by NIN is one of the greatest cds I have ever heard in my ilfe. "I Don't Want This" is arguably the hottest song I know.
Also I got flirted with by a really cute gay boy from San Francisco tonight. I'm back on my game :)
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Ave Maria...
Check this shit out. So Tom Monaghan, the crazy Catholic founder of Domino's Pizza, and Ave Maria University are teaming up to create a perpetual fucktard of a community: A Completely Catholic Community. Think that I am being a bit nutty about this? Here is a sample: "Monaghan once stated that commercial leases in the town would enforce beliefs consistent with the Catholic faith, including prohibiting the sale of pornography or contraceptives and banning the performance of abortions."
I'm not kidding. They have their own website put together giving brief details on the community as it develops. The picture above, I believe, is a pretty good indication of the progress being made.
Well, Fuck that. There are so many things wrong with what is going on in Florida that I hardly know where to begin...
This definitely goes towards most of America's theory about Florida being the retarded cousin of the US. How do we know this? Well, Ave Maria College was founded in Michigan. MICHIGAN didn't want this shit to happen, and MI isn't even that much of a blue state. (This is the same MI that elected Kwame Kilpatrick as Mayor of Detroit)
The legal aspects alone are intense. Banning the sale of contraceptives? Really? That is a huge No. Not allowing abortions? Also a fucking No. The American Civil Liberties Union is going to have a field day with these bastards.
So how does this stuff happen in modern day America? I am not entirely sure yet. I would speculate that it has something to do with the War in Iraq/Afghanistan/soon to be the entire Middle East, the War on Terror, and the ridiculous fear-mongering of the Bush regime. We seem to be stuck in a dictator's Holy War. What other options to the nut ball religious have other than clumping together? It seems to make sense. However, it should not be allowed. From what I am seeing, this area has incredible control over the businesses that it allows within the community. Yet we have anti-discrimination laws barring just this thing from happening.
What I am saying is that this type of community is bad for the surrounding areas in Florida, the state itself, and, really, the rest of the nation. Beyond that, this community should leave a bad taste in the mouth of any good Catholic as it goes as far as breaking one the Cardinal rules. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors house. (Unless they happen to not be Catholic, then make sure they cannot even get into town)."
On a side-note, since I barely give a shit but am looking for as much as I can to throw into the canon: "This community has drawn criticism from environmental and conservation groups, especially for the threat it may pose to the endangered Florida Panther." The damn community is located in the heart of a panther habitat.
Florida now has a community completely dedicated to intolerant, Catholic views. I hope the whole thing burns to the ground after a "Shocking" revelation that their priest is raping their children.
Young Woman Holding an Acoustic Guitar Behind Her Back...
Take a long look at this picture. It is more than just a woman with a guitar. Think for a minute about the shapes, the universals in this photo. The guitar itself is more than just wood and string. In the guitar it is easy to see the shape of a woman, the universal female. It is also intriguing to note that she does not face the camera. This strengthens the idea of this woman representing All women. Notice that the background is out of focus, unrecognizable, and incredibly simple. This simplicity is apparent throughout this entire piece.
It is because of the universals, the simplicity, the vagueness of this picture that a Young Woman Holding an Acoustic Guitar Behind Her Back can be powerful, soft, and beautiful.
Today in History...
I would definitely click the blind pig link. I had no idea what the hell that meant, and it turned out to be rather interesting.
The Daily ClusterFuck...
Check it out, the Federal Minimum wage is skyrocketing to 5.85$ this week. Looks like Fawn Townsend will finally be able to get that car. Whats next for her? A second job to make enough money to, well, live.
Prostitution arrest photos in Saint Paul...Omigod...omigod. Awesome.
"A woman who tried to dance atop the bar at a Joliet tavern is suing the establishment after she fell and shattered her ankle." In other news, I am instituting a "Stupid Women" tag.
"19-year old Brianna Sanchez was injured after flames shot out of the tank and engulfed parts of the vehicle." Yup, came up with that tag just in time.
Harry Potter and The Fuckload of Cash sells 8.3 million copies over the weekend. Meanwhile, Owls still suck at delivering mail.
Homeland Security to start data-mining on EU passengers. Among things that Big Brother needs to know: Political ofiliations, religon, sex life. Yep. Fuck You, American Government.
"Stupid Women" tag trifecta complete. Woman sues ConEd following pipe explosion in NYC. Because it freaked her out.
Go ahead and open this when you are at home and by yourself. NSFW. Like, At all.
Prostitution arrest photos in Saint Paul...Omigod...omigod. Awesome.
"A woman who tried to dance atop the bar at a Joliet tavern is suing the establishment after she fell and shattered her ankle." In other news, I am instituting a "Stupid Women" tag.
"19-year old Brianna Sanchez was injured after flames shot out of the tank and engulfed parts of the vehicle." Yup, came up with that tag just in time.
Harry Potter and The Fuckload of Cash sells 8.3 million copies over the weekend. Meanwhile, Owls still suck at delivering mail.
Homeland Security to start data-mining on EU passengers. Among things that Big Brother needs to know: Political ofiliations, religon, sex life. Yep. Fuck You, American Government.
"Stupid Women" tag trifecta complete. Woman sues ConEd following pipe explosion in NYC. Because it freaked her out.
Go ahead and open this when you are at home and by yourself. NSFW. Like, At all.
Yet another reason to love Dan Savage...
From The Slog:
"This weekend the Washington Post reported that a long, steady decline in teen sex—and teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections among teens—leveled off in 2001.
