens to bad hip hop and rap. sick. I've been invited to these underground dance parties but all of the djs spin hip hop and that makes me die a little...

Going to Indy this Friday to see a concert and get fucked up for Jess's Bday. I'll call you on Saturday Dah-veed. Any exciting weekend plans?

Speaking of ex-roommates, I wish I didn't have a roommate. I feel so stifled. And three cats in one apartment is way too much. I hate them. And I love cats. But it's SO aggravating having to constantly consider what they're doing when I'm just walking around my apartment - are they trying to get in my room, scratching the furniture (read: MY furniture), pulling up the carpet, eating my lunch, climbing on a hot stove? It's awful. I miss having my straight boys as roommates. Also girls are SO annoying to live with. Why WHY do you have to spend an hour getting ready? What could possibly be accomplished in that amount of time? Who are you trying to impress? I've just really gotten used to my alone time, and it's aggravating when I'm using my headphones and she's still trying to tell me some asinine opinion about what's on tv (note: this weekend she was gone from friday to monday night and I didn't turn on the tv a single time except when jess and doug came over. I hate tv. it sucks my soul.) Don't get me wrong - I love Adrianne. But I hate living with girls. They're so needy and indirect and smothering. Sort of like gay guys. On that front I have to admit I'm feeling a little lonely. It'd be nice to have someone to cuddle with, but that ain't happening any time soon most likely.

So anyway. Lecture's coming to a close so I'm out for now, but I love you guys and I'll talk to you soon.
-Cottonmouth out

p.s. here's a Red Slender Loris

look at its tiny people hands with its tiny opposable thumb!

Updates on my happy-haps

Let me start off by saying this post is going to be a bitch to type out. The reason being, is that I sliced off part of the tip of my ring finger on my right hand earlier this morning and now its wrapped up and in a splint. So, I'm typing with one finger on my right hand. How did this happen you might ask? Well, I was slicing onions on the slicer, which was set to automatic, and one of the onions fell down, so I reached down and tried to fix it...WITH THE SLICER STILL ON! Big mistake. I feel like a huge dumbass, but luckily no one seemed too disappointed. You might think it hurt, but I barely even felt it. It took about 2 hours for it to stop bleeding though. Oh, and I spent about 3 hours in the ER, about 2 of those hours were me just laying there...waiting. This should be nice and annoying for the next week or so.

Other than that, not much has changed. Completed a week of my apprenticeship. I'm probably going to get a new cell phone/provider sometime this week after I get paid. AT&T fucking suck, they charge so much for so little text. I think I'm going for Sprint and getting the Instinct, with unlimited everything (text, internet, GPS, etc.) except minutes but those are unnecessary with free nights and weekends anyways. So take that AT&T! Suck my fuzzy balls you assholes! I wish I knew more people here that would go out with me. Almost everyone I know here works the complete opposite shifts from me so I almost never see them, or they are lazy and won't go out. Oh well, I guess it'll be smart to save a little money for now.

My Love Jake

so Jake Gyllenhaal is fucking ripped now. He's in the new Prince of Persia movie (yes like the video game). And I still want to do naughty things to him

Why in God's Name am I Awake?

Well I suppose it's not really that early anymore, but for whatever reason I woke up at like 9:30 this morning. I suppose this is because 9:30 is about the latest I have been ALLOWED to sleep for the last few months... So I decided to use this time to post on the blog with the now seeming obligatory life update.
Warning: I'm smoking a bowl. And listening to dance music. If this even makes sense it will be a miracle.

So we'll get the simple questions out of the way. Am I seeing anybody? Fuck no. How's school? Still fine and still boring. How's teaching going? Extremely well, I am the best teacher ever. How's Bloomington? Still kinda sucks and is boring and has a notable lack of my friends in it (i.e. you guys).

