Really makes you wonder

We all have those times where we simply do not understand something, whether it be life or people or a subject like math or the afterlife. I know I find myself looking at eternity sometimes and try to make sense of it all if it all doesn't work out the way I would like it to...but then I just know that I'll never understand it and go about my day. Something happened over the weekend and Monday...not to me...that made me stop and think about the truly dark side of people.

If you don't watch professional wrestling then you will not know who this person is. Chris Benoit (Ben-wah) was a professional wrestler who was in WCW and WWE before his death on Monday. You may ask why this is such a big deal? Okay, you were a wrestling fan, he was a wrestler and now he's dead...so? As shocked as I was to hear that he was dead (at the age of 40) it was the circumstances surrounding his death, as well as RAW's episode Monday night with a tribute that made me think. If you like to catch up on the story first click here...if not just read on.

Having read that he died without knowing anything at all, just the initial report found me shocked and wondering what happened, as naturally you would. My brother, his buddy Steve, and I started going through theories of what we believed could have happened and Keith ended up getting pretty close to the truth...if the above initial report is true. However, this got me wondering just how much of a face people can put on, as well as how much it could take for what most friends and family labeled a "honorable family man and a wonderful human being" to simply go off the deep end for reasons we may never know. When I was watching RAW this morning (thanks DVR) and listening to all of Benoits coworkers and family talk about what a wonderful guy he was who would do anything for anyone and who always brought his kids with him to events. His kids were dressed up in suits and always polite and shaking hands with anyone who would approach them, a token to the wonderful father he was. You hear nothing but good things and you wonder...why? how? what happened? This guy really did those horrible things? There are always those people who are out in the world that put on one face when they are out and are a totally different person while alone or with "loved ones." Mostly I think of abusers and murderers...which is beginning to be the definition of Benoit. However, I cannot help but find myself in a conundrum:

I know you will never hear bad things about a dead man on national TV but to see the looks on these grown mens faces and see the utter pain that this death is causing them...you always ask yourself why. None of them wanted to be there in front of that camera. That is not because they don't care or they don't want to share their feelings...it's because they shouldn't have to...because this should not have happened, and it should never happen...but it does. I know how they are feeling when you have a close friend (whether your own or a friend of the family) kill themself for seemingly no reason. You are left with shock and disbelief...but sometimes that is taken over by anger for what happened. Tragedy happens in all kinds of ways in this world and you never know who your next door neighbor really is sometimes...but if all of the reports are true and this is what happened...I've lost a lot of respect for a wrestler who gave his life to the business of professional wrestling and who was that supposed "family man." Some of you may read that and say "Hey, there could be a reason for why he did it" or you may think "how can you say that you've lost respect for someone like him?" I'll tell you why...suicide alone gets you no respect in my book, let alone combining it with murder. Suicide is such a "cop out" (for lack of a better term) and simply makes you a weak willed person who just cannot deal with the shitty life you supposedly have. This suicide, unlike the one in my life, was from a man who had a family (a wife, a kid with that wife, and two kids from a previous marriage), who had a job that he loved doing everyday of his life, and is one of the most popular men in his field (beloved by his coworkers, his family, and his fans).

You ask yourself "why?" to questions you probably will never know the answer to. You try to make yourself understand just how human nature works and what it is....but you'll never really know. I just do not understand this...and I may never understand it...but that's okay. Life is uncertain and time is precious. We have all learned that in some way, shape, or form. If you haven't learned that yet, take it from me...say the things you need to say and don't always wait "until tomorrow" because only God knows where you will be in the morning.