'After decreasing steadily and significantly for more than a decade, the percentage of teenagers having intercourse began to plateau in 2001 and has failed to budge since then, despite the intensified focus in recent years on encouraging sexual abstinence, according to new analyses of data from a large federal survey…
Experts are unsure of the reasons for the change, but they speculated that it could be the result of a combination of factors, including growing complacency among the young about AIDS and the possibility that some irreducible portion of the teenage population can never be dissuaded from having sex.'
We've spent a decade and hundreds of millions of dollars trying to talk teenagers out of having sex, and this seemingly irreducible portion of the teenage population shrugs off the abstinence message, stubbornly insisting on their supposed right to sex. These teenagers seem to believe that sex is a choice they can make for themselves and that there's something "cool" or "hip" about making the government, which only cares about their physical and metaphysical salvation, look foolish and out of touch.
If this new report makes anything clear it should be this: the time for talk is over. The time for taking the gloves off has arrived. It is time to get serious about winning the war on teen sex. If the number of teens having sex won't be reduced willingly, then it is time to reduce their numbers by force.
It is time to consider the chemical castration of American teenagers.
Some may say that chemical castration is an extreme measure. But premarital sex is always wrong. Remaining sexually abstinent until marriage not only prevents the transmission of diseases and teen pregnancy, it saves souls, and prevents hurricanes. (Say what you will about Sen. David Vitter—the "pro-family, pro-abstinence, anti-gay-marriage senator from Louisiana—at least he waited until after marriage before seeking out hookers to diaper him.)
We've spent hundreds of millions of dollars trying to talk teenagers out of having sex while their gonads and hormones shout at them to do just the opposite. Clearly talk isn't going to win what is, at bottom, a war on teenage hormones. We have to start speaking the language hormones understand. We need to fight hormones with drugs that attack, block, and neutralize hormones.
No more negotiation. No more talk. It's time to put depo provera and tamoxifen, the two most effective chemical castration drugs, in Doritos and Mountain Dew and lip gloss and Axe body spray."
I Fucking Love this Dude.
"This weekend the Washington Post reported that a long, steady decline in teen sex—and teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections among teens—leveled off in 2001.
'After decreasing steadily and significantly for more than a decade, the percentage of teenagers having intercourse began to plateau in 2001 and has failed to budge since then, despite the intensified focus in recent years on encouraging sexual abstinence, according to new analyses of data from a large federal survey…
Experts are unsure of the reasons for the change, but they speculated that it could be the result of a combination of factors, including growing complacency among the young about AIDS and the possibility that some irreducible portion of the teenage population can never be dissuaded from having sex.'
We've spent a decade and hundreds of millions of dollars trying to talk teenagers out of having sex, and this seemingly irreducible portion of the teenage population shrugs off the abstinence message, stubbornly insisting on their supposed right to sex. These teenagers seem to believe that sex is a choice they can make for themselves and that there's something "cool" or "hip" about making the government, which only cares about their physical and metaphysical salvation, look foolish and out of touch.
If this new report makes anything clear it should be this: the time for talk is over. The time for taking the gloves off has arrived. It is time to get serious about winning the war on teen sex. If the number of teens having sex won't be reduced willingly, then it is time to reduce their numbers by force.
It is time to consider the chemical castration of American teenagers.
Some may say that chemical castration is an extreme measure. But premarital sex is always wrong. Remaining sexually abstinent until marriage not only prevents the transmission of diseases and teen pregnancy, it saves souls, and prevents hurricanes. (Say what you will about Sen. David Vitter—the "pro-family, pro-abstinence, anti-gay-marriage senator from Louisiana—at least he waited until after marriage before seeking out hookers to diaper him.)
We've spent hundreds of millions of dollars trying to talk teenagers out of having sex while their gonads and hormones shout at them to do just the opposite. Clearly talk isn't going to win what is, at bottom, a war on teenage hormones. We have to start speaking the language hormones understand. We need to fight hormones with drugs that attack, block, and neutralize hormones.
No more negotiation. No more talk. It's time to put depo provera and tamoxifen, the two most effective chemical castration drugs, in Doritos and Mountain Dew and lip gloss and Axe body spray."
I Fucking Love this Dude.
Eye Candy of the Day...
Allison Mack of Smallville. (In keeping with the super hero trend this week)
I think this is a "post" but I could be wrong
I know what you're thinking...of course this is called a post, what else would it be called? How about informational delivery? Well this argument does not constitute one that plagues our society...at least not according to Ed Anger who chimes in by ummm..."expressing the way it may be or the way someone wishes it could be, so they don't sue us or suffer psychological impairment" or, as most of us would say, "telling it like it is."
Things like that drive you to drink sometimes eh? Well how do you feel about Miller Chill? I didn't think so...and neither does this guy.
Also if you've had a few too many of those Miller Chills (God help you) or any of those girly beers (Woodchuck or Honey Brown) or any other manly beer (Labatt Blue, Miller Lite, etc.) than you may have experienced what us professional drinkers call a "hangover." I know, they blow ass (sometimes literally) but would you like to know what to do to either prevent or deal with it AND laugh a little along the way? Yes? Good, take a look at this website which is just another reason I love the internet.
Earlier, Kiznox gave us a look at the Top 10 Superhero Villian costumes but if you want another list that I'm sure you will have some qualms about take a look at this list of the Top 20 All-Time Best Cartoon Characters (I love how that badass kid Stewie Griffin gets listed five higher than Peter).