Basically I work all the time. In some way or another. I haven't been this busy since high school. We have an exam basically every week in italian, which meets four days a week, I'm at school 12 hours a week just for my Grad Assistant duties, and let me tell you, if you haven't ever taught a class, it's about the most mentally exhausting thing I've ever done. It's so stressful to know that you are expected to be right all the time. And people take my word as the law. It's fucking insane, and makes my brain hurt. But teaching is very rewarding, and it's nice my students like me. And now in my free time I'm generally doing one of three things:

1) Smoking Pot, Drinking and Grading Papers
2) Smoking Pot, Drinking and Watching Syndicated Television
3) Smoking Pot, Drinking and Writing Music

About that last one. So yeah, I've actually been doing something productive and creative in my free time for a change and I've been writing electronic music. It's really fun, even though the program (logic express) makes my brain explode. I also feel like I have quite a knack for it, because the math-minded part of me understands the structure of that type of music, and the music-minded part of me understands the harmony and melodies and rhythms. I'm actually "done" with a song (or at least done for the time being because I need to stop nitpicking for a little while and move on). I'm really happy with how it sounds, but I'm kinda self conscious about it anyway so I'm not gonna post it because you guys don't like that type of music anyway :). I've been seriously looking into pricing out some digital/cd turntables and djing. I now have a connection to someone who's basically acquired this abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere and they're planning on having parties there with bands and djs etc. So that's pretty fuckin sweet. I would just want to DJ for fun, it just seems like a great hobby to take up, and it would be sweet to just be able to sit at home and mix while we're smoking, or as something different to do while tripping :). Dance party my place!!!



Seriously, WTF? These are a very small portion of the different Logic synthesizers I'm trying to figure out. Ow. My brain is leaking out my ears.

I was in this Romeo and Juliet as Mercutio for anyone who didn't know. I received rave reviews. I also have a small part in a show in April which is exciting. I also might be singing with the Mason orchestra in March as a soloist (yes, Mason does in fact have an orchestra apparently). I ALSO might have another part at the end of this semester and again at the beginning of next year. Basically I'm getting opportunities to perform all the time, which is a pretty big deal, seeing as how that's what I want to do. So I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

I want to move to a city. I'm so sick of the midwest. On the plus side, it's gorgeous down here; unseasonably warm, the trees just barely starting to get that orange tint. It's awesome.

I hate that I haven't been able to go to any concerts lately. It makes me really depressed, but I just don't have the time or money. Oh well.

Despite all this, things are going really well. I'm really enjoying my alone time, and being so driven at the moment. I feel good about what I'm doing, and I really feel like I've found the path I'm supposed to be on. It's like I've started paying attention to the little hints life throws you to make sure you're going the right way. I'm not concerned about the decisions I make, because I finally feel like I have the life experience to make the right ones for me. I just feel very centered and happy. :)

I miss you all terribly, can't wait til Christmas when I'll get to see everyone for sure, hopefully I can come up before then though. Until then, don't forget you're always welcome to call me to chat, I'd love to hear what's going on in everyone's life.
Peace Toads

that's my new phrase I made up. It's what I say now

Something Extra Special or Nothing Too Fancy

So folks, it is true. I have been to my 23rd Umphrey's McGee show since the glorious band has presented themselves to me in the form of Sweet Sounds Vol. 6. And god damn it, if it doesn't just keep getting better!!

SVG (also known as the mysterious Claudio on the CFuck) and I drove to Kalamazoo to see UM at the beautiful State Theatre. It was an amazing venue: old-timey ceilings and moldings, huge balcony for viewing pleasures, even more seats on the floor (if 'rocking out' isn't your thing), and the standard empty space reserved for general admissions (VIPs in my opinion). SVG and I got there early as a change of pace and stood in line to be let in. After not noticing that there is a separate will-call booth with no line, we finally filed in and got our wristbands and beer (or G&T). We strolled down to the stage and, to my surprise, we had front row seats. Right next to the stage, finally! There was none of that retarded unused space for the bouncers to spot hippie potheads. Just me...touching the stage, where Bayliss would be standing in mere moments. Rock!