A final note, congratulations go out to Padraig Harrington for his win today at the Open Championship at Carnoustie, Scotland! This is Harrington's first major and it comes after he defeats fellow European Sergio Garcia in the four-hole playoff format after Garcia missed about a six foot putt that would've won the tournament on the 18th hole. This is Harrington's first major victory adding to a year of first year Major Championship winners (American Zach Johnson at the Masters and Argentinian Angel Cabrera at the U.S. Open).
Things like that drive you to drink sometimes eh? Well how do you feel about Miller Chill? I didn't think so...and neither does this guy.
Also if you've had a few too many of those Miller Chills (God help you) or any of those girly beers (Woodchuck or Honey Brown) or any other manly beer (Labatt Blue, Miller Lite, etc.) than you may have experienced what us professional drinkers call a "hangover." I know, they blow ass (sometimes literally) but would you like to know what to do to either prevent or deal with it AND laugh a little along the way? Yes? Good, take a look at this website which is just another reason I love the internet.
Earlier, Kiznox gave us a look at the Top 10 Superhero Villian costumes but if you want another list that I'm sure you will have some qualms about take a look at this list of the Top 20 All-Time Best Cartoon Characters (I love how that badass kid Stewie Griffin gets listed five higher than Peter).
A final note, congratulations go out to Padraig Harrington for his win today at the Open Championship at Carnoustie, Scotland! This is Harrington's first major and it comes after he defeats fellow European Sergio Garcia in the four-hole playoff format after Garcia missed about a six foot putt that would've won the tournament on the 18th hole. This is Harrington's first major victory adding to a year of first year Major Championship winners (American Zach Johnson at the Masters and Argentinian Angel Cabrera at the U.S. Open).
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Do a bit of research..
And figure out who The Red Hood is. I had no idea how far the rabbit hole went.
Tell me where this joke comes from...
and you win!
"See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum…and one night…one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So like they get up on to the roof, and there, just across the narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in moon light…stretching away to freedom. Now the first guy he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daren't make the leap. Y'see he's afraid of falling… So then the first guy has an idea. He says "Hey! I have my flash light with me. I will shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk across the beam and join me." B-But the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says …he says "What you think I am, crazy? You would turn it off when I was half way across."
"See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum…and one night…one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So like they get up on to the roof, and there, just across the narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in moon light…stretching away to freedom. Now the first guy he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daren't make the leap. Y'see he's afraid of falling… So then the first guy has an idea. He says "Hey! I have my flash light with me. I will shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk across the beam and join me." B-But the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says …he says "What you think I am, crazy? You would turn it off when I was half way across."
Since I am in a Batman mood...
I found some interesting rumors on the net.
One of the more interesting ones revolves around the next film, Batman: The Dark Knight. It is sounding like an interesting possibility that Nolan will be including one of my favorite villainous females, Harley Quinn. (Interesting choice, if it does actually happen, since Quinn only first arrived on the scene during the early 90's cartoon, Batman The Animated Series) What makes this even more interesting is that Sarah Michelle Gellar could potentially play the role. As of this moment, I am not sure if I am incredibly excited or unsure if I like this potential outcome. While I think that Gellar is gorgeous, I have my reservations about whether or not she could actually play Crazy as well as another actress.
Shannyn Sossamon - You most likely remember her from the 8 thousand times that I put her picture up on the blog, or from A Knights Tale. But think about the chemistry that she and Ledger would already have built from their previous work together. She seems completely insane in her real life, so putting together a persona for the screen should not be a stretch. It could be perfect.
Helena Bonham Carter - Okay, so she may not completely ensnare all the physical attributes, and she is getting a touch older...but did you see Fight Club? This woman knows how to play crazy, and she knows how to do it sexily. (And yes, sexily is now a word)
Brittany Murphy - Definitely the right age and body type for Quinn. Easily fitting into the trashy-sexiness that anyone playing her would need to properly portray Joker's second in command, Murphy would definitely be among one of the best to skamper around in skin-tight...mmmm...
Okay, so while doing a bit of research on this Gellar rumor, I have found numerous sites stating that the whole Gellar-as-Quinn thing is jibba-jabba. Which is sad. However, I have found nothing stating that there nothing in the script about Harley Quinn in general. So keep the hope alive.
One of the more interesting ones revolves around the next film, Batman: The Dark Knight. It is sounding like an interesting possibility that Nolan will be including one of my favorite villainous females, Harley Quinn. (Interesting choice, if it does actually happen, since Quinn only first arrived on the scene during the early 90's cartoon, Batman The Animated Series) What makes this even more interesting is that Sarah Michelle Gellar could potentially play the role. As of this moment, I am not sure if I am incredibly excited or unsure if I like this potential outcome. While I think that Gellar is gorgeous, I have my reservations about whether or not she could actually play Crazy as well as another actress.
Shannyn Sossamon - You most likely remember her from the 8 thousand times that I put her picture up on the blog, or from A Knights Tale. But think about the chemistry that she and Ledger would already have built from their previous work together. She seems completely insane in her real life, so putting together a persona for the screen should not be a stretch. It could be perfect.
Helena Bonham Carter - Okay, so she may not completely ensnare all the physical attributes, and she is getting a touch older...but did you see Fight Club? This woman knows how to play crazy, and she knows how to do it sexily. (And yes, sexily is now a word)
Brittany Murphy - Definitely the right age and body type for Quinn. Easily fitting into the trashy-sexiness that anyone playing her would need to properly portray Joker's second in command, Murphy would definitely be among one of the best to skamper around in skin-tight...mmmm...
Okay, so while doing a bit of research on this Gellar rumor, I have found numerous sites stating that the whole Gellar-as-Quinn thing is jibba-jabba. Which is sad. However, I have found nothing stating that there nothing in the script about Harley Quinn in general. So keep the hope alive.
Heath Ledger as the Joker...
Not gonna lie...if this isn't a really well done photoshop, he is a damn sexy Joker.
Click here if the pic doesnt show up.
Today in History...
John Dillinger (June 22, 1903-July 22, 1934) was an American bank robber, considered by some to be a dangerous criminal, while others idealized him as a latter-day Robin Hood. He gained this reputation (and the nickname "Jackrabbit") for his graceful movements during bank heists, such as leaping over the counter (a movement he supposedly copied from the movies) and narrow getaways from police. His exploits, along with those of other criminals of the 1930s Depression era, such as Bonnie and Clyde and Ma Barker, dominated the attentions of the American press and its readers during what is sometimes referred to as the public enemy era, between 1931 and 1935, a period which led to the further development of the modern and more sophisticated FBI.
Quote of the Day...
''Ya, I've been craving burgers too — fur burgers.''
~Neil Patrick Harris as himself in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
The Daily ClusterFuck...
Okay, so this news shakes things up for me a little bit: Hillary Clinton pledges to stop raids on patients who use medical marijuana. Obama does not.
AA is Christian, right? I mean, it is one of the steps to becoming sober...so this article about underage sex and pimping members should be no surprise.
Tammy Faye is dead. If you're wondering who she was, its the woman who kept the mascara industry in business during the depression and recent recession. She became a household name as a televangelist, until a major sex/money scandal ravaged her, and died, peacefully, at the age of 276,991. She was also absolutely fucking insane.
Reason to leave Michigan #458: "Man Sparks Fires Driving Flaming Hay Wagon"
An story that ends with: "Their landlord dropped off some beer." Is worth reading.
Reason to leave Michigan #459: Miss Michigan is 4ft 10 and Miss North Dakota wants a piece. Fucking weird.
The scariest damn half-man learning to walk story of the Year. (Crazy pic included)
AA is Christian, right? I mean, it is one of the steps to becoming sober...so this article about underage sex and pimping members should be no surprise.
Tammy Faye is dead. If you're wondering who she was, its the woman who kept the mascara industry in business during the depression and recent recession. She became a household name as a televangelist, until a major sex/money scandal ravaged her, and died, peacefully, at the age of 276,991. She was also absolutely fucking insane.
Reason to leave Michigan #458: "Man Sparks Fires Driving Flaming Hay Wagon"
An story that ends with: "Their landlord dropped off some beer." Is worth reading.
Reason to leave Michigan #459: Miss Michigan is 4ft 10 and Miss North Dakota wants a piece. Fucking weird.
The scariest damn half-man learning to walk story of the Year. (Crazy pic included)
Good Job, Tiger
Don't go to the British Open when Tiger Woods plays there, you might get hit. The best part of this article, "We were standing 30 yards short of the green and I said to Jennifer: 'Get your crash helmet on, Tiger's coming,"' Cecil Wilson said. "I could not believe it when Jennifer then got 'clunked." Haha, serves you right.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Today in History...
You know what? Harry Potter came out. Thats it. Thats all you get for today.
You know why? Because nothing happened on July 21st, that I could find, was interesting in the slightest to me. So there. Today sucked, throughout history. Period.
Emma Watson is hot.
You know why? Because nothing happened on July 21st, that I could find, was interesting in the slightest to me. So there. Today sucked, throughout history. Period.
Emma Watson is hot.
Movie Review of the Week: I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
This movie is going to offend quite a few people, while making others laugh hysterically. I am part of the latter. I thought this movie was completely asinine, but in a good way. It brought about some great laughs. Ving Rhames had a breakout performance that was unexpected. I don't have really much to say about the movie, but I liked it enough to give it a 7 out of 10.
Which brings me to the best part of the movie...especially when she strips down to her underwear.
This Girl Is Now a Whore
It's fine if you believe in this, but to whine about it so much is just stupid. If you want to symbolize your virginity, gain 100lbs. Or you know, just don't stick a penis up there.
Just found a Top 10 list...
The Top 10 Greatest Super Villain Costumes of All Time.
I definitely agree that some of the costumes on this list are pretty sweet, but most of them are rather disappointing. So...Time for a groupthink project. Or at least another collection of top 10's.
What do you think, guys? What ARE the Top 10 Greatest Super Villain Costumes of All Time?
I definitely agree that some of the costumes on this list are pretty sweet, but most of them are rather disappointing. So...Time for a groupthink project. Or at least another collection of top 10's.
What do you think, guys? What ARE the Top 10 Greatest Super Villain Costumes of All Time?
The Daily ClusterFuck...
"Coy Privette, a retired Baptist pastor," Well, if you know anything why I post anything about pastors/priest/ministers, you know where this is going.
If you're going to take advantage of the fact that you are a cop, do something a little less obvious. You're ruining it for the other officers.
"The suspicious device blown up by a State Police Bomb Squad Thursday evening turned out to be a weather station." Oh my God, cops are fucking stupid.
"She seemed like a very sweet old lady, like somebody's grandma, not the horrific stuff that we are hearing now," I still cant believe this is a woman. Eeww.
This may or may not be news, but it is awesome: "The person above shows why you should never smash a bottle of WD-40, with a stick at least."