There was an opening act. And by opening act, I mean Marsha Stasik. Does that last name ring a bell Umphreaks? (Ryan Stasik is the bass player in UM, for you non-UMers) Stasik's mom did a short 15 minute stand up comedy routine and it wasn't too shabby. Funny stuff making fun of married life, Pony being a stoner in high school, etc. After she ended, the main event came pouring out onto the stage.

They opened up with (the almost predictable) Nothing Too Fancy, jamming out as only they know how to do. But what would Nothing Too Fancy be without it being unfinished (for now) and seguing into a nice little ditty called Push the Pig. Then they played Rocker (Part II) which was a new one to me. It's nice to know that after 23 shows, I am still seeing songs I have never seen before. After a beautiful version of Haji overflowing into the Talking Heads' "Making Flippy Floppy," they ended their set with the second half(?) of Nothing Too Fancy. For those of you keeping score, the set went:

Set I: Nothing Too Fancy > Push the Pig, Rocker (Part II), Hajimemashite > Making Flippy Floppy > Nothing Too Fancy.

It was quite the nice warm-up set.

Set 2 kicked off with a bang when they tore into Miss Tinkle's. They slowed down the jamming and slid nicely into Higgins and then hitting right back into the very end of Miss Tinkle's. They played a very boiled down version of Syncopated Strangers (introduced as "This song is about 12 years old.) The show "ended" with a beautiful sandwich of All in Time with Robot World thrown in. Once again the score:

Set II: Miss Tinkle's Overture > Higgins > Miss Tinkle's Overture, Syncopated Strangers, All in Time > Robot World (with a Stranglehold jam) > All in Time

And finally, the crowd could not be retained anymore as they chanted and yelled for UM to get their asses back on stage because everyone (and I mean everyone) knew they weren't done. They take the stage and kick into two (kinda three) songs I have never seen live and ending with one that I have only seen once.

Encore: The Girl is Mine > Jane Says > The Girl is Mine > Space Funk Booty (very rare) > Believe the Lie

This show was awesome. The jams were solid and the riffs were tight. Kudos, UM. The only disappointment was that some douchebag, who was barely a fan, got Bayliss' setlist and not me. Bullshit.

Great night.....until I got home. I had to pull an all nighter to study for two exams I had the next day. One at 9 am in Advanced Geometry and the other in the afternoon in Complex Analysis. And yes, they are as fun as they sound. So now I am super far behind in sleep and will probably crash any minnnuuuuuuuuuu....................

G-O-E-R-G

I'm Coming Home!

I finally get to take that 5 hour drive back home on Saturday. It's about time, I miss you guys. The only thing is that I'm going to be in Okemos for only about 20 minutes, then I'm going back to Washington til about Monday. So I'll be half back. Sorry, if you even care. I'll be glad to finally be back in Michigan though (wow, never thought I'd say that) were I'm not stuck in a hotel room. Not a moment too soon either, because the wireless here is so fucking slow, even now at 5am. 5am! It's slower than dial up, which makes me want to punch babies in the throat and throw puppies at sharks. Anyways, I can't wait to be back and maybe we can get into some shenanigans.

Much love and Skittlebrau!

Hysterical Video and then Horrific News

Tina Fey plays Palin so well




Also, watching CNN showed me that this "bailout" plan is probably one of the worst mistakes the government can do. Instead of bailing out the rich ass CEOs at these companies, Lou Dobbs suggested giving it to the tax payers to induce spending and relieve the market. But no, that probably won't happen because politicians are only interested in making money. They could give a shit about the American people they are supposed to protect. Why does this country love fucking its citizens up the ass and through the mouth? I think I'm now going to vote for Obama, because I feel like he actually cares about the American citizens...hopefully I'm right. Also, I hope that the government doesn't fuck us over big time, otherwise I'm immigrating to Europe.

Hottie of the Day

Thanks to Jay & Bill on 97.1 "The Ticket," I have the honor of presenting you with an extremely hot chick in an NFL jersey. Any of my fellow bloggers find girls in jerseys sexy?