Dude, Fuck the Shabbat. Fuck the Shabbat right in the face. Israel is even crazier than I realized, and one of their ministers is actually Warning booksellers about keeping to the terms of their contracts and releasing the new Harry Potter book on time. Yet another reason why religion is stupid, asinine, and useless.
Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha!
Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Yahoo! Games.
Harry Potter and the LiveBlogging All-Nighter...
Over at the AV Club is a really, really interesting fluid article surrounding the Harry Potter buzz. Yes, it will contain SPOILERS, but it is worth it.
Heres just a bit from it:
"Still, all the really interesting people-watching started around 12:10 a.m., when I emerged with my book. (We were churned through very, very efficiently; even with the size of the crowd, if they kept up that pace, they'll probably have processed the entire crowd within the hour.) Most people got their books and disappeared into the night, but a few hung around the entrance, squealing and clutching each other, and bouncing with excitement. We saw one group of three teenage girls huddling around each other, sitting on a decorative concrete plant-holder, the middle girl reading the first pages out loud to the other two. A little ways down the block, another girl opened her book and said something, and her companion shrieked "STOP SPOILING ME!" Two blocks back toward our car, we saw a middle-aged woman, grinning gleefully, dash across the street and dive into the back seat of a waiting car with a running motor. It peeled rubber out of its parking spot, and they were off."
Heres just a bit from it:
"Still, all the really interesting people-watching started around 12:10 a.m., when I emerged with my book. (We were churned through very, very efficiently; even with the size of the crowd, if they kept up that pace, they'll probably have processed the entire crowd within the hour.) Most people got their books and disappeared into the night, but a few hung around the entrance, squealing and clutching each other, and bouncing with excitement. We saw one group of three teenage girls huddling around each other, sitting on a decorative concrete plant-holder, the middle girl reading the first pages out loud to the other two. A little ways down the block, another girl opened her book and said something, and her companion shrieked "STOP SPOILING ME!" Two blocks back toward our car, we saw a middle-aged woman, grinning gleefully, dash across the street and dive into the back seat of a waiting car with a running motor. It peeled rubber out of its parking spot, and they were off."
If I could have any medical disorder...
... It would be Synaesthesia. Or preferably music->color synaethesia.
For anyone who doesn't know, a synaesthetic person has a disorder that usually links and blends two or more senses together causing them to attribute certain characteristics to their daily life that are not there. For instance, in ordinal linguistic personifcation (one form of synaesthesia), sequences like numbers, letters, days of the week, etc. are given personality traits, as in the following example:
"T’s are generally crabbed, ungenerous creatures. U is a soulless sort of thing. 4 is honest, but… 3 I cannot trust… 9 is dark, a gentleman, tall and graceful, but politic under his suavity" - an 1893 study of a man with OLP
In music->color synaesthesia, tones, timbres, and pitches are experienced as colors, or patterns of colors. I would liken this to constantly tripping on mushrooms (or whatever psychadelic of your choice). In fact, sometimes after doing drugs, people develop this so-called disorder (seriously though, this would be sweet).
Thank you to wikipedia for not only giving me this information, but also for making it possible for any idiot (i.e. me) to seem like he or she knows what he or she is talking about
For anyone who doesn't know, a synaesthetic person has a disorder that usually links and blends two or more senses together causing them to attribute certain characteristics to their daily life that are not there. For instance, in ordinal linguistic personifcation (one form of synaesthesia), sequences like numbers, letters, days of the week, etc. are given personality traits, as in the following example:
"T’s are generally crabbed, ungenerous creatures. U is a soulless sort of thing. 4 is honest, but… 3 I cannot trust… 9 is dark, a gentleman, tall and graceful, but politic under his suavity" - an 1893 study of a man with OLP
In music->color synaesthesia, tones, timbres, and pitches are experienced as colors, or patterns of colors. I would liken this to constantly tripping on mushrooms (or whatever psychadelic of your choice). In fact, sometimes after doing drugs, people develop this so-called disorder (seriously though, this would be sweet).
Thank you to wikipedia for not only giving me this information, but also for making it possible for any idiot (i.e. me) to seem like he or she knows what he or she is talking about
From the mind of Bill Maher
For those of you who enjoy Bill Maher's political commentary, as well as social commentary, you will find the following link helpful to his HBO show's website where he lists "New Rules" based off of current events or something that simply annoys him. After he is done naming the rules he may continue to address one or he may rant about something else entirely. There is an archive of them on the web and, the last one being posted with the season finale May 25th, I have been able to dig through ones up until March 16th. Here is a "Best of Bill Maher's New Rules":
1. New Rule: Death isn't always sad. [photo of Jerry Falwell shown] This week, the Reverend Jerry Falwell died, and millions of Americans asked, "Why? Why, God? Why didn't you take Pat Robertson with him?!" I don't want to -- I don't want to say Jerry was disliked by the gay community, but, tonight, in New York City, at exactly 8:00, Broadway theaters along the Great White Way, for two minutes, turned their lights up.
Now, I know you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but I think we can make an exception, because speaking ill of the dead was kind of Jerry Falwell's hobby. He was the guy who said AIDS was God's punishment for homosexuality, and that 9/11 was brought on by pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays and the ACLU. Or as I like to call them, "my studio audience." But, I found it surreal this week watching people on the news praise Falwell, followed by a clip package of what he actually said. Things like, "Homosexuals are part of a vile and satanic system that will be utterly annihilated." "If you're a born again Christian, you're a failure as a... If you're not a born again Christian, you're a failure as a human being." "Feminists just need a man around the house." "There is no separation of church and state." And of course, everyone's favorite, "The purple Teletubby is gay."
Jerry Falwell found out that you could launder your hate through the cover of God's will. He didn't hate gays. God does. All Jerry Falwell's power came from name-dropping God. And gay people should steal that trick. You know what? Don't say you want something because it's your right as a human being. Say you want it because it's your religion. Gay men have been going at things backwards. Forget civil rights and just make gayness a religion. I mean, you're kneeling anyway.
2. New Rule: Flavors have to be actual flavors. Grape is a flavor. Cinnamon is a flavor. "Arctic Chill" and "Crystal Frost"? I'm pretty sure those are types of meth.
3. New Rule: Someone has to make a mustard container that doesn't squirt out yellow water before it gets to the actual mustard. Someone had to say it. I get all excited for lunch, and then Grey Poupon pees on my sandwich. I suppose I could shake the bottle first, but, f*ck you, I'm an American consumer! Not only should your mustard be pre-blended to my specifications, it should also whiten my teeth.
4. New Rule: Guns don't kill people; crazy people kill people. Last week, in response to the Virginia Tech shootings, President Bush said, "When people see somebody who is exhibiting abnormal behavior, you do something about it." Thanks for the heads-up, McGruff. But, if that's the case, then I want to warn the country about a man I saw last night on TV. He's six feet tall, Caucasian and he goes by the title "President of the United States." [photo of Bush making face shown]
I'm not kidding. George Bush is the crazy person we need to keep an eye on. He needs to stop taking money from the pharmaceutical lobby and start accepting samples. Only a delusional person could watch Alberto Gonzales before Congress last week do everything but say, "No hablo Ingles"- and rip up a picture of the Pope, and conclude that it "increased his confidence in the man." That's called disassociation from reality. There's an old, frequently-used definition of insanity, which is "performing the same action over and over, expecting different results." And then it says, "See: 'The Surge.'"
Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic. He thinks the terrorists hate us for our freedom, and believes they're going to follow us home. That's why he keeps obsessively clearing brush, so Osama can't use it for cover.Other symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia are: Do you see things that aren't there? Such as a link between 9/11 and Iraq? Do you - do you feel things that you shouldn't be feeling, like a sense of accomplishment? Do you have trouble organizing words into a coherent sentence? Do you hear voices that aren't really there? Like, oh, I don't know, your imaginary friend, Jesus? Telling you to start a war in the Middle East.
5. New Rule: If you have to eat crap, at least eat humane crap. This week, Burger King announced that it would begin buying eggs and pork from suppliers that don't keep animals in cages, which is such a rare act of corporate responsibility. I'm waiting from them to say, "April Fools." Hey, you keep this up and I'll put one of your crowns on, Burger King. And, now it won't because it's three in the morning, you're the only place open and I'm high. Not to be outdone, Taco Bell says they're going to start being nicer to their rats.
6. New Rule: Put your shirt on! Posing with your shirt off on the cover of your hip-hop album doesn't say "gansta." It says, "I'll blow you for some crack."
7. New Rule: Stop pretending your drugs are morally superior to my drugs, because you get yours at a store. This week, they released the autopsy report on Anna Nicole Smith, and the cause of death was what I always thought it was. Mad Cow.
No, it turns out she had nine different prescription drugs in her. Which, in the medical field, is known as the "Full Limbaugh." They opened her up and a Walgreen's jumped out. Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills, sleeping pills, sedatives, Valium, methadone. This woman was killed by her doctor, who is a glorified bartender. And I'm not going to say his name, but only because, a) I don't want to get sued, and b) my back is killing me.
Now, this month marks the 35th anniversary of a famous government report. I was 16 in 1972, and I remember how excited we were when Nixon's much ballyhooed national commission on drug abuse came out and said pot should be legalized! It was a moment of great hope for common sense. And then, just like Bush did last year with the Iraq Study Group, Nixon took the report and threw it in the garbage. And from there, the '70s went right into disco and colored underpants. When are we going to get it? That America's most dangerous drugs are the legal ones in our medicine cabinets, while some of the most benign ones are growing under a heat lamp in my dressing room. I joke! I joke, of course. But, 40% of the U.S. population has tried pot. That's 94 million Americans. Or, as I call them, "my base."
8. New Rule: Advertisers have to find some other way to show that old people are active than just playing tennis. It doesn't matter if it's dentures, laxatives or a funeral home, if old people need it, the ad shows them playing tennis. If old people really played this much tennis, they'd knock their teeth out, crap themselves and die.
9. New Rule: When you boost stamp prices, you have to raise them to an even number. Who goes to the post office? Old people. How long is it going to take each of them to fish out the extra pennies? All the time ever in history. And then, when will they play tennis?
10. New Rule: Liberals must stop saying President Bush hasn't asked Americans to sacrifice for the war on terror. On the contrary, he's asked us to sacrifice something enormous. Our civil rights.
Now, when I heard George Bush was reading my emails, I probably had the same reaction you did: George Bush can read?! Yes, he can. And this administration has read your phone records, credit card statements, mail, Internet logs. I can't tell if they're fighting a war on terror or producing the next season of "Cheaters." I mail myself a copy of the Constitution every morning just on the hope they'll open it and see what it says.
So -so when it comes to sacrifice, don't kid yourself. You have given up a lot. You've given up faith in your government's honesty, the goodwill of people overseas, and six-tenths of the Bill of Rights. Here's what you've sacrificed: search and seizure, warrants, self-incrimination, trial by jury, cruel and unusual punishment. Here's what you have left: hand guns, religion, and they can't make you quarter a British soldier. If Prince Harry invades the Inland Empire, he has to bring a tent.
1. New Rule: Death isn't always sad. [photo of Jerry Falwell shown] This week, the Reverend Jerry Falwell died, and millions of Americans asked, "Why? Why, God? Why didn't you take Pat Robertson with him?!" I don't want to -- I don't want to say Jerry was disliked by the gay community, but, tonight, in New York City, at exactly 8:00, Broadway theaters along the Great White Way, for two minutes, turned their lights up.
Now, I know you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but I think we can make an exception, because speaking ill of the dead was kind of Jerry Falwell's hobby. He was the guy who said AIDS was God's punishment for homosexuality, and that 9/11 was brought on by pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays and the ACLU. Or as I like to call them, "my studio audience." But, I found it surreal this week watching people on the news praise Falwell, followed by a clip package of what he actually said. Things like, "Homosexuals are part of a vile and satanic system that will be utterly annihilated." "If you're a born again Christian, you're a failure as a... If you're not a born again Christian, you're a failure as a human being." "Feminists just need a man around the house." "There is no separation of church and state." And of course, everyone's favorite, "The purple Teletubby is gay."
Jerry Falwell found out that you could launder your hate through the cover of God's will. He didn't hate gays. God does. All Jerry Falwell's power came from name-dropping God. And gay people should steal that trick. You know what? Don't say you want something because it's your right as a human being. Say you want it because it's your religion. Gay men have been going at things backwards. Forget civil rights and just make gayness a religion. I mean, you're kneeling anyway.
2. New Rule: Flavors have to be actual flavors. Grape is a flavor. Cinnamon is a flavor. "Arctic Chill" and "Crystal Frost"? I'm pretty sure those are types of meth.
3. New Rule: Someone has to make a mustard container that doesn't squirt out yellow water before it gets to the actual mustard. Someone had to say it. I get all excited for lunch, and then Grey Poupon pees on my sandwich. I suppose I could shake the bottle first, but, f*ck you, I'm an American consumer! Not only should your mustard be pre-blended to my specifications, it should also whiten my teeth.
4. New Rule: Guns don't kill people; crazy people kill people. Last week, in response to the Virginia Tech shootings, President Bush said, "When people see somebody who is exhibiting abnormal behavior, you do something about it." Thanks for the heads-up, McGruff. But, if that's the case, then I want to warn the country about a man I saw last night on TV. He's six feet tall, Caucasian and he goes by the title "President of the United States." [photo of Bush making face shown]
I'm not kidding. George Bush is the crazy person we need to keep an eye on. He needs to stop taking money from the pharmaceutical lobby and start accepting samples. Only a delusional person could watch Alberto Gonzales before Congress last week do everything but say, "No hablo Ingles"- and rip up a picture of the Pope, and conclude that it "increased his confidence in the man." That's called disassociation from reality. There's an old, frequently-used definition of insanity, which is "performing the same action over and over, expecting different results." And then it says, "See: 'The Surge.'"
Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic. He thinks the terrorists hate us for our freedom, and believes they're going to follow us home. That's why he keeps obsessively clearing brush, so Osama can't use it for cover.Other symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia are: Do you see things that aren't there? Such as a link between 9/11 and Iraq? Do you - do you feel things that you shouldn't be feeling, like a sense of accomplishment? Do you have trouble organizing words into a coherent sentence? Do you hear voices that aren't really there? Like, oh, I don't know, your imaginary friend, Jesus? Telling you to start a war in the Middle East.
5. New Rule: If you have to eat crap, at least eat humane crap. This week, Burger King announced that it would begin buying eggs and pork from suppliers that don't keep animals in cages, which is such a rare act of corporate responsibility. I'm waiting from them to say, "April Fools." Hey, you keep this up and I'll put one of your crowns on, Burger King. And, now it won't because it's three in the morning, you're the only place open and I'm high. Not to be outdone, Taco Bell says they're going to start being nicer to their rats.
6. New Rule: Put your shirt on! Posing with your shirt off on the cover of your hip-hop album doesn't say "gansta." It says, "I'll blow you for some crack."
7. New Rule: Stop pretending your drugs are morally superior to my drugs, because you get yours at a store. This week, they released the autopsy report on Anna Nicole Smith, and the cause of death was what I always thought it was. Mad Cow.
No, it turns out she had nine different prescription drugs in her. Which, in the medical field, is known as the "Full Limbaugh." They opened her up and a Walgreen's jumped out. Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills, sleeping pills, sedatives, Valium, methadone. This woman was killed by her doctor, who is a glorified bartender. And I'm not going to say his name, but only because, a) I don't want to get sued, and b) my back is killing me.
Now, this month marks the 35th anniversary of a famous government report. I was 16 in 1972, and I remember how excited we were when Nixon's much ballyhooed national commission on drug abuse came out and said pot should be legalized! It was a moment of great hope for common sense. And then, just like Bush did last year with the Iraq Study Group, Nixon took the report and threw it in the garbage. And from there, the '70s went right into disco and colored underpants. When are we going to get it? That America's most dangerous drugs are the legal ones in our medicine cabinets, while some of the most benign ones are growing under a heat lamp in my dressing room. I joke! I joke, of course. But, 40% of the U.S. population has tried pot. That's 94 million Americans. Or, as I call them, "my base."
8. New Rule: Advertisers have to find some other way to show that old people are active than just playing tennis. It doesn't matter if it's dentures, laxatives or a funeral home, if old people need it, the ad shows them playing tennis. If old people really played this much tennis, they'd knock their teeth out, crap themselves and die.
9. New Rule: When you boost stamp prices, you have to raise them to an even number. Who goes to the post office? Old people. How long is it going to take each of them to fish out the extra pennies? All the time ever in history. And then, when will they play tennis?
10. New Rule: Liberals must stop saying President Bush hasn't asked Americans to sacrifice for the war on terror. On the contrary, he's asked us to sacrifice something enormous. Our civil rights.
Now, when I heard George Bush was reading my emails, I probably had the same reaction you did: George Bush can read?! Yes, he can. And this administration has read your phone records, credit card statements, mail, Internet logs. I can't tell if they're fighting a war on terror or producing the next season of "Cheaters." I mail myself a copy of the Constitution every morning just on the hope they'll open it and see what it says.
So -so when it comes to sacrifice, don't kid yourself. You have given up a lot. You've given up faith in your government's honesty, the goodwill of people overseas, and six-tenths of the Bill of Rights. Here's what you've sacrificed: search and seizure, warrants, self-incrimination, trial by jury, cruel and unusual punishment. Here's what you have left: hand guns, religion, and they can't make you quarter a British soldier. If Prince Harry invades the Inland Empire, he has to bring a tent.
The Weekly WYR
That's right folks it is time once again, thanks to College Humor, that we look at those frightening decisions that affect us everyday of our lives...or not. It's all in good fun but let's see what questions are posed this week in this fun theoretical activity.
Would you rather...
Never use the internet again or never watch TV again?
Oh man...that is a toughy but I have GOT to go internet because, even though you are still sitting in front of an inanimate object, TV is where it's at. I LOVE to watch sports games, especially football, and I did not have TV to show me the magical sports games, as well as my favorite shows (as seen in a previous post). I would miss sites like myspace and, more importantly, this website because without it you would not be getting the self proclaimed "clusterfuck" of information you so desperately crave!
Be stuck in an elevator for 24 hours after an important job interview, or miss the bus and never make it in the first place?
I'm going to have to say that I would never make it in the first place because jobs do come and go but that would be a horrible experience...especially knowing me that I would get hungry, become exceedingly stressed out, my phone would not get service to chat with people to pass the time, I'd want to smoke like a chimney but would probably only have like one cigarette left, and I would get very lonely with no iPod or anything to keep me entertained. I would probably be so very bored that even masturbation would get boring...that is what truly scares me in the end...think of it! Oh the humanity...
Be an unknown minor league baseball player or a famous professional badminton star?
Oh God why would I ever want to be around the sport of badminton let alone be known famous for it? Eff that! I have no need nor want for the lack of privacy that results from being famous.
Hook up with Becky from "Full House" or the mom from "Step by Step"?
I always liked Lori Loughlin more than I did Suzanne Somers plus Full House was better so Somers, being 0-2, strikes out after you look at the fact she is a little too old for me because Somers graduated high school the year Loughlin was BORN! Yeah, no thanks.
Have an limitless supply of money but it'd have to all be in change or get 100,000 dollars every year for life?
I have enough change as it is because I hate carrying change with me therefore it would lead to great annoyance if I had to carry all my money as change when I could get 100,000 a year for the rest of my life! That is more money that I could probably know what to do with after a while without having to deal with the all that fucking change!
Fart out of your mouth or urinate out of your tear ducts?
Gross either way but urinating out of your tear ducts? Fuck that shit...good God that would suck. Think of it this way...burps could be compared to little loud farts so really what is changing? Not much, just the semantics of it.
Would you rather...
Never use the internet again or never watch TV again?
Oh man...that is a toughy but I have GOT to go internet because, even though you are still sitting in front of an inanimate object, TV is where it's at. I LOVE to watch sports games, especially football, and I did not have TV to show me the magical sports games, as well as my favorite shows (as seen in a previous post). I would miss sites like myspace and, more importantly, this website because without it you would not be getting the self proclaimed "clusterfuck" of information you so desperately crave!
Be stuck in an elevator for 24 hours after an important job interview, or miss the bus and never make it in the first place?
I'm going to have to say that I would never make it in the first place because jobs do come and go but that would be a horrible experience...especially knowing me that I would get hungry, become exceedingly stressed out, my phone would not get service to chat with people to pass the time, I'd want to smoke like a chimney but would probably only have like one cigarette left, and I would get very lonely with no iPod or anything to keep me entertained. I would probably be so very bored that even masturbation would get boring...that is what truly scares me in the end...think of it! Oh the humanity...
Be an unknown minor league baseball player or a famous professional badminton star?
Oh God why would I ever want to be around the sport of badminton let alone be known famous for it? Eff that! I have no need nor want for the lack of privacy that results from being famous.
Hook up with Becky from "Full House" or the mom from "Step by Step"?
I always liked Lori Loughlin more than I did Suzanne Somers plus Full House was better so Somers, being 0-2, strikes out after you look at the fact she is a little too old for me because Somers graduated high school the year Loughlin was BORN! Yeah, no thanks.
Have an limitless supply of money but it'd have to all be in change or get 100,000 dollars every year for life?
I have enough change as it is because I hate carrying change with me therefore it would lead to great annoyance if I had to carry all my money as change when I could get 100,000 a year for the rest of my life! That is more money that I could probably know what to do with after a while without having to deal with the all that fucking change!
Fart out of your mouth or urinate out of your tear ducts?
Gross either way but urinating out of your tear ducts? Fuck that shit...good God that would suck. Think of it this way...burps could be compared to little loud farts so really what is changing? Not much, just the semantics of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
